Sleep is serious business. If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial, from the point of view of the United States of America Department of the Army. A major point, emphasized by the Army, is that more sleep produces more benefits for Soldiers. Also, more sleep produces more benefits for children. Even small amounts of extra sleep help (Blog Post 6). At every age!
In addition, “Leaders [Parents] also ensure that the sleep-wake schedule conforms as closely as possible to the brain’s natural circadian rhythm to optimize both duration and quality of sleep.
The brains in babies and young children produce drowsy periods followed by sleep during the day and in the evening. Watch for drowsy signs before your child falls asleep. Drowsy signs are your signals to start soothing your child to sleep for a nap or for the night. Begin to soothe your baby to sleep as soon as your baby starts to become drowsy. Healthy sleep occurs when the sleep period is in synchrony with the occurrence of the brain’s output for sleep during the day and the night. The drowsy state is an in-between state: not fully awake and not fully asleep; it is similar to twilight (not fully day and not fully night). Like twilight, drowsiness is a transition with a beginning and an end (Blog Post 8).
When you soothe your well-rested baby to sleep at the beginning of the drowsy period, because the baby’s brain is naturally drifting into a sleep state:
If your baby is over-tired because of a too late bedtime or naps not occurring in synch with daytime brain outputs for sleep:
Often, starting the soothing process to sleep at the beginning of the drowsy period will prevent sleep problems in the first place and solve sleep problems if they are present. Also, a sleep solution might include moving the bedtime earlier because just a few extra minutes of nighttime sleep makes a big impact (Blog Posts 6 through 8).
As your young child enters the drowsy period, your child begins to move away from an alert, engaging, calm, and relaxed state.
Early, as the drowsy period appears, your drowsy signs are:
These behaviors are most noticeable when your child is in a quiet and relaxed environment, for example, when being read to. These behaviors might be absent when you anticipate a sleep time from past experiences and soothe your baby to sleep at a clock time that is in synch with the brains sleep output. These behaviors might be present but not be noticed if you are distracted by looking at a digital screen or on a phone call. These behaviors might be “masked” if your child becomes hyperalert in a stimulating environment as a busy mall or when placed in front of a television or screen-based media device.
Try to begin soothing to sleep early, before you notice changes in the eyes which occur later in the drowsy period:
Fatigue signs occur when your child is over-tired or short on sleep. For example, the bedtime is too late. Or, the duration of the soothing to sleep was too long and the prolonged soothing efforts interfered with the rising sleep wave and prevented an easy transition to sleep. Fatigue signs occur as your child is becoming overtired, moving toward an irritable or tense state:
Older children might be oppositional, defiant, uncooperative, angry, aggressive, or complain of headache or stomachache.
Adults might complain of depressed mood, mental fog, inability to concentrate, lack of motivation, or a sensation of just going through the motions, like a robot, without much feeling or sense of vitality.
Sometimes a child appears to have no drowsy signs and instead, immediately “crashes” into fatigue signs. This is most likely to occur in an infant with colic under four months of age or a baby or child who is very short on sleep at any age. The sleep solution is to first record the usual interval of wakefulness that usually occurs between an awakening from a sleep period and the appearance of fatigue signs. Next, watch the clock and plan ahead to begin your soothing to sleep 10-20 minutes sooner than that usual time interval, even though no drowsy signs are apparent. Even this slightly shorter interval between naps and before night sleep can produce a major benefit (Blog Posts 6 through 8).
Beginning soothing to sleep as drowsy signs appear make the transition to sleep easy, without your child crying.
Beginning soothing to sleep as fatigue signs appear make the transition to sleep difficult; your child may cry before falling asleep.
The suggestion is to video your baby or child making the transition from an alert-awake state to a drowsy state to a sleep state. Then, you might be able to see more clearly the development of specific drowsy signs in your own child to get a better handle on when to begin soothing to sleep. Perhaps this would be a week-end project as it probably would involve two people.
The invitation is to post your video online and include a link in the Comments section for this Blog. Any observations or comments from you would also be welcome. There is no video online showing this transition! So, the first posted link will be making internet history. Sharing your video online offers the opportunity for other parents to sharpen their focus on their own child’s drowsy signs. Also, perhaps, I will notice items that might be helpful to share with viewers.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth, your book and blog have been very insightful and interesting to me as a new mother. My husband and I want to apply your method to help our newborn (7 weeks) to learn to nap and sleep in her crib. Since birth, she has slept exclusively with a parent or adult family member, as attempts to set her down in her crib or bassinet have been entirely unsuccessful. When we do manage to put her down before the crying begins (around 5:30), she’ll only be content for a few minutes before winding herself up and then crying off and on in short cycles for as long as we’ll give her — up to 3 hours! My question is: is 7 weeks simply too young for the extinction approach? We are at our wits’ end regarding ways to help our daughter get comfortable with the bassinet, and feeling discoraged since sleep training attempts have only resulted in massive sleep deprivation all around.
Thank you for your time and any insights you might be willing to share!
What was her gestational age at birth?
Please read the section in my book on the 6-week peak of crying and the section on colic to help distinguish between peak normal fussiness and extreme fussiness (colic). Let me know.
Then, I will be able to advise you.
Thank you for your response. I apologize for my own delay — as you can understand, I’m a bit exhausted and overwhelmed at the moment.
To answer your question, my daughter was full term at 40w2d when she was born. She’s 8 weeks from her due date as of today. Up until recently, we exclusively co-slept and practiced contact napping from birth because I experienced a postpartum hemorrhage and was too weak to be constantly getting up and walking around with her. If it’s relevant to note, she is exclusively breastfed.
