Blog Posts 1–5, based on the United States of America Department of the Army Field Manual: Holistic Healing and Fitness, describe what really matters for your child’s sleep. If sleep is an important enough topic for national defense than surely sleep should be considered a serious topic for parenting!
“We brought home a sweet 35 weeker who escaped without a NICU stay. She was sleepy as most preemies are. We never had second night syndrome and despite waiting for it she was a great sleeper. I remember a friend was over when I put her down for a nap and was surprised that she only cried for a couple of minutes before drifting off to sleep.
All of this finally changed around 7 months after she had croup. Between being sick and being afraid of waking the toddler we started responding to every cry. Before we knew it she was waking sometimes 4-5 times a night.
A family friend who happens to be a pediatrician recommended your book. I was completely against “cry it out” but I was also desperate. So we jumped in but at first only moved bedtime up to 6:30 with mild-moderate improvements. Our pediatrician friend kept saying “don’t be afraid to put her down at 5:30.” We thought you were both crazy. We had nothing to lose so we tried it. Lo and behold she started sleeping through the night. We’ve been going with a 5:30 bedtime for about 2.5 months. I also want to add that she was such a smiley baby. Even strangers commented on her happy disposition. During her awful sleep period she became extremely cranky and fussy. After a solid 6 weeks of good sleep we finally got our happy baby back!
She is now 11.5 months (actual age) and current schedule is as follows: Goes to sleep at 5:30, wakes up between 7-8am. She usually is ready for a nap between 9-10 which lasts usually 75-120 minutes. She will take another nap around 1 that lasts about 60 minutes. Her naps are still a bit variable from day to day.
If she goes to bed later than 5:50pm. we are guaranteed an early morning wakeup(usually between 330-5am). So my question is, when will this 530 bedtime slowly start to shift to 6 or 630?”
Early bedtimes produce high quality sleep (long sleep duration and consolidated sleep). High quality sleep better stimulates brain development. As a result, she will be more intelligent, athletic and creative and be less likely to develop emotional or behavioral problems and mental health problems when older. Just as you would not withhold food when she is hungry, please do not withhold sleep when she is drowsy. Blog Posts 224A, 224B, and 224C will give you more information.
I do not know when her bedtime will shift to a later time.
To be continued.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
You have helped us in the past with our son and I am hoping you can help again! Our son will be 10 months this week and in the past week we have run into some issues with his first nap. He is having great difficulty going down. I know part of this is I am really struggling to figure out when to put him down.
For context here is our situation for the last month. In early February he got sick, his sleep was definitely all over the place so we had short wake times and short naps and interrupted night time sleep. He was regularly going to bed between 5:30 and 6:00 pm because of his illness. He also became incredibly clingy to me as is expected during illness. As he got better his sleep improved, first naps became more normal approximately 1.5 hours and overnight sleep went back to being uninterrupted. We eventually moved back to our 6:30-7:00 bedtime based on his cues. However, his cues are becoming a lot more difficult for my husband and I to read since his illness.
My son has never been clingy before this but since he has been sick he will barely leave my side, he constantly wants me there not to hold him but to just play with him. When we are playing I find his cues far more difficult than when I leave him alone to play. When he’s alone I can notice a calmness and quietness from him which signals he is ready for sleep. While he was sick he also learned how to crawl and pull himself to stand which is all he wants to do now which I find also makes reading his cues difficult.
Now, the problem with the first nap. I believe my son is waking up for the day between 6:40-7:15 am. When he wakes he’s quiet and usually just plays in his crib he rarely makes much sound to wake us so I am not entirely sure of when he is truly waking up. I often get him out of bed between 7:15 and 7:30am. Prior to the last few days he pretty consistently showed that he was ready for a nap between 9:15am and 9:30am. I would put him down and leave the room and he would be asleep within 5 minutes. Lately, he is crying so much and just trying to stand up and shouting “mama” when he is put down around this time. I have tried putting him down between 9:45 and 10:00 instead but still there is so much crying which is so unusual for him, however it lasts a much shorter time than the earlier nap time.
His second nap and bedtime are a lot easier to determine that might be partly because I know exactly when he wakes up from those so I can guess an approximate time to look for sleepy cues.
