Early bedtimes are based on drowsy signs (Blog Posts 7–9) because a late bedtime causes an increase in neurological arousal (a second wind) that interferes with falling asleep and staying asleep. Even a few minutes earlier might make a big difference (Blog Post 6). Better night sleep will cause better naps and as a result, and eventually, your child will be able to stay up later. A temporary, super-early bedtime might be needed to get things going. The wake-up time might be only a few minutes earlier or surprise, she might sleep in later! Sometimes, a slightly earlier bedtime alone, while responding to all crying, is an effective sleep solution for a parent that does not want to let her child cry (page 240, in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child).
Drowsy in this context doesn’t mean about to fall asleep (half-closed eyes, barely able to keep open). When my son was a baby he would become very still about 10 minutes before he fell asleep—he is a wiggle worm, so it was noticeable. He would also gaze for long periods of time at something. This was the window when he needed to be put down for his nap. If I waited until it passed and he was really tired, he would fight sleep. So when “the stare” appeared, I would check his diaper, swaddle him, and put him down. He would gaze at his mobile for a while and then fall asleep.
When our daughter Jaden was born, we were anxious to start off on the right foot with her sleep habits. We immediately focused on no more than two hours of wakefulness with a bedtime around 10:00 or 11:00 p.m., which was very easy to accomplish. After a few weeks, though, we still weren’t really seeing very long nighttime stretches. When Jaden was 8 weeks old, we visited Dr. Weissbluth to discuss her sleeping pattern. Dr. Weissbluth told us that at 6 weeks, we should have incorporated an early bedtime in addition to keeping shorter periods of wakefulness. We left wondering whether an early bedtime would really work for someone so young. We really expected that Jaden would be up within an hour or two after we put her down. We started off with a 7:00 p.m. bedtime. She still woke up in the late evening to eat, but we put her promptly back to bed. There were a few bumps in the road for the first couple of nights—sometimes she would wake up a few times and cry—but we kept at it. After a few days, Jaden went from sleeping a four-to-five-hour stretch in the evening, to seven, then eight, then nine or ten hours a night. In fact, she seemed happy to be sleeping so much! If she woke up to nurse, she would eat and immediately fall back asleep as soon as we put her back in her crib. We couldn’t believe how easy it was. The earlier we got her to bed, the better she slept. Her daytime naps even seemed longer and more restful. She is now 7 months old. We now try to get her down between 6:00 and 6:30 each night, and she is extremely happy about it. (So are we!)
When our pastor asked us if our 8-month-old son, Henrik, was a “serious, sullen” boy, I knew we had a problem. Just one month before, my friend had sent us a note saying how Henrik was the happiest baby she’d ever seen. She could elicit a belly laugh from him with just a sideways glance. Now our pastor, an experienced grandfather, was pulling out all the stops—goofy faces and exaggerated sneezing—and Henrik wouldn’t crack a smile. But it wasn’t because he was suddenly sullen or serious; he was exhausted.
What I had hoped was just a napless phase that he’d outgrow was catching up to him and choking his vibrant personality. We needed help. While Henrik was sleeping better at night, his daytime naps were becoming history. Over the past two months, his decent, if erratic, nap schedule had faded into two brief naps and then disappeared altogether.
Getting my son to fall asleep was never an issue; nursing or rocking soothed him easily. The problem was getting him to stay asleep once I set him down. As soon as I’d set him in his crib, his back would arch and he’d be choked up before he touched the mattress. “Nap time” had come to mean Henrik crying in his crib until my nerves couldn’t take it anymore, or him sleeping soundly on me.
I knew he needed to learn to soothe himself to sleep, but crying it out just didn’t seem to work. The longer I’d let him cry, the more he would work himself up. I knew sleeping on me wasn’t a good solution, but when I’d see the dark circles under his eyes and hear his voice husky from crying—and especially when he got his first cold—I just couldn’t let him cry anymore. He needed sleep. So I’d get comfortable with him on the sofa and hope a good movie was on cable.
We set off for our consultation with Dr. Weissbluth. After studying our son’s erratic sleep patterns, he recommended an earlier bedtime and regular wake-up times for my son. Dr. Weissbluth explained that Henrik was going to bed too late and wasn’t getting enough sleep at night. (Henrik usually fell asleep between 8:00 and 9:00 p.m. and woke up around 7:00 a.m.) This lack of sleep and a consistent schedule—as odd as it may seem—is what was keeping him from being able to cry himself to sleep during the day. He was too overtired to sleep! Dr. Weissbluth suggested a 7:00 p.m. bedtime and a 7:00 a.m. wake-up for the long-term goal, but said that we’d probably be looking at a 5:30 p.m. bedtime until Henrik’s napping got better.
Once Henrik was up in the morning, we were to stimulate him through walks, outings, and vigorous play. After that, a soothing period would precede his attempt at a 9:00 a.m. nap. I was to continue putting Henrik to sleep in my normal way (nursing and rocking) and then set him down in his crib. I was then to leave him alone for one hour either to sleep, cry, or a combination of the two.