I’ve re-read Chapter 6 in your book, and honestly I’m not sure whether my daughter qualifies under “common” or “extreme” fussiness, as she’s my first baby. Before attempting to put her to bed around 5:30-6pm, she would fuss and/or cry almost nonstop through the evenings, and had to be held and bounced/rocked/otherwise soothed constantly when she was not on the breast. Even after the advent of sleep training, she still cries and even screams most of the time during diaper changes, clothing changes, after baths, and during “play” activities like being on her back or belly. I feel like she’s not as interested in play as other babies her age seem to be, and social smiling at this point is extremely limited – I might be getting one per day first thing in the morning when she’s best rested. In general, she seems to have a very limited tolerance for not being held. So maybe she does have a form of colic?
We’re on Night #8 of attempting the unmodified extinction approach and I feel like we have made some progress. Although she cries pretty much constantly on and off for the first part of the night, she is getting some uninterrupted stretches as long as 4 hours during the rest of the night. She’s extremely sleepy during the day, and the first and second naps of the day are generally particularly long, so I usually have to wake her for feedings then. I also usually have to manually detach her from the breast for awake time, otherwise she’ll head straight into another nap. We are using contact naps and cosleeping during the day to make sure she’s at least getting some decent rest and mitigating overtiredness while nighttime sleep is being worked out.
I also have a question pertaining to the content on page 420: While using unmodified extinction, we have ignored all crying except distress signaling or when we suspect her to be hungry. Since she is still less than 3 months old, at what point in training should we resume responding promptly to non distress crying at night? If she is crying but not needing a change/hungry/etc., is it okay to soothe her back to sleep without ruining our efforts at sleep training? Naturally, I want to comfort her when she seems unhappy, but I also don’t want to risk sending mixed messages that will create confusion and undo our hard work.
Clarification regarding page 420: If your child is sleeping well, responding “promptly to non-distress sounds vocalizations after age 3-6 months will lead to sleep problems'”
Because your husband is probably less exhausted:
Have your husband read the section on ‘Extinction’, starting on page 256 to better understand why, for the child who is not sleeping well, during Extinction, you do not respond to non-distress sounds at night.
Have your husband read the section on colic (pages 391-398) and have him tell me whether or not your child has colic. If your child currently has colic, extinction is unlikely to help at this time.
Does this help?
Thank you for the clarification. After reading the section on colic, my husband says there’s “no doubt” that’s what’s going on with our baby. So that means we’ll suspend further sleep training effort until she’s at least 3 months old, correct?
Read Blog Posts 43 and 44 understand when extinction might be tried in a baby with colic.
For now, try to encourage brief intervals of wakefulness between naps, early bedtimes, and leave the room after soothing.
Thank you very much for your time and your help!
Hi Dr. Weissbluth, I have a quick question. Does yawning always = drowsiness? Sometimes our 10 month old will yawn upon awakening (nap or night sleep). Should I interpret this as he did not get enought restful sleep?
Thank you!
Does yawning always = drowsiness? Not always.
Hello Marc, I have a 4 month old babygirl. Recently we traveled for the holidays and got very sick at the same time. Due to trying to recover from the illness in addition to the holiday travel, babygirls nap schedule is messed up. She was taking 3 naps a day prior to our travels. Now it’s been 2 weeks and we’ve not really been able to get her down for her 3rd nap very much. She exhibits drowsy signs near the end of her feeding around 3/4 but will not sleep on us during soothing routines or during attempts to put her down to sleep alone. We have been moving her bedtime up to try to make up for missing this nap. Sometimes she will go to sleep when we try this, other times she won’t and we don’t get her to bed until her usual bedtime (7:30). Should we attempt a sleep reset? It’s been almost 2 weeks of this and the problem has grown slowly worse.
“We have been moving her bedtime up to try to make up for missing this nap. Sometimes she will go to sleep when we try this, other times she won’t and we don’t get her to bed until her usual bedtime (7:30). Should we attempt a sleep reset?”
To repay a sleep debt, shorter intervals of wakefulness might help during the day and a reset (super early bedtime for 1-3 nights only) at night often helps. The concept is simple but the execution might be highly individualized based on specific family circumstances as described in my book. My guess is that you need 1-3 nights of a 5:30pm fall asleep time and that in general, 7:30pm is too late based on her age. My book will clarify whether my guess is correct or not.
If we should do a sleep reset, how is this done?
Dr Marc,
What are your thoughts on using pacifiers? Do they prevent learning self soothing from a younge age or can they be beneficial?
Using a pacifier with our 7 day old newborn during nappy changes as he doesn’t like them and sometimes for falling asleep, but I am really worried I’m not doing him any good.
Our first daughter did not take a pacifier, we used extinction on her from 3 months, she sleeps amazing.
Love your book, can’t remember anything being mentioned on pacifiers, if so please share the page numbers.
Thanks for everything.
Lorraine
See pages 181-182 regarding pacifiers.
I wanted to add to the comment above that I feel our new baby would be a great candidate for being put down drowsy bu awake, any tips for how to go about this from well 1 or 2?
Review Blog Posts on ‘Drowsy Signs’ and if they are not apparent now, they will become clearer soon. Meanwhile, keep the intervals of wakefulness very brief. Your main challenge will be a t 6 weeks of age (counting from the due date) to move the bedtime earlier, based on drowsy signs because child number 1 distracts parents and whenthe bedtime is not moved earlier then, sleep problems always develop.