So I guess my questions are:
1) What suggestions do you have for reading his cues now that he seems more clingy and I can’t seem to give him the opportunity to play independently?
and
2) Should I be trying to push his first nap time later? Is he just not tired enough yet to be put down?
Please read pages 606 and 614 in my book to fully appreciate why his behavior is both age-appropriate and more intense due to sleep loss.
The most likely scenario is that his original bedtime (“6:30-7:00 based on his cues) was slightly too late and when he became ill, he went over the cliff.
To help with the first nap, control the wake-up time; that is, temporarily wake him (or get him out of bed) around 6-6:30am to start the day and then he should be better able to take a nap around 9am. Additionally, move the bedtime slightly earlier to about 6-6:15 which, over time, may cause him to naturally wake up a bit earlier to protect his morning nap.
As he becomes better rested, the behavior you describe should become less intense or disappear.
How does this sound.
Thanks so much for the response. I will review those pages and try the set wake up time and earlier bed time. I appreciate your help!
Please give me a follow-up report.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
Its been about 6 days since we implemented your advice of a consistent wake up at 6:30am, nap at 9am, and earlier bedtime. I will admit it took us a couple days to get to bed between 6:00 and 6:15pm we just couldn’t seem to get ourselves organized for our son to be put down earlier than 6:30pm. However, even having him in bed by 6:30 and having a nap by 9:00am there was already a significant improvement. He was no longer crying when he was put down for a nap and his playing did not last as long either. The last 3 days he has been going to bed between 6:00 and 6:15pm, falling asleep almost immediately and waking up on his own at 6:30am. He plays for less than 5 minutes in his crib before falling asleep when he is put down for his morning and afternoon nap. I am also finding his drowsy cues to be a little more clear, he has clear yawns and a quietness that comes over him again that is more obvious than it has been the last couple weeks.
I found page 610 of your book particularly relatable “Children who slip in and out of good sleeping patterns are usually going to bed slightly too late every day. They don’t have major problems, but they are always on the edge of becoming overtired and they easily and quickly become very overtired whenever there is a disruption of sleep routines.” This really summed up the last few months for us I think.
Thank you so much for your advice and your book. It has helped us immensely since our son was born in April.
Congratulations!!
Please consider writing a narrative report describing your sleep journey here and I would use it as a Blog Post. Mothers would be more attuned to your voice than mine.
How quickly did his sleep improve after you were able to make the shift to an earlier bedtime?
Did your husband support or not support the shift in bedtime?
Please tell me whether or not there has been any change in the ‘clingy’ behavior that you previously described.
I’d be happy to write one.
I began reading *Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child* when my son was about two weeks old after a friend, a mother of twins, recommended it. I did my best to follow Dr. Weissbluth’s advice, such as putting my son down drowsy but awake and watching for his sleepy cues. Honestly, I thought we were doing great—each week, my son was sleeping longer stretches at night. Around six weeks, I implemented what I thought was an early bedtime of 7:00 pm. However, I soon realized that I was rarely getting him down by that time. It was often 7:30 or 8:00 pm by the time I left the room. Still, I continued with this routine since his overnight sleep was improving with longer stretches. His naps, though, were never great, but I chalked it up to being typical for a newborn.
When my son was 14 weeks old, everything suddenly fell apart—almost overnight. He would cry for over an hour when put down at night and began waking every 2-3 hours, needing to be fed to fall back asleep. This was a dramatic change from the 8-9 hour stretches he had previously been able to do.
This was when I first contacted Dr. Weissbluth for advice. He helped my husband and me realize that our son was severely overtired due to his too-late bedtime. Dr. Weissbluth also recommended that my husband take over the bedtime routine. We started a 5:30 pm bedtime for over a week to help our son “pay back” his sleep debt. Since then, my husband has taken on the bedtime routine. We also agreed to implement the extinction method, unless our son was hungry during the night.
The first night we implemented the 5:30 pm bedtime, our son slept 9 hours uninterrupted, only waking for a feeding. The next day, his naps improved significantly. He went from having sporadic, short naps to three solid naps, which continued until he was 7 months old, when he dropped to two naps. Over the next 3-4 weeks, we gradually moved his bedtime later, until it was between 6:30 and 7:00 pm, which has remained consistent. Since he turned 6 months old, he has been able to sleep through the night uninterrupted. He is currently 10 months old.
