When naps are going well, the bedtime might be a little later, but when naps are not going well, the bedtime needs to be a littler earlier. These reports include paying attention to early bedtimes.
Here’s an account from the mother of a 3-month-old infant who successfully accomplished the midmorning nap and helped her baby sleep better at night:
It started at just 12 weeks. Katie was so fatigued she would cry for hours, screaming completely out of control, scratching her head, pulling her ears. Holding her didn’t help, so it wasn’t hard not to pick her up—she screamed anyway.
Instituting a new day schedule was easy. As soon as she started getting cranky, I rushed her to her crib to sleep. She would watch her mobile, and then sleep for hours at a time. The first week, she was so tired that she only stayed up thirty to fifty minutes at a time and slept three to four hours in between. The key for me was to get her down before she got really upset.
The afternoon was when she was awake the longest, and then it was hard getting her to sleep at night. The first few nights under our new regime were the worst. Positive reinforcement from my doctor was important then. I had to hear several times that this “cure” was the best thing to do.
The first night under our new strategy, my husband lay on the floor in her room (I guess to make sure she didn’t choke) while I sat crying in our living room. Finally, after forty-five minutes, Katie was quiet! Hurray! Each night she cried less and less, and I handled it better and better. After a week, her hysteria was gone! Sure, she cried a little sometimes, but now she was on a schedule. She napped two or three times a day, two to four hours at a time, and slept twelve to fifteen hours a night. Sleeping promotes more sleep, and makes it easier to fall asleep. It’s a catch-22.
Writing down the sleep patterns helped, too. For one week I kept track of every time I put her down and every time I picked her up from her nap. At the end of the week I noticed a distinct pattern. She fell into it herself!
Here is an account from a mother who started early with her second child:
As patients of Dr. Weissbluth, we were ready to commit ourselves to promoting good sleep habits in our children. When our first son, Hayden, was born, it was easier said than done. Being new parents and not knowing what the different cries meant, we would pick Hayden up at the slightest whimper. We were quick believers when at 4 months we were a bit more seasoned and decided not to rush in at the first cry. The cry lasted fifteen minutes, and then it was smooth sailing; he gradually went to bed earlier and earlier until we reached a 6:00 p.m. bedtime with a 6:30 a.m. wake-up, and then naps at 9:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. This pattern still holds true minus the first nap, and bedtime is at 6:30 p.m. at almost 3 years old. He is social, happy, sweet, and most of all well rested.
With the birth of our second child, a girl, Lily, we were busy with Hayden, now a toddler, and were quite the experts on all the “signs” babies give out. We had a rule: If she was sleepy and not crying (even at a few days old), she was to be put in her bassinet. We still played with her and enjoyed her, but we were not walking around the house with her twenty-four hours a day. We also provided Lily with the same nighttime routine we give Hayden: dim the lights and give a massage, bath, bottle, book, and bed. This prompted Lily to develop a quicker sleep schedule, and we found by 2.5 months she was sleeping through the late-night feedings. By 3 months she was going to bed at 5:00 to 5:30 p.m. and sleeping until 6:30 a.m. Also at 3 months we began putting her down for her midmorning nap two hours after she woke up, and that began her nap schedule. Now Lily, almost one, wakes up at 6:30 a.m., takes her first nap at 8:15 a.m., takes her second nap at 12:30 p.m., and is in the bathtub by 5:00 p.m. and asleep by 5:30 p.m.
We are vigilant about not letting either child nap in the car, strollers, or for that matter miss naps or have delayed naps. Once our children are in their cribs for the night, we don’t hear from them until the morning . . . no night waking or games! We greet them each morning with a smile on their faces.
We are committed to having well-rested children and will defend our decisions with any naysayer suggesting we don’t get to be with our children at night or we are too strict with the daytime schedule. We find too often it is the parent who is putting the child on their schedule instead of vice versa.
Babies yearn for routines and respond unbelievably to them. Again, we feel that we have two of the happiest, sweetest children, and knowing that teaching them good sleep habits and, more important, the ability to fall asleep unassisted is the best gift you can ever give!
Here is one parent’s account of how shortening the interval of wakefulness during the day between naps helped her child nap better and sleep better at night.
In November, our third daughter, Rebecca, was born. At that time I prided myself on how well I schlepped our new baby everywhere and how wonderfully she slept in and out of the car seat all day.
Our days were filled with errands and car pools; Rebecca would be nursing and napping on and off all day. What a cooperative baby, I used to think. But I was so exhausted by evening that I found the only way to survive was to sleep with her, waking up every hour or so to shift her so that she could nurse on the other side. I knew then that having her in bed with me wasn’t such a terrific idea, but it was the only way for me to get any rest.
When Rebecca turned 5 months old, I placed her in her crib instead of going to sleep with her at my breast. As I anticipated, every few hours she began to cry, expecting me to be by her side. I would quickly run into her room and rock and nurse her back to sleep . . . until the next time she woke up.
And so our next pattern began. She would wake up every few hours, and I would faithfully run in and get her back to sleep. I was certain she would grow out of this bad habit . . . our other two had. A few months passed. By now Rebecca was weaned to a bottle and I was sure things would change for the better. That didn’t happen. In fact, things got worse. There were many nights when Rebecca would get up every hour on the hour. I tried letting her cry, fifteen minutes at a time, but it was much easier to just go in and give her a bottle. When Rebecca was 1 year old, this pattern of frequent waking continued. It was difficult leaving her with a babysitter on the occasional evening we went out. I knew that within an hour or so of our leaving she would be up crying for me. I actually felt sick leaving her.
When Rebecca was almost 13 months old we went to see Dr. Weissbluth. When we left his office I felt prepared for battle—armed with all the mental ammunition I needed to change Rebecca’s nightly wakings. We started the program of shorter intervals of wakefulness the next day.
In a week’s time, the change in Rebecca was phenomenal! She was always a happy baby, but when she began to sleep better, she became even more relaxed, more affectionate, and more fun to be with. The change in her sleeping pattern has had an effect on everyone in the family. I don’t yell and lose my patience with my older children quite as much, for I am better rested and I feel so much better physically and emotionally. This has been one of the most rewarding and positive experiences that we have shared as parents. We are so proud of Rebecca and also pat ourselves on the backs for a job well done.
Shhh! Rebecca’s sleeping!
Here is one mother’s account of how an early bedtime did not help her child become better rested and able to take two naps, but subsequently it did help when the single nap was delayed until midday.
Sophie has always been inconsistent when it comes to napping. Some days she would sleep for half an hour, others she wouldn’t sleep at all. And if I was lucky, she would take an occasional hour nap. I decided it was time to get help before the situation became worse.
Sophie was 13 months old when I met with Dr. Weissbluth. She was sleeping for thirty minutes in the morning; her midday naps were unpredictable. At night, getting her to sleep was even more frustrating. Sophie had always been a great nighttime sleeper. Then, all of a sudden [cumulative sleepiness], she was waking up several times throughout the night. Not only was her mental state unbearable, but physically she did not look well. As for me, I was becoming mommy the monster. There were days when I thought I was going to lose it. I blamed myself for her sleeping disorder, even though I was doing everything right—putting her to bed early, keeping a consistent nap time, and putting her down in her crib for her naps instead of allowing her to sleep on the go.
After looking over Sophie’s sleep log, Dr. Weissbluth gave me several options: Try an earlier bedtime (5:00 p.m.), lots of stimulation when awake, and soothing her longer at night. The goal was to allow her to catch up on her sleep.
My husband and I put the plan to work. He supported the decision of an earlier bedtime, even though his time with her was already limited. Unfortunately, Sophie’s sleeping did not improve. She continued to take one nap for thirty or forty-five minutes and then skip her midday nap. She and I were both exhausted, and my frustration level was sky-high at this point.
During our follow-up conversation, Dr. Weissbluth asked if I would consider dropping her midmorning nap. He recommended the continuation of an earlier bedtime (5:00 p.m.), which, surprisingly, she welcomed. Although I was hesitant to drop her midmorning nap, I was determined to get my happy child back.
So I put plan B to work. For the first several days, Sophie could barely keep her eyes open past 10:30 a.m. I was able to keep her up until 11:00 a.m. and then 11:30 a.m. for the next several days. She continued to take thirty-minute naps. I called Dr. Weissbluth and he reminded me that she was still trying to catch up on sleep, that it would take several days for her to feel rested. After day four, she was staying awake until 12:30 and sleeping for an hour. And she was sleeping through the night—no more nighttime waking. By the end of the week, she was starting her nap at 12:30 and waking up at 2:00 p.m. And Sophie and Mommy were happy.
The early bedtime is a non-negotiable component of healthy sleep training. If you want your child to sleep soundly and wake up well rested, you have to marry the idea of an early bedtime.
I have been implementing an earlier bedtime and have been trying to catch the drowsy signs to get my 11 week old down for naps and bedtime. Right now I feel like we are playing catch up from all the sleep deprivation from the last few weeks. The last 2 days, naps have been a little better but are still rough. I currently get him in bed between 6:00-7:00 but he doesn’t always go down easily. He wakes a couple times at night to nurse and doesn’t wake for the day until late- around 10:00 am. I’m wondering if I should be waking him in the morning but I feel like he’s so tired and want to let him sleep.
Comparing “the last few weeks” with the “last 2 days”, “naps have been a little better”: Congratulations!! Please continue to focus on drowsy signs in the evening and early bedtimes because night sleep circadian rhythm begins to emerge around 6 weeks of age. Nap rhythms begin to emerge around 3-4 months of age. So be more focused on night sleep now and go with the flow regarding naps, for now. Please do not wake him in the morning. Because of his age, be patient, trial and error will be needed, and be optimistic. Blog Post #14 (Be Flexible) and Parents’ Reports #2 (Early Bedtimes) might be helpful. Good Luck!
Hi Marc
My 5 month old daughter wakes from her last nap of the day (her third) around 3:00pm. We then try and keep her awake for a 6:00pm bedtime. We follow the same bedtime routine each time and she doesn’t take long to drift off. However, she wakes up after 45 minutes every time and needs help to resettle- sometimes 4 or 5 attempts over a 30 minute period. She then sleeps a few hours until her midnight feed. Is it possible that she believes her 6:00pm bedtime is actually an evening nap? Do you have any advice on how we can get her to sleep through from 6:00pm?
Thanks
How does she look between 5-6pm? Please give a detailed description of her, mood, demeanor, sociability, and activity level.
Hi Marc
Between 5-6pm:
we go for a walk
she has a bath
has a bottle
we read her a book
put her in her sleep sack
We then go into her room, put the white noise on and she has a cuddle/sucks on her dummy, we put her in her bed and walk out.
She is often tired and yawns during the walk because, by that point, she has been awake for around 2 hours. She becomes more alert when she has her bath- smiles and giggles. She doesn’t fall asleep with her bottle but is disinterested in the book. When putting her in her sleep sack she will often grizzle. She then goes to sleep very quickly with only a couple of minutes of settling.
Thanks
What is a common time when she begins to grizzle (whimper, complain, fuss)?
Between 4:45 and 5:30.
Please review Blog Post 9 and tell me when drowsy signs first begin to appear.
Hi- Thanks for sending me to Blog Post 9. I have been keeping a record over the past week of my daughter’s awake times and the length of her naps. I have noticed that she starts showing drowsy signs within one and a half hours of waking up. I had been keeping her up for two hours between naps before reading your blog- watching the clock and not my baby!- but I now start to settle her for a nap as soon as I see these signs. This has led to a fourth nap later in the afternoon, with her waking up from this no later than 4:45pm. On some days she has fought the fourth nap and has only had 20 minutes of sleep. Do babies find it harder to nap later in the afternoon?
She seems to show drowsy signs after this last nap of the day within an hour of waking up. She has had some afternoons where she has woken up from the nap and started yawning and rubbing her eyes after 53 minutes awake and at other times, she has shown these drowsy signs within 10 minutes after waking up. Her bedtime is still between 6-6:30.
We’ve noticed somewhat of an improvement since my initial blog post- she has had a few nights this week where she has either slept through from bedtime until her first night feed, or has required only a couple of attempts at resettling after waking 45 minutes after being put down. I am hoping that if we keep responding to her drowsy signs and trying to reduce her wake window before bedtime, she will feel better rested and start sleeping through.
Congratulations! Nap sleep rhythms begin to emerge around 3-4 months of age and are well established by 6 months of age. Because your daughter is about 6 months old, establish an age appropriated nap schedule so that it is in synch with her biological nap rhythm for better quality day sleep. At the same time, the bedtime might have to be temporarily moved much earlier until naps improve. After she naps better, the bedtime might be moved later. This combination of imposing an age appropriate nap schedule and moving the bedtime temporarily earlier is described in detail in my book along with the speed bumps along the way. Be optimistic! You will be successful because you are already sensitive to the differences between her alert and drowsy states. The root cause that set all of this in motion was an old customary bedtime that was innocently a little too late.
Sweet Dreams
DrW
My 5 month old (4 months adjusted) does not seem to have developed a nap rhythm. He sleeps 11.5-12 hours every night with no waking. Bedtime 6:30. Usually wakes between 6 & 6:30am. I have been putting him back to bed after an hour or less in the morning (around 7:30am). He seems drowsy and falls back asleep easily. Should I begin trying to lengthen this wake period so he starts taking a true mid-morning nap?
Dad is usually in charge of bedtime. Baby is bottle fed only (surrogate). Eats every 3 hours, currently about 36 oz/24 hrs. Between 4&6pm he needs a lot of attention and will begin fussing if left on his own. This is a time we’re often trying to get him to take a last nap as well, which he always fights. Usually have to have him in a wrap and walk around the house for him to fall asleep after 3:30. No matter what, we always have him awake by 5:30 at the latest. Bath sometimes, jammies, bottle/book then bed. Last bottle of the day always at 6pm.
Thank you for your time!
Naps begin to become more regular and longer around 4 months of age and by 6 months are fairly predictable and long. Your ‘4-month-old’ “suddenly will not nap for 45 minutes at a time when previously would have 1.5 -2+hour naps” (on Instagram) means that he has developed cumulative sleepiness (Blog Posts 84-86) from a failure to move his bedtime a little earlier when he was about 6 weeks old (adjusted age). Currently, “He has completely lost the ability to self soothe to sleep in the day”., “Between 4&6pm he needs a lot of attention and will begin fussing if left on his own.” His sleep tank is about empty between 4-pm. Temporarily, a bedtime routine/soothing at 5pm and be done (leave the room) at 5:30pm. Please read Blog Posts and Parents’ Reports about ‘Bedtimes’ Also, see IG reel ‘Sleep Basics #4.. Over the next several weeks, naps will lengthen and become more regular and then the bedtime will become later. How do you feel about this?
Sweet Dreams,
Marc
Thank you so much Dr. Weisbluth! After initially writing to you, he began taking longer naps and being better about putting himself to sleep. Current schedule over last 3 days:
Wake 5 am (I adjust in crib/give pacifier, he goes back to sleep) this is new, he used to sleep straight to 6:30.
6:30am wake
6:40 bottle
7:30 back to sleep for 2 hours
Awake for about 1.5 hours
11am back to sleep for 1-1.5 hours
Then he has two more naps between 45 and 55 minutes in length. Still relatively fussy after 4. Almost never sleeps past 4:30. Would your recommendation to move nighttime bed routine up to 5pm still hold?
I appreciate your time.
Please stay the course for at least a few more days to see what happens to naps and the after 4pm fussiness. Please be patient: The temporary early bedtime will allow him to wake up better rested and then the first nap will drift toward an onset closer to about 9am. Let me know how he’s doing over the next several days.
Ok thank you! Will begin with earlier bedtime tonight and let you know how it goes!
Hello Dr. Weissbluth,
We have implemented the earlier bedtime routing beginning at 5pm for about 5 days, see detailed sleep schedule below. His naps still seem to be all over the place, with the first invariably occurring within an hour of waking. He does seem to be in better spirits in the afternoon. I have noticed daytime fussiness when either his first or second (or both) naps are <90minutes.
I had a couple questions for you as well:
1. In your opinion, can developmental or growth spurts disrupt sleep?
2. If the child has already demonstrated the skill for self soothing to sleep, when he occasionally does have difficulty falling asleep, is there harm in soothing him to sleep in my arms and transferring him to the crib asleep?
– and relatedly, if he is unable to fall asleep (for a nap) is that clear evidence that I have either tried to put him to bed too early or too late? I am having great difficulty catching his "sleep wave". I am still on leave, so with him all day and watch him very closely (not on phone, etc). I am also a very well-rested adult, usually getting 9-10 hours of sleep/night.
3. How do you know when a nap is long enough? For example, he just awoke from his second nap with loud crying after 35minutes. Attempts to soothe him back to sleep were not successful. Is 35 minutes adequate? Should I try harder to get him back to sleep and lengthen his nap?
Thank you so much for your time and attention.
Best,
Beth
10/5:
6:04 sleep onset
7:28am wake (awakening @ 5am)
Nap 1: 8:55am 36m
Nap 2: 10:46 44m
Nap 3: 1:35p 1h
Nap 4: 4p 25m
Sleep onset 6:10p
10/6
7:37 wake
Nap 1: 8:47a 56m
Nap 2: 11:11a 2h38m
Nap 3: 3:12p 32 m
Sleep onset 6:05p
10/7:
6:10a wake
Nap 1: 7:10 1h11m
Nap 2: 9:57a 44m
Nap 3: 12:10p 1h37m
Nap 4 2:55p 56m
Sleep onset 5:57p
10/8
6:08 wake
Nap 1: 7:30a 1h51m
Nap 2: 10:59a 41m
Nap 3: 1p 2h
Nap 4 4:40p 34m
Sleep onset 6:31p
10/9
7:04 wake
Nap 1: 8:10a 1h
Nap 2: 10:38a 27m
Nap 3: 11:50a 48m
Nap 4: 25m then 18m – travelling awoke 3:08
Sleep onset 5:24p
“He does seem to be in better spirits in the afternoon.” You are on the right track.
1. NO!
2. No harm.
3. Follow the suggestions in the book regarding attempting to lengthen naps.
For the next 5 days: Try to not allow a nap to begin after 3:30pm. Use extra gentle and prolonged soothing and distraction to get through a rough patch. Begin your bedtime routine earlier and shorten it if needed so that you have a rigid “lights out” at 5:30pm (you are leaving the room at 5:30pm). Please keep a detailed record and report back to me.
