If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
It is quite natural for 2- and 3-year-olds to climb out of the crib or bed to check out whatever interesting things they imagine their parents are doing. Or perhaps they simply want to watch a late movie, have a snack, or — most commonly — come visit and get into the parents’ bed. This disrupts everyone’s sleep: the parents’ and the child’s.
Sleep Rules is a strategy that works well for children over 2.5 years of age.
The Poster Is Essential
The first step is to make a Sleep Rules poster and tape or pin it to the wall in your child’s bedroom. Just talking about the rules without the poster is much less effective. The poster serves as a constant reminder — it encourages behaviors compatible with sleep and discourages behaviors incompatible with sleep, such as singing, calling out, and running around.
Make the poster together with your child. Use art, markers, and stickers. The more colorful and dramatic it is, the more motivational it will be. Insert your child’s name before the title — so that John will listen carefully when a parent recites “John’s Sleep Rules” at every bedtime and naptime.
The four rules are:
____________________’s Sleep Rules
Recite the rules at every bedtime and naptime, and explain the consequences. Sleep Rules should be implemented consistently for both naps and nighttime sleep. At naptime, if the child follows the Sleep Rules for one hour but does not fall asleep, reward the good-faith effort. For Sleep Rules to succeed, the bedtime must be early enough to prevent a second wind.
Rewards
Rewards are an essential component of this plan. Give an immediate reward in the morning for nighttime compliance, and immediately following a nap for daytime compliance. Effective rewards include a small piece of candy, a cookie, wholesome snacks, stickers, small toys, special events, or additional screen time with a timer — in addition to hugs, kisses, and praise.
After reciting the Sleep Rules at bedtime, tell your child specifically what the reward will be in the morning or after the nap if she cooperates. If you use candy or treats, place them in a visible glass jar above the refrigerator — the visibility itself enhances motivation. One mother placed a treat under a special doll after her child fell asleep; part of the motivation was the excitement of discovering it in the morning. Consider rewarding partial cooperation: small rewards for some cooperation, larger rewards for fuller cooperation.
Use stickers or stars on a calendar so that three or four stickers earn a larger reward, providing both immediate and delayed gratification. After several weeks of smooth sleeping, treats can be placed in a “treat bowl” to be given after dinner rather than immediately upon waking — this delayed gratification helps the child begin substituting heightened self-esteem for the tangible reward. Eventually, the treats can be phased out entirely, while the hugs, kisses, and praise continue.
A note on rewards versus bribes: some parents feel uncomfortable giving rewards, viewing them as bribery. But rewards given after a desired behavior are simply how children learn socially acceptable habits — the same principle as praising a child for sharing. Social rewards alone are often insufficient to change the behavior of a strong-willed 2- or 3-year-old who is determined to fight sleep for the pleasure of your company. When rewards are used as described here, they work.
Restricting Privileges
For children old enough to understand that actions have consequences, restricting privileges for noncompliance is the other half of the equation. Without this component, some families find the method fails — particularly with older children. For younger children, between 2.0-2.5 years who may not yet understand that actions have consequences, Sleep Rules with Rewards only are often successful.
After reciting the Sleep Rules and describing the reward, tell your child what privilege will be restricted if she does not cooperate. Effective restrictions include less light in the bedroom, a bedroom door that is less open, reduced screen time, or the temporary removal of toys or stuffed animals. Never restrict outdoor play or creative activities such as reading, painting, art, or music.
One practical approach: place the chosen toy or privilege item in a locked closet for noncompliance. If she follows the rules — the item is returned. If she does not — the item remains in the closet and is not available for play until the rules are followed. If she decides she does not care about that item, restrict an additional privilege next time. Sequentially restrict additional privileges as needed.
Success of Sleep Rules depends on discovering rewards and restricting privileges that are sufficiently motivational.
