If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
I was fortunate enough to receive a copy of Dr. Weissbluth’s book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” before our son was born. I read and reread his book and the relevant sections as our son grew. Around when my son was 6 months of age, I reached out to Dr. Weissbluth with a specific question which he answered so quickly in the comments section of one of his blog posts. Since then, I have periodically peppered him with questions specific to my son (why is he waking up at 5am every day?) and general (i.e. are sleep regression real (no!), how to deal with daylight savings time changes). He has always offered evidence-based advice, and when there is a lack of data on the particular topic, encouraged us to experiment and closely monitor our child to discover what works best for him. It’s a difficult field as every child and family situation is so unique, but returning to his large body of work and the fundamental guidelines he sets out in his book has allowed us to adapt and to help our son continue to be well rested. Early bedtimes, and protecting his naps are the cornerstones of the approach we have cultivated with his guidance. As a result, our son is incredibly happy and well rested. Everyone who meets him is struck by his good cheer and positive attitude. Other parents and family are usually quite surprised at his early bedtime (6:30 or 7pm) and our strict adherence to his nap schedule. We are so fortunate to have the resources and flexibility to schedule our life’s activities around his nap, and not the other way around. Our steady loving boundaries, and consistent bedtime routine and rules have helped us navigate difficult transitions in his young life (dropping naps, toddler bed transition, sleep sack refusal, nap strikes, etc.). As a result, he always returns to his happy sleeper schedule after even the most disruptive events. Two years after I first contacted Dr. Weissbluth, our ability to navigate tough transitions has been proven, and the strong understanding of the crucial importance of sleep to our son’s developing brain have imparted a sense of ease and confidence in ourselves. We recommend Dr. Weissbluth’s book to all new parents.
For more information on the long term benefits of early sleep training, see:
I could not agree more with this comment. We live by Dr Weissbluth’s book and our 2 year old is thriving. We are utilizing it for our now 2 month old twins and it is working like a charm again. Thank you!!
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
You’ve been a great help to us in the past and I am again looking for some guidance. My son is 12 months old. I recently went back to work, 2 weeks ago, and he is at dayhome now. Prior to starting dayhome his bedtime was around 6:30pm. When he started dayhome we kept his bedtime at 6:30 instead of moving it earlier because he was napping longer there than he had been at home. However some nights if we could see that he was tired we would have him down in his crib for 6:15pm. He also had a bout of pneumonia last week from which he is now recovered.
While he was sick last week, he bedtime was almost consistently between 6:00 and 6:15pm and he was kept home. He is back at dayhome this week and our caregiver has informed me that she is consistenly having to wake him from his naps, where as at home he wakes on his own. He naps from 9:00am – 10:30am then again from 12:45pm – 3:30pm. For the last 6 days (today is Saturday, so since Sunday evening) we have tried to put him to bed early as I believe he is overtired from the stimulation at dayhome and his illness. Our goal has been 5:30pm bedtime for the last week, but the transition going back to work for me has been difficult to achieve this. After preparing and eating dinner we are often putting him down for 5:45pm or 6:00pm. However, he is not falling asleep quickly like he used to. He will quietly play in his crib for 45 minutes or more. I’m at a loss on how to help him
Why would he nap longer at day home? If he is napping much more at day home, why would he need an even earlier bedtime?
More reliable data from your own observations regarding naps is needed. Maybe you get Sunday and next weekend data to clarify what’s going on.
Describe his mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) during the 60 minutes before his bedtime.
I believe he’s napping longer at day home because he’s just more stimulated there. Using more energy playing with the other children in comparison to at home. I suppose I was thinking that if he’s consistently needing to be woken up he must need more sleep, hence why I thought he might need an earlier bedtime.
Today I will try to observe him before bedtime to see what he’s like. Usually he is quite busy at that time because we are having dinner then getting ready for bed. I haven’t had the opportunity to really watch him.
Please read Blog Posts 83 and 115X and observe closely when he is alone with toys (no screen nor parental nor sibling interaction) before bedtime.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
It’s been about a week and a half since I commented. I have been watching my son in the evenings when left alone with his toys and no screens. I am still struggling to see his drowsy sign and therefore have been all over the place with bedtime.
On about 3 occasions I would see a single yawn around 6pm but after he would happy continue to play with his toys or eat dinner with us. The days following this, we tried a 6pm bed time for 2 nights. He would play alone in his crib from 6pm until about 7:15-7:30 when he would fall asleep. On other nights we tried a 7pm bedtime he would still fall asleep between 7:15 and 7:30 pm.
