Blog Posts 1–5, based on the United States of America Department of the Army Field Manual: Holistic Healing and Fitness, describe what really matters for your child’s sleep. If sleep is an important enough topic for national defense than surely sleep should be considered a serious topic for parenting!
Blog Post 233 (Parents Reports of Fatigue Signs and Presleep Arousal Before Bedtime Before Bedtime) describes how children appear with high levels of neurological arousal in the evening. This causes difficulty in falling asleep and staying asleep at night. A sleep solution involves an earlier bedtime and perhaps a temporary super early bedtime. Other features of a sleep solution might involve putting the child down drowsy but awake, leaving the room after bedtime soothing, more emotional availability at nighttime soothing, less attention at night, or fixing naps.
When short naps are the problem and night sleep is fine, what’s going on?
The following narrative describes months of short naps because:
The solution is to shorten the interval of wakefulness before naps based on drowsy signs.
Narrative
Hello Dr. Weissbluth. Our son is 5 months old and sleeps pretty well at night. Recently we get 7-10 hours before feeding and then right back to sleep for another hour or two. The problem is he will not nap longer than 30-40 minutes. He falls asleep on his own but wakes and won’t go back to sleep unless I go in and hold him. If I hold him he will easily nap for 1-2 hours. What can I do to get him to nap longer on his own?
MW: What is the usual time he falls asleep at night? What are the usual times of his naps?
He is 5.5 months old. He usually falls asleep about 6:30 pm. Wakes between 2am and 5am. Eat and back to sleep. Wake up time is set for 7:30 am. Sometimes he is up before that and we leave him in his crib until 7:30 am. He is usually calm and plays with himself or rests. His first nap consistently starts at 9am. Second nap we aim for 12pm but the short first nap might mean he’s ready to nap again around 11:30am. After the second nap we just go based on drowsy signs for another nap or two before bedtime routine starts. He is getting 1-2 hours of nap sleep unless I hold him or save a nap with holding. Bedtime routine begins at 5:45 pm with a bottle. Then a bath. Then sleep around 6:30 pm.
MW: Please read the first few chapters of my book to better understand why your attempt to schedule his sleep will fail and his current sleep issue will worsen.
We have an early bedtime, instituted the nap drill, follow a standard nap schedule aiming for 9 am and 12-1pm for second nap, follow drowsy signs, and have a dark room with sound machine. I do drowsy but awake and he has learned self-soothing pretty well. At night I only feed once because he is hungry. I’m really at a loss of ideas besides trying the even earlier bedtime of maybe 530pm. I have seen you instruct others in similar situation of short naps to do this. Should I try this? Is the bedtime too late? Is the wake up time schedule a problem? Should he be up earlier and I shouldn’t leave him in his crib?
MW: You wrote: ”Wake up time is set for 7:30 am. Sometimes he is up before that and we leave him in his crib until 7:30 am…Second nap we aim for 12pm but the short first nap might mean he’s ready to nap again around 11:30am.” which suggested to me that you were trying to maintain a sleep schedule according to clock time.
Because naps are well developed by 6 months of age and your child has self-soothing skills at night, I suggest that:
1. Try to obtain naps based on drowsy cues more than clock time for now.
2. Stop trying to prolong naps by holding him ( this might cause a nap problem later).
3. If he is asleep at 3 pm, do not wake him but don’t let a new nap begin after 3pm.
4. Try a temporary lights out policy at 5:30pm for 5-10 nights (you have bathed, fed, and soothed him and are leaving the room at 5:30 pm).
Expect naps to become more regular and longer and perhaps when they do, the bedtime will become a little later.
How does this sound?
We have now completed 7 nights of early 5:30 PM bedtime in the plan you suggested above to help our son increase his nap duration. As a reminder they are typically 30-40 minutes. I am following drowsy signs and not the clock. No more holding for any naps at all was strictly followed too. Here is the data and observations.
My 5.5 month old son goes to sleep easily at the 5:30 PM time. He is usually very sleepy at this time (usually due to missing the third nap). He averages 12h32m of night sleep over 7 days. The duration of night sleep before a feed and diaper change are:
Night 1, 12h9m
Night 2, 12h5m
Night 3, 7h17m
Night 4, 9h0m
Night 5, 8h46m
Night 6, 7h46m
Night 7, 8h39m
The data showing his night sleep seems to be worsening. After each of the above times he wakes, eats and diaper change, then back to sleep and wakes again between 6:00 AM and 7:15 AM. (On night 6 he had two wake ups at 1:18 AM and 5:24 AM).