I appreciate your prompt reply! I reread the section on lengthening naps in your book.
I have a question on nap drills.
If baby wakes at 6:30 and shows drowsy signs at 7:30, should I attempt to forestall the first nap until closer to 9?
Thank you.
Experiment with trying to keep him up a little (perhaps 8 or 8:15am) but not so long that he becomes hyper-aroused.
Hello Dr. Weissbluth. With baby’s nap rhythms, it has worked out to put him down so that his sleep onset is around 6pm. He has been self-soothing for naps very well and generally in good spirits. Although he used to have at least one nap around 1.5hrs every day, that has become more rare. Most naps are now in the 40 minute range. With the earlier bedtime, he has also begun waking before 6am with more regularity as his total sleep time seems to be conserved (11.5-12 hours). We are considering shifting his bedtime forward 30minutes (returning to) 6:30pm as pre-6am wake-ups are not our favorite. Also, with the early wake times, it is not possible for him to make it even close to 8 or 9am for his first nap. His detailed sleep schedule below. Interested to hear your thoughts. Thanks much!
10/10
Sleep onset 5:24p
6:25 wake
Nap 1: 7:30a 1h34m
Nap 2: 10:35a 34m
Nap 3: 12:40a 42m
Nap 4: 3:05p 40m
Sleep onset 5:55p
10/11
5:54 wake
Nap 1: 7:38a 1h31m
Nap 2: 10:35a 42m
Nap 3: 1:10p 1h
Nap 4: 3:29p 30m (in wrap carrier, woke him after 30 minutes, was fussy until bedtime)
Sleep onset 5:54p
10/12
5:30 wake
Nap 1: 7:40a 1h41m
Nap 2: 10:53a 51m
Nap 3: 1:30p 40m
Sleep onset 4:55p
10/13 – two night awakenings that required attention at 12:30a and 4:30a
5:40a wake
Nap 1: 7:01a 1h37m
Nap 2: 10:05a 1h
Nap 3: 1:00p 40m
Nap 4: 3:23p 37m
Sleep onset 5:55
10/14
6:30a wake
Nap 1: 7:55a 1h
Nap 2: 10:35a 54m
Nap 3: 1:09p 52m
Nap 4: 3:39p 37m
Sleep onset 6:15
10/15
6:25a wake
Nap 1: 7:44a 45m
Nap 2: 10:13a 42m
Nap 3: 12:32 1h
Nap 4: 3:13p 40m
Sleep onset 6:10
10/16
5:39a wake
Nap 1: 7:00a 1h10m
Nap 2: 9:55a 38m
Nap 3: 12:30p 1h25m
Nap 4: 3:22p 42m
Sleep onset 5:58
10/17
5:15a wake
Around 4 months of age (adjusted), you wrote that his daytime fussiness was mostly gone. Is that still the case?
Because he has self-soothing skills, an early bedtime, and ample consolidated night sleep, your expectation is that the naps will naturally lengthen, become fewer in number, and become more regular between now and 6 months of age. The bedtime will then naturally be later. Because he currently falls asleep easily around 6pm, you are meeting his sleep needs. If, for your convenience, you think that moving the bedtime later will produce a later wake up, try it. This rarely works for children who take 2 or more naps. Instead, often a cumulative sleep debt slowly develops and daytime fussiness and sleep problems emerge. My advice is for you to go to bed earlier to better cope with his wake-up time. What are your thoughts?
Again, thank you so much for your prompt reply! Literally right after I wrote that, he took two very long naps! Will continue with the 6pm bedtime for the time being. Truly appreciate your attention to my messages.
You are welcome. Naps will still vary a bit, but the trend towards a regular and long mid-morning and midday will become more apparent as he approaches 6 months of age. A third brief and more irregular nap sometimes occurs but disappears by 9 months of age. When he is completely well-rested, adjust the bedtime based on drowsy-signs which will vary a bit because of nap variability. Resist the temptation to move the bedtime later, for whatever reason, past the time of drowsy signs. Please send me a progress report.
Sweet dreams,
Marc
Hello Dr. Weissbluth! Between 10/17 and 10/20 our little guy was doing so well. Sleeping 12-13 hours a night. 6pm bedtime. No night wakings, napping well, mostly 45 minutes, but a couple 1.5 hour naps. Then on Friday 10/21 we took a short trip for a previously planned vacation. That night due to circumstances out of our control we all had a sleep disturbance causing us to be up from about 1am onwards. We cut the trip short and came home the next day. We’ve been trying to get him back on track with a temporarily earlier bedtime at 5pm, but 5 days later he still seems to be struggling, with occasional night waking and early waking at 4:30 for past two days. He’s been quite fussy and unhappy most of the day the last two days, taking very short naps 30-40 minutes requiring a lot of soothing. Just wanted to make sure there was nothing else we could be doing to help him aside from the early bedtime.
Thank you for your time.
I am happy that you had a few days of great sleep and sad that you had it messed up on 10/21. The last two days he is obviously overtired (“quite fussy and unhappy most of the day”) and barely napping (“taking very short naps 30-40 minutes). The earlier bedtime (“5pm”) is and will help him recover from his major sleep debt.
I know this will sound crazy, but please consider a one night only ‘reset’ of a super early bedtime of around 4-4:30pm. If he falls asleep then and if seems, in any sense, a bit better the next day, then try it again for only 1-2 nights more. Don’t do this for many nights because it will eventually backfire and cause him to awaken way too early and this early wake-up will then mess up his nap schedules. If this attempt fails on the first try, then go back to your 5pm bedtime and do whatever works to maximize daytime sleep and minimize fussiness.
How does this sound?
Again, thank you so much for your prompt reply! He went to sleep a little before 5 tonight, so I will try the 4:30 bedtime tomorrow and see how it goes. I agree he is completely underslept! Your book and this conversation have helped me spot overtiredness very easily. It’s so helpful to know the cause of his irritability/unhappiness.
Thanks again.
You are welcome.
Perhaps also shorten the interval of wakefulness between the naps because he is overtired and the naps are short.
Let me know how it goes.
4:30 bedtime did not work out on 10/28. He was sleepy, but resistant to soothing techniques and did not fall asleep until nearly 6. He has been waking pretty consistently at 4:30 or 5am since the sleep disturbance, no matter when he falls asleep (4:50, 5, 5:30, 6:30). He has only slept past 6 once on his own in the last 8 days. He will not sleep in his crib after this wakening but will sleep on me while I hold him for up to 1.5 hours more, or will sleep in his crib again only after feeding. Is one approach better than the other in your opinion?
His naps are still short but the last 2 days he’s had one 1.5 hour nap per day. We are shortening his wake period if he seems amenable to sleep. He is still not back to his happy self, though. Quick to fuss and cry, shorter attention span, difficult to soothe to sleep.
Thank you for your time.
“He will not sleep in his crib after this wakening but will sleep on me while I hold him for up to 1.5 hours more, or will sleep in his crib again only after feeding.”
Please clarify:
Are you referring only to the first morning wake up?
How often do you do the holding for 1.5 hours or more?
How often do you feed him then and he returns to sleep? Here, how long does he then sleep?
When my husband attends to him @ 4:30am, he feeds him and puts him back to sleep in the crib. He then usually sleeps 2+ more hours. When I attend to him, I put him back to sleep while holding him and remain there until he wakes up, about 1-1.5 hours later at which point we start his day at what would be his “normal” time around 6:30. Out of the last 6 days, husbands gotten him 4 times, and I have twice.
Incidentally, I have also been suffering from novel, acute, severe insomnia since the big sleep disturbance, and for which I am receiving medical treatment.
“4:30 bedtime did not work out on 10/28. He was sleepy, but resistant to soothing techniques and did not fall asleep until nearly 6.” Was he completely left alone between 4:30-6pm or were you soothing him?
If possible, for the next 5-10 days, please have your husband promptly feed hime and put him back to sleep with minimal soothing.
Currently, how do you fee about graduated extinction or extinction?
Thank you.
With the 4:30pm bedtime attempt I was with him for 30min and then my husband was with him off and on.
I believe my own insomnia -induced anxiety about his sleep has been causing me to intervene too much in his sleep. Today I have only soothed him to drowsy and put him in his crib awake and he is already napping much better. We plan to reinstate his consistent 6pm bedtime, leaving the room at 6pm. I will have my husband feed him and put him directly back to bed if the 4:30am awakenings continue.
Again, very grateful for your attention and suggestions.
Regarding extinction, we’ve never really needed to use that before. We do attend to him if he is truly crying (with tears) but otherwise try to let him work it out on his own if it is just whining, or loud vocalizations.
Having insight into your own insomnia-induced anxiety will allow you to be successful in helping your son sleep better! Here are my suggestions. Tonight, sit down with your husband and write down a sleep plan that you are both comfortable with. If need be, have him read any relevant sections of my book for his full understanding. The sleep plan consists of two elements that are equally important.
1. Work out and write down an age-appropriate sleep schedule for your son that involves maximum involvement from your husband, friends, family, or hired help. If not now, implement this plan when your husband is most available, perhaps this week-end. Because your son has self-soothing skills, the plan involves minimal soothing from adults.
2. Work out a plan that will restore your sleep by relying on your husband or others. Stand down and let others do the heavy lifting.
Once started, both elements of the plan are to be rigidly and consistently enforced for 5-10 days. Consider extinction (even when crying with tears) if he is not wet, soiled, hungry, or in distress.
The idea is to help you better help your son sleep better. Because your husband is cooperative and you have insight into how your inconsistency or too much involvement has contributed to his sleeping problem, please be optimistic.
Are you comfortable with this?
Thank you so much! Yes my husband has already read the age appropriate sections of your book and we have a part-time nanny who helps. I will indeed endeavor to step back more and interfere in his sleep less. I truly believe he is an excellent sleeper and should get back on track soon. Appreciate your input very much!
Everyone’s sleep has improved! Managed to use your extinction method to let him get back to sleep during a nap. He’s napping better and did not wake until 6:30 this morning. We are sticking with the 6pm bedtime.
My sleep is also returning to normal.
I have two remaining questions for you:
1. Wake times- we haven’t had to think about this too much as he is almost always awake before 6:30, however if he does sleep past 6:30, or wake, but be quietly alert in bed, should we always get him out of bed at 6:30 for consistency?
2. Daylight savings time! Any tips?
Thanks much!
I am happy that you are getting more sleep! Always remember what you hear on an airplane before take-off: Put your oxygen mask on first and then your child’s. Take care of yourself; it’s smart, not selfish.
1. When he wakes up and quietly is looking around, studying the room, planning the day…let him be. When he calls out and signals that he is ready to interact with you, respond promptly. A general goal is to have a first nap around 9:00am but this will vary based on when he starts the day and how well rested he is from the night before.
2. In addition to light/dark cues that help adjust circadian rhythms, social activities help as timing cues. Just as you might eat meals around the same time after DST, he will associate feeding, playing, bathing, etc with a rhythm of the day. So you can continue with the same approximate clock times after DST; but focus more on how he looks than be rigid about clock times.
Does this help?
It does, thank you so much! Truly feel much more confident that he is finding his own rhythm and is back to being a well-rested, happy baby
Would you consider writing a narrative report describing your journey helping your child sleep better? I would publish it anonymously as a Blog Post. Your voice might resonate with other mothers going through similar sleep issues with their child.
I would be happy to write that up for you. Let me know the best way to send it to you.
Our little guy’s naps have truly gelled in the past two weeks.
1.5-2 hr nap around 8am
1-1.5 hr nap around 11 or 12
30-40 minute nap around 3 (although this one has been a little challenging the last two days, he may be close to dropping this nap?)
Sleep from 6pm – 6 or 6:30 am.
His mood is generally good. He received his 6 months vaccination and had his first two teeth erupt recently. Last night he woke crying in distress every hour after midnight. We soothed him back to sleep each time. He has also started rolling to his belly in the crib. He does not like being on his belly, so we have been rolling him back. Do you agree with that?
Hopefully his extreme night wakings was an isolated incident. Can tooth eruption or vaccine side effects disrupt night sleep?
Thanks again.
Thank you Beth,
I am happy that naps have improved. You can send the narrative report to me as a comment.
When a baby is able to roll from their back to stomach, but he does not like to be on his stomach, you might:
1. Use a rolled up towel as a wedge to prevent him from rolling.
2. Leave him alone to allow him to learn how to roll back to his back or how to tolerate being on his stomach.
3. Go promptly and roll him back (if this happens infrequently, it’s tolerable… if it’s a frequent occurrence, it’s not sustainable)
Vaccinations might cause soreness at the injection site and disrupt sleep for a night or two. Teething pain is a myth.
Dr. W,
I am experiencing similar problems to those you’ve described and those others have shared. My some is 5 months and 1 week old. It is unclear wether he is 3-4 weeks early based upon the due date based upon the LMP (4 weeks) or ultrasound (3 weeks). His medical history includes IUGR, PPV resuscitation, hyperbilirubinemia, hypoglycemia, SGA, ASD, ankyloglossia, viral meningitis (11 weeks), cows milk protein intolerance, & possible colic/GERD. He exclusively bottle fed breast milk due to MD recommendations for weight gain early on & inability to establish breastfeeding later on due to a variety factors. He has developed unhealthy sleep associations due to his fussiness & my lack of know how. Over time, he became more and more accustomed to sleeping on me as he would fuss whenever I put him down. I’ve been using an app for months, watching for early signs of drowsiness, watching wake windows, etc. I instituted an early bedtime before reading your book. It is difficult to time naps as he either takes forever to get to sleep most of the time. He is either undertired or overtired. If the timing is right, still he will only sleep for 30 minutes unless held the entire time. He has gone to bed for the night as early as 3:30 ish pm. Waking every 3-5 hours to feed. He Generally, he is asleep by 5:30 ish pm. He’ll generally go to bed with little to no resistance at that time now that I’ve identified over tiredness and try to extend naps by sleeping on me. However, I know now this is not as restorative & obviously not sustainable long term. I’m sure he has a cumulative sleep deficit. I’m trying to institute the extinction method, but I am unclear on some points. Yesterday he woke at 6:00 AM. He woke happy & content, so I left him in his bassinet & waited an hour with some crying to see if he would fall back asleep on his own. I then tried to get him to nap around 7:40, but he didn’t seem tired after the nap routine, so I tried to reset for 30 minutes & try again. Inadvertently, he didn’t get to sleep until around 9 AM & was obviously overtired & only slept 30 minutes. During the week I would attempt to sooth him back to sleep or shorten the window if soothing ineffective. As it was a Sunday, we got ready for church & took a car ride instead. He did not fall asleep on the ride, but seemed like he may be getting tired. My husband, despite my recommendations continues to push to keep him up for activities. l was pressured to keep him up until 11:25 ish when he started to fuss, an obvious late sign. I took him back to the car on a car ride & he was out in 5 minutes & slept for 1.5 hours in the car seat. This makes me nervous because of SIDS, but since he always wakes on transfers I let him sleep with close supervision. He probably would have slept for longer, but woke when bringing the car seat into the house. He took his 3rd nap around 3 PM door 30 minutes. I believe he woke cranky, but wouldn’t go back to sleep despite multiple attempts & signs of tiredness. He the fell asleep at 5:30 & slept until 8:30 to feed. Dad attempted to help by doing the feed, but this caused him to wake more fully & required me to sooth him back to sleep with a 2nd feed. He was back to sleep in his bassinet at 9:45. His feedings can take 45 minutes in which he is in a kind of 1/2 sleep. Dad does not consistently help out, so son has a preference for me for any soothing/sleep activities. Through the night he woke at 1 AM for a feed & then continued to wake every 1.5 hours. I ignored his 3 AM wake & he fell back asleep unassisted. At 4:45 AM it had been 3 hours since his last feed, so I gave him a bottle and laid him back down. He protested, but I soothed him in the crib then left him. He cried for an hour, so I got him up at 6 AM. I started his nap routine a little after 7 & he was asleep in by 7:45 after feeding. However, he only slept for 30 minutes & woke upset. Feeding & soothing didn’t work to get him back to sleep. He started showing signs of fussiness, tiredness, & overstimulation almost immediately. I shortened the wake window & tried to get him back to sleep with the sleep routine, but he resisted. I laid him down in the bassinet & let him cry it out for an hour. Then I fed him & was able to sooth him to sleep, but he would wake whenever I tried to lay him down. I didn’t think continuing to let him try to cry it out would be productive. So, I let him sleep on me, but again it was only for 30 minutes & he woke upset. He is still clearly tired, fussy, and overstimulated now. I know tonight will be restless sleep, even with the welt bedtime. How do I proceed? To clarify, what should I do for naps if he wakes/fusses when laid down drowsy, but awake (method a) or wakes/fussed from being almost all the way asleep (method b)? Method b would be the norm at this point as you mentioned consistency is important, but as stated he mostly will not nap for longer durations unless held. Should I continue to hold him for now until nights are better?
Here’s the big picture:
Read and make your husband read Blog Posts 1-5, 18 and 23. We need to get him more on board.
At my Web Site, at ‘More for Parents’, at ‘Parents’ Reports’, item #1 is on’Extinction and graduated Extinction’: Read and make your husband read these reports.
Check with your pediatrician to OK shortening the duration of time to feed your child. The expectation is that he will suck hard for about 4-5 minutes and suck less hard for another 5-10 minutes. Then stop the feeding. Perhaps he will consume less per feeding this way and thus there may be an additional feeding per 24 hours.
Night sleep develops around 6 weeks of age (counting from the due date) and regular and long naps begin to develop around 4 months of age and are solid by 6 months of age. Your child’s corrected age is about 4 months of age.
Here are some specific suggestions:
Focus on night sleep: After reading the above, tell me whether you want to use Extinction, Graduated Extinction, or Check and Console (read the section in my book)
Do whatever you can to maximize sleeping during the day with hired help, relatives, or hopefully your husband.
Go to Blog Post #67 and read the thread “Mary” for reassurance and more advice.
Let me know your thoughts.
