If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Here are some examples of what happens when children get a few minutes more or a few minutes less sleep:
Delaying school start times allowed 15-year-olds to sleep in: Improved mental health, better prosocial behavior, peer relationships and attention levels after 5 months with 2.5 minutes more sleep.
Children at 3.5 years who had 7 minutes less sleep were more likely to develop symptoms of bipolar disorder at 11 years of age.
Delaying school start times allowed 15-year-olds to sleep in: Improved alertness and well-being and lower levels of sleepiness after 9 months with 10 minutes more sleep.
Experimentally extending sleep in teens: Reduced insomnia and depressive symptoms with 13 minutes more sleep.
Advancing school start times in 13-year-old: More low mood and sleepiness with 15 minutes of less sleep.
Delaying school start times in 4 other studies allowed teens and preteens to sleep in: Less sleepiness, less tardiness, less low mood, and better grades with 17, 29, 30, and 34 minutes of more sleep.
Experimentally extending sleep among 7-11-years old: Improved grades for mathematics and language with 18 minutes of more sleep.
Parent-set earlier bedtimes for 14-year-olds: Improved daytime functioning with 19 minutes of more sleep.
Experimentally extending sleep among 7-11-years old: Improved emotional lability and restless-impulsive behavior with 27 minutes of more sleep.
Children 6- to 8-years-old who had 30 minutes less sleep were likely to develop psychiatric symptoms two years later.
Kindergarten children did better in school (improved socioemotional competence, learning engagement, academic outcomes and less aggression and ADHD behavior) with a bedtime 20 minutes earlier, they slept in 10 minutes later for 30 minutes more sleep. (Blog Post 160).
Experimentally allowing 15-17-year-olds, who were good sleepers ( more than 8 hours/night) to have a 10 hour sleep opportunity: Increased happiness! (Blog Post 79)
Main Message #1: Over time, just a few minutes more sleep dramatically benefits your child.
Q: How can only a few minutes more sleep benefit my child?
A: A healthy child needs a healthy brain; a healthy brain thrives on more sleep!
Professors Qing Ma and Wei Cheng recently studied adolescents and discovered 3 groups:
biotype 1: Worst sleep: Shortest duration, latest bedtime and sleep onset time, earliest wake-up time, highest sleeping heart rate.
biotype 2: Average measurements.
biotype 3: Best sleep: Longest duration, earliest bedtime and sleep onset time, lowest sleeping heart rate.
Their conclusion, based on brain imaging and evaluation of academic achievement:
“These biotypes also differ in cognitive performance and brain structure and function”. Biotype 3 is best!
Looking at the actual data:
| Biotype | Sleep Onset Time | Sleep Duration |
|---|---|---|
| Biotype 1 | 11:21pm | 7 hours 10 minutes |
| Biotype 2 | 11:10pm | 7 hours 21 minutes |
| Biotype 3 | 10:58pm | 7 hours 25 minutes |
Going to sleep just 23 minutes earlier produced 15 minutes more sleep and better success in school and a healthier brain.
An earlier bedtime produces both:
Professor Ma replied to my email question:
“In our study, both sleep onset and sleep duration were shown to be important in relation to brain development…I do have a strong sense that sleep timing plays a significant role…I couldn’t agree more with your view that sleep timing is important.”
Main Message #2: For your child to have a healthier brain, move the bedtime just a little earlier!
My baby, Henry, is a 10 months old, we have been trying, for 3 months, to find a schedule that works for him. (I just recently started reading your book.) For over a month, he has been waking from 1:30 am to 2:30-3:00 am. We were advised to let him nap longer, he still woke. He called naps, he’s still been waking. I know that he’s tired because she’s fussy and easily agitated. His normal bedtime is 7:30 (which we were told, by a sleep consultant, to keep stable). Last night, we put him to bed at 6:30. He woke from 3:30 am to 4:40 am. At that point, I did go in and give him a bottle. He settled 10 minutes later and slept past 7 am. He’s still sleeping as we speak. Was that 3 am wake because of his, at this point, extreme sleep d privation? How should we proceed?
Please carefully read Blog Post 83 and 115X regarding drowsy signs.
Please carefully read Blog Posts 159,171,172, and 204 regarding pre-sleep arousal.
Then you will understand how you have innocently created a sleep problem and Henry is suffering.
Do you want to go fast to correct all of this or slowly?
What time does he awaken in the morning to start the day?
I’m sorry, we capped naps, sorry for the mistype. Our bedtime routine is always a mess, I should add. And he is often fussy! It breaks my heart.
I want to go fast. I know we have created a sleep problem and as an adult with child-onset insomnia, I promise you his sleep is/has been my top priority. We are just lost! And when seeking help, we were steered in the wrong direction. Which my gut has been telling me as much.
He normally wakes between 6 and 6:30 am. We let him sleep in this morning. I think I do have a good grasp on his sleepy cues but, unfortunately, I’ve been “pushing past” them thinking I was supposed to. He is a long napper. And he loves his crib and bedtime (rightfully so, given that my poor baby is so incredibly tired).
Understood. If your husband cooperates and you can commit to a 4-5 day trial, you will see dramatic improvement within a few days.
Based on his age, simultaneously:
1. Begin the Nap Drill today and if possible, have your husband do nap duty this week-end and you leave the house.
2. Naps are attempted around 9am and 12-2pm; no third nap.
3. Temporarily, limit naps to 60-90 minutes, if needed.
4. Bedtime is based on drowsy signs (not fatigue signs) and might be as early as 5:30 pm (temporarily) meaning that he is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm.
5. Extinction overnight.
6. If needed, control the wake-up time to start the day around 6-6:30am going forward.
Keep a written record of sleep.
How does this sound?
This is very doable, yes. Thank you for including the nap information, as that has caused so much confusion as well. To clarify – he naps from 12 to 2?
Assuming he is well fed throughout the day (which he is – 3 solid meals and 4 formula bottles), if he wakes for a long time at night, even if it’s been 12 hours, he’s okay to be left. He is sleep trained and can self-soothe. The night wakings are more recent and have only just escalated to frustration and crying in the past week. Prior, when he woke, we never intervened. He would lay awake, practice sitting, etc. but he would get himself back to sleep.
“To clarify – he naps from 12 to 2?” No. The second nap attempt starts between 12-2pm based on what happens with the first nap. Try to not let Henry nap at other times.
Read Blog Posts 84-86 to understand why cumulative sleepiness is the cause of his recent worsening (Night wakings)
Let me know how it goes.
Got it! And then 60-90 minutes per nap. Thank you so much. I could cry. We will keep a detailed record and let you know how it goes.
Please be optimistic because Henry has self-soothing skills.
Note that all the elements I suggested are equally important and once you have collected data, adjustments will me made that align with his circadian sleep rhythms and you will have a new Henry!
For the first time, I feel relieved with the given advice, rather than skeptical. Your approach prioritizes the baby, rather than a rigid schedule and “wake windows.”
I wanted to add, because my initial post was typed in despair, I do feel we have set Henry up with great skills around sleep. He’s always been a great napper and sleeper, generally speaking! We sleep trained him early and he has a very positive relationship with sleep overall.
Things took a turn when he seemed to be ready for 2 naps. Simultaneously, he got sick for the first time, and then we travelled for the first time shortly after. That was around 7.5-8 months. Since then, sleep has been a chaotic mess. We were advised to get him onto a strict wake and bedtime and not to deviate. But to let him nap upwards of 3.5-4 hours across 2 naps, until things stabilized and then the plan was to cut down on day time sleep.
Things never stabilized and have gotten increasingly worse. Through this, his schedule has been roughly: His schedule was: 6:30 wake up, 9 nap one, 1:30 nap 2, 7:30 bedtime. We would have a few days of great night sleep (long continuous duration). And then he would start waking early and then the long night wakes started. Now the long wakes are a nightly event, for about 2-3 weeks. Sometimes they are shorter in duration. Sometimes they are 2 hours.
I have been saying for months that Henry is not “himself.” He’s a VERY happy and silly baby. But he’s been inflexible, unpredictable, whiny, clingy, and fragile.
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for taking the time to reply to my frantic post! As I mentioned, I have had life long sleep issues and I find your book incredibly validating. I’ve even cried reading some of it because I feel sad for my little girl self! I’m committed to ensuring my baby doesn’t suffer in the same way.
He just woke from his first nap (that we started before he got fatigued) and I TRULY already notice the tiniest change in him.
What was the change that you noticed?
The Nap Drill is on page 289 but it appears that you will not need it.
There are reports that child-onset adult insomnia is more difficult to treat than adult-onset adult insomnia. Do you still have any insomnia symptoms?
He didn’t stir in his sleep; typically he will have a partial arrousal around 37-45 minutes. He didn’t wake early (it was capped after 80 minutes). He was happy upon waking, rather than fussy. He’s been able to play independently. He ate his lunch without fussing.
Yes, I do. And it has been nearly impossible to treat, you are correct. It has increased post partum. But it was an issue before. Only very extreme medications have worked, but I didn’t like the side effects. I have very good sleep hygiene. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and I have fragmented sleep typically beginning around 2 until morning.
“He was happy upon waking, rather than fussy. He’s been able to play independently. He ate his lunch without fussing.” How common were these behaviors the past several weeks or past few month?
In addition to medication, have you received care from someone who only does cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia? That is, a specialist in adult insomnia who specializes in CBT? If not, where do you live?
Waking in a happy, pleasant mood: ~40% of the time but very inconsistently. More often that not, he will eventually get into a “happier” mood, maybe 10-15 minutes after waking up, where he will play on his own for a few minutes, but it’s short lived. The rest of his wake time requires constant interaction and intermittent fussiness.
I have not done CBT for insomnia specifically. I’m located in San Antonio, Texas. I read in your book that child-onset insomnia can be linked to ADHD, which I also have.
Please read about ‘Sleep Inertia’ (page 56) which explains why “More often that not, he will eventually get into a “happier” mood, maybe 10-15 minutes after waking up,” Expect this behavior to disappear soon.
Although I mentioned CBT, I think the specific gold standard therapy for adult insomnia is ‘Stimulus Control’ (page 325). I have no expertise in adult insomnia but my understanding is that among most adult sleep researchers in academic centers (who are not fee for service providers), behavioral therapy is usually the first choice of therapy because it has been proven to have long-term benefits and also, there often is a concern that individuals habituate to medications necessitating increasing dosages or frequent changes in drug and that substantial side effects limit their long-term effectiveness. I’m sure there is role for medications but I think economics associated with adult insomnia care both in clinical practice and the pharmaceutical industry has over-emphasized medication. Perhaps consider searching for assistance at the University of Texas at San Antonio or a facility that that specializes in behavioral therapy.
I didn’t know what Sleep Inertia was before, but I believe that is exactly what’s going on!
I feel the same about medications. It’s a vicious cycle that yields no sustainable real results for me, but it seems to be the go-to rather than therapy for insomnia. So frustrating! I will certainly look into UTSA – such a great suggestion. Thank you!
Henry slept from 5:50 to 5:58 with a wake from 12:00 am to 1:00 am and then 1:07 am to 1:30 am. HUGE improvement
But he seemed very tired when we went in to get him at 6:18 am, as if he was about to fall back to sleep. He was fussy from the get and didn’t perk up. He fussed through breakfast, not eating as much. His eyelids were red, eyes droopy, and he started putting his head down on his play mat by 8:15. I know we are supposed to offer nap 1 at 9, but he was visibly struggling. We put him down at 8:25. Is this okay on day 2 of recovering from his major sleep deprivation, or did we blow it?
