If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
There is a widespread belief in parenting culture that you should never let a baby cry — and certainly never use extinction or graduated extinction — until the baby is at least three to six months old. This opinion is stated confidently on social media, in parenting books, and sometimes by well-meaning family members. It feels protective and intuitive.
There is no published study that supports it. No data suggests that extinction at younger ages is ineffective. No data suggests it is unsafe.
That does not mean extinction is the right choice for every young baby or every family. It means the age restriction that so many people treat as settled fact is not based on evidence. It is opinion presented as fact, and parents deserve to know the difference.
The Twenty Percent and the Eighty Percent
About twenty percent of babies have colic. These babies need intensive parental soothing during the colic period — there is no way around it, and trying to rush past it is neither realistic nor kind. But as colic subsides, usually between two and four months of age, a gradual weaning from that intensive soothing gives the baby the opportunity to begin developing self-soothing skills. For these babies, extinction after colic resolves can be an effective and appropriate next step.
For the other eighty percent — babies without colic — extinction may never be needed at all. From the very first weeks of life, babies are capable of learning to self-soothe if parents create the conditions that allow it. Those conditions are not complicated, but they do require starting early and staying consistent:
When these conditions are in place from the beginning, most babies learn to fall asleep and return to sleep independently without any formal sleep intervention. The goal has always been prevention first — building healthy sleep habits so that treatment is never necessary.
When parents do create a sleep problem — through no fault of intent, simply through the accumulation of habits that felt right in the moment — they can choose among several approaches to correct it, including extinction.
What My Own Practice Has Shown
In my pediatric practice, for families who came for a prenatal visit or were followed from birth, and also for families who came to me specifically for a sleep consultation, extinction when needed is successfully accomplished in three to four days — even in babies under eight weeks of age.
Two situations in which mothers have used extinction under eight weeks of age come up repeatedly:
The first is a mother whose baby is not her first child. She used extinction with an older child at a later age and experienced a prolonged period of sleeplessness for both herself and her baby before things improved. She does not want to repeat that experience. She also has an older child who needs her attention, and protecting everyone’s sleep — including her own — is a practical necessity.
The second is a mother whose first baby is clearly short on sleep — increasingly fussy, harder to settle, showing signs of accumulating sleep debt. She chooses extinction because she wants to end the cycle quickly and get more sleep for her baby and for herself. She acts early, before the pattern becomes entrenched.
Both of these mothers made informed, loving decisions based on their specific circumstances. Neither harmed her baby. Both helped.
For parents who want to explore this further, Blog Posts 105, 106, 115, and 219 share detailed accounts from mothers who have navigated these decisions, including those who used extinction successfully in very young infants.
The evidence is clear. The timing is a clinical judgment, not a rule. And the earlier healthy sleep habits are established — by whatever means work for your family — the better for everyone.
Hi Marc – I breastfeed and my 6 month old baby still wakes twice a night to nurse (12pm and 3am). She goes to sleep around 6:30 and wakes around 6. Will she drop those nighttime feeds naturally on her own or will I need to use a method like extinction to help her drop them? When should I do that? Can I do it now at 6 months? Thank you!
Describe her 34-hour sleep pattern: falling asleep times during the day and at night and the time of her evening feeding. Do you have ample breast milk?
She wakes around 6am, first nap around 8:30-10, second nap around 1-2:30, bedtime at 6:30. Her last nursing session is right before bed at 6pm. She is growing well and is a big baby so I believe I have ample breastmilk. However she does eat a lot in the middle of the night feeds so maybe I don’t produce enough during the day? I’m not sure.
Describe her self-soothing skills.
Describe her mood and behavior between 5-6pm when alone with toys (no screens or parental interction)
Does she ever get a bottle?
It is possible that she is hungry/thirsty at midnight but not again at 3am. So one consideration is to not go to her at all at 3pm (extinction) and continue to feed her at midnight. Alternatively, father might attend to her at 3am with low-stimulus soothing (Blog Post 145).
She sucks her thumb and is a good self soother. She falls asleep on her own at bedtime and all naps. Between 5-6pm she’s exhausted but not upset. She wiggles her arms and legs a lot. She doesn’t regularly take a bottle but she will drink from one. We will try removing the second feed of the night. Thank you for your responses!
“Between 5-6pm she’s exhausted but not upset.” Please begin the bedtime routine 20 minutes earlier with the expectation that she will fall asleep 20 minutes earlier for 3 nights only. If she actually falls asleep at this earlier bedtime, then you will know that the current bedtime is too late. If this is the case, repeat the 20 minute earlier plan. Late bedtimes cause more night wakings. How does this sound?
That sounds good. 5:30-6pm isn’t too early a bedtime? Thank you!