If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
I can’t figure out my 18 month old at all and I feel I am going crazy. She is my 5th baby and I homeschool all her siblings so I need help. Some days she follows 2 hour wake windows and naps but some days I spend literal hi ur s trying to get her to sleep. The biggest issue is bedtime which is usually around 7pm give or take depending on naps. Sometimes I pickup put down 7+ times and spend hours nursing and rocking. Help
Her naps are all over the place some days 3 and some days 4 lasting from 2 hours to 20 minutes
For night sleep, please read the section on ‘Sleep Solutions’ and choose one that comports with your values and I will help you.
For day sleep, please read the section on ‘The Nap Drill’ and we will sort this out.
I cannot find “nap drill” section in the book
For solutions I would go with “maybe cry”
Also I just realized my post says 18 month old but my baby is actually 18 weeks old!! Sorry
Understood.
Forget the ‘nap drill’.
Which ‘maybe cry’ solution do you want?
I’m actually okay with extinction at bedtime at least. I think she still needs night feedings if she wakes up
Have you carefully read the section on ‘Extinction’?
Are you sure that you can commit to extinction for 4-5 nights?
Wlll your husband co-operate?
Is she only breastmilk fed (if so, does she take a bottle of expressed breast milk?), formula-fed, or combination?
If so, I will give you specific instructions and you will see dramatic improvement in 3-5 nights.
Today she woke up at 7:15am
Nap from 10am-11-50am after over an hour of soothing
Nap from 1:45-2:20pm
Nap from 4:15-5pm
Bedtime at 6:50pm nursed for about 20 minutes put down asleep
Woke up at 7:40pm wide awake crying
It’s currently 8:07 and she won’t go back to sleep
This is pretty typical day. Usually I’ll get her to sleep finally around 10:30pm then she may wake up once or twice after that at variable times
I will re read the extinction section. No I don’t know when I can fully commit. My husband works long hours away from home and doesn’t do any night time duties with the baby. He helps do bedtime with the older kids thankfully!
Baby is fully on me. What other options do I have besides extinction? I could try an earlier bedtime?
I don’t know what the issue is. I try to follow wake windows and she just doesn’t go to sleep. She is exclusively breastfed. No bottles ever. no pacifiers
Please read Blog Posts 83, 115X, and 119 and tell me your thoukghts.
“I don’t know when I can fully commit.” is problematic because Night 2 of extinction might have more crying than Night 1 and then improvement is always noted on Night 3 or 4, if and only if the bedtime is super early.
So I advise not to try this if you cannot commit to 3-4 nights.
Are you able to have a temporary 5:30pm expected fall asleep time?
If you want to go ahead, I’ll give you specific advice.
My thoughts are that was a great review of drowsy signs. It sounds like I need to do a better job getting baby down when drowsy not past drowsy. Do you have tips for a mom with a ton going on at home. We don’t have a ton of outside commitments but with 5 kids under 8 years old at home by myself everyday I feel like I don’t a ton of time to study and observe baby
I’m thinking I could teach my two girls about drowsy signs and see if they can help me notice baby as they pay a ton of attention to her on the daily anyways
“I’m thinking I could teach my two girls about drowsy signs and see if they can help me notice baby as they pay a ton of attention to her on the daily anyways.” Excellent idea!
Perhaps making a video of subtle drowsy signs and then using it as a teaching aid for your two girls will help a lot.
Again, Are you able to have a temporary 5:30pm expected fall asleep time? Maybe the older children can help with this?
Yes I could try the 5:30 bedtime. Would you give me instructions for that?
Night sleep develops around 6 weeks of age.
Naps develop around 4-6 months of age.
At 18 weeks, the focus is on night sleep.
During the day, do whatever you can to maximize sleep and minimize fussiness/crying. keep the intervals of wakefulness brief; use drowsy signs for nap timing. There is no nap schedule. During this trial, contact naps or naps in swings are fine. Bot no new nap starts after 3pm. If she is asleep at 3pm, leet her sleep. If she is drowsy or fussy after 3 pm, soothe, distract, and comfort but not is a way that might produce sleep (for example, a car ride)
She is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are putting her in her crib and leaving the room at 5:30pm. She might be fed if she is hungry 4 or more hours after her last feeding and if needed, again 4 or more hours after the previous feeding. Do not use the breast for non-nutrative soothing. If she fusses or cries anytime around or after 5:30pm and youi do not think she is hungry, do extinction, or delay your response a minute or two, or if you respond immediately, do not pick her up but only gently pat or rub her for soothing.
Do this for 4 days/nights and keep written records and report back.
How does this sound?