Hi –
We started transitioning our 15 month old to a 1 nap schedule because we thought she was getting too much sleep with 2 naps that were totaling 3- 3.5 hours a day. She also sleeps 11 hours at night. Suddenly she was waking earlier and earlier from her usual 6:30 to screaming at 5:30 so we wanted to try this transition to see if it helped.
So far it’s taken a week to push her 9:30 nap to 11 but she sleeps for 2 hours when she goes down. We implement an early bedtime around 6 and she sleeps until 5am. I worry we pushed the transition too soon since she is still waking so early and is very tired in the evening. Should we revert for a while and try again later?
Please read about nap transitions in my book to understand how complicated it may be. Perhaps a temporary 5:30pm bedtime would allow better quality and maybe more night sleep so that it is easier for her to shift towards a solid mid-day nap starting between 12-2pm, after which the bedtime would be shifted later. I suggest this because she “is very tired in the evening”. A pitfall is the “5:30pm rut” described in my book.
Based on her age, going back to two naps does not make much sense.
How does this sound?
My 8 month old has fallen into a good routine of a mid morning nap around 930 am with a wake up around 11 am and then I put him down for his afternoon nap about 3 hours after he wakes up. Usually around 2 pm. Lately he’s been waking up at around the 40 minute mark and he’s a cranky mess. I can tell he is still tired but he can’t get back to sleep. I usually leave him in there for the hour but he rarely goes back to bed. It’s a pretty rough afternoon until we put him down at around 630 pm. He will then sleep until about 7 am. Any insight into how I can lengthen this second nap? Thank you!
Currently, how does he look (mood and behavior) between 5-6pm when he us unattended but with toys to play with (no screens or parents playing with him)?
Please shorten the interval of wakefulness between the end of the 1st nap and the start of the 2nd nap. Watch carefully for drowsy signs as you get close to 2 hours of wakefulness and, if present, immediately soothe him to sleep for a 2nd nap even if he has been up for less than 2 hours. How does this sound? If you try this, please let me know how it goes.
He is pretty irritable between 5-6 and will only be held. If you try to put him down to play with his toys he gets upset. I will shorten the interval of wakefulness over the next few days and let you know how it goes. Thanks!
You previously wrote: “It’s a pretty rough afternoon until we put him down at around 630 pm.”
Now: “He is pretty irritable between 5-6 and will only be held. If you try to put him down to play with his toys he gets upset”
This is proof that his previous 6:30pm bedtime was way to late. Therefore, in addition to a shorter interval of wakefulness between naps (use drowsy signs as your guide), it is necessary to go to a much earlier asleep time based on drowsy signs; even as early as 5:30. This means that sometimes, he is bathed, fed, soothed, and put down (hopefully drowsy but awake) and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm. As naps improve, the bedtime may be shifted a little later. Can you do this?
I can do that. For the last two days I have noticed that he starts to loose interest in toys/ playing and rubbing his eyes at around the 2H30min mark so I have been putting him down then and he has napped for about 1H30 min. He is much better in the afternoon but will start to get irritable again around 5:30. Does this mean I should put him down at 5:30? Thanks for your help!
Yes. To be absolutely clear: 5:30 is not the beginning of your bedtime routine. “This means that sometimes, he is bathed, fed, soothed, and put down (hopefully drowsy but awake) and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm.” This means his asleep time is 5:30. Let me knowhow it goes.
Dear Dr Weissbluth
My husband and I read your 5th edition book numerous times and it has helped us tremendously over the first year of our baby’s life. Our boy is almost 15 months old. Since month 13 he’s consistently refused his mid-day nap. His usual wakeup/bedtime is 6am/6pm with a 9am/1pm nap that’s usually an hour long each. Therefore, over the last 1-1.5mo we’ve been attempting to transition to one nap while moving up his bedtime earlier to 530pm and sometime as early as 515pm depending on how tired he is. We’ve tried the one nap at 10ish/10am/11am/1130am, most of these naps are crazy short 30/45min only, with a lot of sleep inertia type of behavior on waking from these naps. He’s banking solid 12-13 hours at night un-interrupted, and every 14 days or so even slightly longer at night probably from the nap debt?
Our questions are
1) does the “one” nap have to be mid-day (12/1pm) or middle of his circadian cycle (if it’s 530-530 technically falls around 10/11ish)
2) will this one nap eventually lenghten on its own to 1.5-2 hours
Any insight you may have as to what we may be doing wrong or what else we should be doing would be greatly appreciated.
At 12 months of age, 81% of children are taking two naps per day.
At 15 months of age, 44% of children are taking two naps per day.
At 18 months of age, 23% of children are taking two naps per day.
The transition to one nap around 13 months of age is uncommon and now at almost 15 months of age and going forward, one nap is more common. There is not a single or clear strategy for you because of this wide variation of napping behavior at these ages. But not to worry because he is a great night time sleeper!
For young children, the single nap onset is always mid-day (12-2pm), so my suggestion is to entertain him and distract him as he gets short on sleep in the mid- and late-morning and try to put him down for a nap consistently around noon or as close to noon as possible for 4-5 days. Because he may be short on sleep then, extra soothing might be required. If this backfires and he gets so wound-up and upset that he refuses the single mid-day nap or this single dap is less than 30 minutes and the rest of the afternoon is a disaster, then abandon the effort. During this 4-5 day trial, the bedtime might have to be super early. How does this sound.
Thank you! Huge sigh of relief and we will continue with the effort you proposed!
Let me know how it goes.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
My son is almost 4.5 months old and went from sleeping several hours throughout the night to waking every 45 minutes through the night. He normally gets 3-5 naps throughout the day, but they have started to be a mess- 45 or less and fighting them for 30+ minutes. We moved his bedtime earlier 6:30-7:30 and that has caused false starts after he’s asleep for hours until around 9:00. I know 9 is too late a bedtime. He normally wakes at 7:00.
We started extinction last night and it went very well. We put him down for his first nap at 8:30 and he slept 2 hours- a first- we woke him at the 2 hour mark (10:30) He showed tired signs about an hour later so we put him down at 11:37. He slept for maybe 15 minutes and now is awake and crying. I am letting him cry it out.
My question is how long should naps be? I know he is tired from crying last night, should I allow him to sleep for longer than 2 hours/ take more naps? How should I sleep train naps? How long should I let him cry it out? Thank you.
Please read the section on ‘Extinction’ to fully understand how to do it. I suspect that your son developed cumulative sleepiness from a bedtime that was too late. Extinction works well, if, and only if, the bedtime is early. Based on your description of naps, he might temporarily need a 5:30pm bedtime. This will help him repay his sleep debt, improve his night sleep so that he wakes up better rested which allows him to have a better morning nap (don’t wake him) which will lead to a better mid-day nap which will eventually lead to a later bedtime. Improvement is sequential (night sleep improves before the morning nap which improves before the mid-day nap). The entire process may take a few weeks. How does this sound to you?
Dear Dr Weissbluth,
I am following up on your recommendations to move my 15mo nap (2 to1) to mid-day. I am happy to report that today (1 week later) he went down at 1145am. The 10/1030 slump is challenging the first few days, but with practice we were able to keep him entertained/awake through it. At night he’s down around 515pm and waking up on his own past 6am, so we are very happy with his progress. The naps are still a little on the short side (45min-1 hour each), and we plan to move the nap time slightly back to noon as you suggested. It also took some trial/error to re-configure snacks/lunch time but we are getting the hang of it. Thank you for helping us out YET AGAIN! We are TRULY GRATEFUL!!
You are welcome. Would you be able to write a narrative report describing your journey that I would Post as a mini-sleep consult? If so, should it be anonymous?
As the nap gets a little later and a little longer, baced on drowsy signs, expect the bedtime to become a little later. Please go very slowly with a later bedtime.
Sweet Dreams,
Marc
Thank you, and yes absolutely! 9lraae let me know where I should send you the word document.
Would it be all right to send it here and I would copy and paste it on my Blog?
Yes I can send it here. Please let me know how to upload it for you. You may use our names in the report as you see fitting.
Thank you, Ying,
Please submit as a ‘Comment’ and I will take it from there. If possible, please include the father’s role and both of your feelings as you embarked on helping your child sleep better. The more detail the better because your voice might resonate with other parents more so than any Blog Post.
Here’s the narrative. Please let me know if you want me to expand on anything additional.
————————————————————-
There is an old Chinese proverb which says, “Getting enough sleep is better than eating ginseng”. When I became a first-time mother at the age of 43, my husband and I both agreed that without rest we couldn’t possibly make the best decisions or give good guidance as parents. We also wanted our child to acquire the awareness and respect for rest, with skills for great sleep, for life.
Friends of ours recommended Dr. Weissbluth’s sleep book as the “must read” parenting sleep guide when we were expecting. However, the arrival of our son threw us into a whirlwind, and we soon forgot what we read in the book. At 6 weeks of age, the baby reached peak fussiness in the evening. In hindsight, our boy was probably short on sleep as we did not follow many of the sleep hygiene practices. It was then that we turned to the book (a new edition too!) again and put into actions all of Dr. Weissbluth’s advise–adopt an early bedtime in the evening (6pm), put the baby down drowsy but awake, don’t pick up the baby at every cry in sleep. From the early days my husband and I always take turns putting the baby down as available during the day and at night. At 8 weeks, the baby started sleeping 8 hours at night. Within another month to two, he was sleeping a solid 12 hours at night, and the naps became predictable. The first year with all its nap transitions sailed smoothly until the 13th month, when he started refusing the mid-day nap. There were many compounding factors including recurrent respiratory infections in the first winter post-COVID, eczema flares, visits from various family members during the holidays with disruptions of his schedule, etc. We erroneously thought he should be transitioned to one mid-day nap. In fact, many friends/relatives encouraged us to do so. We tried several times to delay his 9am nap until 10/11am, but the single nap would last only 30 to 35 minutes with recurrent sleep inertia when he wakes up (inconsolable crying, screaming for 20 to 30 minutes). We felt incompetent, frustrated and discouraged about what to do over a solid two-months period. The only saving grace was that we followed Dr. Weissbluth’s book’s recommendation to move up bedtime, which we did from 6pm to 530pm, so our boy was making up for nap debt with longer night time sleep (13, even 14 hours at times).
We reached out to Dr. Weissbluth for help on the next step. He reminded us, that as our son is now 15 months old, this two-to-one nap transition should be much easier to accomplish. Dr Weissbluth recommended a 4 to 5 day plan of moving the mid-morning nap as close to noon as possible, with super early bedtime for those days. Our challenge has always been the 10/10:30 am slump. It was tempting to just put the tired baby down for a longer nap right when he yawned at 10 am. We decided we need to follow Dr. Weissbluth’s advise to distract the boy with activities. If we were taking him places in the morning, we made sure he did not fall asleep in the car to/from. We implemented this plan at the increment of 20 minutes every 1-2 days and moved his snack/lunch time accordingly. By the end of a week, our son goes down napping peacefully at 11:45 am and stays down for more than an hour. The sleep inertia behavior is also diminished. His bedtime during transition is about 5:15 pm, and he slept until 6 am or later, waking up his usual cheerful, chatty self. We are now slowly transitioning back to his usual bedtime, moving 10 min every 3 days.
Our friends & family always congratulate us on how lucky we are to have a baby that sleeps 12 hours at night. We consider ourselves lucky that we had access to Dr. Weissbluth’s knowledge, experiences, compassionate and firm guidance.
Thank you! Shall I include or exclude your name?
You may include my name.
Hello – is a pacifier advised?
With our first we didn’t use it at all and followed your method to a tee with outstanding results. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with the world. We will always be grateful.
Our second was born 5 weeks preterm and tongue tied. We had the frenectomy. We started using a pacifier. It is a blessing and a curse. It seems to help him fall asleep but moments later the wretched thing will fall out and wake him up. Thus begins the game of reinsert the pacifier every 15 mins. Should I just eliminate it? He is currently 3 months in chronological age. I have tried several types of pacifiers. I am currently attempting to implement a 6:30 wake up/8:15 first nap/12:30 second nap/5:30 bedtime. He still wakes twice throughout the night to feed. Should I also have a 3:00pm-ish nap and push the bedtime to 6:30? What factor should determine this?
We have so much respect for your method Dr.! We live in Chicago. and are patients of the practice. I send your book to all expecting friends. Thank you!
How would you describe his self-soothing skills at nap time and bedtime with a pacifier?
At night how often do you have to reinsert the pacifier?
Hi Dr Wrissbluth,
Our next 20 month old was sleep trained using your method since he:d 6 weeks old. He’s otherwise a great sleeper. Typically hr is down from 630-6, with a mid day nap at 1230 for 1-1,5 hours daily. He has what appears to be a hand foot mouth like virus with a large ulcer on L buccal mucosa. He struggles to settle for sleep the last two nights (took about 1.5 hours vs the usual 15 min), and has screamed his way through naps the last two days. We think it’s because he’s not sucking/soothing on his sleeves very well due to the sore. Is there any thing else we can do to help him? Thank you kindly.
Please rely on your child’s primary care provider to help you to help your son get through this painful illness. After he recovers, he may have acquired a sleep debt which you can quickly repay with a ‘reset’ as described in my book.
Hi Dr Weissbluth,
Our son is now 21 month and per your help above, has transitioned to 1 mid day nap around 15 month. We noticed that the last two weeks his naps have been consistently 1.5 hour to 2 hours every day, which is more stable from before. He otherwise banks 6pm-6am night sleep daily. He is down for nap at noon and wakes up at 145/2 or sometimes even 230.
We are looking into the options of a part time nursery program which operates from 930-1215 starting in October. My question is, at this point is it possible to move back his nap to 1pm given that he will need to eat after coming home, or is the timing of the program not ideal in general? If it is possible to move naps to a later time, how can we go about it to ensure a successful transition?
Thank you kindly for your expertise.
Individual variability means that you cannot predict ahead of time whether:
1. How adaptable he will be to able to shift to a later naptime.
2. What will be the impact of a change in his naps.
My suggestion would be to try now to simulate the nap schedule that will occur in October to get a clue of what might occur. To compensate for a not so restorative nap, a 5:30pm bedtime might be needed. If you do this, let me know how it goes.
Is the nursery every day?
The program is Monday through Thursday. Historically he has not fared well with naps later than 1230. Our preference is for better sleep over enrichment program at this time. We re working with the teacher to see if early pick up is an option. Will keep you updated on our progress.
When your son wins his Nobel Prize, remember “Our preference is for better sleep over enrichment program”! Blog posts 38, 126, and 135-136 explain why healthy brain development is linked to healthy sleep, and this link is not well appreciated. Future Blog Posts 148-151 discuss this topic in more detail. Would you please consider writing a narrative report on your family’s journey helping your son sleep well to be published as a Blog Post (anonymously, if you wish)?
I already did a post for you above. Thank you for your continual support and encouragement. We try our best to follow all your advise closely, to set long term goals instead of short term gains. We really appreciate your extra effort here to all of us as first time parents.
Thank you, Ying, Would you please be so kind and resend it with an update?
Sure, I can do that! I will notify you once I upload it here.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
My son is 12 weeks old and we need to start moving his naps to the crib. So far, his naps have either been contact or on the go. This is getting to be impossible to maintain as my husband is back to work and I have a toddler to take care of. His night sleep is going very well. We instituted an early bed time at 7 weeks (between 5:30 and 6:15 depending on the last nap of the day). He falls asleep on his own and stays asleep until 2am. I feed him and he goes right back to sleep until 6am and then usually goes back to sleep after that feed until 7:30. My question is, since he can fall asleep on his own at bedtime, would it be ok to start placing him in his crib awake but drowsy for naps knowing that he will cry? When I did this today for his first nap, he cried mild-moderately for over an hour before falling asleep for only 20 min. Doing this 4-5 times a day feels like a lot but I know how important consistency is. I’m at a loss for what to do… thank you for your help!
“would it be ok to start placing him in his crib awake but drowsy for naps knowing that he will cry? When I did this today for his first nap, he cried mild-moderately for over an hour before falling asleep for only 20 min.”
Because his night sleep is great, I would stay the course for naps for a total of 3 days and then reevaluate. When the nap is actually very brief (especially less than 30 minutes), try for another nap 30-60 minutes later. in general, during the 3 day trial, focus on brief intervals of wakefulness between naps. Understand that it might take a couple or few days before you see improvements in naps and during this trial, maybe a strict 5:30pm bedtime might be needed because of brief total daytime sleep. Maybe don’t let a new nap begin after 3-4pm. Keep a detailed sleep log. Maybe during this trial, try to make the naps take place in a pitch black room and strive for a quiet sleep environment or consider a white noise machine.Let me know how it goes. If you cannot commit to a 3 day trial because of scheduling conflicts with your toddler, don’t try it. Maybe start on a Saturday when your husband is home to help out.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
First off, thank you for your book – its been a game changer for us! Our daughter is 2 months and 4 days old, weighs 4.4 kilos and drinks exclusively breastmilk.
We wake her up and give her, her first feed of the day at 7:30 and she’s sound asleep by 22:15/30 after her last 21:30 feed of the day.
Throughout the day we plan for 5 high quality naps and 6 feeds and we pay close attention to her wake windows making sure she’s in her dark bedroom drowsy by the time she shows signs of being sleepy.
We’ve noticed that as the day progresses her wake windows become longer, she doesn’t want to take her last nap and she’s incredibly sleepy for the last two feeds. She also wakes up 2-3 times per night and she doesn’t fall back asleep until we soothe her in her crib.
Should we make her bedtime earlier or is she still too young for such a long night without food? What time should be put her down for the night?
Mr. & Mrs. Lap from Amsterdam
‘Rust’, ‘Regelmaat’, and ‘Reinheid’ are important but ‘Rust’ (rest) and ‘Regelmaat’ (routine) for sleep will change dramatically as your daughter grows. My suggestion is to go with the flow in the morning because she is so young and not wake her up. Based on drowsy signs, look for nap opportunities during the day but don’t expect much of a pattern to develop until 3 or 4 to 6 months of age. However, night sleep circadian rhythms does start at about 6 weeks of age (6 weeks after her due date, not her birth date). Because she is older than 6 weeks, focus on an earlier bedtime. Night sleep will start around 6:00-9:00pm. Your current 10:15/30pm time is too late and her presleep arousal is causing her to have difficulty with consolidated night sleep. Because she is growing so well, be a little more flexible about feeding (feed her only when she seems really hungry) and a little more careful about drowsy signs.