Now for the nap data. Average nap length is 38 minutes. He is averaging 1h50m of nap time per day (this totals to 14h22m of total sleep average over 24 period). The naps have not changed much and had a range of 19-49 minutes. Subtle soothing and even picking him up to soothe to extend them never works. He is taking 2-3 naps with the third one being missed a lot. He will not go to sleep before the 3:00 PM cutoff for a last nap a lot of the days even though he is sleepy at 2:30 PM (If I were to hold him he would take this nap). This leads to him being very tired before bed because he has been awake since the second nap which will end around 1 PM depending on when it started.
He seems more difficult to get to fall asleep for naps now too. I have to go in and replace his pacifier multiple times and soothe him a lot more than I used to for naps. And his nights seem to be worsening. His mood throughout the day seems worse now too. He gets fussy a lot easier now. I know I must be doing something wrong, but I cannot figure it out. I follow the best practices of drowsy but awake, his sleep environment is perfect, he’s fed and clean. I focus on not missing drowsy signs and not mistaking fatigue for drowsy too. Sometimes I think I may have a genetically short napper as you point out in your book. But then that doesn’t seem right to me because his mood is worse, suggesting he’s not getting the day sleep he needs (under 2 hours per day). All I can think to do now is return to holding him for some naps to extend them so he gets enough nap time, and he will get his happiness back. This is probably a bad idea and will create future sleep problems, but I do not know what else to do. Am I just doing a bad job at drowsy sign recognition? I studied them to make sure I know what to look for, but does this narrative suggest I may just be bad at recognizing drowsy signs? Do you have any further suggestions? I have a lot of data I can share in detail but don’t know if it would help in figuring out the problem.
MW: “The data showing his night sleep seems to be worsening…He will not go to sleep before the 3:00 PM cutoff for a last nap a lot of the days even though he is sleepy at 2:30 PM (If I were to hold him he would take this nap). This leads to him being very tired before bed because he has been awake since the second nap which will end around 1 PM depending on when it started…He seems more difficult to get to fall asleep for naps now too. I have to go in and replace his pacifier multiple times and soothe him a lot more than I used to for naps. And his nights seem to be worsening. His mood throughout the day seems worse now too. He gets fussy a lot easier now.”
At 6 months of age, about 16% of infants are taking 3 naps. I am sorry that the attempt to go to 2 naps has made matters worse. Because of your meticulous observations and record keeping, I suggest that we temporarily abandon this effort and do the following for 5 days only:
1. Allow 3 naps to occur. To encourage self-soothing, I would suggest you do not really change the routine for the first two naps.
2. Let a 3rd nap occur whenever he appears drowsy in the late afternoon, even hold him for the nap or to extend the nap. Now we will abandon the strict 5:30 pm bedtime and because of the variability of this 3rd nap, the bedtime will vary. The bedtime is based on drowsy signs and do not wake him in the morning.
The hope is that by getting more day sleep, he will be a lower level of neurological arousal at bedtime at night and night sleep duration will lengthen, it will be easier to fall asleep at night, and his mood will improve. By the end of 5 days we will know whether he is improving and if not, we will consider other possibilities.
Perhaps in the near future, 2-4 weeks we will return to the original plan of trying for just 2 naps.
If you have any suspicion that something else might be contributing to his decreased mood (changes in eating, temperature, motor activity, etc.) these past few days, please consult with your pediatrician.
How does this sound?
Dr. Weissbluth, I will switch to this plan for the next few days to help him get the day sleep he needs. I have a follow up question. Will holding him to allow a third nap or extend the third nap possibly cause another sleep issue? In other words will this make nap 1 and 2 more difficult for him to do on his own in his crib or will he develop into wanting to be held for all of his naps? Right now proper day sleep is most important so I will hold to extend the third nap as needed.
MW: Yes, it might. But for now, the priority is to restore sleep and not worry about habit formation.
An update on the return to three naps with holding for the third nap.
He is going to bed about 6-620 PM now. He wakes one time between 230 and 4 AM and feeds for 9-10 minutes. Then back to sleep and wakes about 630-715 AM.
On 6/16 night he didn’t go back to sleep for an hour though (awake from 310 to 410 AM).
On 6/12 night he woke from 1230AM to 120 AM
slept for 20 min
awake from 145AM to 230AM
slept for 2h45min
awake from 518 AM to 533AM
slept for 55 min
wakeup at 640 AM
Even with these two bumps, I think his night sleep is getting better since the 530 PM early bedtime trial.
