If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Here is a mother’s report of how early sleep training produced lasting benefits.
Here is my narrative report of our sleep journey! I hope it helps other parents/babies out there:
When Hadley was 8 weeks old, I was still putting her to bed late, around 10:30pm, not realizing that by 6-8 weeks of age her bedtime should have been much earlier. We had accidentally created a very overtired baby who could suddenly only sleep 15-60 minutes at a time at night.
For 3 weeks Hadley and I bed-shared to finally get some sleep. This was only a temporary solution though since I wasn’t getting the deep sleep I needed, and my husband had been kicked out of the bed. I then discovered and read Dr. Weissbluth’s book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” where I learned that I was putting Hadley to bed way too late, even while bed-sharing, around 9pm.So I started trying to “maximize her day sleep” by holding her or wearing her in a soft baby wrap carrier in a dark room with a sound machine. Since she was already severely overtired and had no self-soothing skills, we chose the quickest method to get her the sleep she needed: the extinction method; and we started putting her to bed much earlier, between 6 and 7pm. This was right when she turned 3 months old. For 10 days she still cried before falling asleep at night, sometimes for 1.5 hours! It was so hard to listen to her cries even though I knew it was for her own good. Because the length of time she would cry seemed longer than his research had shown for the extinction method to work, I reached out to Dr. Weissbluth. He recommended a temporary 5:30pm bedtime and to stop dream-feeding her. I had been “dream feeding” her (waking to feed her around 10pm before I went to bed) because I thought this would mean less feedings in the middle of the night. After 5 nights of a 5:30 bedtime and no dream-feeds her length of crying reduced dramatically to only 15-30 minutes before falling asleep and she started sleeping for 12 hours with only one night feed! My husband and I also learned that she soothed to sleep quicker when he put her down for bed instead of me and when we stopped sneaking in to “help” her (for things like her leg sticking out of the crib). For no good reason I thought babies should go to bed a little later than 5:30 so when I suggested that I push her bedtime back, Dr. Weissbluth encouraged us to let her continue the early 5:30 bedtime for a couple of weeks to pay off her sleep debt. She still cried before falling asleep some nights for a couple weeks, but I learned that the shorter her wake window before bed (1-1.5 hours), the less crying there was. Soon, she didn’t cry at all before bed.
By 4 months old Hadley started sleeping through the night for 12-14 hours without waking to feed at night! Of course that long sleep time meant I had to make some other adjustments like feeding her more throughout the day to make sure she didn’t lose weight and I had to pump before I went to bed to keep my milk supply. Around this time her naps started to become more consistent and longer and didn’t require my help as often.
By 8 or 9 months old she had very slowly moved her bedtime back to 6-6:30pm and would wake up at 8-8:30am. Now (9.5 months) with the time change she goes to bed at 5:30pm again and wakes at 7:30-8am (14 hours)! She takes a 1.5-2 hour nap at 9:30/10am and a 1 hour nap at 2pm. People are shocked and sometimes annoyed that she goes to bed so early but it’s for her own good (and ours) so it’s worth it! In fact today we are going out for dinner with family at 4pm just to protect Hadley’s bedtime haha. I am so thankful for Dr. Weissbluth’s research, book, and help through his blog to get Hadley (and me and my husband) as much sleep as we need! It’s been life-giving.
As far as my husband’s involvement during this sleep journey: my husband helped in the decision-making process for whether we would do the gradual extinction or extinction method. For the first week of the extinction method he put Hadley to bed since she cried less when he did that. Once she started to fall asleep with less crying, I continued to put her down without a noticeable difference in crying or sleep latency between us. But mostly he provided so much of the moral support I needed on her sleep journey. He also gave Hadley and I the bed and slept on the FLOOR in another room when we bed-shared for 3 weeks haha!
Oh my goodness, this is my Hadley! She’s now 21 months and still loves sleep. She tells us “nigh nigh” all the time and lays down on the floor lol. She now sleeps from 6:30/7pm to 7:30/8am and naps from ~12:30-3. We recently had another baby girl (one month old) and I have tried implementing Dr. Weissbluth’s suggestions earlier this time, the most important being teaching her self soothing! She cries for a little bit before her naps and usually falls asleep on her own for about half of them before I save the naps by baby-wearing her. It’s possible we may not even need to do an extinction method of sleep training this time around and that’s exciting!
Thank you. please consider writing a narrative report about your sleep adventure and post it here and I would use it as a Blog Post. Some parents do not believe that a child will ever voluntarily go to sleep (because they want to enjoy and explore more with their parents).
