If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
4. THE MARRIAGE
Blog Post 192-Parents’ Decisions about SLEEP.
Parents make decision to help their child’s sleep. Parents choose:
Early bedtimes based on drowsy signs.
Nap opportunities.
Soothing style and emotional availability.
Bedtime routines: style, duration, consistency, and frequency. Avoid screens.
Drowsy but awake.
Leave the room after soothing
Ignore very quiet non-distress sounds at night.
Feed only when hungry at night.
Encourage fathers and others to help.
Separate sleeping surface, safe sleep practices.
Some parents make decisions that hinder their child’s sleep because of anxiety, depression, cognitive biases, maternal insomnia, marital conflict, lack of teamwork or ignorance about the value of healthy sleep for their child. Sometimes a community sleep consultant is needed, or other professional help is needed to make healthy sleep decisions for your child.
S: SOOTHE to drowsy but awake. Blog Post 9
L: LEAVE the room after soothing. Blog Post 77
E: EARLY bedtimes based on drowsy signs. Blog Post 162
E: EYELIDS drooping are unhealthy fatigue signs. Blog Post 9
P: PRACTICE bedtime routines every night. Blog Post 10
Blog Post 117: A report from a sleep researcher/mother (see also Blog Post 61):
“The sleep patterns of our daughter definitely changed and/or shaped our marriage relationships. Since the beginning, my husband and I decided to share full and shared responsibilities for taking care of our daughter, and especially during nighttime. Me, as a researcher in sleep and mental health, I was quite concerned that the lack of sleep that I would be experiencing specially during the first months, would also affect my mental health; therefore, my husband and I took care of these potential impact on our mental health since the beginning and agreed that by sharing the rough nights, this would help to keep stronger and more rested. One of the first things that we noticed that affected our marriage was the rearrangement of the schedules. Before our daughter was born, my husband and I used to spend the evenings walking and watching movies together until our bedtime, which was usually around 10pm. However, when our daughter was born, and in order to establish early bedtimes, we had to rearrange our schedules and consequently we initially spent less quality time together. However, now that we have managed to establish an early bedtime with our daughter around 7pm, we now manage to spend more quality time together and at least we have come back to our routine to watch movies together. Another aspect in which our marriage got affected, and especially in the beginning, was that overall we were more tired due the interruptions during our sleep, and consequently we were more irritably and more prone to argue with each other. However, we understood that this was product of our tiredness, which helped. Further, I think that a key aspect that helped us to be kind to each other despite the fact that we were tired during the day was the fact that each of us shared responsibilities during nights, so we both understood what we were experiencing.”
Dr. Weissbluth thank you for generously sharing your insights and knowledge with us. I would like to ask you your thoughts about the recent surge across social media that is denouncing sleep training and more specifically any sleep training that uses extinction-based methods. Co-sleeping is another topic that is gaining attention and is being promoted across the same platforms but, let’s stay with sleep training. The concern expressed is that sleep training damages infant neuronal development, attachment with parents and has lasting damage for infant trust. This dispite the many excellent studies to the contrary. The sources quoted are not new and the 2019 open letter from Danish psychologists to ban a book about sleep training is one that is often mentioned. To further complicate the picture, AI-generated content and automated accounts have rapidly moved to dominate social media, with studies indicating they have surpassed human-created content in volume and engagement in many, but not all, areas. The digital landscape is experiencing a shift where AI-powered bots and, increasingly, AI-driven “influencers” and “agents” generate content and interact with users. Sleep is a topic that is always of interest for parents with children of all ages but, in particular parents with children under 12 months are always searching for a solution. I look forward to your thoughts. Best wishes.