Here are his averages for the past 7 days. 14h22min total sleep, 2h32min day sleep, 11h49min night sleep. Your thoughts on these numbers?
I think the nap total is still a little low. Naps 1 (starts 9-930AM range) and 2 (starts 11AM-12PM range) continue to be 30-40min alone in crib. Nap 3 (starts 2-330PM range) is 30min then I go hold him when he wakes for about another hour.
Some naps he falls asleep very quickly and others he cries and it takes 20-30 minutes to sleep.
His mood seems to have improved although he still is slightly fussy after a short nap probably because he wants to sleep longer but can’t on his own.
Do you have any ideas on why his naps are still short? Has he not learned to connect his nap cycles? I know he can at night because he sleeps for hours.
Is there anything else I can try or will I just have to wait for him to extend his naps on his own as he gets older?
MW: Night sleep is not a problem and “I think his night sleep is getting better since the 530 PM early bedtime trial…His mood seems to have improved…” should give you optimism that naps will improve. Between now and 9 months of age, the 3rd nap disappears and often the bedtime is temporarily moved a bit earlier. For now, because of some suggestion of improvement, I would stay the course. But in a few weeks or months, I suggest that you try again for only two naps and maybe a little earlier bedtime and no holding for naps. I wish I could be more precise or definite. Are you OK with this?
Sure thing. I will work with what he allows. One other question about transition from two to three naps…if the nap length doesn’t improve to at least an hour, how could I go to two naps a day? He would not being getting enough naptime during the day right?
Here again. It’s been a month or so since we discussed my son’s short nap problems above. He is still sleeping well at night, 10-12 hours usually without wakeup from 6-630pm to about 630-7 am. Sometimes he wakes randomly at 4 or 5am but giving him his pacifier back he goes right back to sleep. Although one night he woke from 3-415 am, played with his hands and pacifier then went back to sleep with no crying or intervention at all.
Naps have still not lengthened. He is very easy to get to sleep though with minimal soothing. We have gotten an occasional 1 or 1.5 hour nap but not many. We try for age appropriate 2.5 to 3.5 hour wake windows as he is 7 months and 4 days old. First window 2-2.5 hours, Second and third windows 3-3.25 hours. He is still doing 3 naps a day mostly because they are only 30-45 minutes. Every nap he starts to move/fidget with his hands and sleep sack at about 30 minutes and then doesn’t return to sleep (he has a couple times and we get the random long nap). He wakes up and rolls around. Soothing back to sleep in the chair works but as soon as I put him in the crib again he wakes up.
Will naps ever increase in duration? He’s barely getting 2 hours of day sleep and is fussy within 1.5 hours of waking from his naps. Is he getting too much night sleep? I don’t want to go back to holding him for the second half of his naps to extend them. I suspect I am still doing something wrong but I cannot figure it out and it is driving me crazy knowing that I am failing my son.
Please help if you have any ideas.
MW: Please clarify: ”We try for age appropriate 2.5 to 3.5 hour wake windows” suggests that you are using clock times as a guide for naps. Is this the case? Or, are you only using drowsy signs as a guide for naps? Or both?
We use drowsy signs but aim for 9-930 am first nap start time. And 12-1 pm second nap start time. If he is drowsy or fussy before these times though (which he usually is around 830-845 and 11-1130) we go ahead and start the nap. Usually the drowsy and fussy signs start only after 1.5 hours of wake time but he should be having longer windows for his age from my understanding. I’ve tried recreating the scenarios and timing where he did have the random 1-1.5 hour naps but it doesn’t work. At this point I know he is likely to be a two nap baby based on the statistics, but it seems he’s a three short nap baby due to my struggles to figure him out.
MW: Please describe in detail drowsy signs you observe before a nap?
How often is he fussy before a nap?
His drowsy signs include rubbing eyes, grabbing ear, or grabbing top/back of his head. At about 1.5 hours awake he will yawn sometimes and we will usually go start the first nap. During play in the first window without a parent interacting he will start to fuss around the 1.5 hour mark too. His diaper is clean and he’s been fed so I rule those out. I can force him to stay awake longer by distracting him with a walk outside and he doesn’t fuss during the walk. But I don’t think this is what I should do since the longer wake window didn’t make his nap longer when I tested it. I knew it wouldn’t but I tried anyways. He is basically fussy before every nap but he always goes to sleep within 5-10 minutes of light soothing. And the drowsy but awake transfer to crib has no problems ever.
