If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
A 2023 study of over 4,000 3-year-old children recorded their bedtimes, sleep duration, and other information.
Academic performance was evaluated using a national language (Japanese) and math test in the first grade.
Non-cognitive skills were evaluated in over 400 of these children exclusively using the children’s answers to the following questions (children answered “yes” or “no” to each question):
Sleep duration at age 3 was not associated with academic performance in first grade.
Earlier bedtimes at age 3 was associated higher academic performance, high Diligence, and high Kindness in first grade.
This study found that bedtime, not sleep duration, at 3 years of age was associated with national language and math performance in the first grade, independent of sex, economic status, and mental developmental delay.
Another study (Blog Post 123) in older children also showed that academic success was associated more with an early bedtime instead of sleep duration.
Also, ten authors (Blog Posts 75, 109, 129, 130, 145, 182, and 212) have emphasized to me the importance of early bedtimes even though their publications discussed other aspects of sleep.
An early bedtime is an unappreciated health habit.
Dear Dr. Weissbluth,
We are on week 6 of the extinction method, of our 21 week old (19 adjusted), with some breaks because it doesn’t seem to be working. I believe initially, our bedtime was still too late but we are on one week into a super early bedtime (sometimes as early as 4:45 based on drowsy cues) with no improvement.
Baby is falling asleep independently for all naps, which there are still many and short. However, when it comes to bedtime, he still can cry for up to 50 minutes some days. Sometimes he will fall asleep quickly, under 10 minutes, but will treat it as a nap and wakes up after 30 minutes. If left alone, he will then cry for about 40-50 minutes. Some nights, like tonight, he is crying during the initial put down.
I don’t believe he is hungry. I was actually struggling with some oversupply due to some fall pumpkin treats when we started the super early bedtime. We also have a completely darkened room and use a white noise machine.
Whether we do cry it out, or try rocking him to sleep, bedtimes have always been very difficult. We are desperate and looking for any guidance you may be able to offer. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
“bedtimes have always been very difficult.”: Please read the section in my book on ‘excessive fussiness’ or ‘colic’ and tell me whether your baby fits this description.
Please describe a typical schedule of daytime sleep.
Please re-read the section on ‘extinction’ and tell me whether you have been doing it exactly this way or not.
Please keep a written record of sleep and crying as we go forward, include noting whether the crying is mild. moderate, or severe.
Dear Dr. Weissbluth,
A. Our baby definitely fit the description of a colicky baby. He has improved greatly, and now only cries at bedtime. Extinction has reduced the amount of crying at bedtime. Previously we were rocking him to sleep, which would take up to an hour and a half. He now cries no more than 50 minutes.
B. Baby awakes for the day, usually at 6:00 am. His first wake window is usually pretty short, as he starts exhibiting drowsy signs around 45-50 minutes. He is brought upstairs and placed in his crib at the onset of drowsy cues for every nap, and will coo for usually about 10-15 minutes before falling asleep. Naps are very short. Some days, every single nap will be 30-40 minutes. Other days he will take slightly longer naps between 45 and 55 minutes. The shorter nap days seem to be becoming more common. On a 30 minute nap day, he will usually take 5 naps, with the last one being at 3:00-3:15 pm. He is awake by 3:45pm and is showing drowsy signs by 4:45-5:00 pm.
C. When we first began extinction, with a later bedtime, we followed all the guidelines but crying persisted for two weeks. After these two weeks, I began feeding him when he would wake up 30 to 40 minutes after the initial bedtime. After this point, we discovered your book and began a “super early” bedtime and returned to only entering his room around a midnight wake-up for 1 night-feed.
D. I will keep more detailed notes on his crying habits. I would currently describe the crying during the 40-50 crying session as moderate, which fades to light until he falls asleep.
Please consider a trial of 3-5 nights of a strict 5-5:30 falling asleep time (he has been bathed, fed, and soothed and you have put him down drowsy but awake and are leaving the room at 5;00-5:30pm) and monitor latency to sleep, crying, wake-up time, and naps.
Continue with extinction at night and brief intervals of wakefulness during the day.
We have been implementing super-early bedtime for 7 nights and here are my notes for the past few nights:
11/26 Baby was placed in the crib and we have exited the room at 4:43 pm. Light crying for 7 minutes, slept for 25 minutes. Then, cried for 70 minutes with brief intervals of falling asleep. finally falling asleep for the night at 6:26pm
11/27 Placed in crib at 4:48 pm. Coo’ed for 7 minutes, and then slept for 30 minutes. Then, cried for 38 minutes and finally asleep for the evening at 6:08 pm.