Congratulations on the improvement in night sleep.
When you are overtired from working late night projects, your body’s natural biological adaptive response is to produce stimulating chemicals to fight the fatigue. If you are then suddenly able to go on a vacation and sleep better, even after some great sleep, you feel even more sleepy. Why? The down regulation of neurological arousal removes the previous veneer of stimulation and “unmasks” the underlying fatigue that had been present for a while. Have you ever had this experience? Henry appears more sleepy because he is less neurologically aroused than before because he had a great night sleep last night, thus he appears ‘paradoxically’ very sleepy this morning. Does this make sense to you?
No, you did not blow it. Think of 9am (or 12pm) as goals to reach for good nap timing.
You are on a great healthy sleep path.
5:50 pm to 5:58 am! In case that was unclear!
Goodness. And 12:00 am to 12:30 am, not 1:00 am! Sorry!
We have absolutely experienced that. The paradox of needing a vacation after your vacation – going from one extreme to the other leaves you feeling groggy. Yes. That makes TOTAL sense, yes. In fact, my husband and I felt that way too. He said, “I don’t think any of us were ready to get up this morning,” because we all slept so much better last night; We had the wonky wake-up feeling too. Thank you for helping my family!
Prefacing this with I know this recovery process will not be linear and that my intention is not to update you everyday, but last night was interesting:
Based on sleepy cues, Henry napped at 8:25 am and 12:50 pm. (We capped his naps, but they did total 3h 20m total – I’m hoping we didn’t let him nap too much.)
We started bedtime at 4:50 pm and he was in bed by 5:30 pm, asleep by 5:37 pm. He was awake from 9:30 pm to 10:30 pm. He also woke up 4:50 am. He dozed a little off and on, but I’d consider that is wake time this morning.
We did not go to him until 6:15. I’ll also mention there was zero crying during all of these wakes.(I also know it’s not a culprit for night wakes, but he has his first tooth on the verge of erupting.) I’m not sure how the day is going to go. I know I’ll need to stretch him for that first nap.
The experimental adult research says that for every day of acute sleep-deprivation, about 2-3 night of long sleep are needed for recovery. But ‘recovery’ in this context is a return to a baseline of usually very mild sleep-deprivation (as is common in many adults). There is no data to inform us how long Henry might need to fully recover. Therefore, please be patient and optimistic. Optimism is warranted because he he is currently sleeping a lot, day and night.
My suggestion is to now or in 1-2 days from now:
1.Continue to control the wake-up time so he starts the day between 5-6am (wake him at 6, if needed) so that,
2.He will take a morning nap around 9am based on drowsy signs.
3.Let him sleep a little longer if he wishes (maximum 2 hours)
4.Start the next nap between 12 and 2 pm.
5. Repeat 3.
6. Abandon the strict attempt for a 5:30pm expected falling asleep time and watch for subtle drowsy signs to quickly soothe him to sleep.
This is an attempt to allow for a later bedtime that might be more circadian aligned and prevent him from being up at night and also to avoid the ‘5:30 Rut’ (see my book).
The expectation is that eventually, night sleep will improve and automatically begin to shorten, a little, each nap.
By the way, did you read the section on ‘Stimulus Control’? If so, what were your thoughts?
Teething has nothing to do with sleeping; stick to our plan.
Is this OK?
You got it! We were following cues last night. Our intention was not to be rigid about 5:30, he seemed drowsy. And bedtime routine was pleasant! I have read about the 5:30 Rut so we are trying to be careful too! Maybe he wasn’t as tired as I thought?
I did read it and you’ve caught me, guilty as charged. I am, truthfully, doing nothing that aligns with stimulus control! My husband laughed as I read it aloud because I love lounging/reading in bed. And because he suggested something similar in the past (now I have to admit he was right). I will commit to doing this. But I have to admit, it will be hard, because I love my bed….when I’m awake. In all seriousness, I think this would be very helpful and I’m grateful you suggested it.
I want to add. He never cries at bedtime. No matter what time we put him to bed, he falls asleep pretty quickly. The longest it has ever taken him is 25 minutes. Typically it’s 5-10. So I’ve struggled to find a “sweet spot.” Our main issue has always been middle of the night waking and then the occasional 5 am wakes.
If by “sweet spot” you mean subtle drowsy signs, as he becomes better rested, subtle drowsy signs might become more apparent.
For stimulus control, consider a consult with your husband to help create a comfortable bed substitute (like a nest for you) out of a sofa for you to go to read at night (until drowsy) when you have difficulty sleeping.
Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. For naps, I can tell when it’s time to start our routine. But for bedtime, it seems like he goes from “okay” to too tired.
I feel like I fell victim to the ever-so-popular baby sleep industry and it has resulted in me not fully knowing my baby’s nighttime sleep needs/not trusting myself.
It’s like ‘unmasking’ latent drowsiness.
Here’s todays London Times article about the baby sleep industry: https://www.thetimes.com/comment/columnists/article/nhs-advice-on-bedtime-a-nightmare-for-parents-3c9pj5gg7
Although you have a little ways to go, you have accomplished a lot in a short time. Please consider beginning a narrative account of your sleep adventure that, when finished (and post it here), I would include as a Blog Post to help other mothers. Your voice would resonate with them better than mine. If so, please include the role of your husband and your observations and thoughts about the “baby sleep industry”.
When I originally posted a comment it was a “what do I have to lose” shot-in-the-dark. I am incredibly grateful you took the time to respond because you certainly did not have to! It would be my privilege to write out our story for you. (I think it may even help me get my mother’s intuition back.) And I’m hopeful for a happy ending! In the meantime, I realize how fortunate I am: I have a baby with an easy temperament (who really does love sleeping, despite the unfortunate nighttime shenanigans we have found ourselves stuck in) and I have an amazing husband who has been right by my side, willing to try whatever, but also serving as a voice of reason. For Henry’s sleep (and mine).
Monday night was an improvement. He was asleep by 6 and had a night wake from 11:52 to 1:11am, waking up at 5:41am for the day. His naps were nap 1: 8:38 AM 10:10 AM (1h 32m) and nap 2: 12:51 PM – 2:52 PM (2h 01m). He was very happy and playful after nap 1, but a little tired from the vet after nap 2, still playful though. No fussing. We put him in bed at 5:51 pm. He was awake from 10:04 to 11:51 with some short dozing during this time. He then woke at 4:30 and has been awake in his crib since. Do you feel like this is progress? Am I missing his cues?
“We put him in bed at 5:51 pm.” Please try to bathe, feed, soothe, and leave the room at 5:30pm for 1-2 nights and monitor latency to sleep onset. If he falls asleep earlier and/or sleeps better overnight, you will know after the fact that he needs an earlier bedtime. If so, this might be a temporary early bedtime for a short duration, or not.
Do you think there is progress?
Tire from the get, not the vet. Ha!
Correction: is naps were 8:48 to 10:10 and 12:51 to 2:52.
I think that if using his previously clingy, fussy, and fragile mood prior to earlier bedtimes as barometer, then yes, there has been progress. His mood has improved drastically. The overall duration of night wakings is slightly shorter. However, waking up at 4:30 and not going back to sleep is not common. We certainly know it’s going to take time!
Please be patient. I know that you had received advice from a community sleep consultant that was not helpful. Has your pediatrician been supportive; are you pleased with the care from your pediatrician? The reason I asked is in the thread of comments from Blog Post 55 from “SV”. If you are happy with your pediatrician, please share with me his/her name and I will pass it on to SV.
I have not shared our sleep struggles with him, but YES. We are very pleased with our pediatrician and I know he is pro prioritizing sleep. Dr. John T. Fitch Jr, MD. I’d love for him to have any information that would be helpful. I think Henry’s sleep issues were in the very early stages (not yet a full blown issue – or I was ignorant to it being an issue) at his last 9 month wellness check. I did mention capping naps to help with night sleep and he had said not to worry about a 2 hour nap if the alternative was a fussy, tired baby, that it was better to let him sleep the full 2 hours for his midday nap. I will call and make an appointment too, specifically for this.
We have an appointment at 10:30 tomorrow morning.
Ahh I see SV was needing a pediatrician! I misubderstood but, yes, he is a great one.
As for Henry, I think speaking with him will be helpful. Do you have suggestions for what I should ask during our appointment? Outside of letting him know what we’ve been seeing? And in your opinion (I know you are generously helping as I has you can but you’re only able to go off of the info I provide in comments), do you think the continued pattern we are seeing is still sleep debt? He went down for his first nap at 8:30.
“If he falls asleep earlier and/or sleeps better overnight, you will know after the fact that he needs an earlier bedtime.” and then yes, you will know that he is still short on sleep.
My comments have excessive typos and I am so sorry! I’m not always able to see them before I post! I wish I could edit/delete.
Okay. His first nap today was 2 hours and I had to wake him. I anticipate the second will be the same (as I always have to wake him from the midday nap). Even with 4 hours of daytime sleep, 5:30 bedtime?
Yes.
Hello, Dr. Weissbluth, I’m back and needing help. Henry’s sleep may have started to improve but then he got sick AND we moved. Looking back, I fear that I was still trying to watch the clock for his naps and may have been continuing to push him outside of what was optimal for his circadian rhythm. This afternoon, for example, he seemed drowsy only 2 hours after his 2 hour morning nap. So I waited. And he cried before that second nap. He also woke up 45 minutes in crying hysterically (but put himself back to sleep).
Right now, he is wanting to take longgggg naps (2+ hours) and is still so fussy at a 6/6:30 bedtime. Should I shorten the time he’s awake AND let him long nap AND do a 5:30 bedtime? I panic because we’re on about 2 months of 12:30-2:30 split nights and waking up at 5-5:30. I KNOW he’s sleep deprived. But then I wonder if he’s sleeping too much during the day for an early bedtime?
He’s nearly 11 months and I feel like I’m failing his sleep!
It is important to identify what caused your previous failure in order to go forward with a permanent sleep solution. Please read Pages 219-233 and tell me what caused your previous failure. I will help you.
I think it’s two-fold: His pediatrician recommended hydroxyzine and an arousal 45 minutes after sleep onset. He also suggested a 7:30 bedtime. 7:30 is too late of a bedtime. I had taken him in to rule out anything medical.
This process threw us off of a likely decent trajectory. It worked for about 3 days and then the split nights started showing up again so we abandoned it and went back to early bedtimes. But with naps possibly outside of his ideal timing.
And then, admittedly, an inconsistent response to night/early morning wakings while he’s been sick/adjusting to our new home (likely a result of projecting my own issues).
He seems so tired all day and I just want to help him. I fear his circadian rhythm is completely out of alignment.
Please read that section and reassure me that none of the challenges described there are part of your life.
Oh they certainly are. I should be more direct: I have diagnosed ADHD, PPD, and anxiety – all of which I’m being treated for. I have a very supportive husband who likely enables my anxieties sometimes because he is trying to take care of the both of us.
My sleep was neglected (unintentionally) as a child and I suffered from severe night terrors and insomnia. So I absolutely catch myself projecting this onto Henry.
I can, and do, tolerate him crying as long as I can be assured he’s okay. I am working on myself, but I am self-aware enough to know that when he sleeps well, I feel better and sleep better and parent better.
Understood.