We have suspected maybe we put him down too early for the naps and he is getting a “false start”. But when we tried to extend the wake window to be sure we are not having false starts, it didn’t work. Still short naps. To summarize, I usually do short windows based on these drowsy signs. I tried extending windows to see if it was false start but that didn’t work either.
MW: Please read Blog Posts 9, 83, 171, and 172 to fully appreciate the mistake that you have made and how to correct it. Let me know if you do not see the solution.
I read the blog posts and watched a few videos of fatigued and drowsy babies. It seems to me that I am mistaking fatigue signs for drowsy signs. I am starting to soothe him too late and not starting the nap in time. This has led to a chronic fatigued and overtired state since it has been going on for months. Do you agree? I am going to pay as close attention as possible for his drowsy signs (which I don’t think he shows much of due to his lack of sleep). I am going to follow the advice in the blogs and start soothing 10-20 minutes sooner than usual. Is this ok even if it’s only been an hour since he woke up? Also, if I implement this solution correctly, should I expect naps to lengthen after a few days? Weeks? I hope this will help his naps lengthen. Please correct me if I am wrong about any of what I said.
MW: You are 100% absolutely correct!
“It seems to me that I am mistaking fatigue signs for drowsy signs. I am starting to soothe him too late and not starting the nap in time. This has led to a chronic fatigued and overtired state since it has been going on for months. Do you agree?” YES.
“I don’t think he shows much (drowsy signs) of due to his lack of sleep. YES
“I am going to follow the advice in the blogs and start soothing 10-20 minutes sooner than usual. Is this ok even if it’s only been an hour since he woke up? YES.
Please also consider temporarily playing with a slightly earlier bedtime, even 10-20 minutes earlier might help.
My expectation is that you might see improvement in the first nap over several days and maybe after a little longer, the second nap.
Congratulations on making this dramatic change. Please give me a follow up in a few days.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth –
Could you please help us? We have both a nap problem and a night sleep problem.
We have an almost 5 month old (Nov 6 is 5 months). Easy temperament (hardly cries except with extinction, ugh), no colic, but had feeding challenges in weeks 3/4 dropping to <1% but is now at 25%! He was feed expressed milk after week 4 and is now exclusively formula fed. I am on mat leave until January and my husband will then be on pat leave until March.
I have read your book cover to cover at least twice and most of your blog posts. Starting from weeks 1-18, we followed drowsy cues and implemented an early bed time. We have a naptime and bedtime routine that all of us (me, husband, 2x per week nanny) all follow. At week 11, we stopped rocking him to sleep and instead would put him in his crib drowsy but awake and then give pats to help him fall asleep and re-insterting the pacifier many times. In hindsight, we thought we were doing 'drowsy but awake' but I now realize it was 'fatigued and still awake'. Tiny human would wake up 2x per night to feed and around week 16 started to wake up between feeds. His head would 'touch' (not hit) the crib bars and he would start wailing.We would respond to these cries and reinsert the pacy and/or rotate him away from the bars. One of us sleeps in the nursery with him. We are sleep deprived and were desperate but typing this makes me realize how we contributed to the sleep problems :/ Tiny human napped four times per day, always for 34 minutes. Naps are all in the crib. We would give him like 5 minutes to try to resettle or we'd come in and reinstert the pacy. It occasionally works.
After a week long trip to visit my family around Halloween, the three time zone transition and daylight savings time really threw all of this off. Not that things were going great but it got worse with more night wakeups. In an act of desperation, I started following wake windows and a loose schedule, much like the commentor above. Naps actually have become less consistent, ranging from 23-44 minutes, with the occasional 1h10m – 1h40m nap in the morning only. He would wake up from most naps grumpy, clearly upset he couldn't connect sleep cycles. He usually slots in four naps but on days that he takes the longer nap, it's really hard to get him to an early bedtime since his other two naps are really short. My husband and I decided to do extinction starting last Thursday. We also removed the pacy for night sleep only. We thought that pacy was the problem but I'm starting to think that independent sleep is it?
