If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
1,350 Australian parents answered the following 4 questions for their two-year-old children on a 4-point scale from ‘all of the time’ to ‘none of the time’.
Better emotional self-regulation was associated with longer duration night sleep, longer duration naps, less bedtime resistance, fewer night wakings,, and shorter latency for sleep onset.
Hi,
This blog post came up when I tried to search about 5 year olds. And I thought it might be relevant to post here.
My 5 year old has never been a great sleeper, despite the fact that I have always tried to have good sleep habits for him since he was a baby. He goes through phases where sometimes he sleeps better than others, but overall, he’s not great. The latest he generally sleeps is until in the 5s. And sometimes, like recently, he wakes up in the 4s for the day and refuses to go back to sleep often yelling and waking up one of his brothers.
He goes to sleep around 720. We used to do 645, but tried later (even though generally I know earlier bed times produce better results)
Any and all advice is much appreciated. Thank you!
Please describe his mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) between 5-7:20pm.
Is 7:20 the time he often falls asleep or is it the bedtime; if it is the bedtime, when does he ususally fall asleep?
Please sit in his bedroom at night for a few nights for 20-30 minutes to see if he has snoring, mouth breathing, sweating, or respiratory pauses.
Does he have mouth breathing during the day?
Does he have allergies or eczema?
His mood is usually the same as always. He’s a tougher kid to begin with, and I don’t think he is any different during that time. He is usually playing/fighting with his brothers like always.
7:20 is about the time he has been going into bed. But he generally falls asleep extremely quickly. Within minutes of going in.
Ok, we will sit in his bedroom and check for those things.
I’ve never noticed anything abnormal with his breathing during the day.
No allergies or eczema.
Tell me the ages of all the children.
7, 5 (the one I am writing about), almost 3, and a baby a few months old.
Please carefully read Blog Posts 9, 83, 115X for drowsy signs and 159, 171, 172, and 204 for presleep arousal to fully appreciate my suggestion.
Beginning on a Friday, tell the older children that temporarily, for 3 nights only, there will be a quiet and alone time, for one hour only, sometime between 5-7pm during which the three older children are separated (one parent with the baby and the other with the 3 year old). The two older boys are completely separated and have no parental interaction and no screens. They read, play with toys, do arts/crafts, etc. Watch carefully the mood and behavior of the 5 year-old and report back. Let me know if this is impossible and we’ll try Plan B.
How does this sound?
Thank you for taking the time to help us!
I’m not sure that will be possible because we live in a 3 bedroom apartment and it will be difficult to implement that suggestion. Can we try plan B?
Yes, but before we go there, would it be possible to simply separate the 5 year-old from the 3 and 7 year-old and observe his mood and behavior under the circumstances that I described?
We can try. We might not be able to accomplish that for a full hour, but we can try our best for at least some time. I’m not sure if our 5 year old will cooperate though
Nevertheless, please read the Blog Posts.
Yes, I read the blogs, thank you! So is this plan B for now? We will attempt to separate the 5 year old the way you mentioned and observe him as best we can?
Sorry, no.
I suspect that when you observe your 5 y.o.alone with toys you will note pre-sleep arousal. If, in fact this is present, then you would be more motivated to try Plan B.
Plan B. is a strictly enforced earlier bedtime for a trial of 5-7 days and keeping a written record of mood, behavior, and sleep. Given your specific family circumstances, we would discuss how early is early.
Ah ok. So we will report back after hopefully trying out observing him first.
Step 1: Move the bedtime earlier.
A. Base the bedtime on drowsy signs.
B. Move the bedtime 20 minutes earlier
Step 2.Make Dad carefully read twice about ‘Sleep Rules’ and ‘Silent Return to Sleep’ in my book.
Dad must do this because Mom has baby care duties. The first night or two might exhaust Dad so start on a Friday night.
Let me know if Dad is able and willing to do this and then I’ll give more details on how to implement this given 3 older children in a 3 bedroom apartment.
So should we base bed time on trying to observe drowsy signs or 20 minutes earlier? It’s definitely easier to have somewhat of a consistent bed time being that we can’t always observe him with so much going on and our schedules. It is hard to even find the time to separate the 5 year old and observe him alone with toys, but we do notice that he rubs his eyes and does other things that clearly indicate he’s either tired or at the overtired state.
Yes, my husband is very much willing to help out. I will have him read those parts of the book. To be clear the 3 boys (7, 5, almost 3) share a room with each other.
Also 5 year old doesn’t leave his bed. He just keeps yelling and calling when he wakes up too early and doesn’t listen to go back to sleep.
Thank you!!
Because the 5 yo has the opportunity to receive a reward, for fairness, the other two older children should also have such an opportunity.
Here are 2 suggestions:
1. The 3 older children all go to bed 20 minutes earlier and all have Sleep Rules in place.
2. The 7 and 3 yo have a different poster that describes a behavior or house-hold chore that upon compliance, earns them a reward
Two common mistake are to not make a poster or to not have a restriction of privileges for non-compliance.
The key to success will be to determine powerful motivators for compliance and noncompliance.
Make sure your husband understands that “Silent Return to Sleep” means no – or + responses at all; otherwise, it will fail.
Another cause of failure is the while an earlier bedtime is needed, it may be that 20 minutes earlier for your 5 yo is insufficiently earlier.
Keep a written record and let me know how it goes.
Is this acceptable?
Yes I think that sounds good. Should the 5 year old’s sleep rules be different than what’s in the book being that he goes into bed nicely but that he wakes up early and won’t stay quiet? We have a clock with a red ball and green ball and he knows he is supposed to stay in bed quiet until it’s green but generally refuses to listen to that.
Also, with the silent return to sleep, it would be my husband going into him when he yells (with no emotion etc.) as opposed to literally bringing him back to bed since that’s not the issue?
I would use all the Sleep Rules on the poster.
In the morning, you say, “Thank you for following all the sleep rules and your treat (or reward) is …” or “Last night you were not quiet when the lights were turned off so today …”
If he is in bed yelling, he is completely ignored (absolutely no parental interaction).
To protect the 7 and 3 yo sleep, maybe during the first 3-4 nights, they will have a temporary different sleep room at night: your bedroom, the living room, or the baby’s room.
Setting the 7 and 3 yo Poster Rule so they are likely to be rewarded will help motivate the 5 you when he sees them getting treats but he is not for noncompliance.
How does this sound?
Thank you for taking the time to write all of this and answer!