By the way, the most common sleep problem with child number 2 is that child number 1 distracts parents, in the evening, and around 6 weeks of age, child number 1 is allowed to stay up too late. Please watch closely for drowsy signs in your baby and expect her to need an earlier bedtime around 6 weeks of age.
See Blog Post 190.
Absolutely! Thank you for linking that blog post and for the warning! Because of our sleep journey with Hadley and your book and advice last time I have been anticipating this moment with my newborn when she’s close to 6 weeks and I can start putting her to bed early. She is now 5 weeks old but was born 10 days past her due date so I feel we are close to that time of early bedtime. Until now she’s been going to bed anywhere from 8:30-9:30pm. Last night I tried a 7:30pm bedtime but that failed because she couldn’t settle so she had to sleep in the carrier until I could feed her and try again at 9:30pm. I’m having a hard time reading her drowsy signs right now because she’s so young and just always sleeping. But often when I try to put her to bed at 8:30-9:30 she’s SO tired that she can barely feed! I took that to mean she’d want an earlier bedtime so I’ll keep attempting that!
Anyways, here’s my “sleep adventure” narrative with Hadley: By 2 months old I had already accidentally created a very overtired baby with a too late bedtime. So by 3 months old we worked on sleep training with Dr. Weissbluth by reading his book and communicating with him over his website. After some weeks of very early bedtimes and extinction method sleep training our daughter we had an amazing sleeper! She self-soothed and could sleep up to 14 hours a night without even waking to feed by 4 months old. She seemed to love sleep and thrive off of our new sleep schedule. That was many months ago. She is now 21 months and still loves to sleep! She now goes to bed at 6:30/7pm and wakes at 7:30/8am. In fact she often tells us that she wants to go to sleep during the day. She makes the sign language sign for “bed” by putting her palm against the side of her face and says “nigh nigh”. She then grabs her favorite stuffed animal and lays down on the ground or rests her head on the couch or coffee table. One time when she was only 1 year old she even surprised us at her grandparents’ house. She normally has so much fun there that her naps can be delayed but one day when we were visiting she stopped all playing, stood up and started walking to the room where her crib had been set up, while making the sign for “bed”. We all watched as she silently walked away from us and down the hall, clearly ready for her nap! Sometimes she is still an emotional toddler that doesn’t think she wants to nap but we know how beneficial it is for her so we place her in her crib (even if she’s crying for us to come back) and by the time the door closes to her room she is silent and she has already laid down to sleep! Lately when this happens she’s been taking her longest naps ever from 12:45-4! Sleep is such a gift to our children and our families. Thank you Dr. Weissbluth!
Thank you!
Regarding your newborn, based on the due date, not the birth date, at 6 weeks of age, her brain wants a much earlier bedtime. Maybe even 5:30-6:00pm.
“Last night I tried a 7:30pm bedtime but that failed because she couldn’t settle” suggest that she was past drowsy and already in presleep arousal.
I know that naps tend to be irregular and brief at her age, but please describe a fairly common nap day and perhaps I can guide you towards an appropriate bedtime.
(Sorry if this posts twice, I think it deleted my first attempt to comment)
Thank you, that would be a huge help!
I’ve actually tried to keep somewhat of a schedule just to help me keep track of what she needs so I don’t get distracted while taking care of my toddler.
Baby Jenna’s typical day:
Wakes at 8am. Feed.
Nap 9-10:30 in bassinet (sometimes a 2hr nap to 11am)
Feed 10:30
Nap 11:30-1 I always try the bassinet but after some crying it is often unsuccessful. Nap in baby carrier.
Feed 1:30
Nap 2-4 carrier or bassinet
Feed 4:30
Nap 5:30-6:30 in carrier.
Feed 6:30
Nap 7-8:30 in carrier while we eat and watch TV.
Bedtime routine at 8:30 of pj’s, swaddle, song, feed in dark, then bed.
Tonight when I tried an earlier bedtime she successfully fell asleep when fed at 7:30 then set down at 8.
My impression (which may not be correct) is that between 7-8:30pm, you are masking sleepy signs with a family meal and TV and 8:30pm is too late.
Nap 1 Mid-morning is great (1.5-2 hours).
Nap 2 Mid-day is great (1.5 hours)
Nap 3 Afternoon is great (2 hours)
Soon, or now, think of her expected falling asleep time for the night (she is bathed, changed, fed, soothed and you ae leaving the room with her drowsy but awake) around 5:30-6:30pm.
