Don’t be a slave to a rigid bedtime hour or nap schedule. Once or twice a month, lighten up and enjoy holidays, family gatherings, or other special events. The well-rested child can easily tolerate infrequent missed naps or late bedtimes. But the sleep debt accumulated from the special event needs to be repaid! After the special event or illness, your child might be short on sleep and the strategy is a reset: A super-early bedtime for one night only and overnight, you might have to ignore protest crying. After a long holiday, especially if you cross multiple time zones, prepare yourself for one nasty re-entry night when you return home to fill up the now empty sleep tank.
I would consider a 5:30 reset once a month to be a completely normal variation. I have three kids, and one of them (my oldest) is like that. The other two make up the missed sleep from a cold or trip themselves. My oldest does not! About the only thing that gets him extra sleep is an earlier bedtime. We do travel a lot (we live at least five hours from all family) and have visitors a lot (one or the other at least once a month). If you are using the reset because of illness, travel, et cetera, you are just doing your job.
We do this when our son skips a nap or when his naps are way too short (thirty minutes) and he is getting overtired. Last week he went to bed at 5:15 p.m. and woke up at 6:30 the next morning, with two or three night feeds. We have noticed that this reset seems to work but with a delayed effect. His naps get longer the morning after the early bedtime, but they are out of sync (8:00 a.m., 11:00 a.m., 2:00 p.m.). It usually takes one more day of a 6:00 p.m. bedtime for him to be on the proper schedule (9:00 a.m., noon). Then we go back to our regular schedule, with bedtime between 6:00 and 7:00 p.m., depending on if he gets a third nap. No matter when bedtime is, he wakes up at 6:20 a.m. on the dot. Knowing he won’t wake up earlier (or later, for that matter) encourages us to put him to bed early for his sake.
Hi Dr. Weisbluth,
I’m wondering if I “over-did it” with our “reset.” My 17 month old was overtired and adjusting from messed up sleep on a 4 day long vacation to Hawaii (4 hour time difference from home). To remedy this, for the past almost 2 weeks, we put her down for an earlier bedtime — she now reliably falls asleep between 6-7pm on our time zone. I’ve also been attentive to her sleepy cues (which leads to a single nap starting at 11-11:30am).
However, her naps are only 1-1.5 hrs (rather than the 2-3 hours she was consistently getting before our trip). She wakes up from her nap screaming and very unhappy (overtired sign?) whereas previously her wake ups were much more peaceful. She’s also waking up between 5-6am, which is earlier than I’d like. (I would prefer at least an hour of awake time for myself before she wakes up.) Before our trip she awoke between 6:30-7am.
Is the short nap possibly a symptom of an 18 month sleep regression and not related to the recent travel?
She has a younger sibling arriving in a couple of months, and it seems that sometimes she understands that and may be anxious about it.
Are we putting her down for the night too early (“overdoing it” re: the reset) causing the early morning rising?
Thanks.
Please describe her mood and behavior between 5-6pm when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction).
Usually we eat dinner together between 5-6pm, which usually involves significant engagement with parents. But today I fed her earlier so I could observe her alone with her toys. For most of the hour she kept wanting to engage with me. Brought me books to read to her. Brought me a puzzle to do with her. Continuously looked at me to see my reaction to certain things she was doing. When she didn’t do that she was somewhat calm and focused on her toys. She got excited and talkative from time to time depending on what she was doing. She rubbed her eyes for the first time at 5:45pm, after which she became a bit more clingy to me (her mother). Soon after asked for a bottle and became attached to that for a short while.
I tried to start her evening routine at 6:10pm. When the lights went dim and I took her to our chair to read a book, she whined and fought me a bit. She allowed me to read part of her bedtime book before wriggling away to keep playing, so I let her. At 6:20pm she crawled back to the chair, showing that she was amendable to reading / cuddling / winding down again. She was asleep at 6:33pm in crib w/ no crying.