One approach is to plan for a 3-5 day period when your husband has total responsibility for implementing a sleep plan and you commit to not interfere, then Henry will sleep better going forward if you stay the course. Success will be that fast if, and only if, you maintain consistent sleep-related behaviors. The idea is that your husband will deal with the stress to get there and if this is too much for you, then you leave the home in order to protect yourself and make sure to not undermine his efforts. I now this is drastic but it is in Henry’s best interest…and his improved sleep will improve your sleep and help you too.
How old is Henry?
Is it feasible?
Overall, Henry is doing really well. Outside of being tired, he’s crawling all over, pulling to stand, and is happy/playful for a good 2 hours after sleeps. His appetite has taken an hit but we are using foods we know he loves to ensure he’s getting enough nutritious calories.
This is feasible. I agree with this needing to be done. And actually, we kind of did this tonight. Dad did last feed, bath, soothing, goodnight song, and put him to bed. I stayed out of the room entirely because Henry is clingy on me and fussily reaches for me when I put him down. What do you know? It went WAY smoother. I can admit I’m part of the problem. I just love my little baby more than words can begin to describe. So dad being in charge is what’s best.
How do you suggest he proceeds? Naps on the onset of drowsy cues? Should he cap them? Early bedtime? Extinction at night, I know.
11 months this week
At 9 months of age 91% of children are taking two naps a day and this is for 81% of children at 12 months of age.
Based on his age (11 months) and the fact that we do not want pre-sleep arousal to develop in the late afternoon, I think our original plan should be re-implemented:
If your husband cooperates and you can commit to a 3-5 day trial, you will see dramatic improvement within a few days.
Based on his age, simultaneously:
1. Begin the Nap Drill today and if possible, have your husband do nap duty this week-end and you leave the house.
2. Naps are attempted around 9am and 12-2pm; no third nap.
3. Temporarily, limit naps to 60-90 minutes, if needed.
4. Bedtime is based on drowsy signs (not fatigue signs) and might be as early as 5:30 pm (temporarily) meaning that he is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm.
5. Extinction overnight.
6. If needed, control the wake-up time to start the day around 6-6:30am going forward.
Keep a written record of sleep.
Again: Father has to do nap duty and night sleep duty to get quick success.
How does this sound?
This sounds good. Henry is asking solid napper and has zero issues with going down for naps. Unless we get to them too late. And even then, he will cry for maybe 5-10 minutes and then get himself to sleep. The issue is that he never wakes from naps naturally. We always have to wake him.
I’m sorry, Henry is a solid napper.
Oh and he’s been on 2 naps for a while! Recently, it’s hard to stretch him to 9.
Try to amuse and distract him and if it’s 8:30 or 8:45am and he getting pre-sleep arousal, then soothe him to sleep then.
To clarify, no 2 hour naps during this time?
Correct.
The key for initiating a solution is a temporary expected 5:30pm falling asleep time for night. You need to be rigidly consistent about this for the next few nights. Too much day sleep might interfere with this step.
Let me know how it goes.
Don’t begin this plan if you cannot see 5 days ahead the ability to follow all elements of this plan.
Is this clear?
Yes, absolutely. That makes sense. Thank you for clarifying!
Question for extinction in the early hours: Henry has been congested and is teething – we know this does not cause sleep issues, but it has made us so that he is all but refusing formula bottles. Assuming he had 3 good solid meals today, some water, and a small amount of formula, I shouldn’t feed him a bottle if he wakes up in the night?
Additionally, he was yawning at 4:30 today. (Nap 1 was at 8:50. Nap 2 at 12:45. Total day sleep was 2 hours 50 minutes.) I started bath time, feeding, soothing, etc. shortly after and Henry was down by 5:15, asleep by 5:30. He’s been moving around quite a bit in this first stretch of sleep. Hoping I didn’t miss the mark?
“Assuming he had 3 good solid meals today, some water, and a small amount of formula, I shouldn’t feed him a bottle if he wakes up in the night?” BECAUSE OF HIS AGE, NO.
Going to feed him might undo the progress you have made.
Good morning. On day 3, Henry’s Nap 1 was from 9:30-10:30 am. Nap 2 was from 1:00 to 2:30 pm. He was in bed by 5:30, falling asleep by 5:37 pm. He woke from 11:30-12:30 am. He didn’t cry but was very much awake. He fell back asleep and had no other wakings until 6: 15 am. Any idea what that 11:30 pm wake was from? Do you suggest any adjustments?
Please stay the course.
For your well-being, healthy sleep is a priority. Therefore, turn off all monitors so that if Henry awakens and returns to sleep unassisted, you are sleeping through this event. Your sleeping brain is super sensitive to Henry’s cries and if he is in distress, you will awaken.
Correction: Nap 1 was from 9:00-10:30. 90 minutes.
Got it. We can definitely do that. If he can fall asleep at an early bedtime, 3 hours of daytime nap sleep isn’t too much for an early bedtime?
Ample sleep is a symptom of superior intelligence.
More day sleep reduces the likelihood of pre-sleep arousal at bedtime.
Earlier bedtimes enhance napping.
How is his behavior and mood during the day?
Has there been any improvement in his behavior and mood overall since we began this journey?
Yes. A huge improvement. This morning, however, he appeared very drowsy from the get, which led me to ask about the 11:30 pm wake. We were able to stretch him until close to 9 but he was grumpy. Otherwise, he seems rested. He’s curious and mobile, crawling all around the house. We are still having to wake him from naps at the 90 minute mark.
Because he has improved and has two solid naps and an early bedtime, you can try the following for 3-5 days as a trial:
1. No longer cap his naps.
2. Keep the nap onset times as before or be more flexible and choose nap onset times baed on drowsy signs around 9-10am and 12-2pm.
3. Be super attentive to subtle drowsy signs after 4PM and begin a quick soothing to sleep before fatigue signs develop.
4. Because of the variability of naps, the bedtimes will vary.
The main pitfall is keeping him up too long and allowing pre-sleep arousal develop.
keep data and at the end of the trial, ask yourself whether this approach is better than previously.
He still might need and thrive on a super-early bedtime!
He absolutely thrives on an early bedtime. We are able to give him a bath, massage, and feed with no fussing, whereas bedtime was as struggle every evening. I hesitate to uncap naps because I’m worried too much daytime sleep will interfere with night sleep. I’m curious to know if we keep the early bedtime and called naps, is it likely he will settle into this schedule and maybe even wake from naps naturally?
Capped naps
Alright so we are noticing Henry is able to stay awake longer. We put him down for nap 1 at 9:10 and he took about ~12 minutes to fall asleep. We attempted nap 2 at 1:09, again >10 minutes to fall asleep and woke 30 minutes later. No fussing or crying, he’s content resting in his crib, even dozing a bit.
How should we proceed so that we carefully get him more biologically aligned without stretching him too far and undoing the progress we’ve made?
Another note: he went down at 5:45 last night and was awake at 9:30 for about 30-45 minutes.
If the latency to sleep onset seems to increase or has night wakings, it suggests that he has mild pre-sleep arousal and that it is hard to see early subtle drowsy signs.
Maybe it makes more sense to more of a 9am and 12ish nap schedule and a 5:30 bedtime to organize your life and make minor sleep adjustments based on drowsy signs.
Interesting! I’ve obviously read your book, but I’m curious: in your opinion/research, “undertired” isn’t a thing? The long(er) latency doesn’t involve any crying or fussing. And so, even at 11 months old, 16 (3 hours of naps and 13 hours overnight) hours in bed is okay? I do believe sleep begets sleep! I just want to make sure I’m understanding correctly – increased latency and night wakings are solely caused by pre-sleep arousal? Is there any way to know, schedule-wise, that Henry is well-rested and getting the keep he needs (day and night)?
We do have an organized life, especially for Henry. We’ve been trying to tune into drowsy cues, which is why the timing is variable (and because we’ve sort of been in recovery this week), but we can certainly get into a clock schedule! You’re right, that might make things a bit easier.
Long sleep durations are a symptom of superior intelligence.
If you think you are putting Henry to sleep too early, please try a trial of putting him down later for 2-4 days and keep data to determine if this helps or hinders his sleep. How much later is up to you.
I think we will stick to the early bedtime for a bit and then maybe gradually move it a little later. No rush. He’s definitely drowsy in the late afternoon/early evening. He also has a lot of sleep inertia between waking up for the day and that first nap. (I think my own anxiety around sleep leads me to second guess.)
I’m so grateful for your help. My husband and I both are. I don’t think we are completely “in the clear” just yet but we feel hopeful and like we are getting things under control while also doing what’s best for our boy!
Wanted to send an actual update, as we are 6 days into a more rigid nap schedule/early bedtime. These are Tim’s notes. He’s still taking charge of sleep. He’s been put into bed by 5:30 every evening.
Day 1:
Nap 1 8:55-10:15
Nap 2 12:45-2:17
Bedtime 6:00 pm asleep 6:20 awake (a couple brief night wakings)
Day 2:
Nap 1 8:55-10.35
Nap 2 12:47-2-15
Bedtime 5:45pm asleep 5:45 am awake
Day 3:
Nap 1 8:55-10:24
Nap 2 1:00-2:29
Bedtime asleep 5:20 pm asleep 6:20 awake (hour long wake from 11:30 to 12:30 am)
Day 4:
Nap 1 8:54-10:30
Nap 2 12:50-2:28
Bedtime asleep 5:20 pm 6:25 am (moving forward from day 4, we are unsure if he slept through – we were advised to put away monitor)
Day 5:
Nap 1 9:13-10:37
Nap 2 2:00-2:58 (put down at 1:09 but rolled around, dozed on and off, for nearly an hour)
Bedtime asleep 6:00 pm awake 6:00 am
Day 6:
Very tired upon wake time, woke crying.
Nap 1 8:36-10:20
Nap 2 we put him down around 12:45 pm, following cues. He’s been crying in bed for the better part of 15 minutes – this has NEVER happened before. He has never full on cried in bed, even when we were struggling with sleep in a much more intense way.
He fell asleep at 1 and is seemingly crash napping (he’s barely moved in an hour). Clearly he was overly tired. His drowsy cues must be harder to distinguish. He’s also barely making it over 2 hours awake??
Please stay the course.
Am I correct that for about 3 months, his sleep schedule was off?
Am I correct that he has been sleeping well for about a week or so?
Maybe his short duration of wakefulness means that he is still repaying an accumulated sleep debt.
Are there improvements in mood or behavior?
You are correct. It’s been a little over 3 months, in fact. Thank you for the reassurance, as my gut is telling me as much. It’s just hard to believe how tired he is. There is really only enough time to get outside or a short while, a bit of crawling/playing, and then eating.
He fussed before bed too, though not as long and fell asleep shortly after. Is the crying because we are missing the mark on getting him in bed before pre-sleep arousal? He has never cried before sleep.
Otherwise, there have been improvements, yes. His tank is just spent in a seemingly shorter time (though likely running on stress hormones before).
How long do you do you think we should keep at this schedule? Will his sleep “balance out”/will we see less daytime sleepiness?
I let his first nap run from 9-11 and he was still ready for nap 2 by pm1. So then, bed likely at 5:30. I feel like we still haven’t gotten into a real rhythm with detecting early sleep cues because he just always seems tired. Trying to trust the process.
He woke from his 2nd nap at 2:30. We were able to get some good play in, we went for a swim, and he had a hearty dinner. He also drank 7 ounces (I’m noticing he’s getting his appetite back).
We started soothing him at 4:20, as he was yawning, rubbing his eyes, and starting to fuss. We laid him in bed at 5 pm and he did not cry. He was asleep by 5:20. There was much less resistance and he was calm throughout our bedtime routine. It’s nuts to think he can nap 3.5 hours and still be ready for bed so early! Bless his heart!
