If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
A. Routines (Blog Post 242A)
B. Establish Priorities (Blog Post 242B)
C. Family Values
I do feel that getting the appropriate amount of sleep was instilled in them when they were young and the effects did and do carry through. It is almost as if getting appropriate amounts of sleep became a family value for us. I do not think that the importance of that can be overstated. When our daughters were able to catch up on sleep on the weekends, they always did so and were refreshed and ready to go. They both love their sleep and know how vital it is.
Alice is now a freshman at college. I attribute Alice’s knowledge of her sleep need to her early training and the importance we as a family placed on getting a good night’s sleep. Alice frequently brings up sleep in conversation with us. Sometimes I think she does this for the affirmation that it is okay for her to go to bed earlier than her peers. She does not need us to tell her to go to bed earlier. She knows what she needs to do.
My sense is that we had created a house so centered on balance (sleep and healthy activities) that we have had an easier time sustaining the conversation on the importance of sleep. I think that it would be very hard to employ rules and expectations around decent bedtimes for our teenagers had we not had such a strong sense of sleep when we were raising the little boys!
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
I am in the process of trying to sleep train/potentially fix a sleep deficit with my 14 week old and I feel like I’m trying too many things at once. I have read your book and am struggling to figure out what I need to prioritize.
For some background information she is exclusively breast fed. Sleep from the start has been hard, she is gassy, arches a lot when feeding and sleeping, and spits up a lot. This has all decreased with me eliminating some of the top allergens from my diet and starting her on reflux meds. Now she can sleep flat (new as of 12-13 weeks) before her bassinet was slightly elevated or she’d spit up immediately when laid down no matter how long she’d been burped or held upright. I’m not sure I’d say she’s colicky, she doesn’t cry a lot but is clearly uncomfortable when those things are unmitigated.
Generally she wakes up at 6:45am, naps from 8:15-9am, 11am-1:30pm, 3-4pm and she is in bed sleeping at 6pm. The first nap is in her crib the others are contact naps right now. She sleeps well in her crib at night (2-4hr stretches) but only does 1hr or less naps during the day unless she’s contact napping. She gets extremely fussy from 4-6 when alone with toys.
At night I feed her and she usually falls asleep then she wakes a bit as I transfer her. In your book I know you mention the suck swallow patterns, I do unlatch her as soon as I see her stop the one suck to swallow pattern. She cries for about ten minutes then settles unless she’s needs fed/diaper change.
Does she need a temporary 5:30 bedtime? We are only on night four of her sleeping in her own room/crib and she has gone from 4-6 nightly wakings to 2-3.
What a thoughtful, detailed message — and it is clear you have been paying close attention to your daughter and working hard to help her. You mentioned fourteen weeks — is that from her due date, or was she premature?
What is going right: The improvement in her medical situation — the dietary changes, the reflux medication, the ability to sleep flat — is genuinely significant. You have removed a real physical barrier to sleep, and the timing is good. Going from four to six nightly wakings down to two to three in just four nights of crib sleeping is real, meaningful progress. Her nervous system is responding.
What to prioritize right now: At fourteen weeks, the single most important thing is the early bedtime, and you already have it. A 6:00 p.m. bedtime is good. The fussiness you are seeing between 4:00 and 6:00 p.m. is pre-sleep arousal — she has moved past drowsy and into overtired. A temporary 5:30 p.m. bedtime for several nights will help repay any accumulated sleep debt and get ahead of that overtired window.
The contact naps: The contact naps are working because they work — a sleeping baby is a victory. Do not try to solve everything at once. The nighttime crib sleep is the foundation, and you are already building it. Once the nights are more stable, begin working on independent naps, starting with the first morning nap when she is at her most rested.
The unlatching: You are doing exactly the right thing. Continue unlatching when the suck-swallow pattern slows. The settling that follows is giving her the opportunity to practice falling asleep on her own — and the fact that she is doing it in under ten minutes tells you she is capable. The ten minutes may also shorten further once the bedtime moves earlier.
You are not doing too many things at once. You are doing the right things. Start with the 5:30 bedtime tonight.
And are you able to try the earlier bedtime?
Hi,
Thank you for the reassurance! We are determined to help her get good sleep. She was born at 39w4d. We started the 5:30 bedtime last night and she slept well once she made it through the first wake up. Her first stretch is usually just one sleep cycle and then she wakes up very hungry – I feed her and the second stretch she will sleep 3-5hrs. Is this just a part of the consolidation process? Thank you for the advice! Your book was given to me by some seasoned moms in my life and it’s been such a valuable resource as this is my first baby!
Feed her if she is hungry.