Does this help?
Week 1 or week 2*
Hi Dr Marc,
Thank you for your response.
I read the pages on pacifiers as well as the other soothing techniques, and found it to be very helpful. I think the idea of if the “thing” the pacifier is becoming more of a problem and preventing sleep, then it’s better to remove it. Currently we are using the pacifier for nappy changes, and on the odd occasion in the early morning when we want an extra few minutes of sleep. But I don’t intend to use it more than that.
We have starting putting our baby down drowsy but awake, when we can and he hasn’t fully fallen asleep on the breast. He tends to pull of once he is full and then his eyes start to open and close and turn back. This is when I then try to lay him down on his own, wrap a blanket around him and walk away. We’ve had success a couple of times now with him managing to remain content and go into a sleep on his own. Other times he’s still hungry or gets hiccups, then I pick him up and try again. If it doesn’t work, I wait to transfer him after about 15mins or sleeping. I am hoping this approach is correct and will pay off. Currently he’s quite sleepy, he was born at 38w4d and now is almost 39 weeks. He sometimes only stays awake for about 25mins before he is asleep again.
My husband and I are very committed to giving him an early bedtime at 6 weeks. Our daughter had colic and we only got a hold of your book around 2 months and missed this opportunity. But for a long while she had a bedtime of 17.30 and we saw great results. This time we hope to start that at 6 weeks. In hope that this approach can prevent future sleep problems, am I correct in saying an early bedtime from a young age can prevent future problems?
Something I am uncertain about at the moment though is how do I ensure my baby sleeps his longest stretch once down for an early bedtime, and that it doesn’t just became another nap? Any advice on this, or will this naturally occur around this age?
Thanks in advance. Your help has been an amazing gift to our family.
“My husband and I are very committed to giving him an early bedtime at 6 weeks. I hope that this approach can prevent future sleep problems, am I correct in saying an early bedtime from a young age can prevent future problems?…Something I am uncertain about at the moment though is how do I ensure my baby sleeps his longest stretch once down for an early bedtime, and that it doesn’t just became another nap? Any advice on this, or will this naturally occur around this age?”
Before 6 weeks of age, you can practice drowsy but awake, ignoring non-distress sounds at night, brief intervals of wakefulness during the day (many naps) and get dad on board (many hands).
Before 6 weeks of age, there is no strong circadian night sleep rhythm (no clearly identifiable bedtime) and the longest single sleep period is not very long and it is randomly distributed over a 24 hour period. Around 6 weeks of age, the brain is more mature and wants an early bedtime and the longest single sleep period is longer (3-4 hours) and predictably occurs in the evening hours.
Around 3-4 months of age, when nap rhythms develop, you want to provide nap opportunities in synch with emerging nap rhythms.
Sometimes, the older child’s scheduled activities interfere with the baby’s need for an early bedtime or nap and specific family circumstances dictate how to find a balance between conflicting goals.
Does this help?
Thank you Dr Marc,
That was helpful, especially the explanation regarding the change that occurs around 6 weeks.
I will also make a note regarding 3-4 months and the nap rhythms. Not to let the toddler interfere with this will have to be prioritised, thankfully I am at home with both kids and our routine is very simplistic.
Thanks for the help!
Hi,
My daughter is 3 months old. I know the morning nap develops first and develops around 3-4 months. Is it normal that she still can only stay awake for maybe an hour before getting tired? Which means she definitely cannot make it until 9 am for a nap – or even 8 am for that matter. She seems to be on a streak of waking up around 615 am which means she can hold off for about an hour before needing her nap. Should I wait another month (until 4 months) before slowly trying to reach 9 am?
Secondly, I know if a baby sleeps in a swing it’s not good quality sleep because of the movement. I think I remember reading in your book that it’s okay to use the swing until they fall asleep but then to turn off the swing. Is this still true at 3 months? Is there anything bad (habit wise or physically) about taking some naps in a baby swing during the day? It’s obviously slightly inclined and not flat.
Thank you!
If she appears drowsy, please sleep her. Especially focus on early bedtimes for now. Watch her drowsy signs, not the clock. Practice putting her down drowsy but awake (review Blog Posts 83 and 115X) to avoid presleep arousal (Blog Posts 159,171, 172, 204) even if the intervals of wakefulness are very brief. Experiment with motionless sleep in her crib, especially for her first nap of the day. Doing this and focusing on an early bedtime will make for smooth sailing ahead.
Does this help?
Yes, thank you! At what age do you suggest to slowly train them to stay awake for longer intervals if they dont seem to be doing so on their own? She is not a premature baby or anything. Should I experiment with using the clock as the guide instead of drowsy signs for that first nap at around 4 months maybe?
At what age do you suggest to slowly train them to stay awake for longer intervals if they dont seem to be doing so on their own? Never; be patient; let nature take it’s course.
Should I experiment with using the clock as the guide instead of drowsy signs for that first nap at around 4 months maybe? No; watch your baby, not the clock.
Early bedtimes, brief intervals of wakefulness, and get Dad on board are your guidelines for now.
Is this OK?
Thank you for the input and advice. I only thought that at a certain point to watch the clock because I remembered reading that in the book? Unless I’m remembering incorrectly. I thought at a certain point you bring the clock in as a factor as well and not only watching the baby.
But I will continue to watch her and not the clock even if the intervals are short. And I will aim for an early bedtime as well. My husband is on board with whatever I say is good for her 🙂 Thanks!