I’m slowly learning to not project on him. For example, a part of me fears I’m almost neglecting him by leaving him in his dark bed for so long, but my rational brain knows he’s needing the sleep.
Previously, you wrote:
“He absolutely thrives on an early bedtime. We are able to give him a bath, massage, and feed with no fussing, whereas bedtime was as struggle every evening. I hesitate to uncap naps because I’m worried too much daytime sleep will interfere with night sleep.”
But now, you better understand how and why “Sleep begets sleep'”
I think that now, when you write: “I’m slowly learning to not project on him. For example, a part of me fears I’m almost neglecting him by leaving him in his dark bed for so long, but my rational brain knows he’s needing the sleep.” it’s a dramatic turning point. You and your husband should celebrate.
One possibility is that his need for large amounts of sleep is due to recovery from insufficient sleep in the past and in the future, you will notice a dramatic decrease in sleep need.
Another possibility is that his sleep need is large because of superior intelligence and when he receives a Nobel prize you will take pride in having made a major contribution to his brain development!
Of course, both possibilities might be correct.
There is much to celebrate. I’m certainly not parenting from a place of panic. I’m slowly learning my baby better and better everyday.
I do have one more question: My husband looked back at the monitor and noticed Henry was awake from 12:30 to 2 am. I’m staying calm, but there is a tinge of frustration/disappointment. I’m not sure how often this is actually happening over the past week, or so, because I’m focusing on sleeping better. Could this be adding to the excessive daytime sleepiness? If we keep at it, will this split night waking dissipate?
After all, I do want him to win that Nobel Peace Prize! And to be a happy and healthy sleeper.
The monitor might provide good data that is reassuring or a monitor might give incorrect information (mis-recording active sleep for wakefulness) that creates unnecessary anxiety. I strongly suggest you trust your heart by observing his mood and behavior and get rid of the monitor.
So even with an extra early bedtime, he only got around 10 hours of sleep, 7 consolidated at the beginning of the night. Which, I will say, is better than when he was going to bed at 7:30 and having split nights. I feel stumped by him a bit!
Thank you. That’s what we will do. Maybe I needed your permission :). He was eyes open awake for most of that, but he was content it’s no fussing and was actively soothing himself back to sleep. I think his body is having to unlearn some bad sleep habits we accidentally let him settle in to.
We know that a nap from 9-10:30, 1-2:30, and bedtime around 5:30 works. When we stray from that path, things get “wonky.” Tim and I decided earlier we were going to stick to what has worked no matter what (well, unless he can happily stay awake longer, as is the ultimate goal)!
With all due respect, may I suggest an alternative “ultimate goal”?
That is, “On every day, I will try my best to insure that he gets the sleep that he needs to stay well-rested.”
That is, without a doubt, the ultimate goal! Thank you for that alternative. Much healthier mindset! And achievable!
Hi, sleep is continuing to improve per his mood and behavior! have two quick questions:
1. If Henry is calm and seemingly drowsy when put him down around 5:30 and it takes ~20-25 minutes to fall asleep, could this be an indication his bedtime can move slightly later?
2. He yawns quite a bit through his time awake (starting from the time of waking) so this is not necessarily a reliable drowsy cue. Is there any reason for concern regarding the yawning??
1. Because of the duration of his sleep issue and the hard-won successes you have achieved, I suggest that:
Observe the latency to sleep onset for 7-10 days and if this 20-25 minute increase occurs most of the time, yes, move the expected falling asleep time to 5:45pm and report back. Going slowly and allowing several days for observation prevents undoing what you have achieved.
During the 7-10 observation period. Make a note of the nap duration and the end of this nap. There may be give you clues to why he sometimes has 20-25 minutes more latency to sleep onset.
If you then decide to move the expected falling asleep time to 5:45, continue to pay attention to the nap duration and the end of this nap because there may be occasions when 5:30pm makes more sense.
Of course, also pay attention to drowsy signs after 4pm to help figure out what is best.
I don’t know why he might be yawning quite a bit, but it might reflect latent sleep deficiency that he is now recovering from.
Does this help?
Yes! Very much so. I need the reminder and encouragement to take this process slowly.
Your perception of the yawning matches ours. (We are relying more on the disengaging/zoning out behavior as a drowsy cue.) Thank you!
We are still on the tight sleep schedule. He seems to wake reliably between 6:15 and 6:30 am. He’s in a very good mood for that first stretch of awake time. His first nap is from 9 to 10:30. After the first nap, he’s playful and fun until ~12:30-12:45 (sometimes as early as 12:15 sometimes as late as 1). He starts looking visibly tired and, of course, I respond by getting him into bed, but he often doesn’t fully fall asleep until closer to 1. He then naps until 2:15-2:30. In bed time is 5:30, typically asleep between 5:45-6:00.
My observation is that, while he has bursts of energy and does have an overall improved mood, he still seems generally sleepy during the day. Give that he will be 12 months in a couple weeks, my fear is that he’s still having long stretches of awake time at night. Is this a warranted fear? Or should I let it go?
“…he’s playful and fun until ~12:30-12:45 (sometimes as early as 12:15 sometimes as late as 1). He starts looking visibly tired…” Please describe in detail what you observe when he is “visibly tired”
Please sit at his bedside at night when he is asleep for about 10 minutes for a few nights and see if he is snoring, mouth breathing, sweating, or having respiratory pauses.
Does he have mouth breathing during the day?
He will continue to play but he is slower. His eyes start to seem droopy, he has almost dark circles under his eyes. It’s mostly in the eyes, I suppose. He’s also fragile, bordering on irritable.
Yes, he does sometimes mouth breathe during the day. I’ve only really seen it when he’s exciting during play, or starting to get tired. We made an appointment at Texas Pediatric Specialties and Family Sleep Center about a couple weeks ago for July 29. I feel like we have a very consistent schedule, we’ve gotten much better at responding to his drowsy cues, and I truly feel like there have been improvements! Something just feels off. Can apneas develop later in infancy? Prior to this drastic change in his sleep, he was sleeping through the night without wakings.
This behavior: “His eyes start to seem droopy…It’s mostly in the eyes, I suppose. He’s also fragile, bordering on irritable.” means that he is being kept up too late by a small amount; maybe only 10-20 minutes. If so, the cumulative sleep debt (Blog Posts 84-86) will continue to make his sleep problematic.
I suggest that you dedicate just 1-3 days to record the timing and duration of his nap and the interval of wakefulness before these signs appear in the early evening. This interval of time may vary based on a variable nap length. Don’t worry about exactitude but try to get a general idea of how much wakefulness he can comfortably tolerate before these signs appear.
Next, shorten that interval of wakefulness by 10-20 minutes and observe latency to sleep onset and his mood and behavior. If necessary, repeat.
Is this doable?
Partial airway obstruction seems unlikely if there are no symptoms at night. But your pediatrician might observe large adenoids or tonsils and suggest an evaluation.
One other thing: it may be teething, but he has starting purposefully hitting his head on the floor, the wall, his toys, etc.
Teething does’t cause anything. Please discuss this with your pediatrician.
Yes. Certainly doable. My job is Henry ;). Just to clarify, I notice this instant shift in behavior more before nap 2 than before bedtime. Is it happening before nap 2 because of a slightly too late bedtime? Or should I move nap 2 up closer to 12? And do you suggest I continue to cap it at 90 minutes even if it’s earlier in the day?
What is his current common nap schedule?
Heard about the head banging. It seemed to be sensory/exploratory in nature at first, but I feel like it’s an escalating behavior as of recently.
Per his common nap schedule: it was 9 to 10:30 and then 1 to 2:30 for a solid week and a half. Starting July 12, we noticed he was getting very drowsy anywhere between 12:15 and 12:45 so napping from ~12:30 to 2:00
Interestingly, we had to run an errand before nap 2 yesterday and I think he got to bed slightly too late (around 12:45, asleep by 1), as it was not a restful nap. He kept waking which is abnormal for him. I just remembered, we put him to bed at 5:15 last night and he did fall asleep in a shorter amount of time.
I feel like it’s the timing of nap 2 that is making the day tricky. And then possibly needing to get him into bed 10-15 minutes earlier for the night?
“I just remembered, we put him to bed at 5:15 last night and he did fall asleep in a shorter amount of time. I feel like it’s the timing of nap 2 that is making the day tricky. And then possibly needing to get him into bed 10-15 minutes earlier for the night?” Excellent! This is an example of how you successfully prevented pre-sleep arousal.
Please begin to write a narrative report of your sleep adventure (even though it is not over) because reflecting on where you started and what you have accomplished will give you optimism and sharpen your focus and resolve going forward.
What would be an ideal time to try to observe sleep? Would drool indicate a possible respiratory problem during sleep?
“What would be an ideal time to try to observe sleep?” Anytime before you go to sleep at night.
“Would drool indicate a possible respiratory problem during sleep? No.
That is a great suggestion. We have made huge strides to getting him back to the sleeper he was before. BIG thanks to you for taking the time to respond to me. I feel so fortunate.
I just wanted to let you know that we put Henry to bed at 5:00 last night and he fell asleep minutes later. He was in a fun, playful mood this morning with zero fussiness/moodiness before his first nap at 9 am. He also had no sleepy “crash” before nap 2! I put him down at 12:20, before he showed any shift in demeanor. Just wanted to celebrate!
Good evening, Dr. Weissbluth! We are still chugging along. I don’t think we are in the “5:30 rut” because Henry is making it to 9 am for his first nap (waking around 6:15-6:30 as far as I can tell), but he’s definitely still a work in progress.
I find that I’m struggling to pinpoint the best time for nap 2, but it’s typically between 12:45 and 1:00. To note: I am waking him still after 90 minutes for both naps.
Tonight he was noticeably slowing down around 4:15 so our bedtime routine concluded with him in bed by ~5:15 and he was asleep about 10 minutes later.
Would you say we are likely still on the right track? Do you have any thoughts about nap timing/nap length?
Whew! I am happy for you that you missed the ‘5:30 rut’.
Perhaps just stay the course and enjoy your family!
Alternatively, you may wish to stop capping both naps and base his bedtime on drowsy signs. This might lead to more active and calm playtime in the late afternoon and a later bedtime which may or may not alter the wake-up time in either an earlier or later direction. This has the advantage of a more ‘natural’ approach but it may (or may not) introduces more variability in his sleep schedule.
I suggest you take a deep breath and celebrate having created a well-rested child, and, I hope, family.
But do consider, perhaps sometime in the future, letting nature take its course (no nap capping).
What are your thoughts?
Thank you! I would love to uncap his naps, yes! I’m hoping that since his nights have seemed to consolidate he wont take extra, extra long naps?? Do you think that daytime sleep can have an impact on night sleep? He’s always been a napper. Even when he was sleeping well at night. I’d love to start letting things be a bit more natural now that he’s more rested!
There is a bidirectional association between naps and night sleep when children are overtired. When well rested, the duration of naps and the duration of night sleep are independent.
“I’m hoping that since his nights have seemed to consolidate he wont take extra, extra long naps??” suggests to me that you are not comfortable with him taking long naps. If so, why is that?
When things started going “haywire,” for a lack of better words, he was taking long naps, sometimes 2.5 hours. And then he would have split nights. We reached out to a sleep consultant and they suggested letting him nap 4 -4.5 hours but keeping a strict 7:30 bedtime.
But as you just said, it’s different when they are rested versus overtired. These naps likely were out of synch with his biological clock and his bedtime was too late.