Night 1: 6:29 PM bed time; 13 minutes crying; 18 minutes crying after waking up 50 min later; Fed twice; (11 PM, – 7 oz; 4 AM – 7 oz) One wake up hitting crib bars at 3 AM but we did not move and he was back to sleep in 5 minutes. 7:09 AM wakeup
Night 2: 6:45 PM bed time; 31 minutes crying; 1 minute. crying after wake up 50 min later; No night wakes other than 2 feeds (11 PM, 4 AM). 7:03 AM wakeup
Night 3: 6:17 PM bed time; 18 min crying; 2 night feeds; Woke up at 5 AM after feed; caved and gave him pacy after crying / fussing 20 min; 6:45 AM wakeup
Night 4: 5:28 PM 'nap/bedtime'; 8 min crying; woke up WAILING (almost choking). for 35 minutes at 6:11; We couldn't tell if he wanted to be up (ik, ik); so we woke . He had napped for 1h40m that morning, napped for 33 min at 12; and 23 min at 3 PM; He couldn't make it to a bedtime later than 6 PM so were unsure what to do. We went in at 35 min and then put him back down at 8 PM; 0 crying. 2 night feeds and no wakeups. 7:30 wakeup;
Night 5: 6:30 bedtime; 40 minutes crying; 2 feeds; Baby starts wailing as we start the bedtime routine knowing what is going to happen; 7:09 AM wakeup
Night 6: 6:05 bedtime; 35 min of absolute hard crying; baby starts wailing as we start bedtime routine; almost choking/vomitting; we cave and decide to come in to soothe; he almost immediately goes down; 2 feeds; 1 wakeup where we give the pacy;
Night 7: 7:51 bedtime (delayed because 4th nap for 42 min at 4:52 PM); Cries 40 minutes harder than we've ever heard; We come in, pick him up, reinsert the pacy, and give pat pats; he's down in 10 minutes; 6:58 AM wakeup;
Night 8: 7:19 bed time; Gave up on extinction and reintroduced pacy at bed time; wakes up 2x to feed and up from 3-4 babbling and practing rolling / kicking the crib;
Night 9 (last night / this morning): 5:30 PM bedtime as a reset but did not do exctinction and added pacy back; Woke up every sleep cycle until 9 PM feed (5.5 oz); 2 AM feed (5 oz); 5 AM feed (4 oz); wide awake babbling and practicing kicking from 5:20-5:40; Wake up at 6:42 AM to poop. I put him down at 8:03 AM today after he seemed disinterested in his toys. He was awake going down (true drowsy but awake!) and up at 8:40 AM. Gave him 10 min but he was babbling / kicking / playing (happy mood). He got fussy again at 9:55 and we just put down for a nap. He fought us and we gave him some pats but he's sleeping now.
1. How do we recover from this? Meaning – we tried extinction and caved; Now baby associates the bedtime routine with extinction and starts crying the second it starts. After how bad last night was, I realized that listening to my baby cry for 40 minutes may not be as bad as listening to it every 2-3 hours at night and reinserting the pacy. I am home until next Thursday (6 more nights) but then my MIL and husband are here for 4 nights while I go visit my sick mom. After I get back, we are here for 2 weeks before the holidays. Long way of saying – I can be consistent for the next week but will need to make sure my husband and MIL follow along.
2. How can we help get the mid morning and mid afternoon nap in place and lengthened? He's starting to show that he can occasionally connect sleep cycles but it's not consistent yet.
3. On days when his third nap ends before / around 3 PM and his mid afternoon nap is short, how do we handle bed time? He can hardly stay up 2 hours but 5 PM seems way too early for bed time? Do we give another nap? That then causes bed time to be really late (7:30+)?
4. Should we get rid of the pacy again or keep it? Should it be consistent with both naps and bedtime?
5. Should we stop roomsharing? AAP recommends until 6 months but I have a feeling we'd respond less to cries if we weren't in the same room.
Any and all help is appreciated.
1. How do we recover from this? Extinction failed because the bedtime was too late and pre-sleep arousal (Blog Posts 171, 172, 204) was full-force present.
2. Naps will be restored after night sleep is improved.
Here ae my suggestions:
The night sleep rhythm is strong at his age: For the next 3-4 nights only, have a strict 5:30pm expected falling asleep time (he is bathed, dressed for sleep, fed, soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm).
Extinction over night but feed and clean if needed.
The day sleep rhythm is weak at his age: Do whatever works to maximize day sleep without regard for habit formation but no new nap starts after 3pm. If he is asleep at 3pm, do not wake him.
Keep a written record.
Ask your pediatrician if he is old enough for a separate room for this 3-4 day trial.
Your expectation is that night sleep will rapidly improve and then later, the morning nap, and then later, the mid-day nap. It will be sequential, not simultaneous.
Later, when naps are well-established, the bedtime will be a little later.
How does this sound?
Thank you so much for responding so quickly. We will do this. He did four crib naps today (8 AM, 10 AM, 12 PM, and now 2:45 PM), all 34 minutes. He is still sleeping as I type this (3 PM PST).