Imagine a child more than 6 months of age with a highly regular nap schedule and bedtime based on drowsy signs. Then, the parent might know the approximate clock times for sleep periods and these times become part of a daily routine. But this scenario is much less likely in younger children.
Does this make sense to you?
Yes, thank you so much!
Hi,
I have been trying an early bed time like you mentioned – putting my daughter in around 545/6 and she takes a while to fall asleep and has been waking up 3 times a night instead of 2. The last time is around 430 am, and yet she barely sleeps then and starts fussing around in the 5s until i nurse her again. Then shes awake for a bit while i get ready for the day, and she goes for a nap by 630 am or so… Im really trying to prioritize her sleep and it still seems like she’s not getting it. Im not sure what to do. I definitely want her to have good sleep habits
Have you read the age-appropriate Chapter in my book?
I just re-read the chapter on months 1-4 in case I missed a page the other times I read through. I started to try not responding to her right away when I put her in for a nap. I was going in a lot after putting her down to put her pacifier back in (even though she wasn’t crying) because I thought it would help her fall asleep faster. But I noticed if I put her in when she’s not overtired and leave her, she falls asleep on her own without the pacifier. I’m trying to focus more on getting her to learn to nap well during the day when I am home and able to.
But it’s hard to always avoid her being overtired. And sometimes she wakes up after only under an hour and I quickly rush to put her pacifier in. She’ll sometimes sleep more and sometimes keep fussing but will go to sleep if I hold her and she’s sleeping in my arms. I know that’s not a good habit – I’m not sure if it’s better to just have it be that she takes a short nap and is still tired but won’t go back to sleep or if it’s better for her to sleep in my arms and sleep longer (Again, I’m talking about mid-nap and not in the beginning of a nap). She’s about 15 weeks.
There appears to be multiple mothers using ‘Anonymous’ so I cannot tell which thread is yours. Please rewrite your entire comment with another identifier and I will respond.
I’m so sorry. The anonymous posts were mine. I was writing slightly different things as the situation was changing ever so slightly. I will recopy the posts:
1. Hi,
My daughter is 3 months old. I know the morning nap develops first and develops around 3-4 months. Is it normal that she still can only stay awake for maybe an hour before getting tired? Which means she definitely cannot make it until 9 am for a nap – or even 8 am for that matter. She seems to be on a streak of waking up around 615 am which means she can hold off for about an hour before needing her nap. Should I wait another month (until 4 months) before slowly trying to reach 9 am?
Secondly, I know if a baby sleeps in a swing it’s not good quality sleep because of the movement. I think I remember reading in your book that it’s okay to use the swing until they fall asleep but then to turn off the swing. Is this still true at 3 months? Is there anything bad (habit wise or physically) about taking some naps in a baby swing during the day? It’s obviously slightly inclined and not flat.
Thank you!
2. Yes, thank you! At what age do you suggest to slowly train them to stay awake for longer intervals if they dont seem to be doing so on their own? She is not a premature baby or anything. Should I experiment with using the clock as the guide instead of drowsy signs for that first nap at around 4 months maybe?
3. Thank you for the input and advice. I only thought that at a certain point to watch the clock because I remembered reading that in the book? Unless I’m remembering incorrectly. I thought at a certain point you bring the clock in as a factor as well and not only watching the baby.
But I will continue to watch her and not the clock even if the intervals are short. And I will aim for an early bedtime as well. My husband is on board with whatever I say is good for her 🙂 Thanks!
4. Hi,
I have been trying an early bed time like you mentioned – putting my daughter in around 545/6 and she takes a while to fall asleep and has been waking up 3 times a night instead of 2. The last time is around 430 am, and yet she barely sleeps then and starts fussing around in the 5s until i nurse her again. Then shes awake for a bit while i get ready for the day, and she goes for a nap by 630 am or so… Im really trying to prioritize her sleep and it still seems like she’s not getting it. Im not sure what to do. I definitely want her to have good sleep habits
5. I just re-read the chapter on months 1-4 in case I missed a page the other times I read through. I started to try not responding to her right away when I put her in for a nap. I was going in a lot after putting her down to put her pacifier back in (even though she wasn’t crying) because I thought it would help her fall asleep faster. But I noticed if I put her in when she’s not overtired and leave her, she falls asleep on her own without the pacifier. I’m trying to focus more on getting her to learn to nap well during the day when I am home and able to.
But it’s hard to always avoid her being overtired. And sometimes she wakes up after only under an hour and I quickly rush to put her pacifier in. She’ll sometimes sleep more and sometimes keep fussing but will go to sleep if I hold her and she’s sleeping in my arms. I know that’s not a good habit – I’m not sure if it’s better to just have it be that she takes a short nap and is still tired but won’t go back to sleep or if it’s better for her to sleep in my arms and sleep longer (Again, I’m talking about mid-nap and not in the beginning of a nap). She’s about 15 weeks.
Sorry, this reply was previously and accidentally sent to someone else.
Thank you.
What is a common time when when you start the bedtime routine and the common time when she falls asleep at night? Please describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) during the 60 minutes before you start the bedtime routine.
“And sometimes she wakes up after only under an hour and I quickly rush to put her pacifier in. She’ll sometimes sleep more and sometimes keep fussing…” What percent of the time does she “sleep more”?
“but will go to sleep if I hold her and she’s sleeping in my arms. I know that’s not a good habit – I’m not sure if it’s better to just have it be that she takes a short nap and is still tired but won’t go back to sleep or if it’s better for her to sleep in my arms and sleep longer” When you do this nap extension in your arms, how long was the “short nap” and how long is the nap extension in your arms?