Does this help?
Thank you so incredibly much for your helpful, timely advice. We will follow your advice and report back on how our daughter progresses.
FYI: Blog Post 101 is about differences between Dutch and American infants. Does it ring true to you?
We would like to thank you for all your advice above. We have been ruthless (preferring check & console over extinction) with your methods and couple rough nights (each one got easier), our daughter sleeps well, wakes up happy, has way more energy and drinks better. Last night she slept a 9 hour stretch without calling for us.
Much like you mention, we were blind to her sleep deprivation on account of our own. We are now also reaping the benefits. Her longer, better quality sleep has also tremendously helped with my baby blues and with our relationship as parents.
We can’t thank you enough for helping us turn things around. We will keep up her self imposed wake up time, protecting her naps and her 5-6pm bedtime.
We did have a follow up question about swaddling. We notice that when we swaddle her she sleeps longer too. Is this ok/safe to do for the entire night? And if so, until what age?
On blog post 101, Yes, absolutely. Short commute distances in the Netherlands also makes it possible to travel during wakefulness and provide motionless naps when baby gets drowsy. e.g., a 10 minute walk to the park with our daughter in the stroller and one-two hours of stationary time in the park until she wakes. There is definitely a culture of not always needing to stimulate and entertain ones child and indeed offering fresh air naps.
Thanks again for all you do to help families!
Swaddling (page 182) helps some babies sleep better and is safe. Use swaddling as long as it seems to help and stop when she appears to not want to be swaddled. Please consider writing and posting here a narrative report of your sleep journey that I would post on my Blog (anonymously, if you wish). Your voice might resonate with other mothers more than mine.
When our daughter was a little over two months old (gestational age), I started noticing that she’d fall asleep at every feeding and be quite fussy throughout the day. I couldn’t understand why but I suspected lack of quality sleep may be the culprit.
We followed Dr. Weissbluth’s advice on letting her decide when to wake up in the morning alongside making her “bedtime” 17:30, becoming aware of her drowsy signs and putting her down for a nap or down for the night before she became over tired.
We introduced an evening bedtime routine which has evolved into a fun new family tradition! Her dim lit bedtime routine involves a bedtime story by her favourite light and being given a kiss goodnight with her pacifier. The first night two nights were rough, she’d wake up many times and cry for us.
They were also tough for us. It felt odd putting her to bed so early when we were used to her joining us as a cooked and ate dinner.
Throughout the night but also for naps, we decided to implement the ‘check and console’ method because we couldn’t bare to do (gradual) extinction. Something about hearing our little one cry for us and disregarding it was just too tough for us. Hats off to parents that manage to do extinction!
As the days went by we became much more aware of her drowsy signs. Once she started displaying them, we’d soothe her to sleep. With enough time we were able to hear when she became drowsy without looking.
Within a week, we started seeing signs of self soothing on the baby monitor, she’d wake up, cry for a minute or so and swiftly dose off again well into the night. Nowadays, she wakes up, wiggles around, coo’s a little and then doses off again.
Throughout the night, she tends to wake up twice and display signs of hunger. I go in and breastfeed or my husband brings her a bottle, unlike throughout the day, she falls back to sleep right after being burped.
Working in shifts has really helped us. My husband does the late night feeding so that I can get much needed rest. After less than a week, we noticed that she has started sleeping 6-9 hour stretches night after night.
This “sleep begets sleep” approach has done wonders for our family because its meant that we too could start sleeping much longer for the first time since her birth. Her increased sleep has truly helped diminish my baby blues.
In parallel, we’ve become a bit more careful about what we do with her during the day. She is no longer being brought from place to place as much.
Sure, we still have our moments where she simply needs to experience light and motion when she’s trying to nap but my husband and I try to avoid it if we can. Small habits like, having one of us stay home with baby whilst the other goes out or going for walks during our daughter’s wake time has really helped.
Today, we protect her naps and bedtime sleep whilst still remaining realistic about what works for us as a family. It’s made us cherish quality time with her when she is awake even more.
Thank you!
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
Thank you for the book, its very useful.
My 11-month-old baby used to sleep through the night (7 pm – 6 am) and took two naps: 9 am (40 minutes) and 1 pm (1.5 hours). A couple of days ago, she started waking up at night, and the midday nap now only lasts 30 minutes. Do you think something should change?
* About 2 weeks ago, I dropped her the third nap
Cumulative sleepiness developed after the 3rd nap disappeared. Move the bedtime earlier based on drowsy signs.
Dr. Weissbluth,
Really appreciate your book – we read it as a precursor to our daughter’s birth and really think it helped us to develop an independent night sleeper. Our daughter has always been a great night sleeper – since around 2 months she started sleeping through the night and never looked back. She has never been one to require much soothing, either. Some days she actually points to the crib to let us know she wants to sleep. She is now 14 months old and regularly sleeps 10-12 hours at night. On weeknights we have trouble keeping her bedtime consistent because of work schedules, but generally will put her in the crib between 6:30-7:30 and she consistently sleeps until around 6:00 am.
However, daytime naps have long been a bit of a struggle. Around 10-11 months of age she started rebelling against her 2 nap per day schedule. Naps were highly variable in length and although inconsistent which, each day she refused one or the other of her naps. We consulted your book and made sure we always gave her a full hour in the crib to try to figure it out. We played around with bedtime and nap times for weeks on end but with no success. So, despite the statistics you give about most kids transitioning to one nap closer to 15 months, similar to Sophie’s story above we attempted the transition to one nap. And it worked in that she was regularly napping around 12:00-1:00. Still, some days she puts up a bit of a struggle and the naps vary anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours, but on a good day she gets about 11-12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period – is that enough for a 14 month old?
Recently, we went on vacation for a week and despite reasonable efforts, she was not getting solid naps and up later than normal for 3-4 days straight. By the time we got home she was clearly exhausted and we did a ‘reset’ that night and she slept 13 hours. She napped fine all the following week until this weekend. Yesterday, she refused to nap despite being exhausted (she was falling asleep at the dinner table). So, we put her down around 5:30 and she slept 13 hours. But today, refused to nap despite clearly being tired. Any suggestions you have would be appreciated!
Thank you,
“we have trouble keeping her bedtime consistent because of work schedules, but generally will put her in the crib between 6:30-7:30 ” suggests two items to consider:
1. During the week day, who is responsible for naps and how consistent do you think this person is regarding nap schedules?
2. What time do both of you enter your home from work on week days? How often is the bedtime 6:30ish versus 7:30ish? Please read the section in my book on cumulative sleepiness and give me your thought on whether you think the bedimes might be often a little too late, especially in view of the nap issues. Please describe napping and bedtimes on weekends.
Thank you so much for the quick response! With regards to your considerations;
1. We have a split system where grandma watches our daughter on Mondays and Tuesdays at her house and a nanny watches her at our home Wednesday through Friday. We give both caregivers the same direction (to put her down to nap between 12:00 and 1:00), but by nature of it being two different people there are likely to be some inconsistencies. This past week, though, we understand that across both caregivers, all her naps started within 15 minutes of each other.
2. One or the other of us typically pick up our daughter or returns home by 5:00 or 5:30, but due to the split daycare situation we tend to return home later on Mondays and Tuesdays when we have to pick her up and travel home. We think 7:00 pm is probably the average bedtime, but with the variability in nap duration we do try to move the bedtime up on days with a <1 hour nap. After revisiting the section of your book on cumulative sleepiness, it seems possible that this could be a contributing factor. Admittedly, we have had concerns about this for a while given the total sleep duration per day is typically 11-12 hours (our pediatrician recommended 14-15), and so we have been diligent about 'resets' when she seems to need it most – maybe once per month. On weekends we try to stick to the same schedule as during the week, but if we are traveling or have an activity planned we are more likely to have her nap out and about or let bedtime slide.
“generally will put her in the crib between 6:30-7:30” How often is it 6:30pm versus 7:30pm? What is her usual falling asleep time on week-ends. How often are weekend naps “out” and how often do you “let bedtime slide”
Please describe her mood and behavior when alone (no screens or parental interaction) during the 60 minutes before her bedtime?
I would say on Mondays and Tuesdays she is usually in the crib by 7:15 or 7:30, and Wednesday through Friday she is in her crib by 6:45-7:00 unless we know she has not had a good nap, in which case we put her down at 6:30. On weekends that we’re home we still get her to bed by 7:00, but maybe 1/3 weekends we are away and that will slip closer to 8:00. Generally, her disposition leading up to bedtime is happy and contented, but on some nights when she hasn’t had a good nap she can be agitated and whiny. Fortunately, we know this in advanced based on the length of her nap and try to get her to bed as early as possible when that happens, or move it up to 5:30 for the ‘reset’. In the past, she has been able to make it up overnight or with a good nap and return to normal. Regardless of whether she is overtired or not, she typically falls asleep within 5-15 minutes at night.
She also didn’t used to be agitated for day naps either, until the last 2 weeks or so. For four of the past six days she just stands in her crib screaming for the full hour. We found out that on the two days she napped, her grandmother rocked her to sleep. I think three of these times when retrieving her after the hour she had a dirty diaper. Not sure if she poops and then can’t sleep or gets super agitated to the point where she poops but we’re at a loss how to handle it – we don’t want to leave her in a dirty diaper, especially if that is preventing her sleep, but seems counterproductive to interfere if there is a chance she is clean. Since we first wrote to you four days ago, we have had her in bed by 6:30 latest every night, and yet each day she keeps waking up earlier and earlier in the morning. Last night she was down to 10 hours at night and no day nap yesterday or today… please help!
Cumulative sleepiness from chronically too late bedtimes is the most likely explanation for her sleep issues. “Generally, her disposition leading up to bedtime is happy and contented, but on some nights when she hasn’t had a good nap she can be agitated and whiny.” Whenever this occurs, say to yourself, “Whoops, I blew it, I should have put her to bed earlier.” Note the duration and timing of the nap that day and the time when it occurs to plan ahead to prevent further occurrences. If you continue with slightly too late bedtimes during the week, the 1/3 time of 8pm on weekends, and allowing the grandmother to rock her to sleep for a nap, her sleep deprivation will not just continue, it will worsen. I wish I could give you specific sleep advice but given your specific family circumstances, I can only suggest that you take a hard look at Blog Posts 1-5 and 148-151 to appreciate the potential harm to your child, and then make whatever changes are doable for your family. I hope this helps a little and I am sorry that I cannot tell you exactly what to do.
Thanks Doc as always for the quick response. Fully understand and respect that you can’t give specific advice, and we certainly want to do all we can for our daughter to have healthy sleep and brain development. So with that in mind, we still have a couple of questions which we’re hoping you can give general advice. Given that she is suffering from sleep deprivation, we need to get her back on track. It would seem that she is so overtired that she is unable to nap and waking up earlier in the morning, which is obviously compounding the problem. Do we just keep putting her to bed early? Tonight we put her to bed at 5:30 and she fell asleep around 6:15 – do we keep up with that and hope that in a few days she is rested enough to nap? Do we make the bedtime even earlier? How early is too early? And for the naps, is it better to give her an opportunity to nap as soon as she shows signs of sleepiness (this morning it was maybe 90 minutes after waking), or is it better to try to maintain consistency in the nap time at noon? Also, just to confirm do you recommend no rocking/soothing at this age, or should we try that as long as she is still awake when she goes in the crib, just to try to get her to nap so she doesn’t continue to become more sleep deprived? Thank you!
My suggestion is to immediately impose an age appropriate sleep schedule as follows:
1. One nap only that begins between 12-2pm, you might not be able to get to 12 noon initially so gently keep her awake with extra soothing for an incremental extra 10-20 minutes every few days. Review ‘Nap Drill’ in my book. The super-early bedtime is essential to eliminate morning drowsiness.She is always put down drowsy but awake for this nap and at night to promote self soothing.
2. Use a 5:30pm falling asleep time (all bathing, feeding, soothing is done before); lights off and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm for 3-5 nights. After 3-5 nights, based on her nap and the consequent drowsy signs, watch her closely between 4-5 pm on week-ends to see for yourself),the bedtime might become a little later, but not 7:30 or 8pm. Use extinction or graduated extinction if needed.
3. She might be asleep before you come home from work, so go to sleep earlier yourself to enjoy quiet morning time with her.
4. If Grandmother does not cooperate, you’ll have to be extra strict on all other days. If the sitter does not cooperate, fire her.
5. Avoid social jet lag wherein the week-end sleep is different from week-day sleep
6. Think of exceptions to her sleep schedule for special events 1-2 times a month.
7. Be patient, her chronic sleep deprivation might take several days or a couple of weeks before you see complete recovery.
How does this sound?
My 3 month old (6th child) will only take 40-50 minute naps in his crib, and no more than two per day in the crib. If I hit the timing right, he is able to soothe himself to sleep quickly (this is not always possible as we are a homeschooling family with other children ages 10 yo to 20 mos). So I have resorted to baby-wearing for the other naps where he can get 2+ hours at a time (albeit not the most restful sleep because of all the living going on around him with his brothers and sister!)
He has been routinely having a last feeding at 5:00 and then going down for the night at 5:30 (he is able to soothe himself to sleep at this time). I am starting to think that is too early because I am exhausted from getting up to feed him around 1:00 am and again around 5:00 am (he usually starts his day around 7:00 am after a bowel movement). I would love to shift his hours a bit so I am only waking up once to feed him in the night.
Your general goals are to maximize day sleep, encourage self-soothing and an early bed-time. Because of the complexity of your specific family circumstances, I can only suggest your read the section in my book on circadian sleep rhythms and Blog Posts 8 and 112 to fully appreciate why trying to “shift his hours” will fail.
Doctor, just wanted to follow up to let you know how things are going following your suggestions (very helpful!). We made a 5:30 bedtime for 5 straight days and been vigilant about naptime at noon, and she has at least taken a day nap every day since we started that program – yay! We have been moving back the bedtime a bit the last three nights, all around 6:30 pm. The first few days her naps were well over an hour, but the last three days in a row her naps have only been 45 minutes to an hour long. We followed your nap drills but weren’t successful in extending the nap. She also still cries when put in her crib for her nap, anywhere from 2 to 20 minutes, and she didn’t used to do that. Wondering what, if anything, we should be doing to help her take a longer day nap so her total sleep duration is more than 12 hours in a 24 hour period? Do we need to make 5:30 bedtime semi-permanent? One thing we noticed is that on all the nights when we put her in the crib at 5:30 she actually fell asleep between 6:15-6:30, whereas the last few nights when we put her in at 6:30 she’s asleep in a matter of minutes.
Going forward, my best advice is to watch your infant between 4-5pm for subtle drowsy signs (especially on weekends) and expect the bedtime to be between 5:30-6:30pm. It is always better to err on a too early bedtime than a too late bedtime. I suspect that currently, 6:30pm is too late, but I may be wrong. Does this help?
Dr W.
I took to heart your suggestions and made arrangements the last 4 days to send my neediest children to Grandma’s house in order to focus on getting my baby (15 weeks) some good naps during the day. I have increased his day sleep totals from 2-3 hours to 5-6 hours, all of them in a baby wrap on my chest, and most of the time sitting still in a chair. I finally discovered his drowsy signs, which are sucking on his fingers. Quickly after that,
he starts crazy kicking and I know we have gone too long. In the baby wrap, I have consistently started a soothing routine next to his crib, so we can transition easily to crib sleep in the future. I feel we are having a lot of success here following the protocol you used with a family on pages 477-478 of your book’s 5th edition .
He is still keeping an early bedtime varying between 5:00 & 6:00, and soothing himself to sleep without crying. He used to be able to go 7 to 9 hours until his first feeding, but now has been waking 4 hours into his night sleep. He wakes again four hours later and then three hours after that (at this point it’s 5ish am and hard to get him back to sleep, at most for 45 mins and I have to hold him). I do believe he is truly hungry (or ravenously nursing to clear a burp, which is common for him, especially in the early morning hours). Is this new night feeding habit a temporary bump in the road to recovery? Or a new bad habit? What should I do?
Your heroic effort has produced longer naps without self-soothing (naps on your chest) but he does have self-soothing skills at night (“soothing himself to sleep without crying). Excellent work!!
Thinking about your own fluid intake, your urine output, your thirst, is it possible that because of insufficient fluid intake, at the end of the day your breast milk supply is low? Also, does his suck-swallow pattern suggest that he is truly hungry at night (every suck followed by a swallow)? Is it appropriate to try extinction for the first night awakening occurring about four hours after his last feeding? I know his naps vary in length and the total nap duration is ample, but is there any suggestion, based on drowsy signs, that the 6:00pm bedtime is a little to late? How long can you or do you plan to continue holding him for his naps as opposed to putting him in his crib (see ‘Nap Drill’ in my book)?
Dr W.,
Your inquiry about breastfeeding gave me a lot to think about and the clues started to tell a story. I have been congested with a cold for 2+ weeks with a very low appetite. Baby (16 weeks) is on week 2 of the cold, now with chest congestion and cough. Over the past several days we have been working to bring breastfeeding levels back up, nursing generously at night as well. He has been taking naps (40- 90 mins in the crib, longer in the baby wrap as necessary), soothed to sleep using Method B if Nap Drill is not successful within 15 minutes. At bedtime he is able to soothe himself to sleep without crying at an early hour, 5:30 or 6:00 (the later time if his last nap lasted until 4:15 pm).
Not surprisingly, with being ill and all the extra handling, he is now regularly waking several times at night (typically 10 pm, 2 am, 4 am, 5 am). But then, one night he surprised us and slept 10 hours straight! His most difficult time is the 5am hour when he is gassy, phlegmy, coughing, screaming and stuffed up. I’m not sure if we should treat the next time he is put down as the mid-morning nap or as returning to night sleep since it is between 6:30-7:30 am.
My husband thinks we should wait a week or more for him to clear his congestion and then use extinction during the night for intervals less than 4 hours between feedings. Baby otherwise doesn’t seem to be overtired, as he was when I first reached out to you. We parents, on the other hand, are exhausted! To answer your question about how long I plan to wear him in the wrap for naps – I would like to stop as soon as possible without making everything worse.
