If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
When should Sleep Rules begin?
Sleep Rules work well for children over 2.5 years of age. For younger children who may not yet understand that actions have consequences, use the rewards alone without restricting privileges.
How consistent do I need to be?
In general, 80% consistency in parenting is close to perfect — humans are not robots. But when you begin Sleep Rules with Silent Return to Sleep, aim for 100% consistency for five to seven days. Your child needs to be convinced you are serious. After that, maintain the structure, and expect sequential improvement — first for night sleep, then for naps.
What if my child is scared at night?
Spend extra time soothing at the beginning of the routine. Some families use a dream catcher, a guardian angel figurine, or a ritual of going around the room catching monsters and placing them in a bag that is removed. Consider giving your child a bell that she may ring once — and only once — during the night if she is scared, to which you will respond promptly. This gives her a sense of security: she knows you will come if she genuinely needs you.
When you respond to the bell, use a timer placed under a pillow to muffle the sound, set for a measured amount of soothing. Controlling the duration of nighttime soothing creates a predictable expectation that both parent and child can accept. When the timer sounds, kiss her and leave. Over time, she will associate the timer with your departure and return to sleep without protest, knowing no further visits are coming. This could be framed as a fifth or sixth Sleep Rule: “If you are scared, ring the bell and I will come — but I will come only once.”
What if my child won’t stay in the crib but isn’t ready for a bed?
Some children who have never slept well and have just turned 3 may disregard Sleep Rules entirely — trashing their room or simply staying up late playing with the lights on. These children may need additional structure: a crib tent, removal of lightbulbs to keep the room dark, or extremely rarely, a latch lock on the bedroom door. Whatever restriction is used, compliance with Sleep Rules is rewarded by removing it — the crib tent comes off, the light returns, the lock is removed.
What if my child stays in the crib but cries?
Crying in protest of going to sleep or staying in the crib is not the same as crying from pain or fear. Leave her alone — try extinction or graduated extinction.
Can the plan fail?
Yes. The most common reasons are insufficient consistency between parents — one partner passively or actively undermining the program — and a bedtime that is still too late. A child who is chronically overtired from a late bedtime or insufficient naps will be much harder to settle regardless of how well Sleep Rules are implemented. The bedtime must be early enough to prevent a second wind. Sleep Rules applied to an overtired child are fighting an uphill battle.
How do I signal that Sleep Rules are over in the morning?
Use a clock radio set to quiet music, a digital clock with a picture of the acceptable wake-up time, or a color-changing light set to the morning wake-up time. Explain to your child that Sleep Rules are in place until she hears the music, or the clock matches a picture (for example ‘7:00’), or sees the color change.. At that point, she may call for you — and you will come immediately. This might be framed as a fifth sleep rule for the poster: 5. Do not leave your room until you hear the music.
What about occasional exceptions?
Once Sleep Rules are well established, occasional exceptions — a late night once or twice a month for a special occasion — are fine. Well-rested children can tolerate breaks in routine without losing their footing. But once or twice a month is very different from once or twice a week. Even after success is established, there may be a few times a year when sleep gets seriously off track — illness, travel, a disrupted stretch — and a reset with a super-early bedtime for one night ony, combined with a return to full Sleep Rules, will restore the pattern.
— Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