Then, after his midmorning nap, we were to repeat the process for his attempt at a 1:00 p.m. nap (or earlier if no midmorning nap was taken). And then we’d go about our afternoon until it was time for the evening soothing. He asked us to chart our sleep data so we could clearly see Henrik’s progress.
When we got home, we played and played, and then I soothed Henrik to sleep. When I set him down for his afternoon nap, he cried. I said a quick prayer, told him I loved him, walked out, and closed the door on my wailing son.
As I walked down the stairs, I breathed in slowly, reminded myself that I was doing this for my son’s well-being, and hit the pause button on my emotions. I spent fifty-nine minutes emailing friends with one ear to the monitor to see if and when he’d stop crying. Didn’t work today, I was telling myself on the way back up the stairs. But by the time I got to his door, I realized he was quiet. He fell asleep after fifty-nine and a half minutes of crying. If I had gone up one minute sooner, I would’ve cheated him out of this accomplishment. We were on our way.
The midday nap was the first to get back on track. It took about a week for him to be able to go down at all without crying, and he was still only sleeping for a half hour at a time. But he was sleeping—and on a schedule! I used to think that because Henrik was an erratic sleeper, a sleep schedule wouldn’t work for him. Now I know that Henrik was an erratic sleeper because he lacked that schedule. While the idea of a schedule sounds limiting, establishing a schedule was the most freeing thing for our family. We are now able to make accurate plans instead of having to wait around and guess when our son would be ready to go.
The midmorning nap was more of a challenge. For two weeks he cried through his entire midmorning nap. It was difficult to put him down each day knowing he would cry, but his success in the afternoons, along with the giant hug I’d receive when I came to get my teary son, gave me the strength to keep going. Then one day he cried himself to sleep after just twenty minutes, and from then on he would stay sleeping after we put him down. It took two weeks for Henrik to get back to two naps a day, but he did it.
Despite Henrik’s sleeping for only thirty to forty-five minutes at a time, Dr. Weissbluth told us we should get him as soon as he woke up. He suggested we keep the 5:30 bedtime, which would naturally help lengthen his naps. Our days are now virtually tear-free.
My son is thriving on his new schedule. He’s back to his giggly, healthy, and well-rested self. Instead of being the sullen boy in church, he’s now the chipper angel who sings out loud with joy—with or without the rest of the congregation.
We had never been very consistent with Meg’s bedtime. We would put her to bed when she appeared tired (rubbing eyes, yawning), anywhere from 7:00 to 7:45 p.m., but occasionally even later. It usually took her between fifteen and thirty minutes of crying to fall asleep. I thought this was normal. She had always gone to bed rather late, and she had always taken a while to fall asleep.
At Meg’s 9-month appointment we asked Dr. Weissbluth about her night waking. He made a very simple suggestion. He told us that we should put Meg to bed twenty minutes earlier at night. He said that her night waking would disappear and she would still wake up at a normal hour in the morning. I told him that we had been putting her to sleep when she appeared tired, at around 7:30 p.m., give or take thirty minutes. He said that once she appears tired it is too late and she should already be in bed.
The first night we put her to bed at 6:45. We were very skeptical. We were sad to put her down so early when she seemed so wide awake and happy. She cried for about five minutes and then fell asleep, and with no night waking! The same thing happened the next night—about five minutes of crying and then asleep until morning. Sometimes she would wake up as early as 5:30, but we would give her a bottle and she would fall back to sleep, sometimes until almost 8:00!
It has been almost four weeks since our 9-month appointment. Bedtime is an absolute joy. Meg eats dinner, takes a bath, and is in bed about 6:30 p.m. Sometimes I hesitate to put her down so early when she seems to be in such good spirits, but she cuddles with her blanket and her doll, sucks her thumb, closes her eyes, and sleeps till morning. It’s the sweetest thing I have ever seen.
My friends and family look at me in disbelief when I tell them my 14-month-old daughter goes to bed around 6:30 on her own (without a bottle or rocking or crying) and sleeps soundly until 7:00 the next morning. The training exercise of putting the baby to bed drowsy but awake so they can learn self-soothing is the key. The crib, her bedroom, naps, and bedtime are a place and time of relaxation and enjoyment for our daughter and for us! No crying, no anxiety. I will admit it wasn’t always easy and there were trials and tribulations . . . but once you get over whatever humps are your challenges, it’s relatively smooth sailing. My experience this past year can be described as follows: 0–3 months is unnerving and exhausting, especially for the first-time parent; 3–6 months is anxious, wondering if you are doing the right thing; 6–9 months is more rewarding as you start to see your efforts really paying off; 9–12 months brings a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment; and 12 months and over makes all the training worth it.
At 18 months it became apparent that Anna was ready to make the transition from two naps to one, but would need some help because she fought the midmorning nap. We began, as Dr. Weissbluth suggested in his book, by gradually delaying the midmorning nap till 11:00 or so. Over a two-week window we were able to continue to push back the nap to sometime between noon and 1:00 p.m.
