If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
This mother had done this before. Three times before, in fact. She came to her fourth child with experience, with the book, and with a plan — and still found herself going into the room seven or eight times at bedtime to replace a pacifier, unable to figure out the napping, and losing ground every week. What turned it around was an early bedtime earlier than she thought possible and the willingness to trust a number that felt wrong.
“This is my 4th child, and I had planned to follow Dr. Weissbluth’s book like I did with my other children. I started posting on the blog and asking questions about my daughter when she was just a couple months old. I couldn’t figure out her night sleeping or her napping. She wasn’t sleeping very well at night and would take a long time to fall asleep — I would constantly go in to put her pacifier in. I tried doing extinction which helped with her falling asleep and was such a relief to not continuously go in to put her pacifier in at bedtime — I was going in 7 or 8 times. I tried a 5:30pm bedtime, as Dr. Weissbluth mentioned to try. Then he helped me figure out that she needed to go in even earlier. Although it seemed nerve-wracking to put a baby in so early, I tried it. I have been doing a 5:10pm bedtime for about a month and it has been working out great.
I started the nap drill after doing the early bedtime. I originally had tried to maximize day sleep by going in to soothe her with a pacifier when she’d wake up early from a nap, or by holding her. But that was way too draining after doing that for so long, so I started the nap drill. Although it was very difficult to hear my baby cry — when I had to at night originally and for naps — I know that it was ultimately best for her and me, and was not damaging to her. It taught her to fall asleep better and stay asleep better!
My husband was very helpful and supportive through the process and also felt that it would be to her benefit to leave her to learn to fall asleep on her own and that she was okay, even though she was crying. Having that encouragement definitely helped me. He even would sometimes tell me I could go to a neighbor or outside while she was crying if I wasn’t able to listen to it. My husband followed my lead with what I felt was good based on what Dr. Weissbluth said.
Baby and I are now in a much better place at 5 months than we were at 3 months. She used to cry at bedtime, cry or fuss at naptime, take very short naps, and wake up at night after only a few hours. Now she generally doesn’t cry at bedtime, doesn’t cry too much before naps, and is even able to nap for up to 2.5 hours sometimes. And although I thought a 5:10pm bedtime would cause her to wake up earlier to nurse or earlier in the morning, she has now after some time come to do a 6–7 hour stretch. She also does not wake up in the 5s for the day like I thought she might.
Even though some babies can stay up for longer stretches, I have learned that at 5 months it’s okay that my baby still needs to go to sleep after about an hour or an hour and a bit. It’s important to follow my baby’s lead for when she is tired. She is sleeping better, reaching milestones, and gaining weight — overall a happy baby, and that’s what’s important!
Looking back at how she was sleeping a couple months ago compared to now is a HUGE improvement and feels so much better. The early bedtime and nap drill have really helped my baby make a major change. It can be hard to be patient, but it is worth it.
Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth, for your time and your blog. I don’t think my baby would be sleeping as well as she is now without your help!”
What This Story Illustrates
Several things are worth noting here, beyond the outcome itself.
First, experience is not always an advantage. This mother had successfully navigated infant sleep three times before, and that history may have made it harder — not easier — to accept that this baby needed something more extreme than what had worked before. Each child is different, and the willingness to set aside what worked last time is its own skill.
Second, 5:10pm is not a typo. It is a number that emerged from watching a specific baby’s drowsy signs and working backward from them. The nerve-wracking quality of a bedtime that early is real — it disrupts the evening, it feels socially strange, and it runs directly against the intuition that a baby put down earlier will wake up earlier. But the biology runs the other way. Earlier in, later and longer out. Sleep begets sleep.
Third, the pacifier replacement cycle — going in seven or eight times before extinction, then continuing to manually extend naps rather than using the nap drill — was exhausting this mother without solving anything. The soothing that felt helpful was substituting for the self-soothing skills the baby needed to develop. Extinction at bedtime and the nap drill for daytime sleep removed the substitution and let the skill emerge.
Fourth, the father’s role here was quiet but real. He did not take over, and this mother was clearly capable and in charge. What he provided was something specific and essential: the permission to step away. Telling her she could go outside, to a neighbor’s house, while the baby cried was not dismissiveness. It was practical support for a mother who had the knowledge and the plan but needed someone beside her to make it possible to follow through.
The result — a 5:10pm bedtime producing a 6–7 hour stretch, naps extending to 2.5 hours, and a baby who no longer cries at bedtime — arrived from doing less, not more. Less going in. Less holding. Less replacing the pacifier. Less intervening.
The biology cooperated when it was given the opportunity.
— Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
What a wonderful success story. The point about watching a baby’s drowsy signs rather than the clock really stands out — a 5:10pm bedtime may look startlingly early, but it was exactly what this little one needed. It’s also lovely to see the emphasis on a supportive partner; having someone who trusts the process makes those first sleep adjustments so much easier.