Thank you. Did you have a specific question?
Does that sound like the right course of action with a sick baby?
Severe symptoms of common colds last 24-72 hours but mild symptoms may linger for 5-10 days. When the severe phase is over, consider extinction as described in by book. Because you are both exhausted, I suggest that when you start extinction, you also completely commit to naps in the crib. Put down drowsy but awake and leave the room. How old is he now?
The baby is 17 weeks old, just shy of 4 months. We immediately implemented extinction at night and have had great success in a few nights. Since the second night he now only wakes at night to nurse during times we have predetermined and only one to two times per night.
Now to tackle naps! At your suggestion, I stopped wearing him for naps, and have been using nap drill. At first he only cried 30 minutes and then slept 30 minutes, cried an hour for the next nap, and then slept 2 hours on the next nap with no crying. A few days in, he now protests the entire mid-morning nap, will maybe sleep 5 minutes for the midday nap, and if I’m lucky I can get him to sleep 30-40 minutes for a last nap of the day. He is very ready to go to bed at 5:00 p.m. (his first night feeding is around 2:00 a.m.).
At this age should I stop swaddling him for naps? Is the goal to continue to offer many naps when attempts at a nap fail (some days we have offered four naps based on drowsy signs)? Or try to keep the naps near the developing nap rhythm (9:00 a.m., 1:00 p.m., 4:00 p.m.)?
Congratulations on night sleep! Nap rhythms develop between 4-6 months; maybe faster when night sleep is great, maybe slower in post-colic infants. So for now, stay focused on good quality night sleep.
Not wearing your baby is your path forward for your sake and the baby’s sake. Swaddle as long as you think it is helping. Drowsy but awake and brief intervals of wakefulness based on drowsy signs will help naps develop. As he gets closer to 6 months of age, imposing an age appropriate nap schedule (nap drill) might make sense. But for now, and the next few weeks, I suggest you go with the flow regarding the timing of naps. How does this sound?
This sounds like a great plan. Thank you for the tips. Just for clarification, shall I continue to put him down drowsy but awake at every nap? I seem to only have success when he is so drowsy he is extremely close to falling asleep right before I put him down. If he is any more awake, he recognizes me starting the soothing routine, half of the time he will fight it and get a second wind. My husband thinks I might be putting him down too early.
How long should I let him cry at nap time? Since efforts to soothe him back to sleep don’t work, should I get him up (instead of letting him continue to cry) and move on to the next wakeful period? What would be considered a brief interval of wakefulness after a short (30- 40 minute) nap? His drowsy signs are very difficult to spot.
I realize we will have a couple of rough weeks ahead of us, I would just like to know what clues to look for that we are having success and on the right track.
As I wrote: Drowsy but awake and brief intervals of wakefulness based on drowsy signs will help naps develop. As he gets closer to 6 months of age, imposing an age appropriate nap schedule (nap drill) might make sense.
Your goal now is brief intervals of wakefulness to prevent presleep arousal. Because drowsy signs are not now very obvious, whatever is your current practice, shorten these intervals by 10-20 minutes for a few days and get back to me.
Does this help?
Hi doctor, my son is 16 weeks old (15w adjusted) and we have been working on independent sleep for a while now – practically practising since birth – just lie baby down and see what happens.
His night sleep as been consolidating and definitely improved when we moved him to his own room/crib and he sleeps in a dark environment with sound machine on. Our first born was sleep trained at around 4.5 months and we saw results immediately and was not afraid to try early with our second.
He currently takes 3 naps, mid morning (around 8 or 9am), mid afternoon (1-130pm) and one around 5pm.
His naps are lengthy with the mid morning sometimes spanning 3 hours but lately it has been 2 to 2.5 hours long. Sometimes even 3 ! which indicates he maybe catching up on some lost night sleep.
The midafternoon nap can occasionally be short but we find that it is becoming more consistent with over 1 hour, sometimes even 2 in length. All of this is like what your book as mentioned!
Bedtime is generally around 7pm, but can be a little later around 7:15pm if last nap starts really late.
My current issue is his wake up time in the morning which seems to be a big variable, affected by when his night feedings occur. He wakes either 1 or 2x a night to feed , and could be anywhere between midnight to 5am. There is no consistent time when the night feeding occurs. After a feeding, we put him straight back down to sleep without any issues.
If he wakes at midnight for his first feeding, he will generally be awake at 6am or earlier. This is when everything gets a bit wonky as we are in the twilight zone of bit too early to start the day and too late to treat this as a night feeding. If he wakes up at 6am or a little before, he gets tired fast and is unable to stay up till the time for his mid morning nap which should be around 8:30-9am.
If he wakes at around 2-4am for a feeding, then he would generally be able to sleep through and wake after 7am, generally more rested and able to take a mid morning nap at a good time.
I would like to know what should we do for the wakings that occur at 5:30-6:30am ? Do we try to keep baby up as reasonably as possible until it is time for the morning nap ? If we follow drowsy cues, baby would go back to sleep around 7am and then sleep till when the midmorning nap is supposed to occur.
Also should we wake baby up at the same time everyday to maintain a schedule? Thank you
Congratulations! You are doing very well.
” If he wakes up at 6am or a little before, he gets tired fast and is unable to stay up till the time for his mid morning nap which should be around 8:30-9am.
If he wakes at around 2-4am for a feeding, then he would generally be able to sleep through and wake after 7am, generally more rested and able to take a mid morning nap at a good time.
I would like to know what should we do for the wakings that occur at 5:30-6:30am ? [Go with the flow; follow his lead] Do we try to keep baby up as reasonably as possible until it is time for the morning nap ? [Do not keep him up if he is drowsy] If we follow drowsy cues, baby would go back to sleep around 7am and then sleep till when the midmorning nap is supposed to occur.
Also should we wake baby up at the same time everyday to maintain a schedule? [No!]
My comments are based on the fact that naps regularize between 4-6 months so please try to be flexible and follow drowsy cues with the expectation that more predictable patterns will emerge over the next 1-2 months. Does this help? The most common pitfall is that the older child distracts parents in the evening so that the baby’s drowsy signs at night are not appreciated resulting in a bedtime that is too late.
Hi Doc, thanks for your advise. We used a community sleep trainer (with tremendous success) for our first and received pretty contradictory advice. Our first was sleep trained a little before 5 months and was able to tolerate being awake for longer periods of time during the day and adhere to a schedule eventually. We were told by sleep consultants to cap naps at 2 hours , have a consistent wake up time every morning, and have the nap schedule by clock time (~9am/~12pm/~3:30pm) as closely as possible and no naps past 4:30pm! This seems to work for an older infant (>5 months) or maybe some younger babies but after trying this on our 3 month old, we found it almost impossible. So we stopped. I maybe a little impatient in the sense of hoping to have some regularity in my day to day and worry whether each morning we would have a “perfect” schedule. I am trying to be flexible as you said and follow baby cues. Is bedtime truly of 7pm truly that late even if baby wakes up at 7:30am ? We were told again by some sleep consultants that we should try to aim for a 12 hour day so baby gets enough awake time. Which means if baby wakes at 730 they should go to bed 12 hours later. Thoughts?
However for night time, we have this fear of putting baby down early and still try to get him down closer to clock time of around 7pm. After his last nap at around 5pm, we would try to keep him up till as close as 7pm as possible despite baby being tired.
Have you read the first few chapters of my book?
I have, but would like some advise on how to help baby sleep in the morning rather than take a long 3 hour morning nap, shifting that sleep to longer night sleep. Currently baby wakes at 5:30-6am and is sleepy again at 7am.
I understand that baby is only 17 weeks old and to go with the flow but i’m not sure if a 3 hour morning nap is “healthy” and it seems like he could benefit from more night sleep.
Also he wakes up to feed 1-2x (mostly 1x these days) at night (which could take up to 30 minutes), so i tend to believe he is a bit short on night sleep due to this.
Recently i have tried to put him back to bed after a 5:30am feeding but he wouldn’t go back to sleep and seemed ready to wake, but gets tired after an hour or so. He then went down for his nap at 7am and slept till 10am.
When and for how long do other naps occur?
Currently, when is his usual bedtime?
The second nap usually occurs 1.5-2 hours after waking from his morning nap depending on his tiredness cue, around 11:45-12pm. He would sleep for 1.5-2hours. Sometimes more.
The third nap occurs approx 2 hours after the 2nd at around 4pm, where he would sleep for a 30 minutes cat nap.
Bedtime is as close to 7pm as possible if naps are going well. Sometimes 10-15minutes a bit later sometimes a bit earlier.
The above is when he stopped going back to sleep after waking “early” (before 6am) in the morning.
In the past when he go back to sleep, i would wake him again at 8am (to “preserve a schedule”, i guess bad idea!?) after going back to sleep after the early morning 5/6am wake, he would take his first nap around 9-9:30am and wake closer to noon, and nap again around 1:30pm until 3pm or even 4pm. A third nap is usually offered around 5-530pm but due to that nap being so closed to desired bed time of 7pm, and him fighting it, we have forgo it and try an early bedtime of 6:30pm. Also this causes the whole schedule of the day to be pushed back it seems and there was no way too fit in a 3rd nap. So an early bedtime of 6:30pm is offered.
My general impression is that his falling asleep time is currently too late causing him to want to take a very long morning nap which in turn messes up his day sleep schedule which causes him to fall asleep to late at night; a vicious cycle.
Nap rhythms tend to be well established by about 6 months of age; how old is he?
Hello doctor, he is 17 weeks old (16w adjusted). What should i do? Should we wake him from his nap? Try to offer an earlier bedtime ?
YES!
Bedtime circadian rhythms develop around 6 weeks of age and are well established now. Falling asleep too late means poor quality sleep and short night sleep durations; so the focus is on night sleep for now. For 4-5 nights only, have a strict bedtime of 5:30pm (you have bathed, fed, and soothed him to drowsy but awake and are leaving the room at 5:30pm). Overnight, feed him once or twice if needed, otherwise extinction until 5-6am (you might feed him then and see if he will go back to sleep or just start the day). Nap him whenever he shows drowsy signs but no new nap starts after 3pm. If he is asleep at 3pm from a nap that started earlier, do not wake him. Don’t worry about a strict nap schedule for now.
To set this in motion, do not let him nap longer than 60-90 minutes.
The earlier bedtime means he will wake up better rested and this will help regularize his naps. Later when he has a 1-2 hour nap midmorning and mid-day, the bedtime might become a little later depending on his naps.
How does this sound?
To be honest, this sounds terrifying as it is a big change!
“To set this in motion, do not let him nap longer than 60-90 minutes.” – I am totally terrified of having a cranky baby on hand, as i have in the past woke him up before and he wasn’t happy at all, at least for a bit.
With that he may also have shorter wakeful periods due to needing to go back to sleep again soon. So instead of 3 naps, he may take 4 naps with each being smaller naps?
Would a 2 hour nap be ok or is it absolutely necessary to wake him at 90 minutes?
To be honest, this sounds terrifying as it is a big change!
“To set this in motion, do not let him nap longer than 60-90 minutes.” – I am totally terrified of having a cranky baby on hand, as i have in the past woke him up before and he wasn’t happy at all, at least for a bit.
With that he may also have shorter wakeful periods due to needing to go back to sleep again soon. So instead of 3 naps, he may take 4 naps with each being smaller naps?
Would a 2 hour nap be ok or is it absolutely necessary to wake him at 90 minutes?
Sorry to have caused you more stress. Try for 2 hours, but be careful to not let a new nap start after 3pm. Prepare for a rough patch after 3pm so more soothing and distraction might me needed.
Any chance baby will treat 5:30pm bedtime as a nap? I hope not.. fingers crossed !
Can you do extinction or graduated extinctionafter 5:30pm, with 1-2 feedings overnight, until early morning? If not, ignore my suggestions.
My daughter just turned 1. We started late so she still cries for a few minutes at bedtime (typically between 615-7pm depending on her sleep signals) but we haven’t really figured out naps. I still breastfeed her to sleep, then the pediatrician said to wake her and brush her teeth before putting her to bed at night. Naps I’m at a loss. She is also in daycare 5 days a week. She only naps for 1 30-40 minute period, sometimes 2. At home on weekends it’s always 2 but we don’t have a routine. We let her wake when she wakes, and sleep when she looks tired. How do we navigate naps when she seeks to nurse, and she always falls asleep nursing?
Have you read the first few chapters of my book?
My baby is 7.5 months. We are having trouble getting her to take her 3rd nap. This has been going on for a while and she has skipped the 3rd nap 5 out of the last 7 days. When she skips it, we give her an early bedtime (around 5:30PM). She wakes up at different times each morning, but it’s always early (4:30-6AM). We can’t seem to get out of this rut and have been trying to follow your guidance on the 5:30 bedtime rut, but it has been challenging given the exact reasons you describe in your book.
When she wakes up early, we have tried:
– To keep her up for the first nap (8:30-8:45AM). This often results in a short 30-45 min nap. Then her mid-afternoon nap is shifted early.
– To offer her morning nap earlier (7:45-8:15AM). She will sleep longer for both of naps, especially the first one.
Either way, she ends her 2nd nap around 2:30PM and will skip her 3rd nap. We have tried offering the 3rd nap before seeing sleepy cues and immediately when we see sleepy cues. I’m not sure if the timing is just off. Between 4-5PM she is more happy and vocal than average and is usually OK playing on her own for short periods of time. I am afraid she is accumulating sleep debt. Even her early bedtime of 5:30PM seems late for her, but I am afraid of putting her to bed earlier. She is averaging 13.5-14 hours of sleep a day.
I am not sure if she is ready to transition to 2 naps. I don’t think she is, because she gets tired after 2-2.5 hours, but I don’t know how to get her to take the 3rd nap. Any advice?
At 6 months of age, 16% of infants take 3 naps and by 9 months of age, 5%. So it is unlikely (at 7.5 months) that your baby will take a third nap.
Did she have colic when she was younger?
My 9 1/2 month old daughter is really struggling with day sleep. Starting somewhere around 7 1/2 months she started more and more often not falling asleep for her second nap. Then it became that she would never fall asleep for her afternoon nap. Her morning naps were usually 1.5-2.5 hrs long. Now she is sometimes not taking her morning nap, and then hardly sleeping an hour in the afternoon when I put her down again. Her schedule is non existent because so often she’s not taking a nap when she should so I’m having to readjust. I leave her in bed at her naptime for an hour before getting her out of bed if she didn’t sleep. Oddly she isn’t cranky even with skipped naps, she seems to just want to be awake and with people all the time. She has never gone down for a nap without crying in her life, not even once. I am not sure what to do or how to get her back on a schedule. The pediatrician said she is likely too young to be on one nap a day, but I’ve tried a lot of things and cannot get her to take two naps in a day.
Because of the number of variables involved, before I can respond, I have to ask you if you have read the relevant sections in my book regarding her sleep problem?
Yes, I’ve read your book several times. The thing I am not sure of is if I need to get her on a nap schedule (nap drill), and how I would decide that schedule. Up to this point I’ve just relied on sleep cues paired with typical wake windows for her age. But that’s not working. She can seem to be showing tired signs, even drowsy before I lay her down in the crib for a nap, but then she never settles to sleep. She’s never really been on a schedule because her wake times are so variable. For instance, last night she was in bed asleep by 6:40. She woke once to feed at 6:00 am and then went back to sleep in her crib. I woke her up at 8 am to try and make two naps possible. She doesn’t show a lot of tired signs, but was slightly fussy just before 10:30 am, so I fed her in her room in the dark as usual before a nap, and laid her down. She was awake in there for 45 minutes. I walked in to make sure she wasn’t dirty, and tried to lay her back down telling her it was time to sleep, and left her room again. She never fell asleep. After 1 hr 15 mins total I just had to get her up and then put her back down at 1:45 pm. She fell asleep quickly but didn’t even sleep a full hour before she was awake again and ready to be up. That’s what’s been happening, she either takes one solid morning nap and then no afternoon nap, or she won’t take her morning nap and then takes a short midday nap.
Understood. I will try to help you.
Please clarify: Originally, you wrote that for about 2 months, “Her schedule is non existent .” Now you write, “She’s never really been on a schedule.” Was she sleeping well until about 2 months ago or has she had sleep issues for a longer time?
Having the knowledge of my book, what were the barriers that inhibited you from correcting her sleep problem?
Sleep space: crib in her own very dark room with sound machine
Sleep routine: for naps: sleep sack and nurse and rock in her dark room and then lay her down awake, leave room she’s been able to put herself to sleep from fully awake since about 4 months old, though she cries before she falls asleep. She will not take a pacifier and has never found her fingers to suck them.
For night sleep: nurse her to sleep or very drowsy and then lay her down.
So by “she’s never been on a schedule”, I meant that she’s never had a predictable time that she’s napped every day because her wake up time varies anywhere between 7 and 9 am on any given day. But, until two months ago, she always took her naps easily and even though they varied on when they happened because her wake up time varied, she would take them. Now she’s skipping either the morning or afternoon nap, so when she’s going down for naps is very different each day, without any predictability. It seemed to start with teething, she’s been getting tooth after tooth in. She went through a period of waking up extra in the night but now she’s back to sleeping through the night. The issue is that I’ve tried putting her to bed earlier at night, I’ve tried capping her morning nap so that it doesn’t go too late and she can have time for an afternoon nap, I’ve tried waking her up in the morning so she can have time to take two naps, and I’ve tried things like less and more awake time in between naps, but no matter what I try, 95% of the time she will not take her afternoon nap, even when she’s clearly tired. And now, she’s sometimes not taking her morning nap which she ALWAYS has taken without fail as that’s the one she’s most tired for. It seems to me she’s gotten messed up with her patterns and her naps vary wildly now in timing from one day to the next because one day she skips her morning nap so she has to go down very early for her midday nap, and then other days she takes her morning nap but then even if I wake her up from the morning nap, she won’t go to sleep for her afternoon nap. I know they can go through the “9 month sleep regression”, but I just don’t want to get her into the habit of not sleeping as it seems to me she is much too young to be going to just one nap a day. My question is, is her sleep rythym just not in sync because every day she’s napping at different times and going to bed at different times, and it would help to set a morning wake up time, a morning nap time and an afternoon nap time that her body can learn to get tired at those times, and she’ll get back into the napping ruthym, or is that not the solution. I’m just perplexed at why she won’t sleep for one of her naps as like I’ve said I’ve watched the wake window, I’m putting her down at the first sign of tiredness, she knows how to put herself to sleep, she just won’t. She cries on and off mildly, and just plays around and sits in bed for an hour until I finally get her. And then while tired looking, she seems happy to be awake and back with everyone. I think she’s taken both her naps maybe twice in the last month, and her second nap has been much shorter than it used to be, not even an hour. One of the times it was 20 minutes long.