In his book, Dr. Weissbluth suggested an earlier bedtime to help prevent night waking or early-morning waking. Anna was going to bed at 6:30 p.m. and sleeping until 7:00 a.m., so we really questioned this theory. My husband and I agreed that Dr. Weissbluth’s advice has always been right on the money, so we decided to put her down an hour earlier. We feared that she would wake up at 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. after her usual twelve or thirteen hours of sleep. To our surprise, she awoke at 9:00 a.m., and she was in the most cheerful mood to date!
Family, friends, even strangers constantly tell us what a happy, cheerful child we have. The reality is that she is a very well-rested child.
When we met with Dr. Weissbluth, Jared, now 19 months old, was waking up every hour and a half to two hours during the night. He would have to fall asleep while we were walking and carrying him on our shoulder. When placed in the crib, Jared would awaken and abruptly “pop up.” He would only sleep in the bed “nest” we created for him on the floor of our family room. We endured three months of the night waking before we consulted Dr. Weissbluth.
We were instructed to place Jared in bed in an awake state between 6:00 and 7:00 P.M. in the evening and that we should leave him there until 6:00 in the morning. Our initial reaction was that Jared would carry on relentlessly when placed in his crib so early, and that the recommended approach was too strict and would never work. Much to our shock and delight, the first night we tried the new routine, Jared was asleep after five minutes of crying, and remained asleep for eleven hours, not waking until 5:30 the next morning. During the next two nights, Jared went to sleep on his own, with no episodes of crying. On the fourth night, he lay down in the bed with his favorite stuffed animal under his arm, as he has done since. Our baby was clearly overtired from going to bed at 8:30 p.m. and not being allowed to relax and go to sleep without interference. We never expected it to be so simple and provide such an immediate result. Jared wakes up happy, energized, and ready for a day full of adventures. Now, several months later, Jared is most happy when going to bed at 6:30 p.m., and will go to his bed himself if he is tired.
Hello,
Your book has been tremendously helpful. Our daughter is 13 weeks old and we put her to bed usually around 7pm, however no matter what she wakes up between 3-4am wide awake and alert. We feed her then promptly put her back to bed until she wakes us up (usually between 7-8am) again. We’ve experimented with earlier bedtimes here and there but the 4am wake up still occurs. Anything we are missing? Please help! Thank you.
You are blessed to have a child with great night sleep!
1. If your daughter is wet, soiled, hungry, or thirsty, continue to go to her. If not, consider extinction.
2. Circadian rhythms for night sleep begin to develop at 6 weeks and for day sleep, 3-4 months. Focus on naps. If she naps well and continues to have a reasonably early bedtime, the night waking will disappear.
3. If there are any external noises (from the street?) that awaken her, consider a white noise machine.
Sweet Dreams,
Marc
Dear Dr Weissbluth,
I was recommended your book after my sister-in-law trained her newborn son using your method to sleep through the night at 5.5 months of age.
Coming from India, I wasn’t even aware that there is something called sleep training, and there can be a predictable schedule for a baby. Your book was an eye-opener! Thank you! I have visibly seen my son’s sleep pattern progress the way you have outlined in your book. His night sleep consolidated somewhere around 7 weeks.
My newborn son (he is my first) is 10 weeks old. We stop all activity by 5:30 PM – 6 PM each day. He then has a small nap + feed + diaper change and then sleeps through the night from sometime between 7:30 PM and 8:30 PM each night till 6 AM – 7 AM, but wakes up for 3 hourly feeds. This isn’t an issue at the moment as it is an improvement from his 1.5 hourly feeds!
His daytime naps are a completely different story! I am not able to get him to sleep beyond 30 -45 minutes during the day (if i am lucky), some naps are just 10 minutes! This is even though I look for the sleepy signs within the 1-2 hour window and soothe him using method 2 per your book. What am I doing wrong?! I can feel him becoming more and more cranky as the day goes on, but I’m helpless trying to make him catch some shut-eye.
Having read your book, I’m waiting for the 4 month mark to slowly ease my son on a more predictable schedule. Is there anything I can do in the meanwhile to help him nap better?
Thanks a lot!
Please read the ‘Parents’ Reports’ section on Naps. Naps begin to become more regular and longer around 3-4 months of age and are highly organized by 6 months of age. Please be patient and naps will improve. The most common issue that messes up naps is a bedtime that is too late. Perhaps change nothing now. Or perhaps consider his drowsiness at 5:30-6:00pm to be his bedtime; talk to your sister-in-law about this. Maybe night sleep will start earlier, he will awake better rested in the morning, and naps will become fewer and longer. If this seems inappropriate now, consider it again in a few weeks. Let me know your thoughts and plans.
My 12month old has been having trouble with day sleep and consequently night sleep or vice versa for about 8 weeks now. He goes down easily for first nap between 9-930 and sleep about 1-1.5 hours. His second nap is a trouble spot. He may or may not take it. Often he will just spend 1-2 hours hanging out in his crib. He is not fussy or crying but he’s also not sleeping. Regardless of wether he takes this second nap or not he becomes intolerable abound 5-530. At 615 I start getting him ready for bed. He has a bath, I breast feed him and then lay him in his crib sometimes awake and sometimes asleep around 7pm. He has started night awakenings and early morning wakings. I need guidance. Is he ready for one nap later in the day? Help! I want my happy baby back!
