Blog Posts 1–5, based on the United States of America Department of the Army Field Manual: Holistic Healing and Fitness, describe what really matters for your child’s sleep. If sleep is an important enough topic for national defense than surely sleep should be considered a serious topic for parenting!
MW:
| 1.My husband has been very supportive. He read select chapters from the book and listened to my summary. One challenge is that he works 12 hours so typically 3-4 nights a week I put the girls to bed by myself. It took some time for me to get in a rhythm of putting them down. When he is home he supports us by either keeping the toddler busy or helping with the baby. (Note-The toddler has started to go to bed about 45 minutes earlier than she was previously. It didn’t fix all of the meltdowns but it surely has helped).Early bedtime has honestly changed the rhythm our family. We value eating together as a family so we eat even earlier. I think it’s also important to note that in addition to her happy demeanor dinner also can disguise her sleepy signs as she is very interested in eating.
Several friends knew of our plight with sleep. They always comment about the 5:30 bedtime. When you are desperate for sleep you are willing to try anything. My advice would be to say: what do you have to lose? Try it for 3 nights when the social calendar is light. If it doesn’t work then don’t continue but if you are like us we didn’t have much to lose. 2. While early bedtime took away our night problems quickly, it did not quickly fix her demeanor. I also want to add that she was such a smiley baby. Even strangers commented on her happy disposition. During her awful sleep period she became extremely cranky and fussy. After a solid 6 weeks of good sleep we finally got our happy baby back! I’m not sure I have much advice because we lost our happy girl during our sleep issues. 3. The bedtime witching hour is basically nonexistent. Tired kids when you are tired isn’t fun. Quality over quantity. The other day my toddler went to bed at 5pm and slept until 7am (when I woke her). She ran to our back room and eagerly pulled out a toy for us to play. She was in a GOOD mood. I played with her for about 10-15 minutes before I left for work. That 10-15 minutes of play was HIGH QUALITY. No whining, crying, no dysregulation. Only laughing, smiling and joking. Additionally my husband and I have more time to spend. We are typically early to bed ourselves. No more putting the kids down and then hopping into bed ourselves. I just left for a 6pm yoga class and no guilt because he isn’t stuck with 2 overtired kids. In fact he’s having quality 1:1 time painting with the toddler. |
Im the mom from this post. Our girl is now 19 months. About 3 weeks ago we weaned her pacifier (due to dental issues). We introduced pacifier when we had initial sleep issues. Weaning initially was easy and relatively smooth.
However the last week or so she’s crying at every nap and every bedtime. She will cry for 45+ minutes without signs of slowing. Usually at this point we intervene.
We’ve tried an early 530 bedtime (typical bedtime is around 630 with a 1.5 hour nap) and a temporary late bedtime. She cries.
Any suggestions?
Please describe in detail her typical mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction) during the 60 minutes before her usual 6:30pm. bedtime in the past.
For how many consecutive nights did you try the 5:30pm bedtime and again, please describe in detail her typical mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction) during the 60 minutes before the 5:30pm bedtime.
Do you think the pacifier removal is part of the problem?
Was there any unusual event(S) that might have caused a later bedtime or skipping naps during the week or so before her sleep worsened?
Im wondering if when gets herself REALLY worked up if she is having trouble self soothing. Before she had her pacifier to help but now she doesnt. Maybe Im off basis here.
We also brought home a newborn about 6 weeks ago. Probably wasnt great time to wean the pacifier but we weren’t sleeping anyways and my husband was off work.
We tried 3 nights at 530. 75+ minutes (45 then tried to calm down + 30 more minutes)of crying. The 60 minutes before is hard to answer because usually we eat dinner and then get ready for bed so she isnt really playing by herself. But I would say in the moments in between when we are trying to get dinner on the table/clean up that she is fussy and wants to be picked up.
Last night (for the first time) she started waking up middle of the night with hysterical crying each time her brother started fussing.
Im guessing she’s just super over tired and we need to try a little longer putting her to bed at 530?
How old is she?
Please describe the timing and duration of her typical nap.
You are describing pre-sleep arousal: “But I would say in the moments in between when we are trying to get dinner on the table/clean up that she is fussy and wants to be picked up.” that interferes with falling asleep and staying asleep.
If, and only if, you and your husband agree, please consider a temporary (3-5 nights) strict 5:30PM expected falling asleep time (she is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm) followed by extinction as described in my book. Start on a Saturday and have father do all of this so you can attend to your baby. The nap(s) might lengthen and later, the bedtime might be a little later.
How does this sound?
Looking ahead, please read Blog Posts 190 and 231)
I tried to pay a bit more attention to 60 min before bed since I am still in the newborn fog and going through the motions a bit.
She’s 19m. She wakes up between 7-730. Naps from around noon-130 (sometimes 2).
Today at 4-430pm she was outside playing with toys. Independently exploring them by herself. Transitioned inside for dinner. She ate well at told us “all done”. While we cleaned up she made her way to the toy room and found several toys and the shopping cart which she pushed around the house. She brought toys to her older sister. Overall was in a good mood. Irritability was only when in conflict with her older sister.
Around 530 I noticed her starring out the window so we got a bath (this produced crankiness), brushed her teeth and read books (calm self). Sang/Snuggled/Rocked her, put her down and walked out by 6:05pm. She was initially quiet for 5-8minutes but then started to cry for about 30-40 minutes. This was a softer level of crying compared to the hysterical/ear piercing crying of the last several days.
Please look at and have your husband read carefully Blog Posts 9, 83, and 115X to understand that currently, her falling asleep time is too late causing pre-sleep arousal (Blog Posts 159, 170, 171, and 204) which is causing her sleep/crying issue.
Will your husband cooperate with my previous suggestion?
Thanks! Will read them. He will definitely help. Unfortunately he works 12s so there are days I have to do bedtime on my own for all 3. Maybe I can find a friend who would be willing to help the other two.