Here are two suggestions:
A. Rigidly impose an age appropriate sleep schedule for 5 days:
1. Control the wake-up time (5:30-6:00am).
2. Nap Drill at 9am and 12-1pm. No naps at any other time. Make Dad do this on the Saturday and Sunday; you leave the house.
3. Early bedtime 5:30-6:00pm. Start on a Friday night.
4. Extinction over night
Keep a written record and after 5 days, make adjustments regarding the times suggested. I will help you with this.
Read the appropriate sections in my book to clearly understand items 1.-4. and the sections on teething and sleep regressions.
B. Contact the Family Sleep Institute for a Community Sleep Consultant for a referral.
How does this sound?
Ok thank you for taking the time to look at this with me. I am wondering why I would work to get her on a schedule where she’s waking up at 5:30/6 am? I don’t want her waking up for the day that early, she never has and I don’t want to get her on that schedule. Can the age appropriate schedule be more something like what follows?
Wake: 8am
Nap 1: 10:30 am (cap at 1 hr)
Nap 2: 2:30 or 3 pm
Bedtime: 6 pm
And then move the bedtime a bit later once she starts taking her naps again, or is this not going to work? The first proposed schedule is not feasible for me, I don’t want her starting her day that early. If she’s going to do that I might as well just let her sleep in like she usually does and just sleep less during the day.
Please try your schedule for 5-7 days and keep a written record.
Let me know how it goes.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth.
If my basically 3 year old really is fighting his afternoon nap, is there anything detrimental about dropping it? When he does nap, he’ll definitely fall asleep a bit later – probably around 730 or so, sometimes earlier, sometimes later even though he’ll still go in bed maybe around 645.
When he doesn’t nap, I have him in by 6 pm and he falls asleep right away. He seems to be an early riser and whether or not he naps and falls asleep later or falls asleep earlier, he’s generally up sometime in the 5s.
It’s hard to get him to nap in the afternoon. He doesn’t want to and asks NOT to. He’s cranky when he wakes up from naps, and he’s also cranky when he doesn’t nap. So either way he can be cranky…
Unrelated, for the idea of a 9 am and 1 pm nap time, your book said that these are just sort of guided times and nothing is “absolute” about them? If a baby wakes up at 630 am, for example, and her daily nap is 8:30 am, is that fine in terms of her circadian rhythm? Or eventually she should get closer to 9 am? Or 830 am can be her “forever” morning nap, and 1230/45 pm can be her afternoon nap.
On the 3rd birthday, 92% of children take a nap about 6 days a week.
On the 4th birthday, 57% of children take a nap about 5 days a week.
Dropping the nap now is fine. However, consistently not napping might temporarily require an earlier bedtime (5:30-5:45Pm). Choose a bedtime based on drowsy signs.
For a while, there still might be some days (early morning wake-up or very physically active) when you offer a nap opportunity. Please be flexible.
Individual variation means that while I can give guidelines about the timing of naps, what is most important is the mood and behavior of your child in the late afternoon/early evening: If there is pre-sleep arousal, the bedtime is too late.
Does this help?
Okay, thank you. Yes, I’m okay napping the 3 year old sometimes and being flexible.
Is the second comment about individual variation in regards to my question about 830 am nap time etc?
I guess I’m just wondering if it’s an okay schedule to do something like what i mentioned if it works for the child etc. and if they sleep nicely at night, wake up at a normal time and so on. Or if there is something “better” in regards to their circadian rhythm to try to have them nap closer to 9 am, for example
“Is the second comment about individual variation in regards to my question about 830 am nap time etc?” Yes.
“I guess I’m just wondering if it’s an okay schedule to do something like what i mentioned if it works for the child etc. and if they sleep nicely at night, wake up at a normal time and so on. Or if there is something “better” in regards to their circadian rhythm to try to have them nap closer to 9 am, for example.” If your child appears well-rested, continue to follow drowsy signs for sleep timing. Individual biological variation suggests to me that rigid sleep timing by the clock may not be a good strategy for many children.
Ok, thank you!
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
I have a 17-week old daughter (18+4 adjusted to due date). She was a great sleeper until about 8 weeks, then things were haywire for a couple of months. When she was 12-13 weeks, she would wake up every 45-90 minutes at night. Daytime naps were a mess, always only half an hour, and she would nap 2-3 times at random times. I was utterly exhausted. Upon recommendation by a friend, I read your book when she was 13 weeks and implemented an earlier bedtime, putting baby down drowsy but awake, many naps, and when possible, many hands. Here’s what happened…
Nighttime sleep
Day 1: Bedtime was 6.45 pm. Woke up twice in the night. Left to cry for 5 minutes each time, then dad checked nappy, dad soothed and I ended up feeding and she fell asleep on her own.
Day 2: Bedtime was 6.35 pm. Woke up 5 times in the night (3 times in a 90 minute period). Left to cry for 10 minutes. 3 out of 5 times, self-soothed within 8-9 minutes. Other two times, dad soothed, dad checked nappy, she ended up having a feed and falling asleep.
However, Day 3: Bedtime around 6.30. Slept through the night! Woke up at 4 am, dad soothed, dad checked nappy, I gave her a feed, fell asleep on her own afterwards.
From then on, bedtime was cruisy, within minimal crying, and nighttime sleep was great!
Daytime sleep
Wake up between 6.30-7 am. Within an hour of waking up, started the first nap to practice ‘drowsy but awake’. She would sleep for 2 hours.
Wake window was 60-90 minutes, followed cues closely to see sleepy signs (no TV, phone, other distractions.
Next nap started around 11 am. She would again sleep for 2 hours. 60-90 minute wake window.
Third nap started around 2.30-3 pm and would last for 45-60 minutes.
For each nap, she woke up exactly half an hour into the nap, but put herself back to sleep within a few minutes.
Since starting your routine, I am well-rested and my husband said on Day 4 that I was smiling and laughing, which according to him, was not happening before. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your wisdom, my baby is so much happier now, and so are we! I cannot believe I bought the excuse of cluster feeding due to a growth spurt. Even the midwife assured me this was the reason for such fragmented sleep. When in reality, all I was doing was sleep-depriving my baby!
Now onto how things have been more recently….
10 days ago (Sunday), Daylight Savings began in New Zealand. The 6.30 pm bedtime was now at 7.30. So, the three days leading up to Daylight Savings, we brought the bedtime 15-20 minutes earlier each time. On Sunday, we started the bedtime routine (bath/shower, feed, book) at 5.30 and she was asleep by 6.30 pm. She woke up at 7am the next day. However, from the next day onwards, her naps were all over the place.
Could not get her to sleep within an hour of waking. So, we tried again closer to 9 am. She slept for half an hour. Did not put herself back to sleep in the next 30 minutes. So, I picked her up to play an hour after she fell asleep. The midday nap was between 11-12, woke up 30 minutes in, but put herself back to sleep. Then, she slept for another 40 minutes. This pattern continued for the next 7 days. For every nap, without fail, she woke exactly 30 minutes in. Did not put herself back to sleep in the mid-morning nap, but did so for the midday nap.
Due to shorter naps, we kept bringing the bedtime earlier. We have been starting the sleep routine at 4.30 pm, but it is not exactly cruisy anymore. Unlike before, she now cries at bedtime and because the usual soothing methods (feeding, rocking, humming) did not stop the crying, we have been putting her in the cot even when she cried. Within 5-10 minutes of intermittent crying, she puts herself to sleep. For the last 3 days, she fell asleep for the night at 5 pm.
She also woke once or twice in the night and cried for a few minutes and but put herself back to sleep. Whereas, before, she would sleep through the night and very rarely cried.
The naps in the last three days have not gotten any better. She wakes exactly 30 minutes into the midmorning and midday nap and is awake for 20-30 minutes. Then, would put herself back to sleep and wake again in half an hour. So within 2 hours, she would only sleep for 60-80 minutes.
Today, I kept a close eye on the baby monitor to note the wake-up times. She fell asleep at 8.30, woke at 9, asleep again at 9.30, woke again at 10, then slept again from 10.20 to 10.50. I picked her up to play at 10.50. Next nap began at 1.25, woke up at 1.55, asleep again from 2.20- 3.20.
So,
1. Could the messy, fragmented and shorter naps be due to transitioning from 3 to 2 naps?
2. Given she does not cry when she wakes from her naps, should I leave her for 2 hours from the time she fell asleep (to get more sleep)? Or pick her up for play after just 1 hour from the time she fell asleep? Or wait till she cries, no matter how long it has been since falling asleep?
3. Most mornings, she wakes up when we walk into the nursery to wake her between 6.45-7 am. However, we struggle to get to 9am for the nap. Most days she is sleepy between 8-8.20. So, should we continue to wake her between 6.45-7 am? Or would it be better to let her sleep past 7 a.m.? (An additional benefit of waking her by 7 am is that dad gets to see her before leaving for work at 7.15 am. Otherwise, he would not see her at all due to early bedtime.)
4. How long do we continue the early bedtime for?
5. What can I expect when naps have fallen into place? Will she sleep continuously for 2 hours, like she did between 13-16 weeks? Will she continue to wake exactly 30 minutes into a nap (given she did this even when naps were going well between 13-16 weeks)?
6. Can we do anything differently to minimise crying at bedtime? Perhaps start the sleep routine even earlier than we currently do?
I apologise for the really detailed report of things, just thought it might give you a clearer picture.
Despite what it may seem, the current sleep difficulties are minor compared to before, and that is thanks to you. I just want to get her sleeping as well as possible, which is why I thought to get in touch. Thank you again!
1. Could the messy, fragmented and shorter naps be due to transitioning from 3 to 2 naps? I don’t think so.
2. Given she does not cry when she wakes from her naps, should I leave her for 2 hours from the time she fell asleep (to get more sleep)? Or pick her up for play after just 1 hour from the time she fell asleep? Or wait till she cries, no matter how long it has been since falling asleep? It appears that you are doing the ‘Nap Drill’ as described in my book. Is this correct? If you left her alone for a longer time, do you think that she might return to sleep unassisted?
3. Most mornings, she wakes up when we walk into the nursery to wake her between 6.45-7 am. However, we struggle to get to 9am for the nap. Most days she is sleepy between 8-8.20. So, should we continue to wake her between 6.45-7 am? Or would it be better to let her sleep past 7 a.m.? (An additional benefit of waking her by 7 am is that dad gets to see her before leaving for work at 7.15 am. Otherwise, he would not see her at all due to early bedtime.) I think this is the cause of your current sleep issues. I am sympathetic to Dad’s plight but he will benefit by having a super calm and well-rested wife 7 days a week and baby on the week-ends. I think that’s best for the family. Do you agree?
4. How long do we continue the early bedtime for? Letting her sleep later in the morning might stabilize and lengthen the naps so the bedtime might be later. Always base the bedtime on drowsy signs and due to variations in naps, be prepared to vary the bedtime.
5. What can I expect when naps have fallen into place? Will she sleep continuously for 2 hours, like she did between 13-16 weeks? Will she continue to wake exactly 30 minutes into a nap (given she did this even when naps were going well between 13-16 weeks)? Naps mature and become more predictable between 4-6 months. Please be patient.
6. Can we do anything differently to minimise crying at bedtime? Perhaps start the sleep routine even earlier than we currently do? For now, try the single intervention of not waking her in the morning.
Please be optimistic because she has demonstrated great self-soothing skills!
Thank you for your prompt reply!
“It appears that you are doing the ‘Nap Drill’ as described in my book. Is this correct?”
– Yes, this is correct.
“If you left her alone for a longer time, do you think that she might return to sleep unassisted?”
– Yes, she almost always falls asleep within 30 minutes, unassisted. The last two days she has slept for an additional 40-60 minutes afterwards.
“I think this is the cause of your current sleep issues. I am sympathetic to Dad’s plight but he will benefit by having a super calm and well-rested wife 7 days a week and baby on the week-ends. I think that’s best for the family. Do you agree?”
– Yes. We will not be waking her in the morning from tomorrow onwards.
Thank you again!
Please keep a detailed written record of her sleep for a few days and let me know how it goes.
Please thank your husband for his co-operation; not all fathers are as supportive.
Thank you Dr. Weissbluth. I have shown my husband your comment.
The very next day after your reply came through, my daughter woke on her own at 6, and cried. The crying was most unusual, as she hardly ever cries upon waking. We waited for 15 minutes to see if she would go back to sleep, she did not. So, we started the day. However, this meant that it was really difficult to get to. 9 a.m. for the first nap. Instead, she was very sleepy around 8 a.m. and had a very fragmented nap from 8–10 a.m. The midday nap was also very fragmented. She did not have another nap, and instead went to sleep for the night at 4.45 p.m. Woke once in the night, and went to sleep unassisted. The next day, she woke at 5.30 a.m. I realised then that her wake up is simply too early. So, I read the sections in your book that discusses solutions for when wake-up is too early. That night, we put her to sleep at 5.45 p.m. She woke up at 6.35 a.m. the next day.
Since then, bedtime is between 6–6.15 p.m.. She wakes in the morning around 6.30, and makes lots of happy noises. She next falls asleep between 8.45–9 a.m. and depending on how fragmented her nap has been, wakes again between 11 a.m.–12 p.m. The midday nap comes 90ish minutes from waking. Depending on when she went down for the nap, she will wake anywhere from 3–4 p.m. Sometimes, I have to wake her up at 4 p.m.
I’ve realised over the last few days that if she wakes up crying from a nap, it’e because she wants just a little bit more sleep. So, on the rare occasions she wakes up crying from a nap, even after she’s been sleeping for 90–120 minutes, I leave her for a few minutes. Almost always, she stops crying within 5 minutes, goes back to sleep for another 10–20 minutes, and then she wakes up making happy noises. Can’s believe what a difference just 10 extra minutes of sleep makes, even when she’s already napped for close to two hours!
Her naps were quite fragmented to start with, but looking at the sleep log, she is trending towards naps being more consolidated. And generally, she’s much quicker to fall back asleep (unassisted) when she wakes on the half hour mark.
I waited to reply until we had a more predictable pattern that I could report back on.
I have a couple of questions…
1. For the midday nap, sometimes I have to wake her up at 4 p.m., as I’m trying to stick as close to the recommendations from your book. However, because her wake window is about 90 minutes, we struggle to get ‘drowsy but awake’ when we put her to sleep at 6, as she falls asleep feeding or is very drowsy after a feed. So, would it be okay to let her nap till she wakes on her own from the midday nap and only wake her if she is still sleeping at 4.30? Or would it be better to wake her at 4 and bring bedtime to 5.30 p.m.?
2. In the mornings, she wakes anywhere from 6.10–6.30 a.m. But we don’t pick her up till 6.45 a.m., as we found if we picked her up when she first woke, the next day she wakes even earlier. Is 6.45 a.m. a good time? Or should we make it 6.30 a.m.?
3. What is your recommendation for adjusting her sleep schedule when daylight savings end?
Thank you again!
“Since then, bedtime is between 6–6.15 p.m.” is a little too late. Please carefully read Blog Posts 83, 115X, 226C, 232AX, 232BX, and 232D to fully appreciate why I suggest that you implement a 3 day trial of a temporary 5:30pm expected falling asleep time (she is bathed, dressed for sleep, fed, soothed, and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm). Keep a written record, the expectation is that she will have more night sleep and more regular and longer naps that will eventually lead to a slightly later bedtime. Three nights should convince you that this will work but it might take longer before the bedtime can be moved later.
How does this sound?
Thank you Dr. Weissbluth.
That sounds good. We have put her in bed and left the room at 5.30 p.m. the last two nights. I am keeping a detailed record of things, which I am happy to share with you, if desired.
I have read and watched the relevant videos. I think in the future, we can do better with catching her when she is first drowsy . We play with and pay close attention to her, and don’t have a TV or use screens when she is awake, but somehow we still seem to sometimes miss the drowsy signs until she cries. Perhaps because I am keeping an eye on the clock more than I am on her. The blog posts you recommended helped me realise this.
For future sleep,
1. Should I continue to wake her at 4 p.m.?
2. For naps, if she is sleeping longer than 2 hours, should I wake her?
3. For the midmorning nap, should I continue to get as close to 9 a.m. as possible? Or put her to sleep following drowsy signs, which come around 8 a.m.?
Thank you.
I suggest attempting to nap her around 9am and midday and not cap the naps, no new nap begins after 3pm.
If she is asleep at 3pm from a previous nap, do not wake her.
How is night sleep going?
That sounds good, thank you.
Night sleep is going great, she hasn’t woken up and needed to be soothed back to sleep in about 4 weeks. She does not wake for feedings in the night either. The last time she woke in the night was 8 days ago; she woke twice and cried for less than 5 minutes, we did not intervene. Night wakings are a rare occurrence.
Thank you. I wish you sweet dreams for your child. My sincere goal is to raise the visibility of accurate information regarding children’s sleep. To encourage other parents, please consider writing, and posting here, a narrative report of your sleep adventure (please include the role of the father) that I would use it as a Blog Post or perhaps, only if you feel comfortable, an Amazon book review. Thank you.
Thank you for your immense kindness. I will definitely post a report of our sleep journey so far and a review for your book, once the naps have fallen into place.
I imagine I will be referring to your words of wisdom for years to come.
Thank you again!
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
I have been looking through your book and blog to determine a plan for hitting an early bedtime once my son turns 6 weeks old. He will be 5 weeks this Saturday. Since about 2 weeks, I have incorporated a bedtime & nap routine. My main question is regarding the last nap of the day – he has a nap that starts after 3pm. Should I try to keep him awake until a certain time which is then the bedtime or should I let him nap with the next sleep time being bedtime (usually between 6-7:30)?
