If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Blog Posts 234 A and B discuss barriers to parents’ successes.
Here’s how to overcome these barriers.
Successful therapists such as Dr. Karen Pierce, a child psychiatrist, often start by asking a fundamental question: “There are many barriers to change. Is it the child, is it the parent, is it the couple, is it the larger family, or outside stress issues?” She emphasizes the importance of locating the particular barrier that prevents particular parents from solving problems. Identifying and dealing with the barrier allows the family to focus their energy on the solution to the child’s sleep issue.
Dr. Robert Daniels, a child psychologist, often starts with questions such as: “What is the desired behavior you want from you child? What is the desired outcome? What is the endpoint of treatment? What would you like to see happen?” Both parents need to agree on what the goal is and how to achieve the goal before beginning a treatment plan. The failure to agree on a goal makes it difficult for parents to cooperate with each other to achieve success. Daniels observes that most parents agree on the goal but not necessarily on the path to accomplish it.
Child psychologist Dr. Vicki Lavigne emphasizes that parents have to see the connection between what they do and the effect it will have on the behavior of the child. Parents have to be more focused on their behavior than worrying that their child has a problem or peculiar trait. For example, focusing on “He has a strong will” instead of your own behavior interferes with success.
Dr. John Bates, another child psychologist, encourages families to cast a wide net and seek support by talking to relatives and close friends, community mental health groups, parenting groups, or religious leaders, because resources and substantial support may be available but not known to new parents.
It is important for parents to try to figure out a way to separate their marriage issues from bedtime issues, compartmentalize other barriers, restructure their priorities, or seek professional counseling in order to heavily invest in soothing their newborn during the first few months. By gathering up all their resources for soothing during the first few months, parents are more likely to prevent sleep problems in the future.
Some parents may need professional help to establish reasonable, orderly home routines, to iron out conflicts between themselves, or to help an older child with a well- established sleep problem. To maintain healthy sleep for your young child, you need the courage to be firm without feeling guilt or fear that he/she will resent you or love you less.
The best prescription I can offer for a loving home is a well- rested child and well- rested parents.