11/28 Placed in crib at 4:45 pm. Cried for 26 minutes, and then slept for 31 minutes. Then, cried for 34 minutes and finally asleep at 6:16 pm.
11/29 Placed in crib at 5:15 pm. Cried for 17 minutes, and then slept for 28 minutes. Then, cried for 8 minutes and finally asleep at 6:16 pm.
11/30 (on this day we broke routine) Due to the short naps and not wanting to keep him up too long and getting him overtired, we added an additional “6th” nap. He fell asleep at 4:19. He woke up at 4:45, and I attempted to feed him to get him to stay asleep. He was wide awake and I was able to get him back to sleep at 6:19 pm.
12/01 Placed in crib at 5:17. Cried for 50 minutes and asleep for the night at 6:07pm.
We will continue to follow the extinction guidelines for the following nights and take detailed notes. Thank you so much for your time and expertise.
Post-colic children might take longer to develop self-soothing skills and take longer to develop long and regular naps.
In my nap study, at 6 months of age, I divided all infants into 5 total nap duration groups:
1. 1-2.5hours (average = 2.3 hours)
2. 3 hours
3. 3.5 hours
4. 4 hours
5. more than 4 hours
At 9 months of age, the average total nap duration for Groups 2.-5. was a little less.
At 9 months of age, the average total nap duration for Group 1 was more (average = 2.7 hours)
I suspect that many post-colic infants were in Group 1.
Your baby is about 5 months old so perhaps between 6-9 months, naps will become more regular and longer and lead to a later bedtime.
Does this help?
I note in your detailed report that she is placed in her crib around 5pm and is asleep around 6pm. Please describe in detail her usual last nap of the day and her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) between 4-5pm.
Please describe in detail your soothing to sleep routine before you place her in her crib around 5pm.
Is the duration and intensity of crying such that you are unable to continue with our plan or can you continue longer to see if, hopefully, there is a decrease in crying duration and intensity?
Dear Dr. Weissbluth,
Regarding the duration and intensity of the crying, it isn’t easy for us but we are willing to continue with the hopes that this will work. Every evening this does make us question whether this is right for our baby at this time.
His pre-bedtime soothing routine is as follows:
At the onset of drowsy cues, he is brought to his nursery and is massaged with lotion, a diaper change, placed in his “sleep sack”, and rocked for approximately 10 minutes while being offered a pacifier. He is then placed into the crib the white-noise machine is turned on and we turn the lights off as we exit the room. Normally he also spends about 20 minutes in his swing before he is brought upstairs, but we have been observing his behavior the last two nights instead.
Here are our notes for the past three nights:
12/2 – His last nap ended at 3:30 pm. My husband was holding him and the baby started rubbing his face into his shoulder at 42 minutes of being awake. We did his bedtime routine and he was placed into his crib at 4:31 and cried for 1 hour and 4 minutes. He slept for 15 minutes, cried for 9 additional minutes, finally fell asleep for the evening at 6:09 pm.
12/3 – He woke up at 3:41 from his last nap. We monitored his mood after feeding. He was involved with a toy and would get frustrated when he would drop it so we would hand it back to him. At 47 minutes of being awake, he slowed down and appeared to have glossy eyes. We took him upstairs and began his nighttime routine. He was placed into his crib at 4:40 pm. He cried for 28 minutes, then slept for 24 minutes, for the next 50 minutes he cried with brief moments of falling asleep for 2 to 3 minutes a piece until he fell asleep for the evening at 6:23 pm.
12/4 – last nap ended 4:10 pm. We monitored his mood as he played independently. He seemed in good spirits. After 36 minutes, he rubbed his eyes, but I didn’t notice any sleep cue before this. We began his nighttime routine and placed into his crib at 5:04 pm. He cried for 16 minutes, slept for 33 minutes, cried for 26 minutes and finally fell asleep for the evening at 6:20 pm.
Plan A.
Over the last 3 nights, his initial crying was for 1 hr, 28 min, then 16 min; maybe this is a trend towards less crying
Over the past 3 nights, after his initial crying, he slept for 15 min, 24 min, then 33 min; maybe this is a trend towards more sleeping
If the duration and/or intensity of crying is not getting worse, perhaps we should stay the course and keep data for a few more days: that is focus on his drowsy signs as cues to soothe to sleep.