Have you read about nap transitions in my book?
What do you think you did to cause this problem to appear about 8 weeks ago?
Our 17-week-old has been waking at 4 am for four weeks straight now. We have tried a 7pm bed time, a 6pm bed time, but he still wakes up right at 4am. He is also waking many times throughout the night. When he wakes at 4am, he is generally alert and sometimes cranky. He no longer wakes to eat in the night, and we feed him at 5:30am in order to leave for daycare. How do I get these 4am wake ups to stop?!
When are the common times that he appears ‘somewhat cranky’?
What is his usual nap schedule like at daycare and when do you enter your home with him from day care?
Is day care 5 days a week?
Thanks for the fast response!
He is fussy/cranky from 3:00-5:00 most days.
We just started daycare so they are still working on consistent naps, but as of now he has his first nap very briefly (20 minutes) in the car on the way to daycare, a 30-45 minute mid-morning nap, a 2-hour nap around noon, and again a brief nap (30 minutes) in the car on the way home from daycare. The brief car naps are not ideal but unfortunately, I have a long commute. I am hoping his daycare will begin to get him down for a nap as soon as I drop him off in the morning instead.
We return home around 4:00pm.
I should add, when he wakes at 4:00am we are able to extend his sleep until 5am while holding him. This is our desperate attempt to increase his sleep before a day of daycare. Crib sleep is unsuccessful after 4am.
Thank you again!
Because of his behavior between 3-5pm, you have to conclude that he is overtired. In part, this is because of his brief morning nap in daycare. For now, your goal is to walk in the house around 4pm, feed him, bathe and dress him, soothe him, and leave the room by 5pm for asleep time. Is this possible?
Hello! Responding back after a week of trialing this. We are able to get him down by 5:30pm at the latest most days. He goes down pretty easily and stays asleep until some point between 9-11pm, after which he wakes up hourly until 3:00 where he wakes up even more frequently. During those times we give him 3-5 minutes to self-soothe then attempt to soothe with a pacifier unless it’s been 15-20 minutes of attempts, after which we rock him.
We were not previously feeding him during these times, but after a stomach bug hit us last week and he needed overnight hydration we have attempted 1-2 bottle feedings per night. Sometimes this results in a longer stretch of sleep after his wakings, anywhere between 1.5-3 hours.
How do I know if he is truly hungry? He definitely takes the bottles and seems very interested in eating, but he almost never denies a bottle so we aren’t sure if he is actually waking due to hunger or not. We only do bottles if he is wide awake and alert or if those long periods of soothing don’t result in him falling back asleep. I feel like we are going about it the wrong way.
Is he hungry?
1. Pay attention to the suck-swallow pattern.
The hungry baby will initially suck-swallow, suck-swallow, suck-swallow and so on. Every suck is followed by a swallow. Later, there may be more swallows for every suck.,
The baby who is not hungry will initially suck-suck-suck-swallow, suck-suck-suck-swallow, and so on. Many sucks and few swallows. Sucking is soothing so your baby sucks but because your baby is not hungry or thirsty, there are fewer swallows.
2. Have the father offer a test bottle of expressed breast milk or formula once in the middle of the night. Pay attention to both the volume taken and the time required for a feed.
The hungry baby will quickly suck down 3-4 ounces or more.
The baby who is not hungry will slowly suck down only 1-3 ounces.
Is he still fussy/cranky between 3-5PM?
Please read and have your husband read the section on Extinction and Graduated Extinction in my book and tell me how you would like to proceed.
Hello Dr. Weissbluth,
Our son is 4 months old and is struggling with waking up at 5am and 6am every morning. He goes to sleep at 7:30pm and takes about 3.5-4 hours of naps. We have blackout shades, white noise and he is in a swaddle. Any tips on how to get him to 7am? Looking forward to your insight! Thank you!!
How is his mood and behavior between 5:30-6:30pm when he is alone with toys and not interacting with adults?
He does not like to be left alone!! Fussy. We stop naps by 5.
This tells you that his current 7:30pm bedtime is way too late. Please read the Blogs about drowsy signs (especially 115X) and the importance of early bedtimes based on drowsy signs for healthy sleep and healthy brain development.
Okay, we are going to try an earlier bedtime and the gradual extinction! Our naps have been between 3.5-4 hours per day, does that seem like a good target?
With more and better quality night sleep, expect the total nap time to be naturally less.