I start the bedtime routine around 6 or maybe a few minutes before. I nurse her, change her, sing to her for a min, swaddle, and pacifier. I generally have to go in a few more times to put her pacifier back in. I’m actually not sure when she falls asleep, but often when she does, she cries 1 or 2 more times (I think after falling asleep) and goes right back to sleep with the pacifier.
She is definitely fussy the hour before bed time. I’ve tried doing a 530 pm bed time a few times or shortly thereafter and it doesn’t seem to help her sleep better at night.
I would say really most of the time she sleeps more when i rush to put her pacifier in – probably 90% of the time. Especially if it’s a nap that’s earlier in the day as opposed to later. But I often need to go in more than once (she seemingly falls back asleep and keeps waking up).
The short nap is probably under an hour – maybe a half hour/40 minutes and then once she falls back asleep in my arms, she can probably sleep like that for at least an hour I think.
Thanks!
Please carefully read Blog Posts 83 and 115X for drowsy signs and Blog Posts 159, 171, 172, and 174 to fully understand why her sleep problem is caused by her falling asleep too late.
For the next 4-5 nights, bathe her, feed her, soothe her, and leave the room with lights out at 5:30pm.
Keep a written record for naps and night sleep and let me know how it goes.
Continue with the pacifier and contact naps, if needed, for now.
How does this sound?
Okay, thank you. I will read the posts and attempt to try that option! Thank you for taking the time to read and respond
I’m starting tonight. Am I supposed to let her cry/fuss or go in like I usually do to put her pacifier in? She basically always fusses and cries after I put her to sleep and I keep going to put the pacifier in until eventually she falls asleep. I wasn’t sure if I should attempt to leave her crying at all (which of course I would prefer not to if there is another way to help her sleep)
Thank you!
Aboout how many times do you return to reinsert the pacifier at night and over what period of time?
I just did it tonight 8 times over an hour and a half and then finally around 7 pm I nursed her because she wasn’t calming down. The other times I went in she would stay quiet. She was even quiet for a half hour at one point so I assume she fell asleep and woke up again.
1. If you are using extinction, nursing to soothe her will sabotage your effort.
2. Read Blog Post 145 to understand why using nursing to soothe her will interfere with success.
3. For now, continue to use the pacifier and let me know how it goes.
Is this acceptable?
I hadn’t started using any method that you mentioned. Up until this point, I for the most part was just responding to her. But now she’s almost 4 months.
The pacifier wasn’t working. She was uncontrollable when we tried the pacifier that last time. So what would I do in that case when that happens and I can no longer just continue the pacifier?
Understood.
If the pacifier does not work, then stop going to her.
Please read the Chapter on Sleep Solutions and choose one that comports with your values and let me know. I will help you.
I think we are going to try extinction even though it’s hard to let her cry straight. I know it’s better for her to just learn to sleep at night on her own. And that it should hopefully work faster with this method.
This is only for falling asleep at night, correct? She’s almost 4 months so I still plan to respond to her and nurse if it’s been probably about 4 hours since she nursed.
And it’s not for naps as of now? She generally falls asleep for naps unassisted and doesn’t really cry if I get her in before she’s overtired. It’s just that she wakes up often mid-nap.
Yes, extinction is only for night sleep.
Blog Post 138 might help. Don’t try extinction unless you can commit to it for 3-4 nights.
1. For naps, around 4 months of age, do what ever you can to maximize day sleep (reinsert pacifiers, brief intervals of wakefulness, contact naps, no nap schedule.
2. Around 6 months of age, do the ‘Nap Drill’ as described in my book.
Between 4-6 months of age, you choose 1. or 2. based on her age and past experiences.
Does this help?
This helps SO much! I was so concerned my daughter should have been napping better already and that she should have had some type of somewhat predictable schedule for napping. I thought she should be able to stay awake for longer than she does (I usually put her to sleep 45 min after her last wakeup because she seems to not be able to stay up for more than an hour right now). I really appreciate the specific guidelines – it’s very very helpful for me. Blog 138 is perfect!
I’m trying to find the “nap drill” in the book in the index section but can’t seem to find it…
‘Nap Drill’ in the 5th edition starts on page 289.
Regarding the idea to not let baby nap after 3 pm in order to ensure the early bed time of 530 pm – because she can’t stay awake more than an hour, is it okay to have her nap again and make sure she is awake by 430 or a bit earlier?
For now, please do not let a new nap start after 3pm. At 3pm, if she is asleep from an earlier nap, do not wake her.
She may need extra soothing and distraction in the late afternoon but the early bedtime is most important, for now.
Ok thank you very much!
And regarding the book, I have the third edition…
I’m having a hard time deciding when it’s ok to go in and nurse her in the night and that it won’t interfere with extinction. If it has been 3+ hours since she went to sleep and she wakes up, if I nurse her, will that “sabotage” my efforts as you had mentioned? The second night of extinction she woke up less times than the first night, and then she woke up around 840 pm. I decided to nurse her since it had been 3 1/2 hours since she last ate (even though I know she has done 5 hour stretches without eating at night). Is my question making sense? I didn’t feel it was “connected” to her 530 pm bedtime with doing extinction, but I wasn’t sure.
If you know that she is hungry at night, feed her. Using breast feeding to soothe when she is not hungry will interfere with success.
How certain are you that your breast milk supply is adequate?
How long does a breast feeding episode last?
