If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Putting aside the issue of infant temperament, you might ask why it is that some parents appear to find the teaching of self- soothing fairly manageable, while others find it an ongoing, frustrating challenge. The short answer is that parents vary enormously in their ability to restore a calm balance to their lives after the baby is born, assuming that their lives were reasonably stable beforehand.
Sometimes there are parent issues or barriers that may make prevention and treatment of sleep problems more challenging. Sometimes these barriers are only speed bumps that slow down the process of helping your child sleep better. However, if they are major roadblocks, consider professional counseling before working on your child’s sleep problem. In such cases, you cannot help your baby until you help yourself.
Here are some examples.
4. Parent Has Abandonment Issues
Because they had bad relations with their own parents, new parents might desperately want their child to like them. New parents might feel that their parents were not in tune with their feelings as a child,
so they want to be very sensitive to and always address their child’s feelings. They want to be their child’s best friend. They do not want their child to feel hurt as they did when they were children. This leads to responding to their child’s every sound at night.
5. Parent Has Authority Issues
Some parents do not feel comfortable enforcing rules and communicating authority. They might have a “live and let live” philosophy and not want to enforce rules. Still others behave as if rules do not apply to them; because they act irresponsibly and cannot say no to themselves (with illicit drug use, for example), they cannot say no to their child.
6. Family Stress Issues
Parents facing money worries, job pressures and responsibilities, the illness of a loved one, or other sources of stress often do not have the energy to establish routines, plan events, or create schedules such as sleep times. In such cases, family life is chaotic, lurching from crisis to crisis. The parents are reactive instead of proactive; they respond emotionally instead of thoughtfully. These parents are not necessarily overindulgent; instead, they are overly inconsistent.
7. Parent Has Undiagnosed Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Bipolar Disorder, or Insomnia
When a person is sleep- deprived, the symptoms associated with these conditions can worsen. In this setting, education and coaching to help solve a sleep problem may fail because of the parent’s significant unrecognized or untreated mental health issues. Problems regarding parenting are especially prominent if the mother is affected, because she is the one who is usually expected to organize schedules and routines such as regular bedtimes and naps.