Thank you,
Jane
Because of his age, let him take this nap and be alert to drowsy signs in the early evening. His falling asleep time for night sleep may be super early (5:30pm) or a little later. Drowsy signs are best seen when he is by himself (no screens or parental interaction) in a quiet and calm environment.
Does this help?
Hi, yes this is helpful. Thank you! And thank you for the quick reply!
Hi Dr Weissbluth,
My son is approaching 8 weeks this Saturday. He still has a late nap that starts at or after 3, but even with this he is down for bedtime every night between 5-7 depending on his wake up from this nap.
However, bedtime takes longer to soothe him—his cues are the same but happen sooner than the rest of the day, and as we do our bedtime routine he continues to yawn but eyes stay wide open with some long blinks instead of his typical heavy eyes and long blinks. Usually he won’t fall asleep or if he does it’s maybe 20 minutes. Either way, we try to do minimal soothing like we do the rest of the day but very shortly after soothing him the fussing continues and eventually over many attempts it escalates until we pick him up. We soothe and put him back down drowsy but awake or asleep. This goes on for 45 minutes – 1 hour until it’s been around 2 hours since his last bottle. At this point we are unable to soothe him, and the cries are the same as when he awakes and is hungry. Therefore we feed him (as far as I can tell he really is hungry, even if he doesn’t always finish the entire bottle, he will have at least 75% and doesn’t fall asleep drinking it), put him down, and he falls asleep for the night until his next bottle about 6 hours later.
This “witching hour” is the only time of day/night when he will not fall asleep. All other naps and going back to bed after night feeds go smoothly.
We have had one night when he went down at bedtime and needed a lot of soothing but he fell asleep after an hour and did not wake again until his middle of the night feed (About 10 hours apart).
I don’t know if this is a witching hour/pre-sleep arousal or cluster feeding or something else. We’ve investigated other possible problems such as gassiness, eliminated external noises, etc. Is there anything I can do to make it better? Or should I wait to see if anything changes as he gets older?
I also want to sleep train at 3 months, but I’m worried if this doesn’t resolve then when we do extinction at bedtime his crying will actually be for hunger and not over-tiredness.
I appreciate your feedback.
Thank you,
Jane
What was his gestational age at birth?
Does he have self-soothing skills for naps and in the middle of the nap, that is, do you put hime down then drowsy but awake?
What is a common duration of his late nap and when does it usually end?
He was 39 weeks and 6 days.
He does have self soothing skills. When he naps during the day, after I lay him down, I initially sometimes have to go in 1-3 times to put a pacifier back in. After that, if he wakes or fusses, he’ll settle on his own. In the middle of the night, I put him back in the crib when bottle is done without any routine or interaction. I usually don’t have to go back in to soothe. We always put him down drowsy but awake except for sometimes during the witching hour – after he’s already been put down and we’ve gone back in to soothe, we sometimes get him asleep in our arms in hopes he’ll stay asleep once we lay him back down. The wut gong hour is the only time we regularly have to pick him up. It’s rarer for that to occur any other time.
The late nap ends anywhere between 4:45-5:45.
At 6 weeks of age, his brain wanted an early bedtime for night sleep. The third nap and the attempt to put him to sleep later together caused the behavior you observed( (a.k.a.pre-sleep arousal).
How does this sound?
Do you want to correct this situation quickly (2-3 nights +/- some crying at night) or go slowly or wait until he’s 3 months old? What does your husband want to do?
Let me know and I will help you.
Have you read the age-appropriate section in my book?
Hi, understood. We talked and would like to correct this quickly over the course of a few nights. Yes, I have read the sections in your book. Thank you.
For 3 consecutive days, do whatever you can to maximize naps, don’t worry about habit formation for now. If he is already asleep at 3pm, do not wake him. No new nap is allowed to start at or after 3pm.
The expected falling asleep time is, temporarily, 5:30pm (he is bathed, dressed for sleep, fed, soothed, and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm). Read again ‘Extinction’ in my book; extinction overnight. Keep a written record of day/night sleep and fuss/cry.
He may need extra distraction/soothing in the late afternoon but avoid circumstances that might allow him to sleep, e.g., a ride in the car.
Do not start if you cannot commit to 3 nights.
How does this sound?
Hi, okay sounds good. Yes we will do this. Thank you.
Hi, tonight we tried it. He woke up around 3:15pm from his nap and I fed him at 3:30pm. I was able to keep him up until 5:25pm…he was getting very close to falling asleep at the end of our songs so I laid him down while still awake. He fell asleep then started to cry about 25 minutes later at 5:50pm. He cried until I fed him at 7:30 (4 hours since last bottle) and vigorously drank the first 2/3 of the bottle then slowed down. He got sleepy but did not fall asleep and finished it. Changed his diaper—it was dirty and I don’t know when that happened. Then I put him in the crib at 7:52 and has been asleep for a half hour.
Are we on the right path?
Thanks, Jane
YES.
It went well! He slept from 7:50pm-5am, then again from 5:30-7am after his bottle. We are on to day 2. We will continue with the program and report back with any issues. Thank you!
Hi, yesterday our son woke up from his nap around 4:15pm and ate at 4:30pm, so the 5:30pm bedtime aligned well with his wakefulness. He cried for about an hour and 15 minutes then fell asleep. He slept from 7pm-2:20am. Then slept from 3am-6:25am.
After tonight, where do we go from here? Thank you.
Please send me the day and night sleep times and indicate the cry times from the beginning in outline form.
5/13/26
Had typical witching hour until bottle at 6:52pm, then went to bed at 7:25pm
5/14/26
3:28am Wake-up for bottle
4:05am Down for sleep
6:15am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
7:30am Wake-up for bottle
8:45am Down for sleep
9:45am Wake-up for bottle
11:10am Down for sleep
12:00pm Fuss/Cry—paci replacement x2
3:10pm Wake-up for bottle
*Start program to keep him awake until 5:30pm bedtime*
5:10pm Fuss/Cry—started bath to keep awake
5:25pm Down for sleep—was going to fall asleep in arms if waited any longer
5:53pm Crying starts
7:30pm Crying continued until bottle at this time
7:52pm Down for sleep
5/15/26
5:08am Fuss/Cry
5:12am Wake-up for bottle
5:25am Down for sleep
5:38am Fuss/Cry
6:58am Fuss/Cry
7:12am Wake-up for bottle
8:15am Down for sleep
9:15am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
9:20am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
9:28am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
10:30am Wake-up for bottle
11:30am Fuss
11:40am Down for sleep
12:30pm Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
1:00pm Fuss/Cry
1:10pm Wake-up for bottle
2:20pm Down for sleep
4:15pm Wake-up for bottle
5:33pm Down for sleep
5:45pm Crying begins
7:03pm Fell asleep
7:55pm Fuss
8:05pm Fuss
5/16/25
2:10am Fuss
2:20am Cry
2:30am Wake-up for bottle
3:05am Down for sleep
6:15am Fuss
6:25am Cry
6:36am Wake-up for bottle…I think this was the start of his day but I wanted to sleep more so tried to see if he would rest too
7:05am Down for sleep
7:25am Fuss/Cry…he never fell asleep so I got him up
7:56am Down for sleep…slept in short spurts until next bottle
8:00am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
8:10am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
8:20am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
8:50am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
9:05am Wake-up for bottle
10:15am Down for sleep
10:40am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
10:57am Fuss/Cry—paci replacement
11:07am Present time – asleep
Thank you for the details.
Correct me if I am wrong, but with this new schedule, the previous ‘’witching hour’ is no longer is present.
Some fuss/cry episodes are not associated with the paci replacement and some are, please explain the difference.
The first night of crying around bedtime was about 2 hours and the second night was about 1.5 hours, please stay the course.
It’s encouraging that night sleep duration is ample, about 11.5 hours and that naps are all over 60 minutes.
Do you think you can attempt to do the paci replacement a little less often to see if he can self-soothe a bit more or perhaps it is too soon to try this, follow your heart.
The fact that you do not always replace the pacifier is also encouraging.
Overall, is the duration and intensity of fuss/cry behavior the same, worse, or better?
This weekend, have father do nap duty and leave the house often for self-care, please.
Hi,
Correct–no more witching hour. He goes down for bedtime, cries until he falls asleep, then sleeps until he is hungry. And the amount of crying decreased!
Fuss/cry just means that I hear him but I haven’t intervened and he fell back asleep on his own. If there is a note next to fuss/cry it is the intervention, which has only been putting the pacifier back in. And I only do this during the daytime during naps.
I am willing to try to do less intervention during the day as well. I was trying to maximize naps therefore soothing during the day with the pacifier when I thought he might still fall back asleep. He falls asleep without the pacifier and he has shown he can soothe himself back to sleep without it during the day and night, so might be worth a try!
Overall, the duration and intensity of fuss/cry is better. He is getting better at not needing soothing during the day. And the past two nights we have not intervened at all so I know he can soothe himself at night too.
Okay we will stick with it. Will do.
Thank you!
Further clarification on fuss/cry–I make a note only when it has escalated a little bit and I’m anticipating needing to intervene…I always wait a few minutes and sometimes I don’t need to and other times I do with the pacifier. There are other times he fusses/moves around/typical baby sleep noises but they don’t concern me with him waking up so I don’t note them.
Thank you for the clarification. Because of good night sleep duration, please slowly begin a weaning process of paci-replacement. Perhaps wait a little longer to see if he self-soothes. Only do this if you feel comfortable.
How does this sound.
Okay. Yes that sounds good. I will try to back off from that and see how it goes.
Please send me a progress report in a few days.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
I had previously given you an outline regarding the program for instilling an early bedtime and eliminating the witching hour for our son. I provided an outline for Wednesday 5/13, Thursday 5/14 (the day we started), Friday 5/15, and Saturday morning 5/16.
Here are the updates from Saturday night through this early afternoon 5/19. I can provide an outline format with more detail if you’d like, but here is a sizeable summary.
Saturday 5/16—In the afternoon, I delayed soothing during his nap; each time he began to fuss and escalate to crying, I waited 10 minutes before replacing his pacifier. He initially slept for about 40 minutes, then fussed for the next hour with me going in every 10 minutes to replace the pacifier.…I was also trying to nap during this time so I had wishful thinking he would sleep longer. He never really fell back asleep. In hindsight, maybe this was just a catnap and I should have gotten him up sooner. However, when I got him out of the crib from that nap it was 4:15pm, so the timing worked well to have him go down for bed at 5:30pm. He went down at 5:30pm and cried for 45 minutes, took a 15 minute break, then cried again for 1.5 hours until it was 4 hours since his last bottle and I fed him at 8:30pm. He vigorously drank the first half, then slowed down and fell asleep. He awoke when I took the bottle away, drank a little more, then fell asleep again, so overall he drank most of the bottle but I don’t know if he would have if I hadn’t pepped him up to wake up. Either way, he then went down at 8:55pm and didn’t wake up until 4:30am. He had a bottle and went back down at 5am. He slept until about 8:45am.
Even though this was the worst night of crying, the overnight stretch and timing of feeds was most beneficial for me getting maximum rest.
The duration of crying was longer and the intensity of crying was worse than previous nights.
Sunday 5/17—He had a nap around 12:50pm where he initially slept for 50 minutes, then began to fuss so we delayed responding with the pacifier each time for 10 minutes until getting him up at 2:30pm. Again, in hindsight, maybe this was a catnap/shorter nap than what we’re used to and we should have gotten him up sooner. We struggled to keep him awake until 5:30pm and only made it to 5pm. He started to cry at 5:30pm and cried for an hour. He took an almost 10 minute break, then began to cry again. He cried until I gave him a bottle at 7pm since it had been 4 hours since his last feed. He drank the whole bottle without falling asleep, and went back in the crib by 7:20pm. 20 minutes later he was still awake, got his hand out of his swaddle and was sucking & chewing on it, and eventually started to cry around 8pm. We decided to fix his swaddle and give him a pacifier at 8:10pm. He fell asleep at 8:20pm and woke up around 5:20am. He had a bottle. Went down again at 5:40am and slept until 9:20am. The duration of crying was shorter and the intensity was about the same.
Monday 5/18—Only one pacifier replacement in the morning, and one other in the afternoon, so that went well.
As for how the day played out…He had a nap at 1:15pm and only slept until 2…I gave him a pacifier at 2:10 but he did not fall asleep. I wasn’t sure what to do—I decided to feed him and try to have him back down before 3. He ate and was back down by 2:58pm but immediately fussed. Over the next 20 minutes he got his hand out of the swaddle, 10 minutes after that I fixed it and gave him a pacifier. Not sure if putting him down was the right move. Nevertheless, it didn’t work and I got him out of the crib at 3:30. I then attempted to keep him awake until 5:30pm. I decided to try to give him a bottle before bedtime, knowing he would likely fall asleep, but in hopes it would rule out him crying from hunger. He had a bottle at 4:55pm. He drank about 1/3 of it before getting sleepy and slowing down. I changed his diaper & swaddle to wake him up a little bit. I gave him more of the bottle and he got to about halfway through before slowing down. Then I put him in the crib at 5:15pm. He was already asleep in my arms before I finished the first lullaby. He began crying a half hour later for about 5 minutes, stopped for almost 10 minutes, then was just whimpering and fussing for 5 minutes, then began to cry. After a half hour, it had been 4 hours since his last full bottle and the bottle I had given him at 4:55pm was still good to drink so I offered him the the other half. He drank it steadily, stayed awake, went down awake at 6:45pm, and eventually fell asleep without any fussing or crying at 7:25pm. He woke up at a little before 5am, had a bottle, and was back down at 5:20am. He got out of the swaddle immediately so I quickly fixed it and gave him a Paci. He slept until 8:25am. Overall he cried for 35-40 minutes, so significantly less! The duration was less and the intensity was about the same, but was sort of on & off.
Saturday night was about 2 hours + 15 minutes of crying. Sunday night was about 1 hour + 25 minutes of crying. Monday night 40 minutes of crying.
Monday 5/19—so far today naps have been a little different. He had a bottle at 8:35am and was down at 9:45am…was up about 10 minutes little longer than usual but I did wait until I saw drowsy signs. He started to cry almost immediately because of his swaddle with his arm out. I fixed it, soothed and he fell asleep (9:55am to 10:20am). When eh work up he did not fuss for awhile, then at 10:32am I gave him a pacifier, and again at 10:47am. At 10:55am he started crying so I got him up 10 minutes later at 11:05am. He got a bottle 10 minutes after that at 11:15am. I put him back down at 12:05am. He slept until 12:48 and started to fuss which eventually turned into crying at 12:58pm. I put his pacifier back in after a few minutes and he has been content in the crib since then (on & off with small fussing/whimpering or asleep). It is now 1:42pm here and he is asleep.
Overall, in some ways it still feels like a witching hour is happening because he cries until he is fed and then falls asleep—We’re just no longer intervening.
Before the program, he’d have a late nap, drink bottle, go down an hour or so later, and not settle for sleep thus the witching hour, where he would only fall asleep after I fed him, which was always 2 hours since the previous feed. Now, some days he has a nap that ends after 3pm but aligns well with his usual wakefulness to go down at 5:30pm but he still begins to cry after about 30 minutes. And other days, his mid day nap isn’t very long, so I’m keeping him up past his normal wakefulness and inducing a second wind so he’s already riled up before I put him down, and we’re not making it 5:30pm. Even still, he’ll fall asleep for 30 minutes and then begin to cry. In all these scenarios he doesn’t fall asleep until after he is fed again. There’s only been one night so far when he has fallen asleep on his own without having another bottle (Friday 5/15—ate at 4:30pm, down at 5:30pm, cried for 1 hr 15 min, asleep at 7pm, next feed at 2:30am). It’s very confusing but we are seeing progress!
There have been benefits in other ways that I did not expect. Ironically, besides Friday night, the sleep stretches have been much better timing for me: afternoon bottle then middle of the night feed is at 3am, falls back asleep but starts the day at 6am vs. bottle after going down for bed, next feed at 5am, falls back asleep to start the day at 8am. I definitely prefer the latter, but his naps aren’t consistent enough to ensure his last bottle is late enough for him to make it to 5am.
Even though the sleep stretches are becoming more and more in our favor, will the crying end or are we messing up the extinction by eventually feeding him, even though that makes him fall asleep? Should we forget the 4 hour cap for his feeds and just see how long he cries for? Do we need to make sure he is fed before/closer to going down for bedtime? Do we keep the course and continue to have the 5:30pm bedtime, and just do our best to keep him up if his mid day nap ends at 2/2:30/3? Basically, is there anything we should be trying or doing differently? We are up for the challenge to continue forward!
Thanks,
Jane
Thank you for your detailed notes.
It appears that there has been some improvement: “Saturday night was about 2 hours + 15 minutes of crying. Sunday night was about 1 hour + 25 minutes of crying. Monday night 40 minutes of crying.” and “There have been benefits in other ways that I did not expect…” but I suspect we are missing a possibly important variable: the morning nap.
Tell me more about the morning nap: When does it start, Is it based on drowsy signs, Does he go down drowsy but awake, What is the common duration, Do you have replace the paci or reswaddle?
I looked at the original outline and I am asking whether the interval between the start of the day and the soothing to sleep for the first nap is too long, e.g. is there any observable pre-sleep arousal?
Hi,
Yes there has been!
Okay.
The first nap starts 45 minutes – 1 hour after his first bottle, and he’s been awake anywhere from 10-20 minutes before the bottle. 1 hour to 1 hr +15 minutes is his sweet spot for wakefulness so I keep an eye on the clock too. The actual clock for the nap start depends on his middle of the night feed and consequential first bottle of the day…For the last few days the first bottle has been b/w 8:30-9:30am. The nap itself lasts 1 hour – 1.5 hours with some wake ups and self soothing in between.
The nap starts based on drowsy signs, he goes down drowsy but awake, and the overall use of pacifiers has decreased for this nap and others. It is 50/50 if we pop the pacifier back in at the beginning once, maybe twice. He only recently has been wiggling out of his swaddle, but it isn’t happening enough for it to be a regular issue yet. I haven’t noticed any observable pre-sleep arousal but I can keep an eye on it.
What are the drowsy signs that you observe before the first and second naps?