I guess I can never know for sure if my supply is adequate but she was gaining weight the last time we checked, she is generally happy after she eats and she pushes herself away when she’s done. I usually offer more and she doesn’t want. When I nurse her in general, she is very fast and is usually done within 10-15 min night or day. At night, she usually starts to fall asleep at some point while nursing (before then waking up more when I change her diaper and put her back in her crib)
Is the nap drill section in the third edition of your book as well? Baby is now approaching 4 months, and it’s getting to be too much to keep going back to her to put her pacifier back in for day time sleep. She really isn’t staying asleep for more than 30-40 minutes generally. And contact nap isn’t so possible anymore being that I started working again (albeit from home) and I do not have the luxury to sit holding her while she sleeps. So it’s getting hard to maximize day sleep.
The 530 pm bed time has been good for her it seems and she basically doesn’t cry until she wakes up to eat (she still is not doing longer than a 4-5 hour stretch at night it seems). So I assume I should keep that going until she can have longer awake times.
Is the nap drill section in the third edition of your book as well? No.
The 530 pm bed time has been good for her it seems and she basically doesn’t cry until she wakes up to eat (she still is not doing longer than a 4-5 hour stretch at night it seems). So I assume I should keep that going until she can have longer awake times. Yes
We are on day 7 since starting extinction. She doesnt seem to cry at bedtime anymore but has been waking up about an hour after going to sleep and crying for a few minutes. I always leave her. But is that normal that she still does that a week later? Things have definitely improved. I’m just not sure why she is still waking up an hour after going to sleep.
For about how many minutes does she cry?
Is most of the crying mild, moderate, or intense?
Overall, how would you describe the progress that you have made (the more detail, the better)?
Temporarily please try a bedtime that is 20 minutes earlier for just 3 nights and tell me how it goes.
I didn’t watch the clock but really just a few minutes. It was more mild, maybe moderate. Not intense. But then she woke up again at 845 and cried very intensely which made me feel more she was hungry. I tried to leave her at first but it wasn’t stopping. And it’s very hard to know if she’s hungry or just waking up from habit. Because sometimes she doesn’t eat until 930-1030 as oppose to 845 which is a lot earlier.
In terms of progress, it seems very good that now I just put her to sleep and she doesn’t cry and I don’t keep going in to put her pacifier in. That’s what I was doing before trying extinction and I would do that for about an hour and a half sometimes back and forth before she would finally just explode crying and I would nurse again. So now, she goes to sleep nicely and I don’t even need to consider going into her for a few hours after she goes in, which is a lot better than it was. I have still been feeding her 3 times a night after she goes to sleep at 530. This morning, she slept until about 630 after those 3 feedings throughout the night. Sometimes, she wakes up at 6 or a little before.
If I try a bed time at 510 for a few nights, that means I would be starting to nurse her for sleep time before 5 pm. Im nervous she would feel like it’s still day time and then wake up earlier to eat in the night. But I also am willing to test it out if you think it might improve something.
Focus on the improvement and try the earlier bedtime for just 3 nights, as a trial.
Okay, will do. Thank you!
Is it normal that on night 1 of the 510 pm bed time as opposed to 530, she has been crying for a half hour? Sort of on and off, but pretty intensely. And mostly on.
Please continue for 1-2 more nights only and then re-evaluate.
Night 1 of 510 pm bedtime:
– Cried basically right away moderate to intense on and off – mostly on. Stopped around 45 minutes later.
– woke up at 840 cried a little on and off for about 10 minutes – not intense, so I left her.
– 950 pm first feed.
– 1 am second feed
– 4 am 3rd feed
Woke up 530 am or so
Night 2 510 pm bedtime:
No crying at all.
– 1040 pm first feed
– 250/3 am second feed
– She might have fussed a little at some point in the 4s, I don’t remember. But if she did, I just put the pacifier back in.
– Somewhere around 5/530 she was waking up and I tried the paci but she wasn’t going back to sleep. I put her next to me in my bed and she fell back asleep until 630.
Night 2 was obviously significantly better! Should I continue 510 pm bedtime? I’m not sure I can do it for too many more nights. Do I go back to 530?
Her naps are still pretty inconsistent and not always so great. Sometimes 30 min and she won’t go back to sleep. Sometimes she will. Rarely she naps for an hour straight, but it has happened before. I know night sleep improves first.
Also, when she wakes up at night, it takes her time to fall back asleep. I nurse her and change her and she seems sleepy while nursing but then makes a lot of noise/talks when I put her back in her crib.
Our hope is that the combination of doing the nap drill (have you read this?) and a temporary super early bedtime (5:10pm) will cause an improvement in naps. Then, when naps improve, the bedtime can be shifted to a later time based on drowsy signs.
I only have the third edition, which you said it is not in that version. So I don’t know exactly what to do with the nap drill aside from bits and pieces I read on your blog.
Sorry, the ‘Nap Drill’ cannot be simply summarized. Perhaps you can get the 5th edition at your library.
Blog Post 209 shows that it works.
Ok I will try to see if I can get it somewhere. In the meantime, how long do you suggest a 510 pm bedtime? And when naps hopefully improve, I slowly move to a more regular bedtime like maybe 6 or a bit later depending on baby?
Because your baby can fall asleep at 5:10pm, you now know, after the fact, that with the current naps, 5:30 was too late. Keep this super early bedtime until naps improve.
“And when naps hopefully improve, I slowly move to a more regular bedtime like maybe 6 or a bit later depending on baby?”
Yes. But your baby’s drowsy signs are more important than clock time. Depending on naps, it might be only 5:30-5:45pm or with great naps, even later.