Soon, or now think of an expected falling asleep time for the night at or after 7:30pm as too late.
Soon, or now, think of a ‘4th nap’ as really her bedtime.
Does this help?
Yes! I will try that! You’re probably right that the 7pm nap in the carrier is masking sleepy signs. I have some questions:
1. This baby has been near impossible for me to soothe, she has been very alert since birth which is partly why I’ve reverted to letting her cry to fall asleep for some naps since the alternative of me rocking her to sleep has never worked! So if I put her down for bed at 5:30-6:30pm but she doesn’t fall asleep should I try letting her cry it out or save the “nap” by putting her in the carrier and try again and hour later?
2. How long should I keep this early bedtime?
3. Since she will be going to sleep much earlier should I try fitting more feedings into our day?
Before replying, because “This baby has been near impossible for me to soothe, she has been very alert since birth”. Please review the section in my book on ‘Colic’ and tell me whether she fits the description or diagnostic criteria.
Sorry I should have been more specific. By “soothe” I just meant that I can’t seem to get her to go from wide-eyed alert to sleepy or asleep by rocking and shushing like I could with my first baby. Besides the times I let her cry before a nap, she hardly ever cries or fusses. I reread your colic section in the book just now and it does not apply to Jenna.
No colic is good news!
“Besides the times I let her cry before a nap” suggests that sometimes she is showing some presleep arousal before a nap. Therefore, shorten the interval of wakefulness between naps.
1. No colic means that you can do extinction or graduated extinction at night: after the early bedtime, expect to feed her once at or after about 4 hours since her last feeding (middle of the night) and again in the early morning (at or after about four hours since the last feeding)
2.Expect this early bedtime to last for a few weeks, at least. Continue to watch for drowsy signs in the late afternoon and early evening. They will emerge and later be your guide for the bedtime.
3. Assuming good weight gain, feed her during the day whenever she seems hungry and don’t try to feed her when she does not appear hungry.
Does she ever get a bottle of expressed breast milk or formula?
Yes, very good news!
Ok, sometimes it seems that she has only been awake for 40 or 50 minutes when I put her down for a nap but she will still cry. I was starting to wonder if babies this young cry if they’re undertired. But most of the time when she cries before a nap it’s because she’s been up for closer to an hour or longer though so I’ll try to cut that interval of wakefulness down.
Ok, I’ll give extinction a shot if it comes to that tonight and report back.
Besides a bottle of formula in the hospital when she was born she has not had any bottles since but I’ve started collecting extra milk so I can begin the occasional bottle.
I know they say that “every baby is different” but I’m curious if you’ve discovered in your research if high sleep needs runs in the family? My husband and I both might be considered high sleep needs and our firstborn is definitely that way too. I’m just curious (and hopeful) if it’s likely baby Jenna will be too!
Well, I wasn’t able to follow through completely with the plan as I had hoped last night. Ultimately my husband and I were not confident that she is old enough to be left crying so we couldn’t bring ourselves to do full extinction. Here’s what happened:
I woke her at 5:30pm from her carrier nap and bathed, changed, and fed her before setting her down at 6:30pm. She cried from 6:40-7:35(~1hr). Her crying was very intense with screeching and flailing arms and legs so I went in to soothe her. She burped a couple times then got the hiccups so after they were gone I set her down asleep at 8:00. But soon cried again from 8:10-8:30 when I decided to feed her, hoping she would fall asleep after this feed like she normally does at this time. She did fall asleep after feeding at 9pm. Phew! At first I thought this seemed pointless because now she had gone to bed at the same late bedtime but with less sleep beforehand because of the crying…but THEN she ended up sleeping a 3.25hr stretch and 4.75hr stretch when previously her stretches at night were only 1.5-3hrs (3 being the absolute most she would do)! She actually woke before the 4.75 hr stretch but fell back asleep. At one feeding she even got the hiccups after I set her back down and she slept through them! She then slept in until 8:45am when I woke her up! Why such improvement since she wasn’t even successful at falling asleep after the crying and didn’t even get her early bedtime? Tomorrow I think I will try again but an hour earlier at 5:30pm so if I soothe her after an hour of crying again she will at least be in bed earlier. What do you think?
Understood.
Am I correct that she demonstrated some self-soothing for the first time last night? If so please be optimistic that while the crying is unwanted and hard to accept, it is likely that the 2nd and 3rd night will show much less crying. One general idea is that when parents give less soothing attention at night, the child learns more to self-soothe. Please continue to attempt for early bedtimes.