Understood.
Some mothers (Blog Post 216) “I had wrongly assumed… that any nap meant she was missing out on chances to learn new things and enjoy bonding experiences.”
Sleep is the priority. I guess I could try uncapping one of his naps?
I guess my fear is that he will sleep too much during the day and it will impact his night sleep. But I don’t know if that’s a myth.
When parents mess up night sleep, their over-tired child might take long naps and many parents wrongly view the long naps as the problem.
For your peace of mind, how about continuing to cap both naps but allow 15 minutes longer sleep for each nap for 4-5 days and see what happens when you base the bedtime on drowsy signs?
Some children love to take long naps and also go to bed quite early; these children tend to have very high IQs.
Your description is always what my gut was telling me: it wasn’t the naps, it was the wrong bedtime. Because even with the long naps, he was still wired at bedtime and expediting fragmented sleep. A vicious cycle!
That’s a wonderful idea! I’m going to do that. I do tend to think I have a pretty smart little boy on my hands….
I apologize for my typo: he was experiencing fragmented sleep.
Good morning, Dr. Weissbluth! I’m checking in because I think I’m ready to uncap naps. I’m curious, is there such thing as too long of a nap? Henry can nap 2 hours, sometimes twice a day. I think I know what your answer is going to be, but I find your reassurance comforting!
I have a prejudice to let nature take its course. If a child has a robust appetite and the height and weight percentiles are in alignment, would you limit the meal portions for some reason?
Maybe when you stop capping the naps, the bedtime, based on drowsy signs might, or might not, be later.
Have you considered writing a narrative report that I could use as a Blog Post?
Yes! I will work on that for you. Thank you!
Well, I put him down at 9 am and he’s still sleeping 2 hours and 20 minutes later. Trying to remain calm…..(haha).
Focus on his mood and behavior, not minutes of sleep. Take some videos after his nap so you can show him, when an adult, how his long naps helped him develop in a Nobel Prize winner, MVP athlete, or Olympic Gold Medalist.
Day 1 of not capping naps, his first nap was from 9:00 am to 11:20 am; his second nap was from 1:30 to 3. He then slept from 6:30 to 6:15 am. Success!
Day 2 his first nap was from 9:00 to 9:45 am; his second nap was from 12:30 to 2. We put him down at 5:30 and he slept UNTIL WE WOKE HIM at 7:00 am!!!! I feel elated. And he does too! He giggle and waved to us as soon as we went into his room!
It’s too soon to notice an obvious, or sure, trend. But my main inquiry is this: should I continue to put him down at 9? Or should I extend that first stretch of awake time?
Congratulations!
I suggest that allow a little more flexibility into your child’s sleep schedule partially based on drowsy signs for 3-4 days and then reflect on how regular or irregular his sleep schedule is.
For example, stop waking him in the morning, think of a nap beginning around 9ish (partially based on drowsy signs and his wake up time) and mid-day (partially based on drowsy signs and the timing and duration of his morning nap).
You might observe such improvements in mood and behavior that you will stick with this plan.
Or you might notice so much irregularity that is difficult for you to deal with and go more with a clock-scheduled sleep plan that approximates his most common natural sleep rhythm.
It’s worth a try.
Do you agree?
It is, yes. And I’m working on a narrative today because, truly, your help has changed my little family’s life. Thank you so much.
Henry was a sleeper from the get-go. I remember after only one week home from the hospital, he did a 4 hour stretch overnight. A week, or two later, he slept nearly 8 hours! During the day, I enjoyed admiring my sweet new baby boy as he napped and napped. It wasn’t hard to sleep-train him because he seemed to take to self-soothing almost naturally. By 2 months, he was sleeping in his crib for naps and nights. By 4 months, he was moved to his own room.
Unfortunately, once his first nap of the day, as well as the last stretch of the night consolidated, I began using an app to track his sleep. As a mother with pretty significant and untreated (at the time) ADHD, it felt like the most manageable way to keep up with the day. This app made suggestions for wake windows, nap lengths, and even sent out unsolicited advice to “improve” baby sleep. Despite having a very strong sleeper, I followed the advice, not knowing better as a first time mom.
I remember it telling me it was time to drop his 4th nap of the day, but to do so I would need to keep him up for a very specific amount of time in the morning. This, in my opinion, was the beginning of the end. I remember telling my husband it felt like what I was doing wasn’t aligned with his natural desire to sleep, but I kept pushing. This is also when a long bought of fussiness began; my once easy tempered baby was constantly irritable, bordering on inconsolable.
At 7.5 months, Henry had his first fever. This caused him to take extra long naps. He also seemed to refuse the third afternoon nap. A week later, we travelled by plane for the first time and were away from home. During that time, the app led me to believe he no longer needed that later nap. Although he was fragile and cranky most days, I kept pushing him. That is when the fragmented night sleep and early morning wakes started, as well as extremely long naps that I felt like I needed to cap. For nearly a month we endured this, waiting for the sleep to magically fall into place, as I was led to believe. But he was suffering. As a mother with child-onset insomnia, this had become my absolute worst nightmare.
We reached out to a sleep consultant who told us his circadian rhythm and homeostatic sleep pressure were misaligned. We were advised to follow a very strict 6:30 wake with no more than 3.5 hours total of daytime sleep, as they felt the long naps were taking from night sleep. Bedtime was to be 7:30 because, they noted, most babies cannot sleep more than 11 hours overnight and I was expecting too much sleep from him if I put him to bed earlier. Our bedtime routine became a disaster every single night. He was so fussy, refusing the breast, wired while trying to dress him. I cried as soon as we left the room every single evening. The split nights did not resolve. In fact, it continued to worsen. It was painful seeing my baby laying there wide awake at night, leading me to inconsistently attend to him, trying desperately to get him back to sleep.
This is when I found Dr. Weissbluth’s book, which I read in its entirety over the course of a couple of days. The fear I had in my gut was affirmed: my sweet Henry had become chronically sleep deprived. (And so had I – my anxiety, depression, and insomnia were at their worst at this point.) In a desperate attempt to find even more help from Dr. Weissbluth’s methods, I discovered his blog and noticed that other parents were reaching out to him and he was responding! I thought, “what do I have to lose?” I described our current sleep issues, now with Henry being a little over 10 months old, and he promptly responded with a step-by-step plan to resolve them!
It was a rocky road because I had to unlearn a lot of poor sleep habits for Henry: wake windows, nap lengths, later bedtimes, sleepy cues = boredom for older babies, necessary for baby to have 10 hours of awake time in the day, etc. In fact, the first round of naps based on drowsy cues and bedtime at 5:30 didn’t take. I can admit now that it was because I didn’t trust the process. I also didn’t realize just how much of a sleep deficit Henry was in (he had been forced into an unnatural schedule and too-late bedtime causing fragmented sleep for almost 3 months).
At 11 months, we reached back out and my husband took charge of sleeping for a week and I was to eliminate the baby monitor, as it had deteriorated my mental health and caused me to experience significant insomnia. Henry was up at 6:30, nap for 90 minutes at 9, another 90 minute nap between 12 and 2, and then in bed to sleep at 5:30. We thought that maybe a week of this would do the trick, but it took over a month. However almost immediately, his mood improved in a significant way. He began to eat better. The bedtime routine was a precious time between the three of us again.
Now at 12 months, Henry is sleeping 12-13 hours a night, with 3-4 hours of naps. We are still a work in progress for finding a flow that follows his natural circadian rhythm, but he is well rested. We are able to be flexible to meet his sleep needs based on the day, rather than trying to follow a schedule that doesn’t work for him. He is the happiest baby you’ll meet, constantly waving, laughing, babbling, and exploring. Additionally, my sleep has continued to improve and the overall mood in our house is lighter!
I have a new outlook on my baby’s sleep: sleep is THE most important component of a baby’s development. Not only does sleep beget sleep. It also begets nutrition, gross motor development, and cognitive leaps. Throughout this experience, I have found that most of what you’ll read on the internet is a means of marketing for a sleep industry that preys on vulnerable, sleep deprived parents. I am so grateful for Dr. Weissbluth’s commitment to the well-being of all children. I mean it when I say, he saved me. I felt like a failing mother, but with his thoughtful and encouraging advice, based on real research and science, I am empowered. The transformation we have encountered is hard to put into words! Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth!
Thank you. Shall I keep or change Henry’s name when I post this.
Would you wish to suggest any tips or advice to other mothers who are following online advice that might seem unhelpful?
You can keep his name!
I think my biggest advice is to follow your baby’s lead and trust your gut. Online advice seems to restrict sleep in a sort of one-size-fits-all manner. Majorly! Whereas, what babies really need is as much sleep as possible, based on your individual little one.
And all in the same day……Henry’s first nap was from 9 to 11:30. I put him down at 2 for a second nap and he’s resisting. I planned to let him rest for an hour? He does seem to be dozing now at the 2:50 mark. How late is too late for this second nap if he falls asleep? At what point do I abandon ship and make it an early bedtime? Keeping in mind he also slept 13.5 hours last night…
This boy!
It’s likely that even though the morning nap was very long, 2pm may have been too late. I know it sounds crazy, but he might have fallen asleep for a second nap around 1 or 130PM. Maybe next time try for a shorter interval of wakefulness.
Fell asleep at 2:54. So not too sure what to do!
Maybe wake him around 4ish and base his bedtime on drowsy signs.
No, you are spot on. I completely agree! After reflecting back on his time awake, this is what I was thinking as well. We were outside on the swing which was distracting. I woke him from nap 2 after 45 minutes (not ideal) and will proceed with an early bedtime!
Henry turned 1 on Monday, which was the impetus for trying out a more natural approach to his sleep, now that he is well rested.
So, day 3 of not capping naps: nap 1 was from 9 to 11:30, nap 2 was offered at 1:10 (based on drowsy cues), but he didn’t fall asleep until 1:45. He happily woke up at 2:50. Better than yesterday! Thank you for your advice!
So, being that I am clearly an anxious mother (if you couldn’t tell 🙂 ) – Previously, I was capping naps at 90 minutes each and keeping a 5:30 bedtime. With the added hour of naps, should bedtime be based on drowsy cues alone? I’m so nervous to stray from the path! You’ve helped us come SO far over the past couple of months!
For 4-5 days, try to base bedtime on drowsy cues. If you err, a little too early is better than a little too late. Maybe you will find this works well or maybe it might turn out to be too stressful. It’s worth a try and if it bedtimes based on drowsy cues doesn’t work well for you, we’ll find a another solution. Keep the faith.
Well, I guess it was really only an added 30 minutes today.
Thank you! That’s what we will do. I also wonder if I should have put him down at 1. Do you think there’s a chance his long first nap is just making nap 2 iffy?
Also, I was curious….have you dealt with babies who have had such major nighttime sleep issues but still nap well like Henry? I think that is a component that made everything so confusing before I started working with you!
I was thinking about a big take-away from Henry’s sleep narrative: apps can’t read your baby cues and many online resources are not based on healthy sleep habits. I unnecessarily harmed my baby’s sleep (in a big way) by following technology and al algorithm, rather than my human instincts and his human cues! But that’s because I was naive, sleep deprived, and desperate. If I had read your book first….man…..
I will be gifting it to every new mom! AND will be much better prepared the next time around.
Please read the section in my book regarding one-year-olds and the transition from 2 naps to 1 nap.
May I add this quote to your narrative at the end?