Two questions:
1.I understand the plan for night sleep. I’m a little confused about naps. He will occasionally give us a long crib nap but usually only 30-40 minutes. The car seat is more reliable for long naps (won’t sleep in the baby carrier or stroller, ugh). Should we aim for crib naps still? Or just whatever works to get him to sleep longer?
2. What should we do about the pacy? Should we keep it? Presume he will spit it out anyways when he wails with extinction.
Thank you again!
Or just whatever works to get him to sleep longer? YES
Pacifiers might help. Read about them in my book.
Last question on naps. Should we be doing drowsy but awake + extinction for naps? Or just whatever works?
PS – my husband and I are northwestern alums. Go cats!
Should we be doing drowsy but awake + extinction for naps? NO!
Or just whatever works? YES!
Car naps, naps in your arms, naps in Dad’s arms, swing naps,…Maximize day sleep; minimize crying. This is temporary, until night sleep improves.
Try tag-team napping with your husband doing the nap duty most of the day so you can take some much needed naps for yourself.
Is this OK?
This sounds good. Husband is in agreement. Once night sleep improves (fingers crossed), do we shift back to crib naps?
It’s only 3:52 PM PST and he’s already rubbing his eyes. For the 5:30 PM leaving the room bed time, if he shows drowsy signs early, should we aim for something earlier than.. 5:30?
In general, I would encourage extra soothing for comfort while you attempt to get to a 5:30pm expected falling asleep time. But, perhaps tonight, go for an even earlier bedtime because he is so sleep deprived.
Please read about the ‘5:30am Rut’ in my book to understand why, in general, I don’t recommend an earlier bedtime.
“Once night sleep improves (fingers crossed), do we shift back to crib naps?” Yes, but for now, one step at a time.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth –
Reporting back after two nights.
Saturday (First Night)
-5:18 PM lights out bedtime (was about to enter serious fatigue and couldn’t get him to 5:30 safely), cried ~44 minutes. Asleep by 6:04;
-6:40 PM – 5 second cry
-8:58 PM – cried for 10 minutes; decided to feed since he had only eaten 3 oz since 4 PM (took 7 oz)
-3:15 AM – 7 oz feed
Sunday
-7:35 AM wakeup
-9:01 AM asleep for crib nap, minimal crying; 40 min nap
-11:00 AM asleep in stroller; 1h15 min nap
-2:12 PM asleep in stroller; 28 min nap; tried to rescue this and contact nap but was unsuccessful
-5:08 PM bedtime, asleep at 5:12, zero crying; we couldn’t wait until 5:30 – he was giving tired cues and was about to enter to fatigue territory;
-5:56 PM – light crying, quiet again at 6:03;
-8:36 PM – light fussing, stopped at 8:49; started again at 8:51; we decided to feed (6.5 oz)
-1:16 AM – feed (7 oz) and poopy diaper change;
-2:25 AM – light cry (20 seconds)
-2:35 – 2:38 AM – light fussing
-2:49 AM – light fussing;
Monday (today)
-6:15 AM – wide awake and fussing; fed (6 oz) and immediately pooped; think he was up to poop
-7:17 AM – big yawn and eye rub; started soothing immediately; (had to do crib, I needed coffee)
-7:31 – asleep in crib, zero tears, put himself down – asleep for 9 (!) minutes; woke up babbling
-8:02 – eye rub; tried contact nap and crib nap, didn’t work
-8:45 AM – crib nap; 45 minutes nap and woke up babbling / happy(had to crib nap because I needed to drop car off and my husband watched him while he worked)
-11:25 AM; car seat stroller nap – TWO HOURS 25 MINUTES!!! lots of steps for me – I took it very seriously to get him sleep!; awake at 1:49;
-2:50 PM – starts eye rubbing / fussing; we realize there is no way he is going to make it to 5:30, even 5 so we put him down at 3; lots of soothing; just feel asleep at 3:30 and has been out for 12 minutes.
Couple questions:
1. Given that he is taking hopefully a quick cat nap, should we still shoot for the 5:30 PM bedtime or shift a little later? I know we aimed to not get naps after 3 but there was just no way he was gonna make it.
2. Same question for tomorrow – continue with the 5:30 bedtime?
Thank you again for all your help. Tiny human seems slightly more well rested and a little bit back to himself. My formerly smiley, easy going guy was so fussy. The last time he was this fussy (3-4 weeks old), he wasn’t getting enough at the breast and wasn’t gaining enough weight. That resolved immediately once we started bottle feeding. Hopefully lots of naps and early bedtimes will solve this 🙂
Otherwise, no night wakeups. Baby woke up more well-rested. We did move him to the pack and play and out of the crib. He has a strong side preference / minor torticollis and we realized that he was hitting the crib because he’d scoot along his right side, hit the crib, and then can’t turn to his left to get out of the bars. We are working with OT on this.