On the other hand, if you strongly feel that the crying was too much, consider abandoning this attempt for now and plan to try again when she is older.
Let me know.
You are correct, she showed self-soothing last night that I haven’t seen at night before! We will continue the course for now and keep you updated. Thank you for your encouragement and direction. My husband and I joke that the three of us (us both and you) are in this together! You are truly a blessing.
Dr. Weissbluth, here is my update of 3 days of an early bedtime/extinction with my 6 week old. It’s going well! As you know, with the first night’s attempt my husband and I couldn’t bring ourselves to do true extinction (I intervened once and eventually fed her to sleep). But with your encouragement we tried again.
First night of true extinction: I did the same bedtime routine and set her down at 5:15pm. She cried for 2 hours before falling asleep at 7:30pm. She woke to feed about 4 hours after the previous feeds throughout the night as you said to expect.
Second night: same bedtime routine, set down at 6:45pm, cried for 1.25hr before falling asleep at 8pm. Some improvement with decreased length of crying.
Third night: same bedtime routine, set down at 5:40 (this was after daylight savings time ended so similar to 6:40pm), she didn’t immediately cry when set down and when she did cry it only lasted about 20 minutes when she fell asleep by 6:30! She did wake up 45 minutes later and cried for ~30 minutes but then self-soothed again. That night she had some of her longest night sleep stretches of 4.25hr and 5hr! Before we started early bedtimes/extinction the longest stretch at night was barely even 3 hours. She even woke once or twice at night but self-soothed before I could even take a minute to consider feeding her!
I’ve noticed this self-soothing skill has carried over to her naps too. Some days she’s able to take all of her naps in her bassinet, has long 2 hour naps, and sometimes without even crying. I’m trying to keep her wake intervals as short as possible to prevent any crying. I’ve read your posts on drowsy signs but have a hard time reading them on such a young baby so I just put her down as soon as she’s done feeding and changed.
This has been SO encouraging to see such improvement in our little girl’s sleeping habits at so young an age!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have made enormous progress in just a few days. Expect a few setbacks from having your sleep timing off a little but the trend will be for more self-soothing, more consolidated sleep, and less crying. The super early bedtime is essential for now, but it is temporary; please try to keep it in place.
As weeks and months go by, drowsy signs will become more apparent and naps will become longer and more regular. The, based on drowsy signs, the bedtime might (or might not) be later.
Please consider writing a narrative report of your sleep adventure and post it here and I would add it as a Blog Post. Your voice would resonate with mothers better than mine. If so, please include the role of the father (positive or negative). Also, please address the common concerns of many mothers that helping your baby to sleep better might harm their baby or alternatively, it must not start until the baby is at least 3-4 months old.
Thank you!!! We have been so happy!
Good to know, I will keep working on her sleep timing such as a short wake interval before bedtime. Last night was interesting; she was only awake for one hour while I did the bedtime routine and fed her but once set down at 5:45pm she laid there silently for an hour before she cried for 5-10 minutes and fell asleep. Tonight she similarly just laid there for one hour before falling asleep (part of that was because she had the hiccups). If that were to become a pattern would that mean anything like maybe she’s not tired enough and can stay awake longer before bed? Or does that just sound like an attempt to self soothe without crying?
Maybe she is lying in bed thinking about what a wonderful day she had or maybe planning tomorrow’s activities. In medicine, say. “watchful waiting” and the British say “expectant observation” when we’re not sure what’s going on but there appears to be no harm to the patient. For now, if she seems relaxed and then falls asleep, I would not do anything different for several days. Is that acceptable to you?
Gladly! Here’s my narrative report:
Jenna was born 10 days past her due date so by the time she was one month old she was already close to the adjusted 6 week mark of needing an early bedtime. As a huge fan of Dr. Weissbluth who helped my oldest daughter, Hadley, achieve amazing sleep feats (in blog post 213), I knew Jenna would soon need an early bedtime. My few attempts to put her down earlier, however, had already failed with her crying instead, so I would put her to sleep in the carrier until her later bedtime. She would go to bed around 8:30-9:30pm and wake every 1-2.5 hrs at night. Dr. Weissbluth came to the rescue again by suggesting a temporary super early bedtime of 5:30-6:30 for a while until I could start reading her drowsy signs and adjust her bedtime accordingly in the weeks and months to come. I knew, however that this early bedtime would probably mean some crying but he encouraged allowing that to happen with either extinction or gradual extinction. Essentially the early bedtime is more important than having some crying since a too late bedtime would create an overtired baby and sleep problems that I wanted to avoid this time around!