She slept through the night (except for a brief waking at 9pm; she soothed herself quickly) and woke up at 5:20am.
“She rubbed her eyes for the first time at 5:45pm, after which she became a bit more clingy to me (her mother)…I tried to start her evening routine at 6:10pm. When the lights went dim and I took her to our chair to read a book, she whined and fought me a bit.” Please read Blog Post 9 and watch the video at Blog Post 115X to better understand why she temporarily needs a 5:30pm falling asleep time. That is, you are doing everything you presently do, but earlier, so that you are leaving her room (lights out) at 5:30pm. Monitor her sleep and how she awakens from her nap. Try this for 3 nights and then let me know how it goes. This super early bedtime is temporary to repay an accumulated sleep debt. Later, her bedtime might be 6-6:30 but probably not 7. How do you feel about this?
Thank you! Blog #9 is helpful — I see now how she could be skipping drowsy signs and going straight to fatigue signs. My only concern is that the very early bedtime will not cause later morning wake-ups, leading to a continued cycle of too-early days. However, we are desperate — she took about a half-hour to stop wailing upon waking from her nap today (only 1 hr 10 min again). I will try the 5:30pm bedtime (starting her evening routine at 5pm) and report back.
I just put her down at 5:25pm and she was quiet in her crib for 6 min until she started crying. Is there a certain time period that you recommend letting a kid cry it out during a “reset”? She woke up from her nap at 1:52pm so she only had about 3.5 hours of awake time before bed.
She is / was sleep-trained using the extinction method at 6 months old, but her schedule has been so off recently that even though we always put her down “drowsy” (or so I thought) but awake, I think she’s used to being soothed more, and may cry for awhile.
Sorry to bother you again, one additional question if you have time: how do I know when to put her down for a nap if she’s not showing drowsy signs?
Drowsy signs indicate that her brain is shifting into sleep mode. Because of your past experience, you may know when your daughter needs to nap and you begin a wind-down or soothing to sleep for nap time based on the duration of her prior wakefulness and the quality of her previous sleep period. Trust your instincts! Because you have learned a lot to ‘know’ when she needs to sleep, you might have perfect timing and not see drowsy signs. Does this make sense?
UPDATE – “reset” for chronic fatigue
Day 1 – Sunday 8/6
Morning: Woke 6:20am.
Nap: 12:42pm – 1:52pm. 1 hr 10 min. She sobbed uncontrollably again for ~15 min upon waking. Inconsolable.
Evening: Went in crib at 5:25pm surprisingly w/ no crying. 6:31pm started crying. Not very hard crying; soothed herself in less than 10 min. Awoke and cried again at 9pm; I soothed her with rocking and a bottle for ~10min. Slept thru the night after that!
Day 2 – Monday 8/7
Morning: Woke 5:55am.
Nap: 11:35-12:40pm. 1 hr 5 min. She fought going down pretty hard. Cried after nap but not as long as usual.
Evening: Down for night at 5:18pm w/ no crying. Started crying at 5:20pm very hard; let her cry for a little over 10 min. Then dad soothed her w/ bottle until falling asleep at 5:40pm. (She first rubbed eyes and yawned at 4:40pm – I think since her nap was earlier today, I waited a bit too long to turn lights off & soothe her to sleep – may have been slightly overtired this evening).
Day 3 – Tues 8/8
Morning: Slept thru night and awoke at 6:14am.
Nap: 12:22-2:45pm. Nearly 2.5 hours, the longest nap in weeks. Woke up happy w/ NO crying! Incredible.
Evening: Started trying to put her down around 5:30pm; fought bedtime HARD, I think b/c her nap lasted so long. Perhaps I should’ve woken her up? After struggling for awhile, Mom let Dad takeover – He held and rocked her with the lights off from 6:20-6:40pm. Woke up twice during night (11pm & 4am) – let cry a bit but needed parental soothing both times.