Sadly baby has come down with a cold so this will have to be postponed
My 21 month old is all of a sudden having difficulty with nap and early wake ups in morning. Has been sleep trained using your methods from the start! Previously was taking 2 naps, each 2 hours up until 18 months. Started to resist at least 1 nap so transitioned her to 1 nap at 12 pm. She slept for 3 hours, sometimes we would have to wake her up. She was going to sleep at 7 pm and sleeping until 6:30 am/7 am but started waking up early at this time anywhere from 4 am- 6 am. I moved her bedtime to 630 pm and she was sleeping until 630/7 am again. This lasted for 3 weeks. We went on a family vacation and she refused to nap and was scared to go to sleep at night resulting in her not falling asleep until 9 pm some nights. I brought her home early to try to get her back on track. She went back to her usual bedtime but naps took a few days. She started napping again but only for 1 hour. We have been home for 4 weeks and she will not nap longer than 1 hour at home and continues to early wake. She goes to a babysitter 3 days a week (babysitter is only open 3 days a week during summer, she usually goes 4 days during school year). She will nap for 2+ hours at babysitters house. I’m a teacher so she is home with me for the other 2 days, she is very attached to me which seems to have worsened since summer started. Have taken her to pediatrician 3 times over the last month, have assured me she’s healthy although her molars are cutting through. I have tried moving up the nap, pushing back the nap, pushing back the bedtime, and moving up the bedtime to 615 pm. The same result occurs each time. I put my daughter to sleep drowsy but awake and leave. She falls asleep in a few minutes and never protests the nap or bedtime. Her room is very dark and we use sound machines. She went from sleeping 15 total hours to 12 total hours so I know she must be overtired. I’m at my wits end and can’t think of what else to do, besides move her bedtime up even earlier. I reread your book and feel I’m already doing everything you suggested. I appreciate any advice you can give!
Is the sleep environment for naps at the babysitter quieter or darker than at your home?
What is her current common bedtime routine onset time?
Describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no parental involvement or screens) during the 60 minutes before the onset of her bedtime routine.
Thank you for your reply.
There are 5 kids at the babysitter, the nap room is in a separate space off of the play area. Not all kids nap at the same time so there is noise in the playroom during her nap there. Thus, I don’t believe it’s quieter or darker.
We go into her room 15 minutes before naptime. We read a few books and change her diaper. I turn on the noise machines and turn the lights off. I sing a song to her in her chair and then bring her over to her crib and leave.
We start the bedtime process 30 mins before. She takes a bath, then we go to her room to read books and get pajamas on, same routine as naptime. I sing her a song and bring to crib.
In the summer we are usually at the town pool for the hour before her bedtime routine. Her mood is good there. When we’re not at pool or doing the school year, we are playing at home, outside, at a playground, etc. Her mood is good at those places as well. Her older brother is 6 1/2 so she plays with him as well during that time.
Understood.
For two consecutive nights only, please put her alone and describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no parental or sibling involvement or screens) during the 60 minutes before the onset of her bedtime routine.
The longest she’s played alone is in the 5-10 minute range. Am I supposed to be in another room? She’s very attached to me so I’m not sure how long she’ll last. What do I do if she asks for a snack or me to come play with her?
Look at the various AI answers to the question “How to teach a child to entertain themselves?” for guidance.
Read Blog Posts 84-86 which might give an answer to how her sleep issue developed.
Maybe try an expected falling asleep time that’s 20 minutes earlier for 3-5 nights, keep a written record of latency to sleep onset, wake-up times, mood and behavior during the day and report back.
Here’s my record of this last week with an earlier bedtime. From when we put her down for a nap or bedtime, she falls asleep within 5 minutes (except for bedtime on Day 3 & 6). She has started to scream once we leave the room for 1-2 minutes which didn’t used to happen, but she still calms herself and gets to sleep. Still inconsistent with wake up times and nap length at home.
Day 1
Woke up- 545 am
Nap- 12-1 pm (home)
Bedtime- 615 pm
Day 2
Woke up- 625 am
Nap- 12- 1 pm (home)
Bedtime- 610 pm
Day 3
Woke up- 545 am
Nap- 1215-235 pm (babysitter)
Bedtime- 620 *asleep at 7- AC went out, had to stay at my parents house
Day 4-
Woke up- 550 am
Nap- 12-2 (babysitter)
Bedtime- 620 pm
Day 5
Woke up- 615 am
Nap- 12-2 (babysitter)
Bedtime- 610 pm
Day 6
Woke up- 6 am
Nap- 1210- 235 (home)
Bedtime- 6 pm *asleep at 620
Day 7-
Woke up- 545 am
Nap- 1210-150 pm (home)
Bedtime – 620 pm
Day 8-
Woke up- 620 am
Nap- 1215-110 pm (Home)
Bedtime- 620 pm
Day 9-
Woke up- 630 am
Nap- 12-2 pm (Home)
The fact that you put her to bed about 20 minutes earlier and she often fell asleep within 5 minutes is evidence that her previous falling asleep time was too late. A too late bedtime can cause difficulties with naps and early morning wake-up times.
I suggest that you rigidly schedule 3-4 consecutive nights of expected falling asleep times another 20 minutes earlier or temporarily at 5:30pm (she is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm). If you do the 5:30pm, expect the naps to improve and then subsequently the bedtime might be a little later.
Keep sleep data and observe closely her mood and behavior near the end of the day.
How does this sound?