Plan B.
Over the past 3 nights, he is put down for the night at 4:31, 4:40, then 5:04.
After being put down, he cries, then sleeps, then cries again, and then falls asleep for the night around 6-6:20pm
The third night was the least initial crying, the most sleep, then the least second bout of crying. This suggest that maybe putting him down later (around 5:00-5:30pm) might be associated with less crying before night sleep begins. Maybe using a later clock time for bedtime with longer soothing, as needed, when he gets drowsy to prevent pre-sleep arousal.
I suggest that we continue with Plan A for a few more nights to gather more data and if it appears to not be working, then try Plan B for several nights and gather data.
But if you are frustrated by the continued crying and want to try Plan B now, please proceed.
How does this sound?
Dr. Weissbluth,
Because of your book I have a well rested almost 1 year old. He naps twice a day for 2.5-3 hours total and sleeps at night for about 11-12 hours. Bedtime (falling asleep) is usually 6-630pm.
I have a question about skipping nap 2 or pushing bedtime later on a vacation. We have essentially never compromised on his sleep before. Which would be better if I had to choose? Allow both naps as normal and push bedtime later around 730pm? Or skip nap 2 and have an early bedtime?
All of your suggestions might work. Skipping nap 1 will be easier tolerated because of the preceding night sleep. Maybe nap 2 would then start a little earlier, and if needed the bedtime might need to be a bit earlier.
However, vacations with infants are tricky because there are conflicting goals of wanting to have fun and not wanting your baby to get way overtired (which reduces the fun of a holiday); try to strike a balance and be flexible.
Plan on a ‘reset’ when you return home.
Does this help?
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
My baby is about 2 and a half months (11 weeks old). She is my 4th child and I have tried to follow your book for each of my other children. I had a few questions:
1. I can tell she is less portable now in terms of her sleeping when I’m on the go. The problem is that I need to pick up my children from school, and she is therefore going to have 1-2 naps a day in the car seat right now (as she gets older, it will hopefully be during her awake time as opposed to a nap). Any suggestions how to manage that? She used to just sleep, but now she ends up only sleeping a few minutes and waking up and then becoming overtired later on. She sometimes seems to be able to stay awake for not even 1 hour at a time before becoming fussy….
2. Related to that, I usually get home from pickup around 4:45 and nurse her and then try to have her sleep a little more for a nap before actual bed time. She often doesn’t fall asleep right away. I’m trying to figure out when a good time is to nurse her again and put her to sleep for the night. It’s hard to manage her bed time with other children and figuring out when the best time to put her in for the night is. She usually goes in her crib some time between 6:30-7 pm but doesn’t always fall asleep right away. I generally go in multiple times to put her pacifier in again. She sometimes only sleeps for 3 1/2-4 hours, and sometimes can go 5+ hours. She is still waking up though at least 2 times a night. And sometimes at 530 am again (a third time) and I end up trying to put her back to sleep as if it’s still night time after.
Any suggestions and advice? Thank you!
Because of the scheduled needs of the 3 older children, without help, it will be a challenge to maintain healthy naps. Naps might vary a lot form day to day based on specific family circumstances.
My best advice is to try to not let a nap start at or after 3pm and consistently focus on early falling asleep times: 5:30pm (she is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm).
Sometimes, this will not be possible but then, the earlier the better. Although you will see her less, you will enjoy each others company more because she will be better rested.
How does this sound?
Thank you for your input. I’m wondering about not having a nap start after 3 pm. She will then be awake for 2 1/2 hours even with an early bed time of 530 pm. Is there a reason for that suggestion as opposed to her having some type of nap and still having an early bed time of 6 pm or so?
And in terms of her other naps when I’m not doing carpool, she thank Gd naps pretty well in her crib and generally is an easygoing, not so fussy baby. Sometimes she still wakes up in the middle of a nap but if i put her pacifier back, she’ll go back to sleep. So some of her naps I think she is getting good rest.
With feeding her so early and giving such an early bed time, is the hope that she will do longer night stretches? How long do you think I should try this suggestion for to see if it helps?
Thank you again!
How many times a week does she take car naps?
Night sleep rhythms begin around 6 weeks of age, so focusing on good quality night sleep with early bedtimes will help naps in the long run. I am worried that a nap startting after 3pm will cause a too late bedtime and mess up her night sleep.
Day sleep rhythms for naps evolve around a few months of age and are well established by 6 months of age. The better she sleeps at night, the better she will nap during the day. When a little older and naps are well-established, maybe a different solution to car naps will be clear.