5/17 5/18 5/19
Bottle #1 9:10am 9:32am 8:37am
Nap #1 10am-11:40am. 10:35am-12pm 9:45am-11am
Bottle #2 11:55am 12:12pm 11:16am
Nap #2 12:50pm-2:30pm 1:17pm-2:20pm 12:05-1:50pm
Bottle #3 2:55pm 2:35pm 2:07pm
Nap #3 only if starts before 3pm X X 2:51pm
Nap #2 is when I usually end up spending time trying to soothe only for him to not fall back asleep.
5/17
12:50 PMDown/Sleep
1:30 PM Fuss
1:45 PM Cry
1:55 PM Paci replacement
2:05 PM Waited 10 minutes—paci replacement
2:15 PM Waited 10 minutes—paci replacement
2:25 PM Waited 10 minutes—paci replacement
2:30 PM Wake-up
5/18
1:17 PM Down/Sleep
2:05 PM Fuss
2:13 PM Fuss—paci replacement
2:20 PM Wake-up
5/19
12:05 PM Down/Sleep
12:48 PM Fuss/Cry
12:58 PM Crying
1:00 PM Paci replacement x2
1:15 PM Awake but not fussing too much
1:25 PM Asleep
1:50 PM Wake-up
2:51 PM Down/Sleep
3:35 PM Fuss
….in real time now
My chart in the beginning there didn’t come through correct, but the same data is listed in the outline.
I also forgot to note for Nap #2: the soothing I do is after he’s already slept for 45 minutes – 1 hour. I am wondering if I should be spending so much time soothing him or get him up earlier? I just feel like it’s too short so I make more attempts. Versus his first nap the soothing is in the beginning and then he sleeps for a longer period so when he’s up he’s usually crying for hunger. The 2nd nap when he wakes he doesn’t cry as hard usually, it’s just a lot of fussing with no going back to sleep. Does that make sense? He still eats a whole bottle upon feeding though.
Sorry just getting back on here…
His drowsy signs include just slowing down in general, but more specifically yawning and sleepy eyes. He will yawn, get sleepy eyes, and then he’ll start to fuss. When he starts to yawn is when I begin the bedtime/nap routine. The first nap he usually gets to fussing quicker. The second nap he will also slow down and begin to yawn, eventually fussing if I don’t move along to starting our wind down routine.
In a positive update, he woke up from his last nap around 4:20, had a bottle at 5pm, went down at 5:35pm, fell asleep for about 10 minutes, then cried for less than 15 minutes. He has been asleep since 6pm!
“His drowsy signs include just slowing down in general…then he’ll start to fuss…The first nap he usually gets to fussing quicker. The second nap he will also slow down and begin to yawn, eventually fussing…”
I know that there is variation day by day in the duration of wakefulness day by day, but try to shorten it by 10-15 minutes and/or the duration of soothing in an attempt to eliminate the “fussing”. The fussing suggests pre-sleep arousal and if you are successful, naps may improve. How does this sound?
I am happy that there is a trend towards improvement. How would you describe the role of the father in this sleep adventure?
Hi,
Okay will do. That sounds good. This morning I already tried to get him down earlier than what I anticipated. He slept for about 45 minutes. I will keep at it.
My husband and I usually tag team between our toddler and baby. Before the program, we would alternate during the witching hour to soothe baby. Then I would eventually give the bottle while he got our toddler ready for bed (I exclusively pump & feed baby at the same time). He usually doesn’t get home from work until 5:30pm so I’ve been managing getting baby down during the work week since instilling the early bedtime. On the weekends we take turns putting baby down for naps and he put baby down for the early bedtime. He also tries to give a bottle once a day on weekends.
Forgot to mention, I am a stay at home Mom so I am managing daytime sleep during the week.
When you say “and/or the duration of soothing in an attempt to eliminate the “fussing”” do you mean to shorten the soothing aka nap routine, or shorten the soothing I do near the end of his naps, or both?
I meant the pre-nap soothing routine, if possible.
Got it. Will do.
Hello Dr. Weissbluth,
After being on an upward trend, the last three nights the crying has increased each night.
To begin, I cut down on nap routine and it helped to get him down sooner while still being soothed.
Next, daytime sleep is changing. He is not napping for as long; an hour or less. He is shifting away from eat/play/sleep and looking more like play/eat/play/sleep. Not sure if any of this is a problem or not? We wanted to get night sleep figured out first then move onto day sleep so we’re not too worried about it…unless we should be? However, the timing of naps is coinciding better with him not having a nap starting after 3pm and aligning with a 5:30pm bedtime without having pre-sleep arousal.
Lastly, tonight took a bit of a turn and he cried for two hours…Tuesday night he cried for 13 minutes. Wednesday night he cried for 30 minutes. Tonight, Thursday, he cried for 2 hours making it to the cap for a bottle. He kicked out of his swaddle and was 20 minutes away from having a bottle so we gave it to him 20 minutes early since we knew with the swaddle broken loose on the bottom he was not likely going to fall asleep.
For each of these nights he had a bottle close to going to bed (within 1.5 hour at most), with the next bottle typically being around 3/4am. However, last night he woke up for a feeding a little after 10pm, and then again around 3:30am—I would have expected him to make it longer through the night after the 10pm bottle, especially since other nights when he’s had a bottle around 7/8pm he would make it to 5am.
Either way, I wonder if he is outlasting us especially with the cap for feeding? But when he has the bottle he drinks all of it and does not fall asleep. So then I wonder if we should be feeding him sooner? Overall, we are confused.
Do you have any suggestions for us? Or should we just stick to the course?
Thank you!
Jane
Please clarify “making it to the cap for a bottle.” and “especially with the cap for feeding?”. What does “cap” refer to? Does this mean that you are offering a pre-determined amount, the cap? If so, why?
Please try feeding earlier for 2-3 nights to see if this helps.
Hi, thanks for the quick response. Update he slept from 8:35pm to 5:15am!
The cap for the bottle refers to feeding him after 4 hours since his last bottle if he’s still crying.
He usually has 5-6 bottles a day, and with the early bedtime implementation he usually only gets to 4 before going to bed, so we know he needs at least one more at some point. Now he’s been having 5 a day and is satisfied.
We decided to wait 4 hours based on what we read in your book about full term children being able to go without a feeding for 4 hours and based on his eating habits.
He used to eat about every 3.5 hours, but now he’s eating more closely together during the day. Around 2 hr 15 minute – 2.5 hour.
Jane
Hi, another positive update–he cried for about 20 minutes, then cried on and off with 5-10 spurts a few times for an overall amount of 45 minutes of crying. He also got 5 bottles in before bedtime and did not need a late night bottle. Instead he slept from about 6:45pm until 2:24am for his usual middle of the night feed.
I’ve also shifted our mindset about the 5:30pm bedtime. Maybe I interpreted it incorrectly in the beginning because I was pushing him to a 5:30pm bedtime by any means necessary and that was causing him to be very upset sometimes before going down. The past two nights I have tried my best to soothe him and keep him awake, but not past the point of no return…I may still have pushed it too far on Thursday due to the excessive crying but I’m still thinking he was actually hungry. Either way, he went to bed at 5:22pm on Thursday and 5:01pm on Friday. I think 5pm is more realistic most days but always aim for 5:30pm.
In your opinion is continuing with this logic of soothing to make it to 5:30pm but not to the point of causing a major pre-sleep arousal the correct move? And overall should we stick to the course of action with the early bedtime until the last nap of the day consistently has a timing that coincides with not starting after 3 and allowing him to make it at least a 5:30pm bedtime?
Thank you!
Jane
Did shortening the interval of wakefulness a little help with naps?
The early bedtimes to prevent pre-sleep arousal is correct. I had suggested 5:30 but earlier might be needed. Read about the 5:30 pm Rut on page 303.
Please send me summary update so I may see the big picture.
Hi,
Shortening the wakefulness has helped him go down quicker without us really having to go back in at all to soothe him. Most soothing occurs at the end of the nap as I try to see if we can lengthen it.
Okay great. Thank you for sending me the page number–I just read it and am relieved to here it is normal for this process to take time, but that we can then can move toward improving other areas of sleep such as naps & a later bedtime.
My last summary went through Tuesday afternoon so I will start there…
Tuesday 5/19
He went down for his last nap at 2:51pm and I tried to soothe him with the pacifier a few times from 3:35pm until 4:10pm which is when I got him up. He had his 5th bottle of the day and was down for bed at 5:35pm. He woke up a little over 10 minutes later and cried 13 minutes. He then slept from 6pm until a little before his bottle at 3:30am.
Wednesday 5/20
This was when I started to shorten his wakefulness as you suggested. He slept from 4am-7:30 am, then was down from 8:30am to 9:20am when he started to fuss. I waited 10 minutes before putting his pacifier in, then waited another 10 minutes, then 10 minutes after that I got him up at 9:50am. He went down around 11am and slept until 11:45 when he began to fuss. I waited 10 minutes and gave him his pacifier, and he fell back asleep until 12:15pm. He went back down at 1pm and slept for an hour. At 2pm he began to fuss and I waited to give him the pacifier, then he slept until 3:12pm. I waited 10 minutes to give him the pacifier, and he fell asleep until 4:19pm. He then had his 5th bottle and was down for sleep at 5:27pm. He cried for 5 minutes at 5:40pm and then for 25 minutes at 5:50pm. He slept from 6:15pm until 9:35pm when he began to fuss. I eventually gave him a bottle at 10:07pm, and he went back down for sleep at 10:30pm – 3:30am.
Thursday 5/21
After his 3:45am bottle, he slept from 4am-7:20am. He had his bottle then his first nap started at 8:33am. He fussed at 9:10am so I waited 10 minutes to give him the Paci, waited another 10 minutes for the Paci, then he fell back asleep 9:30am to 10:20am. I waited 10 minutes to give him the pacifier and he fell asleep for a minute then woke back up so I got him out at 10:40am. His next nap was at 11:43am until he fussed at 12:20pm. I waited 10 minutes to give him the pacifier, and after that he really started to fuss so I picked him up to soothe him. After I put him back down he started to cry shortly thereafter. I got him up at 12:55pm (so from 12:20pm to 12:55pm he was fussing and awake the whole time). His next nap started at 2pm. He initially had a stretch of 50 minutes but then I tried really hard to keep him asleep because I was worried about him being up to early and then having a hard time keeping him up for the 5:30pm bedtime.
2:00 PM Down for sleep
2:12 PM Fuss
2:58 PM Fuss
3:10 PM Fuss–paci replacement
3:15 PM Fuss/Yawning
3:18 PM Fuss–paci replacement
3:27 PM Fuss
3:38 PM Awake–paci replacement to see if he’ll fall back asleep but don’t think it is working
3:43 PM Got out of crib
He went down for bed at 5:22pm and then cried from 6pm until I fed him at 8:12pm. He went back down at 8:35pm and slept until his bottle at 5:15am.
Friday 5/22
After his bottle at 5:15am, he slept from 5:35am – 8:39am. His next nap started at 9:42am but he began to fuss at 10:21am. I waited 10 minutes to give him the Paci, then waited 10 minutes again eventually getting him out of the crib at 10:45am. He went down at 11:55am and woke up around 12:30pm—this would have been sort of a normal interval for him anyway, but the school behind our house was having field day and began to play music very loud. I think it woke him up. We had a bottle then I took him and my toddler (who also couldn’t sleep due to the loud music) for a walk so they could both hopefully nap. He fell asleep in the stroller for about an hour from 2:10-3:10pm. I knew it was going to be hard to keep him up….he had his 5th bottle at 4pm but then started to cry at 4:35pm. We gave him a bath and that woke him up while also calming him down, but he started to fuss again at 4:50pm. We decided to put him down. He went to bed at 5pm, slept until 5:35pm and began to cry. The crying was less intense and was in spurts. It was on and off from 5:35pm to 6:45pm, but altogether the crying was 40/45 minutes. He slept from 6:45pm until his bottle at 2:24am.
Saturday 5/23
He went down at 2:45am and slept until 6:15am. I fed him and could see he was awake for the day so we hung out until he went back to sleep at 7:30am. He started to move about around 8:21am and fussing at 8:28am. I got him out at 8:30am. His next nap started at 9:33am—we went back in twice to replace the Paci over the two 10 minute intervals, then waited another 10 minutes—my husband picked him up and soothed him. He then slept from 10am to 10:54am. His next nap was from noon to 1:15pm without any intervention from us though I could see and hear him having the normal wakings and self settling a few times. He went back down at 2:33pm and is just starting to move around & make noise at 3:24pm which is current time.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this out — I can see how carefully you have been tracking everything, and that dedication speaks to how seriously you are taking this.
What would help me most at this point, though, is something a little different. Rather than a day-by-day account of nap times and pacifier replacements, I would love to hear your story in your own words — a narrative that steps back from the details and gives me the bigger picture. Specifically:
What was the original problem that brought you here, and how were things before you started?
How did you feel when you first read my advice — did it make sense to you right away, or did it take time to accept? What was hardest to follow, and what felt more natural?
Looking back over these weeks, what do you feel has genuinely helped, and what hasn’t seemed to make a difference?
What is your husband’s role in all of this — is he on board, involved in the nights, supportive of the approach?
In what ways do you feel things are better now, even if imperfectly? What does a better night or a better day feel like compared to where you started?
And finally — where do you want to go from here? What would “good enough” look like, and what would “really good” look like?
A paragraph or two on each of these would give me far more to work with than the timing of each pacifier. I want to understand your experience, not just your sleep log.
— Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
Hi,
Sorry I’m so used to these updates being in the weeds I ignored the “big picture” aspect!
I will take some time tonight to think and respond accordingly.
Thank you!
Jane
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
I am sorry it took me longer to write this up and I wanted to make sure we had time to reflect on the bigger picture.
When we first reached out to you, it was in regards to our son approaching 6 weeks of age and implementing an early bedtime per the advice in your book. We were trying to figure out how to do this in relation to the late nap he regularly took. From birth he has been a good sleeper and nothing was a real concern or challenge for us, until he developed a witching hour.
We came back for more guidance after he was 6 weeks old because of his witching hour and we wanted to ensure the early bedtime was accomplishing its goal. We were also concerned about future sleep training—how would we be able to determine when to intervene if this witching hour continued (diaper change, hunger, distress vs. over-tiredness, outlasting us)?
We did not have any reservations in your guidance because we sleep trained our older child and it worked amazingly! But we needed some help with implementation. We weren’t as well versed in your book with our first child so we waited longer to sleep train, but when we did it was textbook perfect. However, our son’s sleep has been different than our daughter’s so we were facing some obstacles we hadn’t faced before and we were eager to all get better sleep so we wanted to sleep train earlier. Our daughter never had a witching hour, she did not eat as much or as frequently, and she pretty much slept through the night from the very start. She was a very easy baby to get to sleep and stay asleep and predict her schedule. As a result, we were a little blinded to how much time it was actually going to take to help our son with his journey to better sleep. Overall, we were on board to follow any guidance, it was more about getting out of our own head and not comparing our son’s sleep journey with our daughter’s—that has been our biggest challenge in all of this.
Implementing the super early bedtime definitely helped, especially once we strictly followed drowsy cues, which mean we didn’t always make it to 5:30pm—that was a misinterpretation error on my part. We can now see how his sleep has shifted not only with clock time to be more in tune with day & night but also with his length of night sleep and lack of pre-sleep arousal. All of those things have improved. We no longer have a witching hour and we can reliably count on long stretches overnight!
On the other hand, while doing extinction, knowing when to intervene was difficult. At first, I didn’t think extinction was going to work because we didn’t see the decrease in crying or that it was going to be completed in a few days like it was with our daughter. It took us a while to understand our son’s eating habits and to be able to distinguish when he was actually hungry vs. overtired. Trial & error was our friend in the long run. It was just hard to be patient!
My husband was supportive overall. We both lost faith as it wore on and wasn’t going as smoothly as it did with our daughter. We both made it a priority though to keep at it and have my husband involved with feeding & putting down as much as we could even with his work schedule. I still managed all the middle of the night feeds because I had to be up anyway to pump, but his involvement was crucial on weekends when he had the energy to manage the baby while I get some extra rest in during those mornings.
Our son’s sleep has improved to a point where we have way more confidence and feel we know how to adapt and support our son’s sleep as he grows. Before, it was daunting to think about how things were going to evolve as the day went on and the months ahead. We didn’t leave the house because we didn’t want to mess anything up. We were very in the weeds with our son’s sleep schedule and sleep habits. As we’ve moved forward, I am happy to say we still monitor and prioritize both of our children’s sleep just as we always have, but we are not so attached to it. As the dinner hour approaches, stress levels aren’t rising. When we have a family outing, we do our best to prioritize sleep but also don’t get worked up when it isn’t perfect because we know we can count on reliable sleep at home. And for whatever reason if we have an off day, we have faith in knowing it is something we can figure out. Just because things don’t go as easily or smoothly as they did with our daughter doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
Where we are at right now is almost to “really good” ! As our son continues to grow we know it will get easier. Really good to us would mean that we’ve tackled the final hurdle of transitioning out of the swaddle and he can roll back & forth no problem. We’re already working on the swaddle transition. Rolling over will come in time. In the last week we’ve only had to go back in to soothe twice in all of his day & night sleep due to him getting his hands out of the swaddle. He’s been sleeping through the night for almost two weeks.
We are so grateful for your book and for the direct advice you provided us in this blog! The next step for us will be reviewing the the nap drill and doing that once we’re ready.
I hope this is what you were looking for. Please let me know. Thank you so much for all your help!!!
Best,
Jane
Jane, this is exactly what I was looking for — and more. Thank you for taking the time to step back and write this so thoughtfully. Your letter captures something that a sleep log never could: the experience of learning to trust a process that doesn’t always look like what you expected.
The insight you arrived at on your own — that your biggest challenge was getting out of your own head and not comparing your son’s journey to your daughter’s — is one that will serve you well far beyond sleep. Every child is different. Every family finds their own path.
You are almost to “really good.” The swaddle transition will come, the rolling will come, and the nap drill will be there when you’re ready. You have already done the hard work.
Thank you for sharing your story so generously. I hope it helps another family who is in the weeds right now and needs to know it is possible.
— Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
You are welcome. I hope so too!