About two weeks ago, I noticed a shift in his nap routine. He started having trouble going down for his morning nap. Having recently learned how to pull himself to a standing position, he would stand in his crib and cry out, shouting “MAMA!” when it was time for his nap. He also became very clingy throughout the day, which wasn’t typical for him. Concerned, I reached out to Dr. Weissbluth again for advice. I explained that our son had been sick earlier in the month and had recently mastered pulling to stand, which, along with the clinginess, seemed to be affecting his sleep. I also mentioned that in the mornings, I wasn’t sure when he was waking up, as he often played quietly in his crib. Dr. Weissbluth suggested setting a wake-up time of 6:30 am to align better with a 9:00 am nap. He also recommended a temporary early bedtime between 6:00 and 6:15 pm, believing that our son’s previous bedtime might have been slightly too late and that his illness had pushed him over the edge. My husband and I agreed to follow this advice, knowing that adequate sleep is essential for our son’s growth and to help prevent unwanted behaviors like crankiness.
The day after implementing the earlier bedtime and nap schedule, I noticed a significant improvement. Our son no longer fought his naps. Instead of crying and standing in his crib, he would roll over and fall asleep within 5 minutes. His clinginess around nap time disappeared. Additionally, he began falling asleep easily between 6:00 and 6:15 pm with no resistance. In both instances of implementing an earlier bedtime, we saw our son’s sleep improve within 24 hours.
Over the past 10 months, I’ve learned that overtiredness can manifest in many different ways. I’ve also realized that a slightly earlier bedtime is almost always the solution to sudden, unwanted behaviors, particularly those related to sleep. My husband and I are incredibly thankful that Dr. Weissbluth has been available to offer personalized advice in addition to the helpful recommendations in his book.
THANK YOU!
Ok, I find myself needing your advice again! We continued with the above discussed advice until the time change happened a week later (we are in Canada). Initially, what I anticipated was, essentially moving everything an hour forward so bedtime was 6 it would be moved to 7, wake up was 6:30 it would be moved to 7:30, etc. However, it just didn’t end up working out so that plan didn’t even last a day! His naps fell apart pretty quickly so we went back to the original plan of a 6:00-6:15 bedtime sometimes 6:30, 6:30 wake up, 9:00 am nap. It has worked well until this past week. In this past week his naps have increased in length. the first one often being 9:00 am-11:00 am and the second being roughly around the time of 2:00pm-4:00pm sometimes even 4:30pm. Previously he was only sleeping until about 3:00pm. Even though he is sleeping longer during the day I still notice drowsy signs around 6:15pm. By drowsy signs all I am really noticing is a yawn or two. So, we have continued to have him in bed by 6:15pm and on some occasions 6:30pm. While he used to fall asleep within 5 minutes, in the last week he has been awake playing quietly in his crib until he falls alseep around 6:45 – 7:00pm. I notice it is sometimes later if his nap goes past 4:00pm. Should we be moving the bed time later? I feel like we should, but I don’t want to get caught in the cycle of just being slightly overtired again.
An increase in latency to sleep onset suggests that he is being put to bed too early, so logically, you might think that the bedtime should be later. Biologically, it’s the opposite. Pre-sleep arousal is the problem. How old is he?
Circadian rhythms are influenced by light and social cues (eating, bathing, etc) so when his bedtime was 6 pm and the time change occurred, it still should have been 6pm. The shift to 7pm messed up his sleep. to restore his sleep debt, try a temporary 5:30 sleep time (he is bathed, fed, soothed, and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm) for just 1-3 nights. This is a reset so ignore all protest crying. His sleep debt has produced longer naps which interferes with an early bedtime. During the reset, if needed, limit the morning nap to 1.5 hours so the second nap starts a little earlier and do the same for the second nap. Wake him at 3pm if he is asleep during the reset. The earlier bedtime will naturally shorten the nap durations. After a few days, use drowsy signs to determine the bedtime which might vary because of nap variability. Keep a written record and let me know how it goes.
How does this sound.
He is 11 months next week. OK, we will try a reset. I have been trying to shorten his last nap in the last 3 days which has helped, he will fall asleep a little earlier now (6:40pm).
“try a temporary 5:30 sleep time (he is bathed, fed, soothed, and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm) for just 1-3 nights. This is a reset so ignore all protest crying.”