Dear Dr. Weissbluth,
Our daughter is 7 months old. We live in France. I have owned your book for 17+ years (since our oldest child was a baby), and early on with this new baby, I read it again and used it regularly as a resource. Our baby was a great sleeper for the first few months of her life. She quickly started sleeping long stretches at night, and would sleep a lot during the day ( close to 18 hours a day, around 3 months, and between 16 and 17 hours a day around 4 months of age). I had organized my life around her naps to protect her sleep, as it was very important to me, and life was peaceful with a baby who slept so well (except on certain exceptional days when for no apparent reason she would only sleep 45minutes on a given sleep cycle). When our daughter was close to 4 months, we took a trip to visit our oldest son in Germany, and her sleep routine was disrupted. She recovered fairly well on the back end through longer naps when we came back, although from that point on her sleep became a little more rocky. Then a couple of weeks later we took a family trip for a short vacation, and our precious little one’s sleep was disrupted again. From that point on, her sleep has been more erratic, and my many attempts at getting her more rested and back on a good schedule for naps have not proven fruitful in the long run. I have read and re-read the key chapters in your book, made several adjustments, tried different things… There were some improvements, especially tied to trying an earlier bedtime mid-May (6:40 to 6:50pm) and therefore cutting off the 3rd nap to achieve an earlier bedtime, but it did not last…. the greatest challenges have been with naps, which would only last 30 or 45 minutes (when they used to be at least 1 1/2 to 3 hours long!), and also with new night wakings, probably tied to the accumulated sleep deficit. We are in a vicious cycle that I cannot seem to break. I am exhausted. Again 2 days ago, I eliminated the 3rd nap to try an extra-early bedtime, which yielded a much better night (only one wake-up for a brief feeding around 2am and 12 1/2 hours of total night sleep), but the next day, our daughter only napped for 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the early afternoon, and then 30 minutes in the mid-late afternoon…. She is back on a vicious cycle of being exhausted and not able to get the naps she needs…. Today she cannot even fall asleep for her naps, she is so “wired”…. Her schedule has not changed though. I still put her in bed around 9am or roughly 2 hours after she woke up, and then again around 1pm or 2 to 2 1/2 hours after she woke up from her morning nap. Since her afternoon nap tended to be too short (45 minutes to a hour max at the best for the past month), I had to re-instate the 3rd nap, or she would be way to tired through the entire afternoon… and so bedtime tended to be closer to 7 or 7:30pm, with a spontaneous wake-up time between 7 and 7:40am. Whenever I can though, I try to put her in bed around 6:40pm, if the earlier naps permit. We definitely need some help. We have been struggling for well over 2 months now, and the whole family is affected. My older 2 children are now home from school for the summer, and desperately need some attention too – I cannot continue focusing all my energy and time on the baby, through the day and then being so fatigued from loss sleep at night. And in a month and a half, I am scheduled to start work back, part-time. Thank you for your willingness to help us.
“There were some improvements, especially tied to trying an earlier bedtime mid-May (6:40 to 6:50pm”
“Again 2 days ago, I eliminated the 3rd nap to try an extra-early bedtime, which yielded a much better night (only one wake-up for a brief feeding around 2am and 12 1/2 hours of total night sleep),”
“Whenever I can though, I try to put her in bed around 6:40pm, if the earlier naps permit.”
I think that your analysis and attempts are on target. To repay an accumulated sleep debt, please try a falling asleep time at 5:30pm (she is fed and soothed, lights off, you are leaving the room at 5:30pm) for only 3-4 nights and then send me a progress report. No new nap begins after 3:00pm but if she is asleep then from a nap that started earlier, let her sleep. Is this doable?
Would it be possible to provide a follow-up report?
Thank you so much Dr. Weissbluth for taking time to read my long post and offering your insight. I admit I have been afraid of trying the 5:30pm bedtime so often mentioned in your book, as I have enjoyed our daughter’s 7 to 7:45 am natural wake-up (which coincides well with our family life), and have been afraid she would start her day at 5 or 6 am if I put her in bed that early. That said, I will try what you recommend tomorrow (as it is already almost evening here in France), and keep you updated.
“To repay an accumulated sleep debt, please try a falling asleep time at 5:30pm (she is fed and soothed, lights off, you are leaving the room at 5:30pm) for only 3-4 nights and then send me a progress report. ”
Here is a brief report after 4 nights… 1st night in bed at 5:30pm, she fell asleep right away, then woke up after 30 minutes, cried hard, I had to help her go back to sleep, and finally at 6:30pm she was sound asleep again; that night she woke up at 10pm and then slept until 5:50am (great progress!), then went back to sleep after a brief feeding until 6:40am. So I would say the 1st night was a success, however the next day she slept only 30 minutes for each nap of the day and was extremely tired and cranky… Following night woke up at 8:50pm, 2:00am, 5:00am then 7:15am…. To fast-forward a bit, with a similarly super early bedtime over 4 days, we had roughly the same issue everyday, ONLY 30 minutes for each nap, lots of crying before the nap and upon waking up, a very fussy baby all through the day, and still many night awakenings very similar to the ones mentioned above. To be honest, by Tuesday morning, I felt like everything was worse than before. Our daughter has NEVER gone this many days in a row with only 30 minutes of napping 2 to 3 times a day, and never been this cranky all throughout the day for so many days in a row…. In the past, to break the fatigue cycle I would try to extend her naps through the use of the stroller, but now it is way to hot outside to do this throughout the day, and also I did not want to add extra dynamics to this trial, so that the report could be as easy to read as possible (child routinely put in her bed awake at nap time and night time).