On one occasion we were out of the house at a friends and I could very distinctly see he was drowsy around 7:15, we arrived back home around 7:45pm and had him in bed by 8pm, he did not fall asleep until 8:45. The following night I tried to make up for the late bedtime by putting him to bed around 6:15 but he still did not fall asleep until about 7:30 that evening.
We’ve spent so long going to bed around 6:30 that the shift to 7:15 feels sudden and big… Is he really just ready for that bedtime?
“…have been all over the place with bedtime.”
In order to compare bedtimes, it is best to try a early bedtime for about 3 nights and record data and the then repeat with a later bedtime for about 3 nights. If naps are extremely irregular, then this will not work and your best bet is to use subtle drowsy signs as a signal to start soothing to sleep at night.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
Another update. It has been 5 nights. We did 3 nights of early bed time and 2 nights of later. He is absolutely over tired but still doing the same thing.
On night 1 he went to bed at 5:45 pm. I could see his drowsy signs during the bedtime routine around 5:30pm. He fell asleep around 6:00pm and woke up 10 minutes later, played in his crib until about 7pm when he fell asleep.
On night 2 similar situation drowsy signs just after 5:30, was in bed by 5:45pm fell asleep around 5:50 and woke up 5 minutes later. Played in his crib until 7pm when he fell asleep.
Night 3, he was in bed by 6pm, drowsy signs around 5:50pm. He played in his crib until 7:30pm.
Nights 4 and 5, later bed time, between 6:45 and 7pm. Played until 8:00pm.
His naps are very consistent. 9am-10:15am then 12:45pm-2:45pm. We recently (about a week ago) adjusted the naps from ending at 10:30am and ending at 3:00pm to see if that would help bed time but it doesn’t seem to have made a difference.
Should I keep going with the early bed time until he finally falls asleep around the time he put down?
Please describe in detail the drowsy signs that you observed on Nights 1-3.
I do not know why his latency to sleep onset remains so long and unrelated to his bedtimes.
During the 5 night trial, was there any difference in the wake-up times (if not, then the later bedtime would be associated with shorter night sleep duration)?
Separately from the issue of a long latency to sleep onset is his age. Soon, he will be transitioning from 2 naps to a single mid-day nap.The more overtired he is the harder this will be. Often, temporarily, because of less daytime sleep, the bedtime has to be moved earlier. In anticipation of this transition, I suggest. you stick with the earlier bedtime.
Also, even though the duration of night sleep might be the same with an earlier or later bedtime, the quality of night sleep is better with an earlier bedtime.
How does this sound?
His drowsy signs were lots of yawns and eye rubbing.
Yes, he continues to wake up around the same time in the mornings no matter what time he falls asleep. So when he sleeps later he has a shorter sleep duration.
I agree with the earlier bedtime. Hopefully he will begin to fall asleep sooner.
Please carefully read Blog Post 83 and 115X. It is possible that the “eye rubbing’ is from pre-sleep arousal and this is causing him to have a long latency to sleep onset.
Please try for 3-4 days only a rigid 5:30pm expected falling asleep time (he is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm).
I know that you are likely to be skeptical that just a little earlier bedtime will make a difference, but small differences in sleep timing can have major effects.
It has been 3 nights of a 5:30 bedtime. On night 1 he fell asleep at 6:45, night 2 6:30, and night 3 6:15. So I guess we are improving! Will keep up with the 5:30 bedtime with hopes that it continues to improve. Any estimates how long he will need a 5:30 bed time until we can start gradually moving it back to his regular 6:30 bedtime?
Please describe in detail the improvement observed with the 5:30bedtime.
His only improvement with a 5 30 bedtime is that his long latency to sleep onset is becoming shorter. By about 15 minutes a day. It started with about 1.5 hours of him playing in his crib before finally falling asleep to now 45 minutes before falling asleep.
I am hoping the trend continues and he begins to fall asleep within 5-10 minutes like he used to. He is beginning to wake up earlier now though about 15 minutes earlier.
We do not come home from work and picked up from dayhome until 4:30, so I don’t really get an opportunity to observe drowsy signs properly. It’s such a busy time time between 4:30 and 5:30. I really couldn’t tell you when he is exhibiting them at first. There is always yawns getting ready for bed around 5:20.
