If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Holly was 10 weeks old when I began to read Dr Weissbluth’s book. It had been recommended to us before she was born by friends who’d had great success in sleep training their son. My husband bought the book, but until we had experienced the shock of having a newborn and our new reality of poor, fragmented sleep, we hadn’t made the effort to read it! Up until 10 weeks, I had felt as though I’d spent every moment doing nothing except hold, feed and change her. I was used to her sleeping on me during the day, and we accepted the witching hour as a normal part of our evenings.
The first thing that struck me when reading the book was the importance of good quality sleep and that regular opportunities for sleep were essential to Holly’s brain development. I had wrongly assumed that her sleep needs were the same as mine, and that any nap meant she was missing out on chances to learn new things and enjoy bonding experiences. The book also helped me to understand what to expect at each age. When I learnt about the natural development of each nap and that it is completely normal and reasonable for a baby to wake overnight for feeds until around 9 months of age, I began to have realistic expectations about her sleep.
The first thing I started to do was to watch Holly for drowsy signs and to respond to these by offering her a nap- always in her bassinet. This began at 3 months old, but it took several more weeks for her naps to consolidate. At 4 months old, I began to keep a record of every day; documenting her drowsy signs, feeds, and the lengths of her naps. At 5 months old, she had established two naps a day- each 1 to 2 hours long- and the occasional 45-minute afternoon nap. I was strict, and many times had to sacrifice planned activities such as baby sensory classes or catch-ups with other mum friends, in order to maintain the routine.
Around 5 months, she had also established a night time routine- we went on a walk, had a bath, read a book, and she had a feed. Her bedtime was usually between 5:30-6:30pm, and she would wake twice for feeds- once at 10:00pm and again at 2:00am. It was all going great, but as she neared 6 months, we noticed a change in her. She would go to sleep when we put her down, but she would wake every night after about 45 minutes and cry, unable to put herself back to sleep. We started having to go in over and over to offer her another feed, rock and pat her. After a few weeks of this, we talked about the extinction method and decided to try it. It was a rollercoaster. Some nights she would cry for 5 minutes, others she would cry for 50 minutes. It was difficult to hear, so one of us would eventually break from the method to go in to comfort her and offer her another feed. I felt great anxiety every night at bedtime, wondering whether or not she would cry and for how long. After 14 days, I felt it wasn’t working as I had expected it should, so I contacted Dr Weissbluth via his blog. I was so grateful when he responded, and he advised me to try an earlier bedtime. I was a bit skeptical that her bedtime could be any earlier- but turns out Dr Weissbluth was completely right! In hindsight, I recall him explaining in his book that the extinction method will not work if your baby is overtired, but I had overlooked this in practice. It was clear that by the time we put her down, Holly was overtired, and that this was the cause of her being unable to self-settle.
On Dr Weissbluth’s advice, we adjusted our routine and brought her bedtime forward to the super-early time of 5:00pm. This meant that our routine would begin at 4:00pm and she would be put down for bed when the sun was still up! Within a few days, we had a completely different baby. Each night, we watched closely on the monitor and were amazed to see her wake up after 45 minutes, turn her head or stretch, then self-settle back to sleep until her first nightly feed. We slowly moved her bedtime back to 6:00pm, and at 9.5 months, we were amazed to have our first overnight sleep with no feed- 6:00pm-6:30am.
Since then, we have had very few occasions where Holly has woken up overnight and needed us- a few times for coughs and colds, once when she vomited from gastro, and a couple of times when she had her finger stuck in her dummy. However, on each of these occasions, as soon as her needs were met, she went straight back to sleep without any help. I always tell people that the most important thing for us was/is the early bedtime. Even though it seems unusual to go to bed at 6:00pm (or earlier on a childcare day), it made the biggest difference to Holly’s ability to put herself back to sleep.
Holly is now 2 years and 2 months old, and has been through teething, illness, starting childcare, dropping from three to two to one nap a day, and physical and cognitive milestones. She has slept consistently and reliably throughout. She naps 2.5 hours a day and sleeps overnight, uninterrupted for 12-13 hours. From the beginning, my husband shared the responsibility of the nap and night time routine when he could, so she is as happy for him to put her to bed as she is for me to do it.
We are lucky to have a happy, emotionally stable and well-rested daughter, and there is not a day that goes by where I don’t appreciate the advice I received from Dr Weissbluth and the impact it had on my family. I recommend his book to any new parent and encourage people to remember that it takes time and tweaks along the way but is well worth it in the end.
For more mini-consults:
Blog Post 159: Early Bedtimes
Blog Post 191: Older Sibling
Blog Post 192; “Nap-trapped”