Yesterday morning, seeing that our daughter was still in a vicious cycle of great fatigue, not improving, I modified my approach sightly: I let her go back to sleep after her wake-up/feeding at 6:15am and chose not to wake her up at 7 or 7:30am… she slept in until 9am!!! And then had a 1 1/2 hour nap early afternoon, around noon!!! That was such an encouragement. It looked like the cycle of fatigue had finally been broken… However, last night, many night wakings again and now a new thing: not able to go back to sleep after 5am!!! Was it a bad move to let her sleep in until 9am the morning before? Is it possible that what helped her so much yesterday during the day was detrimental to her night now?
I am seriously considering hiring a sleep coach. Do you still do consultations or do you know of a reliable sleep coach?
Or maybe I just need to be a little more patient, and persevere? Thank you so much for your help.
I am sorry that it did not work. With two older children home from school, I think contacting the Family Sleep Institute (I am an unpaid consultant for them and have absolutely no financial interest with them) for a recommendation for a Community Sleep Consultant might help.
After the first night, when the night sleep was improved, do you have any thoughts on why the next day’s naps were so brief? Light, noise, commotion, older siblings,..any change in nap routines? Just thinking it might give us a clue of what went wrong.
Thank you for the lead with the Family Sleep Institute. I checked their website and apparently they also have trained consultants in France! However, if you propose online or phone consultations as well, I would be more than happy to pay for your services (depending on the price of course).
Regarding the brief naps, after the 1st night of 5:30pm bedtime… the room was dark as usual, white noise machine on… I cannot think of any particular disturbance or change in nap routine. The only thing I can think of is that perhaps she went to sleep too late: after waking up around 6:40am that morning, she fell asleep a little before 9am, and perhaps she would have slept a lot better if we had put her down earlier? She was definitely sleepy around 8am… I really think she was just over tired, and it compounded.
Today after I wrote the naps were a lot better! She slept 1h and 20 minutes this morning (went to sleep at 8:20am after waking up soo early) and 1h and 45 minutes this afternoon (went to bed a little after noon)!!! So there is hope 😉
Let me ask you a brief question. In your book usually you recommend to keep the 9am morning nap and 1pm afternoon naps as targets, and in those instances where naps were too briefs, it seems that families continued with that routine, to keep in step with the biological rhythm of the child. In my situation, would you recommend putting the baby back to sleep after only one hour or one and a half hour of sleep in the morning, since she is so tired? Or waiting a minimum of two hours and trying to stay close to a 9am start of the nap? It seems that having only 30 minutes naps and trying to keep the rhythm of a close-to-9am nap, and a midday nap, our daughter became ever more tired the past few days.
Thanks again so much for all your help!
First, some general comments:
In well rested children, naps starting around 9-10am and 12-2 pm are in synch with biological rhythms and are most restorative.
In not well rested children, when attempting to help the child sleep better, by keeping the intervals of wakefulness short and avoiding the overtired state, the morning nap might start much earlier.
Now some specific comments:
“The only thing I can think of is that perhaps she went to sleep too late: after waking up around 6:40am that morning, she fell asleep a little before 9am, and perhaps she would have slept a lot better if we had put her down earlier? She was definitely sleepy around 8am”. YES!
Now, depending on the duration of that morning nap and her mood and behavior, the next nap time is quite variable, but again, the goal is to not let her get overtired. So a baby might wind up taking 3 naps that start before 3pm.
“Today after I wrote the naps were a lot better! She slept 1h and 20 minutes this morning (went to sleep at 8:20am after waking up soo early) and 1h and 45 minutes this afternoon (went to bed a little after noon)!!! So there is hope 😉”
So you might want to continue the original plan for a few more days with the additional focus on brief intervals of wakefulness during the day.
Read the section ‘The 5:30pm Rut’ in my book to understand why you might have soon a great sleeper but on a schedule that is not sustainable and will have to be slowly adjusted. I don’t want you to have any surprises!
How does this sound?
I am sorry but I do not do sleep consults.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
Thank you so much for all of this information that you have provided to us! I was hoping you could provide some advice with our 4.5 month old son. We started with the 5:30pm for 2-3 nights and it went well! Sleeping until between 3-5 to eat and then back to sleep for another 2ish hours. We have moved bedtime to about 6:15/6:30 and he did great the first few nights. We have noticed that he goes down fine but may be up 2-3 times for a binki in addition to the feeding. We are going to try the gradual extinction for those wake ups that are soothed with a binki. Should he also just stick with the 5:30 bedtime?
The key is to watch for drowsy signs, mood, and behavior between 4-5pm. Because naps vary a bit from day to day, sometimes 5:30pm will be perfect. Other days it will be a little later. Adjusting the bedtime to match his need to sleep will meant that the bedtime is not rigidly fixed to clock time. Thus begins the arc to healthy sleep and a happy family! Do you agree?
