If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Our daughter was a very fussy baby, the only way to get her to sleep in the day was to nurse her nonstop. The moment the nursing paused, she would immediately wake up and cry. Then, every evening, like clockwork, from around 6pm the fussing would turn into inconsolable crying or rather screaming that lasted 3 to 4 hours. My husband and I tried everything to soothe her. I then started to put her in a baby carrier and walk around our thankfully large and scenic estate to try to soothe her in the evenings. I would walk for 2-3 hours to keep her from crying and hopefully get some sleep. However, this solution was not perfect as the moment I would stop walking she would immediately start to cry again, sometimes she would cry the whole way without ceasing. Then each night, she would finally, but very abruptly fall asleep around 9 or 10pm, most likely from pure exhaustion due to all the hours spent screaming.
Then when our daughter was about 7 weeks old, a friend’s mom gifted me with a copy of Dr Weissbluth’s book after I confided in her about our struggles with our baby (I later on bought his newest edition for myself). She had read his book and applied it to her own children, some 20 years prior. Up until this point, we had no idea what was wrong with our daughter, but reading his book, particularly the portions describing a colicky baby, we quickly realised that this was what we were dealing with.
At about 9 weeks the colic ended, but she was still difficult and was still not napping during the day, most likely from all the sleep deprivation she had experienced. A week before 3 months of age, we were hopeless, and decided to test out the extinction method with her in order to help her nap better. The first night she cried for only 9 minutes and then was sound asleep. The days following that she cried harder and longer, but usually no longer than 45 minutes. Eventually we got to the point where we could put her in her cot while still awake, she would play a bit and then fall asleep on her own. She then started taking most if not all of her naps during the day. In hindsight I could have implemented a 17.30 bedtime to help things along even more, but I was not aware of the value of this at the time. She was now sleeping 8-10 hour stretches at night, which was very much needed for our family. She was a completely different baby, and finally we started to enjoy her more.
As the months passed, her night sleep became even longer. Once I realised I could give her an ultra-early bedtime at 17.30, she started sleeping 14 hours per night around 8 months old which was a surprise to many.
She is now 2 years old is a good sleeper and a very well rested kid who is more than excited with life and full of joy!
We now have another baby boy, who is 6 weeks old and not a colic baby. With the guidance of Dr Weissbluth and a 12 principle approach (Blog Post 230B) he shared with me, we hope to altogether avoid having to use the extinction method on him. Some of the major things we have started to implement are an early bedtime at 6 weeks (we aim for 17.30-18.30) and we have also been trying to put him down drowsy but awake when we can, usually having success in the morning around 7am. Furthermore, we aim to keep his awake time as short as possible and allow him to take many naps. At times when he has accidentally been awake for too long, my husband will often step in and try to soothe him with various methods to get him to sleep as quickly as possible.
While we are not always able to perfectly achieve all 12 principle’s since we can’t fully control every element our baby’s sleep, we do try our best to apply this approach in general in order to set up good sleep habits from a young age.
While my husband works full time and is not always available to assist with our son during the day time, he has always been supportive in the form of being committed to ensuring we establish good sleep habits for both of our children in order to maintain a well-rested and happy family. At times when we are invited to a social event which occurs in the evening, my husband has been very good at is saying “no” to many of these in order to protect our children’s early bedtimes. This can sometimes create some awkwardness between friends and family who do not do the same with their own children.
Regarding friends, there have been mixed responses. Some felt that letting our baby cry is not right and it was told to us that they would never take this approach. Other friends struggling in desperation with their babies sleep have come to us for advice and I have recommended your book to them, they have been very thankful for this and have also seen great results. I have a friend who is having her baby in January, and I have already shared the 12 principles you shared with me, as it is her first child and she is eager to establish good sleep habits. Another friend has a baby 3 days older than our son, I shared with her about the early bedtime around 6 weeks, but she has decided not to implement this as it is not convenient due to their family supper time. We have quite a large circle of friends with babies around our age. Many times we will say no to a social event which occurs in the evening in order to protect an early bedtime, however many of them are very relaxed about the early bedtime and will not mind to participate in evening activities at the expense of their child’s bedtime. It can be awkward at times having to explain to them why we are so protective about the bedtimes, but we stand firm in our convictions regardless.
On the other hand we have had a good experience with the grandparents. Initially they were confused about why we have such a ‘strict’ attitude toward sleep with our children, but after some detailed explanation of the importance of sleep and the ramifications of poor sleep, they have come to accommodate us by arranging our family visits around our children’s sleep schedules and have even implemented the schedule quite nicely while looking after our daughter!
Drawing from the experience with my two children, I have come to think that as mothers we tend to interfere a bit too much with our babies and their sleep. As difficult as I know it can be, If one is only willing to take a step back, one might just be surprised by the results that this can reap in your baby’s sleep habits.
Our family is thankful for the guidance of Dr Weissbluth. We hope that by implementing these things we can altogether skip having to use extinction on our son in the months ahead and maintain a well-rested family.