“I was thinking about a big take-away from Henry’s sleep narrative: apps can’t read your baby cues and many online resources are not based on healthy sleep habits. I unnecessarily harmed my baby’s sleep (in a big way) by following technology and al algorithm, rather than my human instincts and his human cues! But that’s because I was naive, sleep deprived, and desperate. “
Yes. Please do.
I just have to share, because today was such a good day: Henry woke up on his own at 6:30 am. He had his first nap at 9, which he woke up naturally from at 10:35. He went down without a struggle at 1:15 and slept for 2 hours and 15 minutes.
He was in SUCH a fun mood during his awake times today. He was active and on the go, with big spurts of crawling, standing, cruising, laughing, etc. Especially this evening (so different from his behavior before)!
He was noticeably slowing down at 6. We promptly started bath, massage, and feeding. He was the most calm and sweet baby, drowsily smiling and snuggling throughout. We laid him down at 6:15 and he was asleep ~5 minutes later!
Our lives have become better all around over the past month, but today just felt “right,” if that makes sense. We followed his natural rhythm and his body did what it needed to with zero fussing, zero wired behavior, and zero stress.
Excellent!
I think that unresolved sleep issues during the first few years of life contribute a lot to so-called ‘terrible-two’ behaviors and childhood emotional/behavioral/academic issues. Of course there are multiple causes but healthy sleep is an under appreciated component among many parents
May I add this note to your previous report for the Blog Post?
I absolutely agree with you, yes! He is so fussy, clingy, and overall fragile when he’s short on sleep; this makes him appear to be “difficult” despite his typical silly, calm-natured temperament. I’m so grateful we figured this out before entering deeper into toddlerhood!
I had one more question: he has his one year check up on Monday and I know a lot of vaccines are due to be updated. In the past, he’s been extra sleepy post vaccines but I’m not sure where you stand on handling sleep in that situation??
And yes please add this to the narrative. As well as any edits you see relevant/most helpful!
Good evening! I wanted to update you: we’ve settled very nicely into a nap from 9:00 am to 10:30 am and then 1:00 pm to 3:00 pm. Bedtime is at 6:30 and he’s waking between 6:15 and 6:30.
Through trial and error, I had to start capping his morning nap after 90 minutes to preserve his afternoon nap and keep bedtime early.
Additionally, we’ve had a couple of early morning wakings that we followed with an extra early “reset” bedtime, which has worked every time!
I wouldn’t have had the confidence to navigate these changes on my own a couple months ago! What a huge win!
Congratulations! Please try to not be too rigid about the 6:30 bedtime. It may vary a bit based on naps and physical activity during the day. A little earlier is always better than a little later.
Well I’m back with a strange situation to describe at 13 months. We’ve had a week of very sporadic sleep. He had a couple nights of waking from 1 to 3 and being very tired during the day.
We tried putting him to bed extra early Sunday night (5:30 pm) with no success. He took over an hour to fall asleep, as well as experiencing wakings and being up at 5:00 am for the day.
Yesterday we capped his naps at 90 minutes each and put him to bed at 5:30; he slept from 6:10 pm to 6:45 am. Today he seemed slow between 4 and 5 pm. We put him in bed by 5:30. It is now 7:15 he is still awake. He’s not upset, very content, but I feel like something is off. It’s hard for me to not intervene with him being in his room awake for this long, but I know if we engage, that will just overstimulate him.
He finally fell asleep at 7:20. It was similar on Sunday. We have not been rigid about bedtime and I feel we have been able to get him to bed at the seemingly “right” time before this started happening, but I suppose I was incorrect in that assessment!
He was up at 3 am and now 5 am. I’m not sure how this happened. Our schedule hadn’t changed. He’s getting so SO much sleep with consistent days. My life basically revolves around his sleep so I’m feeling discouraged this week.
Is he takin one or two naps?
Do you think he might be transitioning to a single nap?
I’m not sure. He’s still napping really well, 3.5 hours over two naps. It’s only his nighttime sleep that’s being impacted. I forgot to mention that he had a very restful night of sleep last Tuesday, sleeping until 7 am. He laid in bed, starting a little after 9 am, for an hour. I got him up and had a very low key morning until 11:15. He seemed very tired so I put him down. He only napped an hour and a half (a dream for some, but I know he needed more sleep). I thought maybe it wasn’t in the right window? Regardless, I put him down at 5:30 for bed that night and I feel, looking back, that may have been the impetus for the night waking, as it sort of started then.
I would LOVE for him to be on one nap, given that he can sleep and sleep during the day, but I’m nervous about making his nighttime sleep worse? There a definite shift in his sleep right now but I’m having a difficult time determining the root cause and how to move forward.
We put him in bed at 5:30 and he fell asleep by 6:15. Much more calm and subdued (as opposed to standing and bouncing, talking, and playing with his lovey). Not great, but better. I hope he can sleep well.
If he doesn’t, I’m not quite sure what to do. I feel I’ve been playing our cards carefully and correctly. My questions: should I let him sleep in, if possible, and be more flexible with the day? Should I try for one nap? Or should I remain consistent and keep the earlier bedtime? Such a gamble in my mind! And if he doesn’t sleep well tonight, I’m at a loss.
It might help to clarify the situation by never waking him from a nap (or naps) and base the the naps and bedtime only on drowsy signs for 2-3 days. Thus you might see that he needs two naps and a later bedtime or maybe only one nap and a temporary super early bedtime. It is also possible that the trial might need to be longer than 2-3 days to see a clear path forward.
Please read the section in my book on the transition from 2 naps to one nap to understand why this is sometimes challenging and there is not a single ‘right’ way to handle it.
I hope this helps a little.
You are always helpful, yes. When I was not capping his naps, he would sleep for 2.5 hours for the first nap and the second nap was a struggle, often getting pushed past 2 pm. When I let his second nap run long (more than 2 hours), he seems to be groggy and still tired into the evening, or we fear missing his drowsy cues and accidentally pushing him to a too late bedtime.
Is 13 months too early for one nap? I have read that section of your book countless times. Our big signs that something needs to change is prolonged time to fall asleep at night, night wakings, and early morning wakings, seemingly out of nowhere? Otherwise, his naps are not causing issues, being that he will always take a nap. My pause for concern is now he’s getting less than 11 hours of night sleep, one night only 9.5 hours. I am not sure how to proceed with a baby that isn’t well rested.
I suppose I will let his naps go today, but I feel anxious about doing so. I’m not quite sure why.
I’m at a complete loss and Henry’s sleep continues to deteriorate. Do you have any advice for getting back on track? Outside of letting him sleep all day/dropping a nap; There’s no way I can even consider dropping a nap when he’s sleeping 9 hours at night and when we let him nap, it’s upwards of 5 hours. I’m going to get his iron checked, but he’s a good eater. We are in a really rough spot.
Please send a concise summary of recent events.
Imposing an age-appropriate sleep schedule might be your best strategy for now and then make adjustments after 3-4 days based on your observations:
Don’t go to him until about 6-7am; wake him at 6-7am.
Do the nap drill at 9am and again between based on what happens in the morning 12-2pm. Cap naps at 90-120 minutes.
Bedtime is based on drowsy signs.
Extinction over night.
Is this doable?
I wholeheartedly agree with you. This is doable, yes. I’m just not entirely sure where things went haywire.
On August 24, he slept 13 hours overnight. That next day, he resisted the first nap and did not fall asleep after doing crib 90. I tried again at 11:30 because he was VERY tired. He slept until 1:20. We put him down at 5:30 and he fell asleep quickly. But he had his first split night, awake from 1:30 am to 2:50.
We worked to ensure his schedule stayed consistent, napping for 90 minutes for Nap 1, 120 for Nap 2, bedtime based on drowsy cues. By that weekend, 8/30, his sleep latency was increasing, sometimes taking over an hour to fall asleep. Additionally, he’s awake for at least an hour, typically between 1:00 am and 3:00 am starting this week as well, though I don’t have exact times. He has not slept soundly through the night consistently for 2 full weeks now.
Here are the last 5 days. His schedule is all over the place, I know. We have entered into panic mode.
9/2
Awake at 6:45 am. Nap 1 9:15 am to 10:37, Nap 2 1:41 to 3:08 (we were out and got him into bed too late, I think. He fought this nap). In bed by 6:00 pm based on drowsy cues, took until 7:15 to fall asleep.
9/3
Awake at 5 am. Nap 1 8:45 to 10:30, Nap 2 1:00 to 2:30. Asleep by 6:15 pm. Awake from for an extended time in the middle of the night, unsure the time.
9/4
Awake at 5 am. Nap 1 9:00 to 11:00, Nap 2 1:30 to 3:00. Asleep by 6:15 pm, woke at 2:10 am and then slept from 3:30 to 6:00 am (extinction used).
9/5
Awake at 6 am. Nap 1 9:00 am to 10:37, Nap 2 1:00 to 2:00. Started bedtime at 5:30 bases on drowsy cues. It took an hour and a half to get him to bed.
9/6 awake at 6 am. Nap 1 9:00 to 10:30, Nap 2 2:05-3:36 (he fought this nap hard and took forever to get to sleep). Asleep by 6:40, taking 20 minutes to fall asleep
9/7 Awake at 5:30 am. Nap 1 8:45 to 10:20 (we woke him for church), Nap 2 1:00 to 3:45. Started bedtime at 6 based on drowsy cues but I think we were late. It took until 8 to get him to sleep and he woke at 5 am for the day.
Please describe in detail the drowsy cues that you are using.
Based on average trends, his total sleep is down 1 hour and 30 minutes over 7 days. Nighttime sleep is down 58 minutes. His longest stretch of sleep is down 1 hour.
Zoning out and rubbing eyes primarily. But looking back, I think we missed them on more than one occasion because he entered into silly/clumsy floor play (crawling around in circles on the rug, banging head on the ground, etc.), droopy eyes, and even some fussiness. I feel this happens especially when he seems to be drowsy after a short amount of time awake. Perhaps my husband and I innocently question the drowsy cues?
Regardless, his behavior has become very predictable: he is very calm during nap and bedtime routine. He appears drowsy but awake. He will then stand in his crib when we say goodnight but lays down and starts to self-soothe when we turn out the lights. About 10 minutes later, he starts rolling around, standing with his head on the crib, standing in the crib, babbling, etc. There have been 3 nights where he has done this for well over an hour, despite seeming drowsy during the bedtime routine.
The only sleep time he falls asleep quickly for is the midmorning nap, but I know that’s primarily because of poor night sleep. He is not well-rested.
“rubbing eyes”: Please carefully read Blog Post 83 and 115X to appreciate why I suggest that because you are missing subtle drowsy signs and allowing him to be up to long, this is causing pre-sleep arousal(Blog Post 204)-“banging head on the ground”-which makes it harder for him to fall asleep and stay asleep.
“crawling around in circles on the rug” is described in Blog Post 231 (To published on September 12) as “Zoomies” reflecting pre-sleep arousal.
I suggest that you always shorten the interval of wakefulness before a nap and before bedtime.
Your thoughts?
I agree. I have to constantly remind myself that sleep is like food, it needs to be healthy for nourishment. I have this little voice I give credence to when I’m tired myself: I fear he’s not on an appropriate schedule because of how little he is awake and how often he’s in bed. My husband and I both start to think maybe he’s not sleeping because we are expecting too much sleep from him? I think we are accidentally self-sabotaging! This has most definitely snow-balled.
The issue now is that he is constantly tired and constantly hyper-aroused as a result. Will simply shortening the wake interval work over time? Is there anything we can do to soothe him more without overdoing it?