Ok thank you so much! Your blog is a great service to all of us parents who want to help our children (and ourselves) sleep better!
What do I do when she cries after going to sleep even though I’ve already done extinction? On night 3 of 510 pm bed time, she was quiet at bedtime but then cried about 50 minutes later. I don’t want to go in and encourage the crying. But I also don’t know why she would wake up and cry like that.
Hi,
My baby is now 5 months old and I’ve been doing the early bed time still of about 510 pm. It’s working well for her and for me. She has been doing a longer first stretch and generally wakes up twice a night (sometimes a third at 5 something am but goes back to sleep after being fed and changed). She generally wakes up in the 6s for the day.
I’m having a hard time with the fact that she is still getting tired after only about an hour/hour and 15 minutes maybe of awake time even though she seems to be sleeping better at night and napping well. I did the nap drill and her naps improved significantly! She now can sometimes take 2+ hour naps, often hour and a half naps, etc. But she still seems tired after about an hour of awake time even after a very long time. She was not born early.
I really would like to get her on a “clock” nap schedule. Of course I know not to push it too much yet maybe, but it’s hard to not have a predictable nap schedule with her yet. I am wondering how and when to do that.
thanks!
Here are some facts that might help:
1. Long duration sleep is associated with superior intelligence and an easier temperament so please protect her sleep (Day and Night).
2. My nap study began at 6 months of age when naps tend to become more predictable and consolidated so maybe soon you will see a more regular nap pattern.
3. “Regularity” is thought to be a congenital temperament trait so some babies are more regular than others.
4. Nap durations decrease after 6 months of age so she will have more awake time naturally in the future.
5. Early bedtimes protect nap duration and nap regularity.
Perhaps is a month or so you will be able to see a more regular nap schedule such that you will know within a 15-20 minute clock time that she now needs a nap. But for now and even in the future, drowsy signs are more important than clock time.
You have come a long way on your sleep journey; congratulations!
Does this help?
Thank you so much! Yes, this is very helpful. It’s helpful to know that some things are normal.
I guess my question is also regarding not “sleeping” her during her “wake” times which I know about from your book. Does she not yet have “regular” wake times and it’s okay to keep sleeping her after only an hour and a bit of wake time, regardless of what the clock says? And like you mentioned, maybe in about a month she will have more regular “sleep” and “wake” times according to the clock?
The more sleep, the better.
Please consider writing a narrative report regarding your sleep journey to give you perspective and posting it here for me to use as a Blog Post. Mothers would be more attuned to your voice than mine.
Sleep Journey:
This is my 4th child, and I had planned to follow Dr. Weissbluth’s book like I did with my other children. I started posting on the blog and asking questions about my daughter when she was just a couple months old. I couldn’t figure out her night sleeping or her napping. She wasn’t sleeping very well at night and would take a long time to fall asleep (I would constantly go in to put her pacifier in). I tried doing extinction which helped with her falling asleep and was such a relief to not continuously go in to put her pacifier in at bed time (I was going in 7 or 8 times). I tried a 530 pm bed time, as Dr. Weissbluth mentioned to try. Then he helped me figure out that she needed to be in even earlier. Although it seemed nerve-wracking to put a baby in so early, I tried it. I have been doing a 510 pm bed time for about a month and it has been working out great. I started the nap drill after doing the early bed time. I originally had tried to maximize day sleep by going in to soothe her with a pacifier when she’d wake up early from a nap or by holding her. But that was way too draining after doing that for so long, so I started the nap drill. Although it was very difficult to hear my baby cry (when I had to at night originally and for naps), I know that it was ultimately best for her and me and was not damaging to her. It taught her to fall asleep better and stay asleep better!
We are now in a much better place at 5 months than we were at 3 months. She used to cry at bed time, cry or fuss at nap time, take very short naps and wake up at night after only a few hours. Now, she generally doesn’t cry at bed time, doesn’t cry too much before naps, and is even able to nap for up to 2 1/2 hours sometimes. And although I thought a 510 pm bed time would cause her to wake up earlier to nurse or earlier in the morning, she has now after some time come to do a 6-7 hours stretch. She also does not wake up in the 5s for the day like I thought she might.
Even though some babies can stay up for longer stretches, I have learned that at 5 months, it’s okay that my baby still needs to go to sleep after about an hour/an hour and a bit. It’s important to follow my baby’s lead for when she is tired. She is sleeping better, reaching milestones, and gaining weight, overall a happy baby, and that’s what’s important!
Looking back at how she was sleeping a couple months ago to now is a HUGE improvement and feels so much better! The early bed time and nap drill have really helped my baby do a major change. It can be hard to be patient, but it is worth it.
Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth for your time and your blog! I don’t think my baby would be sleeping as well as she is now without your help!
THANK YOU!
Would it be possible to add a comment regarding the role (+ or -) of your husband?