How does this sound to you?
Thank you!
She naps in the car once a day. And once a week, it’s twice a day. (it’s not necessarily a full nap one of those times. It will be a quick pick up sometimes and then i put her to sleep in her crib at home if she’s awake).
When she is a little older, I think that the times of carpool will not interfere as much with her naps of 9 am and 1 pm or so. and she will be able to nap in her crib more. But because she can only stay awake for about an hour now, she ends up needing to sleep in the car if that makes sense.
If her wake time window is only about an hour/hour and a half, that was my question about why it would interfere with an early bed time if she napped from 3-4, for example. I assume she would still be very tired by about 530?
Understood.
Because of this additional information, I think you should follow your original plan for a late nap and a later bedtime. Please reconsider my suggestion if you notice a long latency to sleep onset at night or new night wakings.
Let me know how it goes.
Hi,
I can’t find which blog post I commented on originally.
My 4 and a half month old has been going to sleep around 510 like you had suggested. I started the nap drill consistently a few days ago. I do it for all naps – not just the first nap of the day like you had mentioned I think in a different blog post. I hope that’s ok to do – I just don’t want to always go in and put her pacifier back in or check on her. I think the checking on her and comforting her makes it worse than just leaving her.
The early bedtime I have been doing for weeks now.
1. Does it make sense that she still, at 4 and a half months, seems to get cranky even after under an hour of being awake? I really thought at this age they can already stay awake for at least an hour and a half.
2. She still cries when I put her in for naps. The nap drill is a more recent thing though so I assume maybe it’s normal? I just don’t know for how long that’s normal for. Unless she is just one of those babies who needs to cry a little before falling asleep….
She is gaining well, reaching milestones, and can entertain herself sometimes, seemingly until she gets tired.
Nap rhythms begin to develop around 3-4 months of age and become regular and longer by 6 months of age: ” Does it make sense that she still, at 4 and a half months, seems to get cranky even after under an hour of being awake?” Yes. For now, keep the intervals of wakefulness before a sleep bout very brief and this will probably reduce or eliminate ” She still cries when I put her in for naps.”
Are you able to do this?
Okay, yes, thank you Dr. Weissbluth!
Start on Friday so Dad can do nap duty on the week-end and Mom pampers herself.
Do extinction as described in my book (which includes 1 or 2 feedings at night) for 3-4 nights; keep night and day sleep data.
Temporarily,use a strict 5:30pm expected falling asleep time (he is bathed, fed, soothed and he is put down drowsy but awake and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm)
Do the nap drill as described in my book.
No new nap starts after 3pm; if he is asleep at 3pm from an earlier onset nap, do not wake him.
Do not start the day before 6am as described in my book.
Later, when naps improve, the bedtime may be shifted to a later time, based on drowsy signs.
How does this sound?
Sorry, the ‘Reply’ was for another family.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
My daughter is basically 9 months. I was putting her to sleep for a while around 510 pm as per your advice, and it was great. Slowly, she’s been going to sleep more around 530. Sometimes closer to 6 (although that’s less often). 510 seems too early for many reasons as she got a little older, including the fact that she eats dinner now, plays more etc. She’s often pretty happy playing after dinner time for a little.
She still wakes up to nurse in the middle of the night – usually once, and then the second time is in the 5s. I always go to nurse her because i want her to go back to sleep, but she often doesn’t. She seems to wake up in the 5s even if she nursed only a few hours before that and most likely isn’t waking up from hunger.
I know she probably doesn’t need to nurse anymore at night, and I will probably stop somewhat soon. But I just don’t want her waking up so early for the day. I want her to make it until at least 6 am. I don’t know if she’s waking up so early because she just doesn’t need more sleep and maybe her bed time should be 6 pm instead of earlier? or if it’s because she’s still nursing…or something else.
She goes in for a nap sometime between 8:30-9 and usually naps about an hour-hour and a half. Sometimes 2 hours. Then she goes for an afternoon nap around 1245 or so. She usually naps for over an hour then as well, sometimes an hour and a half or so.
Is something off in her schedule that’s making her wake up for the day so early?
Thank you!
Describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) between 4:30-5:30pm.
“She still wakes up to nurse in the middle of the night – usually once, and then the second time is in the 5s. I always go to nurse her because i want her to go back to sleep, but she often doesn’t.” Nursing her in the middle of the night at her age puts you on the path of fragmenting her night sleep and major sleep problems. Nursing her around 5am is fine.