Okay! Until a couple days ago he had been taking on average a 1.5 hr, 2 hr and then about a 45 min nap. He’s been usually been getting up from his last nap around 4:15, we’ve been waking him so he has a couple hours of awake time before bedtime. But the past few days he has been having very short 30 min naps. I feel like we were on a roll then he’s regressing in both night and daytime sleep now 🙁
“He’s been usually been getting up from his last nap around 4:15, we’ve been waking him so he has a couple hours of awake time before bedtime.”
Waking a child from a nap might be part of a sleep solution, for example, establishing an age-appropriate nap schedule in an older child or establishing an earlier bedtime.
But waking a child from a nap without a sleep problem is likely to create a sleep problem.
At 4.5-5 months, naps are still developing and will settle into a more predictable pattern around 6 months of age. I would gently suggest you stop waking him from a nap and take a more naturalistic approach, when he has drowsy signs, sleep him. If he’s asleep, let him sleep. Watching him is better than watching the clock.
Now that I know that you are waking him from a nap, maybe my last comment to you was incorrect. Maybe he will do better with not waking him from his nap and a much later bedtime, for now.
Thank you so much Dr. Weissbluth, this is all very helpful!
I am hopeful that things are getting better. Last night was much better, with only 2 brief awakenings feedings and a total of almost 13 hours of nighttime sleep 😉 She is able to take her morning nap well again and sleep over an hour, however the past couple of days, she has not been able to fall asleep for her second afternoon nap, strangely (tried after roughly 2 hours of wake-up time, and she cried for over 30 minutes, tried again a bit later, same, and finally fell asleep at the 3rd nap’s time, but after 3:30pm…. oh well).
I looked for the section ‘The 5:30pm Rut’ in my book but could not find it – maybe it’s because I own the 2003 edition and you have updated it since?
Anyways, since she has been naturally sleeping until 7:30 – 7:40am the past couple of mornings and taking better naps, I have been able to put her in bed closer to 6:30pm/ 6:45pm, which hopefully will help me avoid the “5:30pm rut” 😉
Thanks again for your very valuable counsel.
I am hopeful and congratulate you on your continuing plan to help her sleep well. The 4th edition came out in 2015 and the 5th edition in 2021. A lot has been learned about children’s sleep since I wrote the 3rd edition in 2003!
Thank you so much Dr. Weissbluth. I guess I should look at the 2021 edition of the book then 😉
A brief question still: FOR HOW MANY DAYS is it advised to SUSTAIN THE 5:30PM BEDTIME, in order to see lasting improvement in the baby’s sleep (naps and night)? Maybe I moved on too fast from the 5:30pm bedtime after seeing some improvement? After 2 days of her not being able to sleep for her 2nd nap, then sleeping for a brief 3rd nap and going to sleep for the night closer to 6:30 or even 6:45pm, she is back to waking up many times at night and napping for only 30 minutes today (after lots of crying).
“Maybe I moved on too fast from the 5:30pm bedtime after seeing some improvement?” Because there are many variables, I can’t give you a specific response. But the general principle is that when you make a change to help your child sleep better, go slowly. Too many changes or making changes too quickly hinders your ability to determine whether your are actually helping her and if so, what might be working.
Thank you Dr. Weissbluth!
My 9 month old daughter is generally a good sleeper. She goes to bed around 6:30pm every night. She falls asleep on her own and rarely wakes. However, she gets up EVERY morning between 4:45-5:15am. She will NOT go back to sleep no matter what we do. She takes 2-3 naps per day.
Please describe her mood and behavior between 5-6pm when she is alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement).
Please describe a typical nap schedule.
She is generally very happy and playful from 5-6 when playing alone. Rarely fussy during this time unless she has had a bad nap day.
Naps are a usually 1.5 hours in the morning and then we deteriorate in the afternoon most days. Her afternoon nap can be anything from 30 min to 1.5 hours. If it’s short then we usually have to add a cat nap to get her to bedtime. But sometimes she refuses that 3rd one and she has to go to bed super early.
I will add she was a colic newborn.
How often does she have “a bad nap day”?
Your answer might support the following:
Even though her mood and behavior is fine between 5-6pm, because her afternoon nap is sometimes problematical, I would suggest:
Try a strict 5:30-6:00pm falling asleep time for 3 nights only (instead of “around 6:30pm”). Because of her age, do not allow a 3rd nap.
Monitor whether she falls asleep at this earlier time and her wake-up time. Do not assume that she will simply wake up earlier. She may or may not.
Monitor the duration and ease of her midday nap.
Report the details back to me after the 3 day trial.
Ok, so here is how it went for the past 3 nights.
night one:
asleep at 5:56pm
woke in the night from 12:17am-2:30am
woke for the day at 5:15am
day one:
nap 1: 8:45am-10:00am
nap 2: 1pm-2:30pm
night two:
asleep at 5:35pm
zero wake ups in the night
woke for the day at 5:15am
day two:
nap 1: 8:45am-10:10am
nap 2: 1:15pm-2:05pm
night three:
asleep at 5:50pm
zero wakes up in the night
woke for the day at 4:45am
day three:
nap 1: 8:30am-10:15am
nap 2: 1:05pm-1:50pm
Really not sure what to do here. Yes, she’s sleeping through the night, but she is still waking at 5:15am or earlier and now her afternoon nap is shorter than ever. I’m so lost about what to try next.