On 1 or 2 week-ends, be very strict with at home naps based on drowsy signs and watch for early evening drowsy signs. Compare then his mood and behavior to what you observe when you pick him up during the week. Also, get detailed information on how he naps during the week and compare it to what you observe on the weekends. I suspect you will conclude that naps during the week are insufficient and that is why he is developing pre-sleep arousal that causes a 45 minute latency to sleep onset even when the bedtime is 5:30pm.
Read the section on ‘The 5:30 Rut’ in my book. Because of “He is beginning to wake up earlier now though about 15 minutes earlier.”, I fear this is where you might be heading.
Better quality naps will be needed to prevent this and will allow for a later bedtime.
How does this sound?
This is interesting because when he started dayhome about 5 weeks ago I actually had them start adjusting his naps to begin the process of dropping down to 1 nap and to help with the long sleep onset.
I wanted him to be down to 1 nap by the end of July because we are going on vacation for all of August and thought it would be better for us to manage 1 nap. So they have been gradually reducing his first nap by 15 minutes every 2-2.5 weeks. When he started, in late April, he napped 9:00am-10:45am then again from 1:15pm to 3:00pm. At this time, he was going part time to dayhome, about 3 days a week, at home, the nap schedule was the same. 2 weeks later it changed to 9:00am – 10:30am and the second from 12:45-3:15pm. Dayhome was needing to wake him up from both of these naps at this time, they were waking him up at 10:30 due to my instructions and at 3:15 to eat and get ready to be picked up. It was around this change that the evening sleep issues started.
In an attempt to fix the evening issues and keep up with trying to drop the first nap I asked dayhome to wake him at 10:15am and to put him down for his second nap at 12:30 until 2:45. I asked them to wake him at 2:45 in hopes that it would help him fall asleep.
Should I instruct dayhome to allow for him to sleep as long as needed during the first nap? His afternoon nap can only go until 3:15 at the latest so I can tell them to allow him to sleep until then.
Are we in agreement then that “I suspect you will conclude that naps during the week are insufficient and that is why he is developing pre-sleep arousal that causes a 45 minute latency to sleep onset even when the bedtime is 5:30pm.”?
Please carefully read Blog Posts 8, 112, and 196 to fully appreciate the problem that you innocently created and how to correct it.
Yes I agree. Thank you. We’ll start changing it.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth.
It has been 3 weeks since we adjusted my son’s naps back to 9-10:45 am then from 12:45- 3:15 pm. Dayhome said with the extended morning nap he still was ready at 12:45 for the second nap and still needing to be woken up at 3:15. With approximately a 6:45 pm bedtime he improved from taking an hour or more to fall asleep to about 30-45 minutes. Since it was still taking so long is tried a couple other bedtimes 5:30, 6, and 7pm. All were still unsuccessful like before. Most days it is extremely difficult to see he drowsy signs until he is yawning. In the last 7 days he has been at home with me so I adjusted his second nap to start at 1:30pm instead of 12:45 as I wonder if he’s getting too much daytime sleep that it’s difficult for him to fall asleep in the evening. I can’t say its made too much of a difference though. He was clearly overtired the past 4 days as he was cranky around 6pm. So we’ve tried a 5:30 bedtime with no success he was still taking 45 minutes or sometimes longer to fall asleep.
However, yesterday he recieved vaccines which I think made him quite tired and for the first time in 2 months fell asleep within minutes of being put down at 5:30. He woke up around 7am this morning (I have noticed in the last 2 weeks he wants to wake up later not at 6:30).
I am hoping this might be the reset we needed. I would like your advice on how to continue.
How long should we continue the 5:30 bedtime if it continues to be successful?
Should I keep his naps as they are?
Should I let him sleep later than his normal wake up time of 6:30am? If so, should I push his first nap later? He still often looks tired at 9am.
Thank you again for all your help!
“Since it was still taking so long is tried a couple other bedtimes 5:30, 6, and 7pm.” Just to be certain, when you make a change in the bedtime, it’s important to keep the new bedtime constant for3-5 nights to determine whether it is helpful or hindering.
The key to success is an early bedtime. A consequence of insufficient night sleep might be long naps. Sometimes, limiting nap durations is necessary to achieve an early bedtime, but if naps are too short, than pre-sleep arousal might develop in the late afternoon and make an early bedtime difficult.
Finding the sweet spot requires trial and error. Also, soon, he will begin a transition from 2 naps to 1 nap.
So make changes gradually, go slowly, and be patient. I know this can be frustrating but be optimistic.
I hope this helps a little.