She’s usually eating dinner for some of that time. And I think it really depends on the day – sometimes she could be happy playing then and other times cranky.
Why is nursing her at 5 am fine? Isn’t that a very early wake up time for the day? Or if she wakes up then and goes back to sleep that doesn’t count as “the middle of the night” with fragmented sleep?
How often is she “cranky”. Please describe what you mean by cranky.
A quick 5am nursing without much soothing +/- diaper change might help her return to sleep.
Please carefully read Blog Posts 83 and 115X.
I have to pay attention more – we have a few other kids so it’s hard to know exactly what her mood is with details. That’s also why having a “clock time” bed time is easier in a sense. I’m going to try to pay more attention over the next few days and read the blog posts.
It still could be at 9 months her bed time isn’t too early at 530? And that wouldn’t be causing a 530 (plus or minus) am wakeup time for the day?
I’m also going to work on leaving her for her middle of the night feed after I make sure with the dr that she’s gaining enough weight (which she seems to be)
Hi,
I tried to pay a bit more attention. It really varies by day. Sometimes she is whining a lot and needs to be held and still might not be happy. Other times she’ll crawl around on the floor and be fine.
When she’s cranky, she’s not yelling her head off or anything, generally speaking. She just isn’t as happy as if it was the middle of the day right after a nap where she’s happily playing on the floor with toys herself, for example. Does that make sense?
You said to describe her mood when she’s alone with toys without parental involvement between 430-530. That’s hard because she plays in the area where we all are (my kids included) with the way our apartment is set up. So she’s generally more fussy when she sees me if I’m not sitting with her or holding her. That can happen even not during that time (she’ll be happy and then see me and start fussing or crying but she’ll be fine when she doesn’t see me)
Understood.
Is the cranky behavior observed about once a week, twice, etc.?
I’m not sure exactly, but I tried to pay attention and write it down. I don’t have the overall feel that she’s cranky before bedtime consistently – and even if she is, she will sometimes be back and forth and also play nicely. If she doesn’t take a good afternoon nap, then she’ll be crankier of course.
I finally stopped going into her at night last night. You had mentioned though if she wakes up at 5 am, I can go in and nurse her and try to put her back to sleep – and that wouldn’t interfere with the fact that I don’t go to her in the middle of the night anymore? This morning she slept until 630, but I know she might not do that everyday. I definitely don’t want her to be in a habit though of waking up in the 5s for the day. I’m nervous as she gets older and now doesn’t nurse in the middle of the night, that a 530 pm bed time will cause her to wake up too early? But I also know that early bed times can be helpful…
Hi,
I’m continuing from my previous post. Over the last 2 weeks of me not nursing my now almost 10 month old in the middle of the night, she mostly seems to be waking up in the 5s – so I go to her to nurse then and put her back to sleep. She sometimes doesn’t go back to sleep. And sometimes, it’ll take her an hour to fall back asleep, and then she’ll sleep until in the 7s when I often have to wake her so that she can take her 9 am (or so) nap. I put her to sleep at night around 545 pm usually. Should I be leaving her at 5 am when she’s getting up? I just think then she will never fall back asleep as opposed to now she sometimes eventually does. It just seems funny if she’s taking an hour to fall back asleep.
There are some days she has woken up after 6 am which then I just go in and she starts her day. But that doesn’t seem to be as often.
“She sometimes doesn’t go back to sleep…” How often does this occur?
“…sometimes, it’ll take her an hour to fall back asleep, and then she’ll sleep until in the 7s when I often have to wake her so that she can take her 9 am (or so) nap.” How often does this occur?
In general, what is the most common falling asleep time at night?
Do you see any fatigue signs before the bedtime?
How long is the usual bedtime routine?
Not going back to sleep at all is rare.
The taking an hour to fall back asleep is almost always.
I don’t know exactly when she falls asleep at night. After I put her in, she’s quiet. I have a video monitor but I don’t usually check it after she goes to sleep. But I will if it helps me figure out if she’s going to sleep at the right time etc.
Sometimes she’s a little spaced out before bed time, but she’s never really crying or so angry. I usually just take her to put her to sleep because “it’s bed time.”
Bed time routine is probably around 10 minutes. I nurse her for a few minutes, change her, and sing to her. On the bath time days, she’s already in pjs before she nurses so then I nurse her and sing to her.