I’m reposting and adding about my husband:
Sleep Journey:
This is my 4th child, and I had planned to follow Dr. Weissbluth’s book like I did with my other children. I started posting on the blog and asking questions about my daughter when she was just a couple months old. I couldn’t figure out her night sleeping or her napping. She wasn’t sleeping very well at night and would take a long time to fall asleep (I would constantly go in to put her pacifier in). I tried doing extinction which helped with her falling asleep and was such a relief to not continuously go in to put her pacifier in at bed time (I was going in 7 or 8 times). I tried a 530 pm bed time, as Dr. Weissbluth mentioned to try. Then he helped me figure out that she needed to be in even earlier. Although it seemed nerve-wracking to put a baby in so early, I tried it. I have been doing a 510 pm bed time for about a month and it has been working out great. I started the nap drill after doing the early bed time. I originally had tried to maximize day sleep by going in to soothe her with a pacifier when she’d wake up early from a nap or by holding her. But that was way too draining after doing that for so long, so I started the nap drill. Although it was very difficult to hear my baby cry (when I had to at night originally and for naps), I know that it was ultimately best for her and me and was not damaging to her. It taught her to fall asleep better and stay asleep better! My husband was very helpful and supportive through the process and also felt that it would be to her benefit to leave her to learn to fall asleep on her own and that she was okay, even though she was crying. Having that encouragement definitely helped me. He even would sometimes tell me I could go to a neighbor or outside while she was crying if I wasn’t able to listen to it. My husband followed my lead with what I felt was good based on what Dr. Weissbluth said.
Baby and I are now in a much better place at 5 months than we were at 3 months. She used to cry at bed time, cry or fuss at nap time, take very short naps and wake up at night after only a few hours. Now, she generally doesn’t cry at bed time, doesn’t cry too much before naps, and is even able to nap for up to 2 1/2 hours sometimes. And although I thought a 510 pm bed time would cause her to wake up earlier to nurse or earlier in the morning, she has now after some time come to do a 6-7 hours stretch. She also does not wake up in the 5s for the day like I thought she might.
Even though some babies can stay up for longer stretches, I have learned that at 5 months, it’s okay that my baby still needs to go to sleep after about an hour/an hour and a bit. It’s important to follow my baby’s lead for when she is tired. She is sleeping better, reaching milestones, and gaining weight, overall a happy baby, and that’s what’s important!
Looking back at how she was sleeping a couple months ago to now is a HUGE improvement and feels so much better! The early bed time and nap drill have really helped my baby do a major change. It can be hard to be patient, but it is worth it.
Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth for your time and your blog! I don’t think my baby would be sleeping as well as she is now without your help!
Thank you.
“Although it seemed nerve-wracking to put a baby in so early, I tried it.”
Why do you think this is so stressful? Is it the fear that the baby will wake up too early in the morning to start the day or something else?
Dear Dr. Weissbluth,
We read your book and thank you very much for all your insights. Our daughter is now 21 months and she rarely wakes over night, takes one daily nap for between 1hr 20min and 2hr 15mins a day in her crib from 1pm to 2:20 or 3:15pm. The issue is getting her to fall asleep. At nap time it as not as extreme (but she does cry), but at bedtime she cries every night for 15 to 40minutes before finally going to sleep. This has been going on since she was around 9 months old. We have a bedtime routine of brushing teeth, putting on PJs, choosing and reading 3 short books, having her turn off the lights and ask to go into her crib, we sing a song she requests, then we say good night and leave. She starts crying when she asks us to put her in her crib and continues through the song she requests, our wishing her goodnight, and after we close the door. We start the bedtime routine at 7pm and she is in the crib between 7:15 and 7:30pm. Once she is asleep she sleeps through until around 7:30am. We really want to help her not cry herself to sleep but feel at a loss, so we thought to ask you.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Between 6-7pm, place her alone with toys (no screens nor parental interaction) for 15-20 minutes for 2-3 consecutive nights and observe her mood and behavior and report back.
Dr. Weissbluth,
Thank you for your response! To clarify, do you mean place her in the crib alone after the bedtime routine with toys? Or this should be before the bedtime routine in her room without us in there?
Thank you
During the hour before the bedtime routine begins.
Dr. Weissbluth,
OK, we have done this now for I think 3-4 nights. She is normally very content with individual play and this was no different. We set her with some stuffed animals and books and she sat there looking at the books, pointing out animals, counting, practicing “reading,” very content to entertain herself for 20 minutes. Toward the end she would sometimes start to call us. On one night she asked for her sleep sack, but not every night. The past two nights she actually seems even more upset at bedtime, starting to cry during stories, and tonight she was definitely trying to avoid getting to the last book. We’ve still put her down between 7:15 and 7:30pm each night. She’s been crying pretty hard for 15 minutes at this point and sometimes pauses to just sit there and looks around.
Thank you for any advice.
“The past two nights she actually seems even more upset at bedtime, starting to cry during stories, and tonight she was definitely trying to avoid getting to the last book. We’ve still put her down between 7:15 and 7:30pm each night.” suggests the presence of pre-sleep arousal. Please read Blog Posts 171,172,204, 233X, 235C-E to fully understand this concept.
I suggest that for 3-4nights only you do everything you normally do for her bedtime routine, but start earlier so that you are leaving the room at 6:45pm and monitor mood, behavior, latency to sleep onset, and duration and intensity of crying.
Also read Blog Posts 83, 115X, 226C, 232AX, 232BX, and 232D to see if you notice drowsy signs between 6-6:45pm.
Dr. Weissbluth,
Thank you for your thoughts. We tried putting her down at 6:45-7pm for 3-4 nights and the crying was a lot more intense and more prolonged. We are now back to putting her down between 7:15-7:30pm, and she is still crying but less intensely and for less time than when we tried putting her down earlier. Is there anything else we may be overlooking so she does not cry at bedtime?
Thank you,
Previously:Also read Blog Posts 83, 115X, 226C, 232AX, 232BX, and 232D to see if you notice drowsy signs between 6-6:45pm. Did you see any drowsy signs?
If not, put her alone with toys (no parental interaction or screens) between 5:30- 6:30pm for 15-20 minutes and watch fro drowsy or fatigue signs. Do this for 3 nights and report back.