Wed 8/9, Thurs 8/10
Both days woke up around 6:50am; went down for a nap a little after 12pm. Wed napped 1.5 hrs; only a bit irritable upon waking. Thurs napped 2 hrs 20 min; happy / content upon waking. Slept through night both nights.
Overall I think it was a success and she’s caught up on sleep, indicated by her improved mood, especially upon waking from naps. Goal for the future is to aim for 6-6:30pm bedtime (adjusted earlier for a short nap, and realistically realizing she may not fall sleep until 6:45/7pm if the nap is longer. Planning to wake her from naps if they exceed 2.5 hours).
Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth, for your help!!
You are welcome. Please consider writing a narrative report on your experience with a ‘reset’. Some parents are afraid to try it because they fear that their child will get up to start the day too early. Or a parent returning home from work will not allow their child to be put to bed so early because they might not see their child. If you write a narrative report, let me know if it is to be anonymous or not because I will publish it as a Blog Post on my website.
My 20 month old daughter has had an awful time falling asleep ever since I opted to contact sleep with her for 2 hours one time last week. Before this, she was sleeping great. Went down drowsy but awake, rarely needed picking up after that. Had stopped getting up in the night too since I quit breastfeeding 2 weeks ago. After this contact sleep though, she has refused mostly all attempts to sleep on her own. She will stand up in her crib and bounce and scream and cry or just sing and call for us. And for a very long time. I was picking her up again after 10 minutes but when the problem persisted, I switched to 45 minutes. It didn’t make a difference yet. Only nap with no crying in the past week is when she fell asleep on me and I was able to put her down without waking her. Other than that, I will wait the entire 45 minutes of her vocalizing like we are sleep training again then I will pick her up and rock her to sleep. It’s like she has forgotten how to self soothe after successfully doing it for so long. Or she is waiting for another contact nap. I had no idea a couple hours would affect her so much. I feel so terrible about this and I’m so worried about her because she must be exhausted by this point. What would you advise?
“I opted to contact sleep with her for 2 hours one time last week.” Why did you do this?
She woke up in the night near her wake up time. I had picked her up and soothed her. She started crying again after I set her down, so in an attempt to get some sleep, I chose to contact sleep with her instead of waiting for her to quit crying which was going to blend with her wakeup time. I thought waiting and picking her up again would confuse her because we do not pick her up if she is awake and non distress talking before 6.
When did this event occur?
Prior to this event, please describe a typical nap and bedtime (the falling asleep time; not the beginning of a bedtime routine).
Prior to this event, please describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) during the hour before the beginning of the bedtime routine.
Currently, please describe a typical nap and bedtime (the falling asleep time; not the beginning of a bedtime routine).
Currently, please describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) during the hour before the beginning of the bedtime routine.
This happened 1 week ago. Typical nap began at 11:30/12, and always lasts 1.5 hours. Bedtime at 7:15 PM. She usually always woke for the day at 6:30 AM. Always put down drowsy but awake and perfectly able to fall asleep quietly.
She usually gets very energetic in the hour before bedtime. After dinner, typically runs around and dances and talks a lot. Wants to go outside and look at things or go upstairs and play with more high energy toys.
It’s difficult to determine a typical time this past week. She’s skipped her nap about 3 of those days. She did nap yesterday around 11:30 without struggle as i was able to set her down asleep and didnt wake her. The other days have been 1 or later after much struggling. I’ve moved up her bedtime in effort to help her sleep. Finally asleep at 7 today after attempting to put her to sleep at 6. Asleep at 8 yesterday. Asleep by 6:15 the day before. No set pattern right now.
Woke up in the night last night distress crying so picked her up and rocked her. She fell asleep on me but woke and started crying and jumping as soon as she was put down in her crib. I picked her up a second time after waiting 45 minutes, and she woke and started jumping and crying again right after put down in her crib. I don’t know how long it lasted because I knew picking her up a third time would do no good and turned monitor off.
