If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
I attempted to prioritize my sleep throughout the pregnancy; this may have taught Larry the importance of sleep in utero
My husband and I are both 43 years old. We both work out of the house, but I work from home two days a week.
I started to think about helping my baby (Larry) sleep well from the day he was born, but more intently at around 8 weeks old. As a Weissbluth patient, my parents (especially my mother) were adamant about the importance of my getting “good” sleep for as long as I can remember. I came to think of “good sleep” as equating to 8-9 hours a night. Into adulthood, I would think about and regulate my sleep in terms of wake-up time, so if I went to bed at midnight I’d better not wake up before 9am if I wanted to feel refreshed. As a kid, I think my bedtime was around 7:30 or 8pm. In high school, bedtime after 10pm was probably considered late in my house and even then I’d have to pretend to be getting to sleep even if I lay awake in bed. I don’t remember enjoying going to bed as I think I was a “night owl,” but I also don’t remember fighting it (and if I did I’m sure it was not allowed by my parents). My mother’s rationale was that good sleep was important because it made me a more well-adjusted person and in a better mood. I can’t say I abided by this, or 8 hours of sleep my entire life, but I have held onto it as a rule of thumb. I’ve also never struggled with sleeping through the night at any point in my life.
When I had my baby, we handled the first 2 months as any parent of a newborn would. But at 8 weeks old, Larry was starting to sleep 10 hours a night. By this time he was exclusively formula-fed. He was combo-fed from birth, in part because I had breast cancer in 2021 and as a result of surgery and radiation never produced much milk in the affected breast. By 8 weeks I dropped all of the breastfeeding since the amount was so minimal and I needed to resume medication. My husband and I believed that formula feeding was primarily what helped Larry to become a “good” eater and sleeper early on since we could control the amount he ate, space feedings out with more hours, and prevent him from being hungry in the middle of the night. But our approach and mindset about sleep may have an influence, too. For one, we’ve always been sure to give Leon a moment to fuss and self-adjust before picking him up to comfort him. I also think I find it easy to believe that “good sleep” is possible because it has been possible for me. I tend to think of “good sleep” as the default– the thing the baby wants to do and can do– so anything short of that means there’s something we may need to adjust to help him get there. My husband and I also read a book during pregnancy that shared anecdotes about babies in France sleeping through the night at two months old (“Bringing up Bebe”), and I read a thing or two about sleep training to understand the gist for when I might need it. But mostly we agreed on very much wanting this outcome since we knew we’d be returning to work and believed that if it can happen in France it can happen for us. And then we just hoped we’d get lucky.
My husband didn’t grow up with any strong or conflicting approaches to sleep in his family, so this was not something we had to navigate. I purchased “Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child” so we’d have it on hand, but have not felt the need to use it yet. Furthermore, neither of our parents have intervened with commentary or opinions about how to handle our newborn’s sleep since they are much older and are not here consistently to monitor anything we are doing. If anything, my mom has offered random bits of wisdom like, “he’ll sleep through the night when he’s 11 pounds.” I’d say it’s been generally supportive and in line with the idea that “good sleep” will happen if you let things run their course.
The only other thing I can think to share about my approach to my baby’s sleep is that I have attempted to prioritize my sleep throughout the pregnancy and parenting journey as much as possible. That means during pregnancy I slept a lot, sometimes up to 10-12 hours at night. I felt so tired, and after working all day I was almost always asleep by 9 pm. I woke in the night often but always went to bed early. I joke that this may have taught Larry the importance of sleep in utero, but maybe it truly did. I also try to think about Larry’s sleep alongside my own now, as a team effort– we all need sleep, so he needs to sleep, and this is the way it is supposed to be. (I did try to adhere to “sleep when the baby sleeps” when he was a newborn, too, especially during that first, long morning nap).