Sunday
–
Sunday:
No need to respond to the first question.
Update: He napped until 3:50. He was drowsy and a little fussy at 4:45 so we started bath time, etc. Walked out the door at 5:33 and he put himself down by 5:49 with a little bit of light fussing (not crying).
Because he “seems slightly more well rested and a little bit back to himself.”, and Saturday night he cried about 44 minutes at bedtime, light crying on Sunday night, and “not crying” on Monday night, please stay the course for a few more nights.
Is this acceptable?
Yes – we will stay the course with the early bedtimes. Hopefully the night wakings resolve. We (parents) are tired.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth –
Reporting back that the tiny human has been quite fussy the last two days. Both my husband and the nanny made this observation so it’s not just me being worn out and extra sensitive to it.
For the last two days, we’ve had ok not great naps and he’s refusing or delaying the afternoon nap after ending his short nap around 1 or 2. For example, on Tuesday, he woke up around 7:45ish, napped from 10-11:30 (the magical car seat), then 1:30 to 2, and refused to take an afternoon nap. We left the room at 5:15 and he fell asleep at 5:33 with light fussing. He fed at 9 PM (7 oz), 1:40 AM (5.5 oz) and then woke up grunting and crying at 4:14 AM, 4:24 AM, 6:05 AM and then finally up for the day at 6:29, was fussy and had spit up at 7:15 (the previous night had similar wakings after the feed). I put him down at 7:46 and he was hard to settle until 8:02. The nanny handled the next two naps (crib) from 10:14-10:41, 12:30 – 12:56, and then he fought me so hard on going down for this next nap around 2, 2:30, 3, until I went for a stroller walk just to get him outside and he fell asleep at 3:47. I woke him up at 4:17 so he wouldn’t have too late of bedtime. I know naps should end by 3 but there was no way he was gonna last until even 5. We’d be doing a 4:30 bedtime with a total meltdown. Tonight has been a disaster. He started fussing again at 4:45 PM, we started bath, etc at 5:15 and got him in bed at 6:08. He has been wailing for the last 40 minutes.
First, what are we doing wrong here? The night sleep last two nights is still bad after the second feed and naps are still tough unless I trudge throughout the neighborhood with him in the car seat in the stroller. He refused to contact naps so our only options are crib (short) or stroller/carseat. I am willing to do that but leave tomorrow for the next four days to visit my sick mom. My MIL and husband are in charge.
Second, How do we handle him fighting us on that early afternoon (1/2/3 PM) nap so that we can maintain an early bedtime? Without it, he’s gonna be going down at 4:30 PM. I can see how this works when the baby takes restorative mid-morning and mid-afternoon naps but he’s not there yet, leaving a way to long period of wakefulness before bedtime.
I suspect that naps are not going well because the interval of wakefulness between the naps is sometimes too long. When you (or the nanny, if able) are able to keep a a written record of nap onset and duration for 2-3 days, send it to me (include circumstances such as where nap takes place).
Insufficient day sleep might cause presleep arousal at bedtime and mess up night sleep. Read Blog Posts 171, 172, 204, and 233X
Hey Dr Weissbluth –
Apologies for the delay. Naps got slightly better when my MIL and husband were on duty for four days (maybe I’m the problem?). Night sleep improved to one feed and then he started to do a longer morning nap. We also dropped him down from 4 naps to 3. The fourth nap wasn’t happening until 4-5 PM, resulting in bed time shifting too late (7 PM onward). However, that all went out the window when we went to a friends house for dinner (we brought the pack and play, he was asleep at 6 PM but then struggled after being transitioned from car seat to house) and then he got sick a week and a half ago – first ever cold, was waking up wailing every 45 min from congestion, refused to be horizontal and now we traveled 2 time zones east for the holiday (we even delayed our flights 4 days so he could recover and debated cancelling all together so we could start sleep training). He’s still in that pattern of waking up wide awake and babbling at 3 AM until 3:40, then feeding again around 4:50. If we are lucky, he’s out until 7:30 and goes down for nap around 9:20. If we are unlucky, he’s wide awake again at 5:40 and then asleep again for 1.5-2 hours at 7 AM. This happened yesterday even after putting him down for bed at 6PM CST (we’ve been on the time zone for 4 days already). I have been super closely monitoring the intervals of wakefulness, including probably putting him down a bit too early. Still only getting 30-40 min naps, even most contact naps. I was only able to get one 1hr10 min contact nap. Some naps he wakes up babbling after 30 min but then is yawning again 15-20 min later. Some naps he wakes up wailing with his eyes closed (clearly sleep inertia) at the 28 min mark. We are stumped on what to do about this.