“Will simply shortening the wake interval work over time?” Let’s hope so; it’s worth a try, don’t your think?
Maybe give some thoughts as to how you arrived here despite your knowledge about subtle drowsy signs and share them with me? Maybe this will help prevent a future relapse.
Do you remember this reply to your comment from before?
This behavior: “His eyes start to seem droopy…It’s mostly in the eyes, I suppose. He’s also fragile, bordering on irritable.” means that he is being kept up too late by a small amount; maybe only 10-20 minutes. If so, the cumulative sleep debt (Blog Posts 84-86) will continue to make his sleep problematic.”
That is a great question! I think when we have one off night, my brain starts to panic, thinking we are expecting too much sleep from him. It’s unfounded, being that he sleeps better when he sleeps better. You are correct that I’ve disregarded my knowledge of subtle drowsy cues, despite knowing better! His are still the same. I always have to tell myself your words, “wake windows are bogus.”
We put him down early last night, starting bedtime routine as soon as we saw that first yawn. He still took a long time to fall asleep BUT he slept 12 hours straight. I know it will just take some time to wind his little body back down. Thank you for your patient help and gentle nudges!
Here is a possible alternative explanation to “You are correct that I’ve disregarded my knowledge of subtle drowsy cues, despite knowing better!”
It may be inappropriate, so please forgive me if I’m off base: Sometimes, the distractibility component of your ADHD makes it difficult for you to appreciate subtle drowsy cues in Henry, for example during stressful times in your life. Then, over a few days, he accumulates a sleep debt and ‘all of a sudden’ he has a “one off night”. Anxiety might be the cause of “my brain starts to panic” and now there’s even more stress.
If you think there is some merit in this explanation, it might be worthwhile to have a discussion with Tim about how he can help more with bedtime issues or consult with your medical caretaker about how to make bedtimes smoother for you and Henry.
Just a suggestion, Mel.
Let me know your thoughts.
Not inappropriate at all. In fact, that made me tear up because of how spot on you are. I think more than missing them entirely, I constantly second-guess them: “Was that him zoning out?” “Did he yawn, I can’t remember?” “Is he wired, or is he just getting energy out?” Maybe a perfectionism component? Regardless, it’s a manifestation of my ADHD. I actually am working with a therapist and will bring this particular thing up with
When your baby sleeps better, you feel better and when you feel better, your baby sleeps better. This bidirectional effect has been well-documented in research studies involving mothers with anxiety, depression, stress, and not so much in mothers with ADHD. These conditions often occur together so we know that mother’s mental health interacts with baby’s sleep. But this knowledge is expressed in statistical terms as significant associations.
Thank you for your previous narrative report which was published on August14. Would you please consider writing another narrative report that focuses on the interplay between your baby’s sleep and your own mental health issues. This would be a unique contribution because nothing like this has been written before. Posting the narrative will help many mothers who have similar challenges and may not have your insights. Writing the narrative might help you gain some perspective and allow you to see better the coping mechanisms that have helped you and your child.
Yes! I absolutely will. It’s been a journey for me. I was prepared for it to be different for me than for a lot of mothers, given my ADHD, but I’ll admit it’s more challenging to relate to many. So I think it would be important to share my perspective.
I’m needing a bit of insight IF and when you’re available: As we were working to recover sleep debt, Henry came down with Covid. We are on day 3. He had a fever of 102.5 Friday morning, and has had a low grade fever off and on since, along with low appetite, irritability, and a LOT of fatigue (we have been in contact with his pediatrician).
Regarding sleep, yesterday we followed his lead entirely and intend to do so today. He took two VERY long naps yesterday, with little awake time in between. We put him to bed early and he fell asleep at 6. His night was a bit restless, though he slept through until 5 this morning. He was ready for a nap by 8.
Do we continue to let him sleep as much as he needs? Should there be structure? Or purely based on drowsy cues?
When ill, yes: “Do we continue to let him sleep as much as he needs?”
Thank you. I know schedules sort of fall to the wayside. He was asleep for bed by 5:45 after long naps. He slept soundly for 10 hours. But unfortunately, he was awake at 3:48 this morning and did not go back to sleep. We had to prioritize hydrating and feeding, but we also kept him in the dark until 6:15. I don’t really know how to navigate the day from here? Just put him down when he’s tired? He seems like he’s feeling better.
Most viral infections (but Covid might be different) have an acute phase lasting 24-72 hours and a tail lasting 3-10 days of diminishing symptoms. The key is to re-establish baseline sleeping patterns after the acute phase is over and not wait for complete recovery because a major sleep debt and unhealthy sleep associations might develop.
“He seems like he’s feeling better.” suggests that you now put forth an effort to impose upon him the sleeping schedule that worked best before he got sick.
That’s what my gut was saying. Tim and I made the mistake of letting his sleep get out of hand last time he was sick, part of what got us into the overtired mess that led us to reach out to you! He is such a napper – a blessing and a curse.
His first nap is going to be an extra long one that started early because it was unavoidable, but I can keep the rest of the day more on track. Today marks a little over 72 hours. I felt Saturday night and into yesterday morning was sort of the peak in his symptoms. Tomorrow I will stretch him until 9 for nap 1.
Please help us. Keeping in mind we were in an overtired rut before getting sick.
Monday
Awake: at 3:50
Nap 1: 8:00-10:30
Nap 2: (attempted at 12:10) 1:25-300
Asleep: 5:40
Tuesday
Awake: 4:00 am
Nap 1: 8:30-10:30
Nap2: 12:40-2:15
Asleep: 5:40 pm
Wednesday
Awake: 5:30 am
Nap 1: 9:00-11:00 am
Nap 2: (attempted at 12:30) 1:45-3:00
Asleep: 5:45 (awake from 2:30-4:00 am)
Thursday
Awake: 6:15
Nap 1: 9:10-10:45
Nap 2: skipped – attempted at 12:15; after one hour, he only dozed with dad rocking him for <30 minutes
Asleep: 5:30
Friday
Awake: 3:50
When he wakes, he gets more and more distressed and does not resettle. He does not get back to sleep. We have no idea what to do. The second nap has become a complete trap. He is tired all day.
The sleep schedule and your comment “The second nap has become a complete trap.” suggests to me that it is now age-appropriate to transition Henry to a single mid-day nap as described in my book. I suggest that you start now so that Tim can take charge and do it himself over the week-end and trust that he will do a good job so that you spend the week-end pampering yourself out of the house, without guilt. This is a smart strategy to recharge your battery for the week ahead when Tim is less available; it’s not selfish.
I cannot predict how easy or difficult the transition will be or how long it will take so have Tim read the section carefully and please be patient. I know this transition will be stressful for you because it is a big sleep change so talk to your caretaker and ask him/her how you might be better able to cope with this stressful period.
How does this sound?
Now it’s 6 am, he’s awake, rubbing his eyes.
I don’t disagree. He is a big napper, able to nap for 3 hours easily, and I think two long naps is beginning to wreak havoc. Tim can do that this weekend, yes.
In the meantime, how should we proceed today specifically, given he has been awake since 4 (out of his room since 5:30).
It will be rough, but start today.
Blog Posts 194 and 195 might help.
In both blog posts, their main issues during the transition was short napping. Henry will not have this problem. Should we base bedtime on drowsy cues, even if he naps 3 hours? He seems ready for bed so early, but then is waking at 4 am so I’m not sure if that’s just a part of this transition for some babies? I’m sure I already know the answer… 🙂 In theory, the early bedtime should help with the (extremely) early morning waking.
Because the transition to a single nap usually is associated with less day sleep compared to when 2 naps take place, the bedtime is usually earlier. As you shift the single nap towards mid-day and it is well established, the bedtime might then become later. But maybe not as late as was usual when 2 naps took place.
Drowsy signs are your best guide for the bedtime but I discourage bedtimes before 5:30pm for fear that that a too early bedtime would cause the ‘5:30am rut’.
Please review with and make sure Tim has a good grasp of subtle drowsy signs. The latest Blog Post might help.
Are you able to take some maintenance time this week-end?
Yes! I do have the time set aside. Tim and I have been discussing a game plan. As I’ve said a billion times (I apologize for the broken record) Henry’s naps are really a non-issue in terms of being short on sleep. Yesterday, he slept 2 hours and 50 minutes. Our problems arise at night when cumulative sleep debt accumulates.
Last night was an improvement. There was a brief waking in the night but no signaling and he got himself back to sleep. He woke for the morning at 5:45, out of his crib at 6:15. Can Tim stretch him as far as he can for the one nap? It seems to be easier to do that in the morning than in the afternoon for him, but maybe that’s just superstition.
“Can Tim stretch him as far as he can for the one nap?” Yes, as long as pre-sleep arousal is not severe.
“It seems to be easier to do that in the morning than in the afternoon for him”. Please re-read pages 654-655 to understand why it is only the morning nap that is delayed.
I realized the answer to that before you responded, apologies. It makes sense, and is natural, for him to be able to make it a longer stretch in the morning. Thank you!
Fun observation that will be no surprise to you!
Day 1 (of the 2 to 1 nap transition): 12-2:50
Day 2: 11-12:50
Day 3: 12-3
When the nap happens at 12, aligned with his biological rhythm, he naps longer. Who would have thought?! 🙃 It makes the longgggg morning stretch worth it to have him nap restfully for around 3 hours.
His night sleep has improved this week as well, although I know it will likely be a very nonlinear timeline. While he had a longer waking last night (sometime between 2 and 3:30), he was calm, no signaling, thus we all rolled over and were back to sleep. He woke at 6:20 for the day, whereas it was 5:45 am the morning before.
I hope you also had a relaxing week-end for yourself! Please congratulate Tim because not all husbands/fathers will cooperate.
I absolutely did. I’m very lucky, he was an huge help getting the ball rolling this weekend. And we had some fun family time together too with the longer morning. Thank you for your guidance, support, and encouragement!
On Monday morning, Henry woke up at 545, after a night of waking twice between 1 and 3 . He dozed on our walk at 9:15 (which he has not done in months). We stuck with one nap at 12, he slept from 12 to 3. He was asleep by 6:15.
On Tuesday morning, he woke at 5:30. He was visibly overly fatigued at 8:45, about to fall asleep. So we made it a 2 nap day. He slept from 9 to 10:30 and then 1 to 3. He was asleep by 6:30. But he woke at 1:30 am and was awake until 3:00. He woke again at 4, crying at 5:15. He seems to be getting himself back to sleep.
Is the transition this erratic? If so, we will work to stay the course.
I don’t have detailed data regarding the transition from 2 to 1 nap but I do know that there is a lot of variability regarding the duration and ease or challenges that parents face. Do your best to keep him well rested and choose a strategy that seems best for you and Henry.
Please be flexible, patient, and optimistic.
I hope this helps a little.
It does. 2 naps is just too much but 1 is not quite enough. Regardless, 2 naps consistently backfires in the night. Last night was worse than previous nights, even after/because of two long naps. He is capable of one long, consolidated nap midday, even when stretched. He’s not upset in the night, he’s just awake. So there’s certainly no need to panic. He is a VERY sensitive sleeper so every transition has been pretty intense for us.
I remember months ago, you suggested maybe Henry needs long naps and a later bedtime. Henry is still taking two long naps, but going to bed later (although still early). And for the first time in what feels like forever, he’s reliably sleeping through the night and waking up past 7 am; we’ve been doing this for 3 weeks now. Throughout this whole process, I’ve known my boy needs more sleep than “average,” or “normal.” We’ve just struggled to find a schedule/rhythm that works for him. Most importantly, he is in a better mood and is much happier. His step sister even said, “he seemed so gray, but now he’s bright and smiley!”