If I understand correctly, she falls asleep easily at night and there are no fatigue signs before then; she sleeps through the night and usually gets fed around 5am when you hear her stirring. Most of the time, after this 5ish feeding, after about an hour, she falls back asleep. Is this a fair summary?
How old is she now?
Is there more, less, or the same cranky behavior that you previously observed?
How is her current sleeping now different from before we made contact?
Tonight, I put her in around 545 pm and it seems it took her about 20 minutes to fall asleep. (I turned on the monitor this time to check. There was no crying, just rolling around and relaxing).
Yes, she sleeps through the night and gets fed some time in the 5s. I don’t wait until she’s yelling or crying – I go in when I hear her because I want her to go back to sleep.
Your summary seems accurate, thank you.
She will be 10 months next week.
I’m not sure about the crankiness level – do you mean before bed time or throughout the day?
Her current sleeping is different now than before we made contact because I had originally said I was nursing her 1-2 times a night (the second time sometimes being around 5). Now, I don’t nurse her “in the middle of the night,” just in the 5s. I wasn’t sure if I should be ignoring her then and letting her cry the way I did when I stopped going to her at night (which actually only took a couple nights and she didn’t even cry so much when I stopped going in). I don’t want to encourage her to wake up in the 5s. But I also don’t know if it’s “fair” since she’s going in around 545. I’m not sure if I should treat that 5 am (or anytime before 6 am) wakeup as “the middle of the night” and not go into her and just let her cry until it’s 6 am or until she falls back asleep.
Does that make sense?
Additionally, it seems that because I let her sleep until 715/30, she takes a while to fall asleep at her 9 am nap. Sometimes she falls asleep at 930/945 and sleeps for about an hour or a bit more generally
“I’m not sure about the crankiness level – do you mean before bed time or throughout the day?” Please describe for both times.
Because she is 10 months old and the vast majority of 12 month-olds are still taking 2 naps a day and “Additionally, it seems that because I let her sleep until 715/30, she takes a while to fall asleep at her 9 am nap.” suggests that she is on the path to a messed up morning nap.
Around “I don’t wait until she’s yelling or crying – I go in when I hear her because I want her to go back to sleep.” I understand why you are doing this.
My suggestion is for 5 days only, go to her in the morning only when she loudly calls for you and stop feeding her around 5am in order to protect a qood quality morning nap. If you use a monitor, please turn it off. Your sleeping brain is super sensitive to her cries and you deserve more sleep. Track her wake-up times, her morning nap, mood, and behavior, and let me know how it goes. Be optimistic because you already discovered that she can self-soothe back to sleep in the middle of the night. We don’t know whether she will partially awaken, stir a little, and return to sleep unassisted in the early morning and start the day a bit later or not. It may take 5 days to reach a conclusion.
How does this sound?
Sounds good, thank you! So to be clear: I should no longer go to her at 5/530 to nurse her and put her back to sleep. I should leave her. If she cries a lot, you are saying that I should go to her and “start her day” even if it’s only 530 am? Or can I wait until 6 am and then go to her?
So to be clear: I should no longer go to her at 5/530 to nurse her and put her back to sleep. I should leave her. Yes
If she cries a lot, you are saying that I should go to her and “start her day” even if it’s only 530 am? Yes
Or can I wait until 6 am and then go to her? No
Please try to go to sleep earlier yourself; all of this is to try to get a healthy sleep pattern for your child and for you to get more sleep too!
Can you do this?
Un
Yes, I think I can do that. Thank you!
Hi,
So here are my findings. I tried to record as best as I could.
First morning: She woke up around 6 am but didn’t cry right away. So I waited until she cried – maybe around 615 I went to her.
Nap 1: There was a power outage, so she actually didn’t go in for a nap until around 930/945. Awake at 10:55. She was pretty good – not so cranky. I’m not sure if you wanted recordings of her second nap too. I don’t remember when she fell asleep for this nap, but she often takes time to fall asleep for her second nap. She was cranky after her second in the beginning but then fine. Went in around 545 pm – not sure when she fell asleep, but it wasn’t for some time (I checked the monitor. But she was quiet – not crying).
Wednesday morning: Woke up with a yell around 5:50 am. She was actually up in the middle of the night for an hour but not really crying. I didn’t go in. When she woke up though in the AM, she stopped crying after that initial yell so I waited to go in and went in around 610/615 (You had said to go in when she calls loudly for me. So if she yells for 1 second but stops, I waited in case she were to fall back asleep)
Nap 1: 915 ish (I have had to take my children to camp first so she couldn’t get in for a nap until then. I’m not sure if this was a bad time to test out what you told me to do being that I could’t get her in at 9 am)
Slept until 10:20
Nap 2: 1-230
She was a cranky but may have been slightly under the weather that day.