My husband and I are at our wits end and are DEEPLY committed to sleep training once we get back on Dec 30. Early bedtimes, extinction, moving him to his own room, etc.
Two questions:
1. Little guy will be 5 days shy of 6 months. Since naps still have not established yet, should we implement the nap drill at the same time? Or do anything at all costs to get naps and then switch to nap drill once night sleep is established?
2. Little guy has also proven that he can go 9+ hours without food overnight. He’s fully formula fed and a solid 35%+ile in weight. Is it ok to also night wean at the same time? Or should we focus on sleep training first, then night weaning?
Thank you again for all your help. We feel really lost and defeated now.
Am I correct that it is not practical now to help him sleep better and that you wish to wait until Dec. 30th?
Baby will be alone with my husband and MIL and traveling back to Seattle on the 30th. I’m leaving tomorrow sans baby to visit my sick mom. We assumed we shouldn’t start full sleep training until we get back due to the time change and we could have both parental hands? Very happy to be wrong on that though if it gets him rested sooner. I’m back to work on the 6th so would love even more time to get this resolved.
Husband said he will happily do it if you are supportive.
Have your husband read Blog Posts 138 and 219.
Have him read the sections on Extinction and the Nap Drill in my book.
If he will commit to Extinction and the Nap Drill for 3-4 days and nights, you will have a positive result. Keep a written record.
If he cannot commit to 3-4 days and nights, don’t try this.
Let me know.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth – This is Abby’s husband! I’m ready to give this a try tonight. My only two questions after reading all of the above are:
– As Abby mentioned, he has a very heavy pacifier dependence going to sleep at night. Should I go cold turkey on the pacifier for bedtime, or keep it when I put him down at first? (Though would not put it back in if it falls out)
– On his one night feeding, do I just make a judgement call on when he is truly crying for hunger vs. not?
Thank you!
Here are some ideas on pacifiers:
Buy a dozen and put them in his crib, maybe he’ll find one…or use his thumb
Return once and only once to re-insert the pacifier; you’ll know after a night or two whether this is helpful or harmful regarding sleeping.
Don’t ever go to re-insert.
Feeding:
At or more than 4 hours since his last feeding, if hungry, feed him. Keep the feeding time brief followed by minimal soothing and put down drowsy but awake.
Is this OK?
Thank you! Last night I tried putting him to sleep with no pacifier, and he immediately fell asleep only waking once the whole night to feed. I couldn’t believe it. We will keep at it, thank you so much for your help!
Congratulations!
Were you skeptical going into this?
There may be a ‘response burst’ as described in my book.
Hi Dr Weissbluth,
Reporting back that we are ALL now well rested. Kiddo is almost 8 month. He goes to sleep at 6:30 most nights (between 6:15-6:45 depending on last nap / mood) and consistently sleeps until 6-6:30 the next morning. He puts himself to sleep easily and looks forward to bed time. naps have also improved. We usually get one long one but sometimes get lucky with two good ones. What changed was we did extinction for his 3/4/5 AM wakeup (we were feeding). He also learned to sleep on his tummy and much prefers that. Thank you for all of the guidance! We are big believers in early bed times. Our kiddo is in a much better mood and it’s nice to have some kid free time after he goes down!
What wonderful news — thank you for sharing this update. Hearing that your child is sleeping better means the whole family is doing better, and that is exactly what this work is for.
My sincere goal is to raise awareness of accurate, research-based information about children’s sleep, so that more families can find their way to restful nights and calmer days. You are now on the right path, and I am confident your child’s sleep will continue to improve.
To help encourage other parents who may be struggling with the same challenges you faced, would you consider writing a narrative account of your sleep journey and posting it here as a comment? I would use it as a Blog Post. Parents often find it most meaningful to hear from other parents — what the problem looked like, what you tried, what worked, and how your family came through it. If you are willing, please include the role the father played, as father involvement is one of the most important and under appreciated factors in helping children sleep well.
If you feel comfortable doing so, an honest Amazon book review would also be a tremendous help to families who are searching for guidance and trying to decide whether this approach is right for them.
I wish you and your child sweet dreams.