How old is Henry now?
Looking back, what advice would you give to a pregnant friend regarding sleep? May I post your advice?
Hi, Dr. Weissbluth! I know you help endless amounts of parents daily, and it’s been months since I was regularly begging for said help on this thread, but I wanted to give an update on Henry! He is 17.5 months now. He didn’t start walking until about a month ago, but now he is almost a confident explorer with no fear! He is exploding cognitively, he enjoys doing hand motions to several songs, remembers sequences in stories, and loves counting anything and everything. It’s an exciting time!
He is still taking two long naps and sleeping 12 hours overnight; He sleeps from 9 to 11 am, 2 to 4 pm, and 7 pm to 7 am (definitely on the higher end of the sleep duration chart in your book). And while I’m ready for more flexibility in our days, I am grateful I’m able to allow him the sleep his body needs.
However, I feel we are finally on the precipice of transitioning to one nap: every few days he will intermittently babble for a long time before falling into a silent sleep at bedtime. Additionally, every few days he will take a long time to fall asleep for nap one; on two occasions he has not fallen asleep for 60 minutes and we’ve done one midday nap. I’m trying to keep our structure the same and let this sort of play out naturally (crossing my fingers).
Anyways, I want to thank you for helping me gain confidence in my abilities to navigate his sleep. It changed our lives!
You and Tim should celebrate your successes. As I mentioned previously, his big sleep needs might reflect a superior intelligence. Also previously, I asked if you might please consider writing another narrative report that focuses on the interplay between your baby’s sleep and your own mental health issues. This would be a unique contribution because nothing like this has been written before. Posting the narrative will help many mothers who have similar challenges and may not have your insights. Writing the narrative might help you gain some perspective and allow you to see better the coping mechanisms that have helped you and your child.
Alternatively, or in addition, perhaps consider writing an Amazon book review to encourage other mothers to not lose hope because sleep problems really can be fixed.
Thank you! Yes, I would really love to take the time to write a thoughtful narrative. Should I post it here when I’m finished?
Yes, please post it here. Your narrative would be posted as a Blog Post, anonymously, if you wish. I am sure that it would be helpful to many mothers, and fathers.
Parenting is the hardest ‘job’ there is because your child is rapidly and continuously changing; so parents must always learn new skills. In the pre-Internet age, parents might rely on advice from trusted family, friends, or books written by professionals who spent their careers studying different aspects of child development. Modern parents do not know who to trust. If a mother has some symptoms of insomnia, anxiety, depression, or ADHD, the uncertainty of how to best raise her child might lead to much more personal stress, marital distress, and heightened symptoms of pre-existing issues.
Dr. Weissbluth, I’m back with a Henry update/question regarding a hiccup in his schedule.
He is bow 22 months old and, as you might remember, has always needed a lot of sleep. For about 2 months now, we have been struggling with a pattern of early morning waking (typically around 5:00–5:45 AM), long naps, and delayed bedtimes. I’m pretty sure I’ve diagnosed the problem and have a plan for fixing his sleep debt, but wanted to see if you could share any thoughts you might have?
His sleep need appears to be around 14.5–15 hours total. When overtired, he becomes very obviously drowsy during the day and his night sleep becomes increasingly chaotic. However, his naps never fail, which is the main source of confusion for my husband and I, leading to this overtired rut.
Recently, after a prolonged period of back-to-back illnesses, he began taking extremely long naps (3–4 hours). We initially viewed these as recovery sleep and allowed them. (I did take him to the pediatrician and he confirmed that we should let him sleep, that he was likely experiencing fatigue from viral recovery.)
Even after this long naps, he would still appear drowsy between 6 and 6:30 pm, but often wouldn’t fall asleep right away and then he started experiencing night-wakings and early wakes. After revisiting your blog posts about naps, I started wondering whether two things could be true at the same time:
1. He accumulated sleep debt, which increased his need for very long naps.
2. The very long naps then reduced sleep pressure before his biological bedtime, contributing to prolonged sleep latency, fragmented nights, split nights, or continued early waking.
In other words, I wonder if we have been caught in a cycle where sleep debt leads to long naps, long naps reduce nighttime sleep pressure at his biological bedtime (which I feel is between 6 and 6:30 pm), early wakes continue, and the cycle repeats.
One thing that caught my attention is that recently he has begun waking from naps on his own around 3–3.25 hours rather than sleeping indefinitely. At the same time, his nights seem more consolidated, with longer quiet stretches and fewer obvious wakings.
My current thought is to gently cap naps around 2–2.5 hours while still offering a very early bedtime (we are on night 3 of a strict 5:30 bedtime) so that any lost daytime sleep can be recovered overnight. My hope is that this would gradually shift more sleep into the night, allow his wake time to move later, eventually move the nap closer to noon, and help us avoid/escape the 5:30 wake/11:15 nap/5:30 bedtime cycle, the “5:30 rut.”
Does this seem consistent with your philosophy of protecting sleep while correcting a schedule, or do you think I am misinterpreting the role of the long naps? I know you say never wake a sleeping baby, UNLESS it’s to fix a schedule issue.
Congratulations! Your analysis and plan for correction is correct.
Great! Thank you! That makes me feel very empowered and proud of myself! Ha! He fell asleep before 5:30 pm last night and slept soundly until 5:30 this morning. He fell back asleep until 7ish, although I’m not sure how restorative that was. He was still pretty tired this morning, but in a noticeably better mood. MUCH better. Thus, it was easier to get him 11:45 comfortably. Do you think 2 hours is sufficient, would 2.5 hours be too much? He has always been a big napper. He slows down between 4 and 5 pm; it’s very clear he’s ready to start our bedtime routine.
I want you to know I do still intend to write a narrative about being a mom with diagnosed ADHD. The diagnosed ADHD seems to be a hindrance to said narrative. 🙂
Understood. Please consider dictating a narrative instead of writing it for someone else to transcribe; just a thought.
It is on my to-do list for the coming week!
I wanted to share an update/pick your brain on our current sleep debt recovery. On Friday, we capped his nap at around 2.25 hours. His wake time that morning was 5:30 am, nap 11:15 – 1:30, bedtime 5:30 pm.
He woke the next morning at 5:30 am (though maybe dozing a bit for another hour).
He was very grumpy all morning. We put him down at 11:45 and woke him around 2:00. The evening was truly miserable. He was in bed by 5:30 pm, asleep immediately.
Sunday was one of the worst days we have had as our little guy’s parents, truly. He was whiny, defiant, clingy, miserable all morning. We put him down at 11 because he was not going to be able to make it any further. We also decided to let his nap run (his behavior had truly gotten worse over the course of a couple days) because he seemed to be crashing. He woke just before 3 hours. The evening was still challenging, but better than before the nap. Bedtime 5:30 pm, asleep straight away, slept through to 6 am.
He woke on Monday like a new kid. He was not asking for snacks all day, he was able to play independently, he did not fight me on diaper changes, and he was very ready for a nap around 11:15 am. Again, I let the nap run and he awoke at the 2 hour, 50 minute mark. Our afternoon was just as pleasant. We were reading books after his dinner and he very clearly started to disengage, suck his thumb, and rub his little lovey. We promptly started bedtime and he was asleep just after 5:30 pm.
I heard a shrill and giggle around 12:45 am, but everyone fell back asleep straight after. He woke at 5:30 am. I would say today has been a middle-ground; not struggling nearly as much as Sunday, not nowhere near the almost baseline Henry from yesterday. I was able to read books and soothe him to 11:20ish for his nap this morning, but he seemed drowsy nearly all morning.
My issues are:
1. Capping the nap seemed to have a VERY dramatic impact on his mood, behavior, and level of exhaustion.
2. He is waking just under, or right at, the 3 hour mark. (something he has really never done….ever…until just recently).
3. Getting him to noon seems like an impossible feat.
4. The only consistency at the moment is that he is most certainly ready for bed at 5:30 pm.
What a week — and what a thoughtful, perceptive account of it. You already know the answer to your own question: you saw it clearly on Sunday and Monday.
Congratulations on your decision to uncap the nap on Sunday. That took courage, especially after a truly difficult morning, and the evidence came back swiftly and unambiguously. Monday told you everything — the independent play, the absence of snack-seeking, the easy diaper changes, the natural drowsy signs at bedtime. That is your baseline Henry. You found it by getting out of the way and letting him sleep.
The most important thing I want you to take from this week is that his mood and behavior are far more reliable guides than anything a clock can tell you. The clock shows you numbers. Henry shows you the truth. When you capped the nap, the clock said he had slept “enough” — but Henry told you otherwise over the following 48 hours in every way a toddler knows how. When you let the nap run, the clock may have looked indulgent — nearly three hours — but Henry woke up a different child. Trust what you see in him over what you see on your clock.
Going forward: sleep him when he appears drowsy, let the nap run, keep that reliable 5:30 pm bedtime, and watch him — not the clock.
Give me a progress report in a few days.
Thank you for your kind response. I appreciate the support and encouragement. He woke at 5:15 am today. Outside of Monday morning, he wakes in a very fragile mood. Our mornings are very long and sooooo drowsy, entirely dependent on me. After the long nap, he is sort of back to his normal self. If I were to follow his drowsy cues, he’d go down for a nap by 8:45!
Perhaps a trial for 2-3 days only with an earlier onset morning nap (8:45?) might clarify whether this helps or not.
One nap only? And then 5:30 bedtime?
He is talking and giggling upon waking. He seems good for about an hour and then the drowsiness sets in. It seems he wakes with a lot of sleep pressure that becomes too hard to manage; he is more noticeably more regulated after the nap.
We have calm mornings, mostly spent outside between breakfast and lunch. Lots of meltdowns, only wanting to swing, whining for things (he has the words for normally).
Then, around 10, I wonder if he gets a second wind. He tends to be in better spirits, although still whiney and needing me to entertain him (no crying, intent to sit so long as I’m reading him his favorite books). I can put him down for a nap at anytime after that. We have settled around 11/11:15. He does resist me some. But is calm as soon as I close the door, falling asleep immediately. Yesterday, he went down at 11:15 napped for 3 hours and 25 minutes.
What a puzzle!
How old is he?
Maybe for only 2-3 days, sleep him when he appears drowsy during the day (this might involve 1 or 2 naps) and the bedtime is based on drowsy signs only, not clock time. We don’t know in advance what will happen but by watching his mood and behavior, and recording his sleep schedule, you might see improvements, or not. How does this sound. Perhaps a weekend would be a good start time so Dad can also observe and help.
He is noticeably more regulated after the nap. Zero meltdowns.
22 months as of June 4.
I think that sounds like a good idea. I am fighting his drowsiness in the morning so a midday nap seems unclear, unless I was to put him down for a by-the-clock time of 12. My fear is if we go that route, he will just nap for 4 hours. He has a very strong circadian rhythm AND builds/is sensitive to sleep pressure.
My husband worked from home today to help and observe, as it’s been a challenging week. We were reading to him and he laid down with his lovey (something he rarely does). We asked him if he wanted to go to bed and he said, “night night.” Sometimes I ask him that later, when we are stretching him and he gets silly. An obvious set of indicators there, right? Ha! We put him down for a nap at 10:15 am. He will likely nap long.
I’ll be honest, his sleep has been all over the place for 3 months now, due to being sick on-and-off. But the last 2 weeks have been the breaking point. Maybe I misjudged his desire for long naps as being ready for 1 nap?