Bed: 545
Thursday morning: I heard her slightly at 530am. Then crying for a min at 540 but she didn’t really call loudly/get upset unti, 610 or so.
Nap 1: 915/920 She slept just for an hour. Not cranky after
Nap 2: Fell asleep around 140/45 even though I put her in at 1250.
Woke up around 3
Happy
Bed 5:50 pm – Still not sleeping 630 but she was quiet. Not sure when she fell asleep.
Friday morning
5:05 am woke up with a yell. Then was quiet. Then cried again and I went in around 530/540.
Cranky. Then ok for a while, then cranky.
Nap 1: 910 – fell asleep right away. Slept 2 hours.
Nap 2: 1:15. Fell asleep at 2 and slept until 315
Happy.
Went to sleep around 550/6 that night I think. not sure when she fell asleep but she was quiet.
Saturday morning – I actually can’t really remember this day. But I think she woke up early again. I remember I put her for a nap at 845 am because she couldn’t hold off any longer. Didn’t hear her from her nap until I think around 1045 am.
Went for a second nap around 1245/1 or so. And woke up around 245 or 3 if I remember correctly.
I do feel like she is pretty cranky waking up so early in the morning time. It’s almost like she’s not actually ready to get up then even though she keeps waking up then.
Friday: Nap 1 was 2 hours; Nap 2 was 1hour 15min
Saturday: Nap 1 was 2hours; Nap 2 was 2 hours +
These ample naps suggest that you are on the right path. If the morning nap is shorter, move the time of the second nap earlier.
Going forward, if you are able to have an early bedtime and ample naps, her cranky behavior will disappear. But she might, for now, start the day early. Perhaps you can go to sleep a little earlier yourself.
I can manage that if her early wake-ups might be temporary. Is the hope that her wake up time might shift later as she is more well rested? Does 545 pm seem like the appropriate bed time for her, even though she doesn’t fall asleep for a while sometimes?
At 10 months, does it make sense that if she is usually awake from her afternoon nap by 3 pm if not earlier, that 545 is a good bed time?
Is it an unfair expectation for her to sleep until after 6 am since that’s more than 12 hours of crib time at night?
And lastly, the concept of letting her be in the night and not going in to nurse, which led to her learning to sleep through the night – that same idea can’t be applied to keeping her in the crib until 6 am?
Thank you for all your guidance and help.
Does 545 pm seem like the appropriate bed time for her, even though she doesn’t fall asleep for a while sometimes? Base the bedtime on drowsy signs, not a clock time.
At 10 months, does it make sense that if she is usually awake from her afternoon nap by 3 pm if not earlier, that 545 is a good bed time? Base the bedtime on drowsy signs, not a clock time.
Is it an unfair expectation for her to sleep until after 6 am since that’s more than 12 hours of crib time at night? Please be patient.
And lastly, the concept of letting her be in the night and not going in to nurse, which led to her learning to sleep through the night – that same idea can’t be applied to keeping her in the crib until 6 am? Yes. Also, if you go to her too early, she may never return to sleep for a while early in the morning and then have difficulty getting to a 9:00am nap.
Because there are multiple ‘Anonymous’ threads, and sometimes parent’s comments are posted on different blog Posts from the same parent, it is difficult for me to go backwards.
If a baby often awakes substantially before 5am, and a quick nursing +/- diaper change often allows the baby to return to sleep for a while, then it makes sense to continue. But if the the baby rarely returns to sleep, and fights sleep for mom’s company, then it makes sense to ignore the baby for a while with the hope that baby returns to sleep unassisted. So the exact correct answer is not always clear and mom has to decide which way is best. When the bedtime is early enough to prevent pre-sleep arousal (and when moms go to sleep early!), the early mornings are always easier to deal with.
Does this help?
Thank you so much for your responses. I’m just confused about the last response – It makes sense to go to her after 5 am and start her day like you had mentioned in the other post, even though she seems a bit cranky and tired? Or I would in theory be able to train her to sleep until 6 am?
Because there are multiple ‘Anonymous’ threads, and sometimes parent’s comments are posted on different blog Posts from the same parent, it is difficult for me to go backwards.