For the first night of extinction it turned out that my husband and I were not on the same page so we failed by intervening to soothe her and then ultimately feeding her to sleep. Even though it wasn’t complete extinction we already saw improvement with her self-soothing herself back to sleep multiple times that night and longer sleep stretches. With Dr. Weissbluth’s encouragement to stay the course, we tried again the next night.
My goal each night is to keep Jenna’s wake interval to an hour or less after I wake her from her last nap (which is usually in the carrier) at 4:45 or 5pm then start her bedtime routine of bath, pj’s/change, swaddle, song, then feed in the dark. I then try to set her down less than an hour later somewhere between 5:30 and 6pm.
Night 1: set down at 5:15pm, cried 2 hours, asleep by 7:30pm. She woke to feed every 4 hrs as Dr. Weissbluth said I could expect.
Night 2: set down at 6:45pm (oops, a little late), cried 1.25 hrs, asleep by 8pm. Some improvement with decreased length of crying.
Night 3: set down at 5:40, no immediate crying but when she did cry it only lasted 20 minutes and she fell asleep by 6:30! She did wake up 45 minutes later and cried for ~30 minutes but then self-soothed again. That night she had some of her longest night sleep stretches of 4.25hr and 5hrs! Before we started early bedtimes/extinction the longest stretch at night was barely even 3 hours. She even woke once or twice at night but self-soothed before I could even take a minute to consider feeding her. Amazing.
Tonight was night 5 of an early bedtime with extinction and she did NOT even cry, I can’t believe it! We keep getting long stretches of sleep at night, up to 5.25hrs. And this self soothing skill has extended into her naps so even if she cries before a nap, she often self-soothes to sleep.
The worst part of extinction is hearing your baby cry but it’s important to remind yourself that she is fed, changed, and safe. She is crying because she can’t figure out how to sleep and she wants to. When my husband and I cringe through the crying this is what we tell each other: “she just wants to sleep”. We know some crying is worth it so Jenna can get her early bedtime and learn to self-soothe so she’s not sleep deprived in the long run. And it has already started working so well! Jenna is able to self-soothe and she is sleeping much longer stretches at night after just a few nights of early bedtime and extinction.
My husband’s role in this whole process has mostly been to care for our toddler when he’s available so I can spend time working with Jenna to ensure quality naps. He helps by taking the toddler when I need a quiet environment for Jenna’s bedtime routine. Maybe his most important role in our sleep journey has been to be on the same page as me in our decision to sleep train Jenna at so early an age with extinction and an early bedtime. As we are both parenting our children, we need to be in agreement about how we “parent” their sleep too. We talked through the alternatives to extinction this early such as co-sleeping or waiting until she’s older. But we were not keen on the idea of suffering the consequences of sleep deprivation until she’s 3 or 4 months old when we’d try extinction again anyways. Sleeping well now is better for all of us and our decision to start now has already been worth it! Many parents of newborns at this age (6 weeks) say they’re “surviving”, and I say we’re “thriving”, but my husband is so thrilled with all the sleep we’re getting now he says we’re “soaring” haha!
Would you like me to keep or change the names in my Blog Post?
Haha she is probably reflecting on what a good day she had, I love it!
You are welcome to keep their names in your blog post. One day I’ll show them that they’re “famous”!
I have a 6 week old on Thursday. He is gaining weight wonderfully and will sleep for up to 6 hours at night but only if being held. I feel like I haven’t slept since he’s been born and my husband and I are so desperate for sleep. We also currently have the flu and are miserable. I am willing to try letting him cry and implement really early bedtime. We attempted this yesterday because we were just so tired. He went to sleep at 5:30, only cried for 20 minutes and fell asleep and woke back up a couple of times before his first feed around 8:30pm. Throughout the whole night the longest he cried was 36 minutes. Is this normal? I fed him every three hours if he woke up perfectly at the time to feed. I’m scared to let him cry it out longer scared if it’s damaging him. There are so many people against this method I struggle.
The first step is for you to recover from the flu and get some sleep. Therefore, do what ever you can to maximize sleep for you and your baby without regard for habit formation.
Tell me how your behavior caused your son to have no self-soothing skills.
Tell me the degree to which your husband caused your son to have no self-soothing skills.
Will your husband help with his baby’s sleep?
Does your son ever take a bottle?