Please carefully read Blog Posts 84, 171, 172, and 204 to fully understand what the problem is and how you created it.
What do you think my general advice will be?
Currently her mood and behavior before bedtime routine is similar to before but more intense. Extremely energetic and louder. Breaking into crying over not getting her way. She eats supper at 5 and is done by 5:30.
I would think you’d say to move bedtime to 5 or 5:30 for a few days, then possibly move regular bedtime earlier as well. And be more regular in timing for parental intervention during crying.
YES: A super-early bedtime for just a few days might help a lot and then the bedtime should be based on drowsy signs; which will vary as naps and physical activity during the day varies.
At 20 months, your “regular in timing for parental intervention during crying.” might lead to a night-waking habit. If so, then fragmented sleep will perpetuate her sleep deprivation. Please review the chapter on ‘Sleep Solutions” in my book to consider alternative strategies.
How does this sound?
That sounds like a good plan. I will do that. Thank you!
Update: All is going very well after a few nights of super early bed time. Naps got back to normal after the nights became normal again. She is now back to giggling in her crib when I set her down because she’s excited for me to bring her a blanket and her stuffed animals. Much better than instant crying as soon as shes set down. Thank you so much for your help!
Congratulations! Please write a narrative report of your sleep adventure that I would share (anonymously, if you wish) as a Blog Post. Parents are more likely to connect with your voice than mine. Many parents experience sleep difficulties triggered by an infant illness or family vacation that causes a sleep debt and are unaware of the power of a reset.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
For a 11 month old who has never had a schedule – not for lack of trying!! And now is worse, not sure if baby is growing out of morning nap. I know that many babies this age are not ready to drop this nap. The baby keeps waking up before 6 AM takes forever to fall back asleep. When/if baby falls asleep, wake up time is past 7 which pushes morning nap, afternoon nap and bedtime to late. I noticed drowsy signs (like yawning) appearing 3.5-4 hrs after wake time. If morning nap is too late I have been trying 5:30pm bedtime and no afternoon nap. By 5:30 baby is having hard time falling asleep. For example: last night was up for 1 hr. Woke up at 7:20, took a nap from 11 (was in the crib for almost 1 hr) to 12:15. Started getting tired at 3:30-4pm. We tried for a 5:30pm bedtime, there was crying and didn’t fall asleep until 6:20. Previous week had been taking 40 min to fall asleep for naps.
Should I drop the morning nap and do 5:30 bedtime for the next few days?
At 12 months of age, about 17% of infants take 1 nap and at 15 months of age, its 56%. Taking 1 nap/day at 11 months is uncommon.
For how many consecutive days did you try a 5:30 bedtime?
Please read the section ‘Nap Drill’ in my book and tell me your thoughts.
Thank you for your reply. We’re familiar with the Nap Drill. It worked for self soothing but not to have a set schedule.
Over the past week we’ve done 5:30 pm bedtime about 3 days but not consecutive. We go day by day depending on wake up time which varies from 5:30 am to 7:30 am and then naps: how long it takes to fall asleep + nap length could change the rest of the day schedule.
This is a puzzle!
Understood.
You might wish to rigidly impose on your baby an age-appropriate sleep schedule for 3-5 days and then re-evaluate. Here it is:
Control the the wake-up time: Wake your child at 6am if baby is asleep, do not go to your child before 5:30am if baby is up earlier.
Try for a nap at 9am, using the nap drill. Try again for a nap between 12-2pm (but not before 12pm) depending on what happens with the first nap, using the nap drill. Temporarily, limit the naps to 90 minutes.
Temporarily, the bedtime is 5:30pm (your baby is bathed, fed, soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30PM).
Extinction overnight.
Keep a written record of sleep.
After 3-5 days and nights, let me know how it goes. The expectation is that naps should become more regular and if so, we would stop limiting them and also allow the bedtime to vary based on drowsy signs.
How does this sound?