If a baby often awakes substantially before 5am, and a quick nursing +/- diaper change often allows the baby to return to sleep for a while, then it makes sense to continue. But if the the baby rarely returns to sleep, and fights sleep for mom’s company, then it makes sense to ignore the baby for a while with the hope that baby returns to sleep unassisted. So the exact correct answer is not always clear and mom has to decide which way is best. When the bedtime is early enough to prevent pre-sleep arousal (and when moms go to sleep early!), the early mornings are always easier to deal with.
Thank you Dr. Weissbluth!
Hi my daughter is 15 months. She’s on 1 nap a day because 2 naps were not working anymore (tried a few different suggestions from your blog).
She goes for a nap around 11:45 am. Eventually I want her to be at the 1 pm nap, but I don’t think she can wait up that long right now.
We were on a good schedule. She would nap around 11:45 for around 2 hours. Then she’d go to sleep for the night around 530 pm. I’m not sure if she would fall asleep right away, but she was quiet. And she would sleep the next morning until after 6 usually, sometimes 630.
Now she’s been waking up in the early to mid 5s crying, and I feel like she should be sleeping longer. I tried moving her bed time to 6/615 because I noticed recently that she wasn’t falling asleep right away and was just talking to herself. So I figured she got used to her 1 nap a day and didn’t need to go to sleep as early anymore. Because again, she started waking up very early with her 530 pm bed time (tried 545 also).
I’m not sure what to change in her schedule…
Place her alone with toys for 10-15 minutes (no screens nor parental nor sibling interaction) during the hour before her nap and before bedtime for 2-3 days and describe her mood and behavior.
How do you manage a 5pm bedtime when a baby wakes up from the afternoon nap around 2pm and will be tired again by 4pm? Thanks!
Please tell me your baby’s and describe a typical 24-hour sleep cycle.
Does your baby have self-soothing skills?
He self soothes for naps and bedtime. Age 5 and a half months.
There can be some variation but it more or less looks like this:
7am Rise
9-10 nap
12-1:30/2pm nap
5pm Bed
He is definitely tired by 4pm but is not miserable waiting until 5 most days. If he’s up earlier then 2 its a little rough until 5pm. We’re happy to stay the course but were under the impression that a 3-3.5 hour gap is a lot for his age.
Just to be clear, please review the Blog Posts on Drowsy Signs and Fatigue Signs and describe what you observe between 4-5pm. Also, describe feedings or other ight wakings between 5pm and 7am. By the way, are you looking at ‘wake windows’ or using a ‘nap app’?
We don’t do wake windows or apps, just drowsy signs.
Between 4 and 5 he isn’t terribly fussy unless he woke up well before 2. He does get red rimmed eyes and he can be a bit sillier if that makes sense. He laughs at things that wouldn’t normally make him laugh. He can also be more sensitive to loud surprising noises but in general he seems content.
He wakes to eat once around 1 or 2am.
Congratulations! Your son has great quality night sleep and naps plus self-soothing skills. Sometimes, experiment with a 3rd nap attempt that starts before 3:00pm, especially if the midday nap is brief or ends early. But if offered and he doesn’t take it, forget it. If he does nap then, it might be brief and occur sometimes but not always. If it does occur, the bedtime might be a little later (e.g., 5:30pm) but base the bedtime on drowsy signs.
How does this sound?
We can try it!
When making these decisions on a day-to-day basis, which is more important: following the schedule or following the baby’s lead? For example, sometimes our baby sleeps until 11:30am for the morning nap and we don’t wake him. It doesn’t really affect bedtime when he does this and in fact, bc the afternoon nap is slightly later, he ends up getting less tired before the early bedtime. Is there wiggle room like this or should we be more consistent?
Following your baby’s drowsy cues will guarantee optimal sleep, optimal brain development, and no sleep problems.
Can you do this?
Yes!
Is the 5pm bedtime something that we should be doing for the baby’s entire infancy or will his bedtime shift later?
The more careful you are regarding healthy daytime sleep (sleep timing based on drowsy signs and a quiet and dark sleep environment) the more likely you will notice a shift towards a later bedtime, based on drowsy signs But it sill might be best around 5:30-6:00pm. Children with big sleep needs are more likely to be calmer, easier temperaments, and become superior athletic-creative-scholors. Is there a problem for your family in maintaining early bedtimes?
No problem at all! We love the early bedtime!
Your book just mentioned the early bedtime was temporary so I was wondering whether that meant we were supposed to eventually let the baby stay up later.