Thank you for your detailed response. I feel that you are frustrated with her early morning wake up and I suspect that my comments might be unsatisfactory for you, but I sincerely will try to help you help your daughter sleep better.
“My 9 month old daughter is generally a good sleeper. She goes to bed around 6:30pm every night.”
The fact that your daughter fell asleep before 6:30pm the last 3 nights is proof that the old 6:30ish bedtime was too late. By putting her to sleep earlier, usually, the total night sleep is longer and the child wakes up better rested and starts to nap better, which over time, maybe allows the bedtime to be shifted a little later, for example 6pm or 6:15pm , but maybe not 6:30.
“She gets up EVERY morning between 4:45-5:15am.”
Her wake up times the past 3 days was 5:15, 5:15: and 4:45am. The good news is that falling asleep earlier did not cause her to wake up earlier. Therefore, I advise you to stay the course while you monitor her afternoon nap and her mood and behavior between 4-5 pm to see if she becomes even more charming and delightful. “She is generally very happy and playful from 5-6 when playing alone. Rarely fussy during this time unless she has had a bad nap day.” Also, monitor whether the “bad nap days’ become less frequent.
“Naps are a usually 1.5 hours in the morning and then we deteriorate in the afternoon most days. Her afternoon nap can be anything from 30 min to 1.5 hours.”
For the past three days, her afternoon naps were about 90, 50, and 45 minutes. Your comment, “now her afternoon nap is shorter than ever.” is confusing to me. Please clarify.
If you continue with the super early bedtime, it appears that she will not get up even earlier, her afternoon nap will get longer, and when this occurs her bedtime might be a little later. But I cannot tell you whether this will take several days or weeks. A major potential problem with my advice is discussed in my book under the heading “The 5:30pm Rut” which I encourage you to read so you won’t be surprised and you will know how to deal with it if it occurs. By the way, would a white noise machine help her sleep in later in the morning?
I wish I could be more definitive or specific about what to do next but I would be very optomistic because she has great night sleep and great mood in the late afternoon/early evening. What are your thoughts.?
We will stay the course! Honestly, I think the afternoon nap will elongate just given all of these things and if the afternoon nap gets better and better and she is still getting great night sleep, maybe then the time will switch to a tad later than 5:15am. Fingers crossed. I’ll read that part in the book again and then report back in the future. Thanks for all the help!
Hello!
We have a 6.5 month old baby who is struggling in the middle of the night. He used to sleep from 6pm- 6/7am with a feeding between 4-5am. He is now up at 2am on the dot every night and will not resettle until he gets a bottle and then is usually up again before the morning. Do you have any advice? He usually takes 30-45 min naps 3 times a day. Thanks!
Please describe his sleep schedule (when he falls asleep and for how long).
He falls asleep between 6-6:15pm usually then is up at 2am almost on the dot. We try to soothe and let him cry for about 5 min at a time and then usually give him a bottle. He takes more than enough milk during the day but will stay take 5-6oz during this feed. Sometimes he will still be up before 6am.
Please describe his usual nap schedule and his mood and behavior between 4-6pm when he is alone (with toys but no screens or parental interaction).
He struggles to play independently most of the day no matter what haha but as long as he’s fed he’s happy at that time.
Based on his behavior and short naps, your goal should be a strict 5:30pm fall asleep time (you have finished all the bathing, feeding, soothing and are leaving the room at 5:30pm) for several days and monitor night and day sleep and mood and behavior. How does this sound? is it doable?
Is he able to be put down for sleep drowsy but awake?
Sorry I forgot to add the naps. His naps are about every 2 hours for 30-45 min, he takes 3 on average. It doesn’t matter the wake window he never takes longer naps than that. I go by his sleepy cues.
That sounds good! We will do the reset. He is able to fall asleep from being awake in the crib. 🙂
You might have to use the extra early bedtime for more than one night to restore his sleep debt.
Hi, Dr. weissbluth,
Our son is 14 weeks old and we have recently hit a lot of night wakings—I’m talking hourly sometimes starting an hour after bedtime. When we watch the monitor he seems to be trying to roll in his sleep and waking himself up (he is in a sleep sack). We have tried CIO for these wakings but he does not self settle. His current schedule is 6:30 wake, with 1-2 hour naps at 8:30ish, 12:00ish, and a short nap between 3:30 and 4:00, with a 6:30 bedtime. He gets 3-4 hours of daytime sleep.
This is a change: previously he was taking 4 naps and going to sleep at 7:30, with 4.5 hours of daytime sleep, but he stated shortening his naps, and fighting the last two naps so that bedtime was being pushed back, so we dropped a nap and moved bedtime forward. On his last schedule he was sleeping 6-8hour stretches.
Should we go back to the old schedule or will the wakings even out? Do you have any other recommendations.
Please describe his mood and behavior between 5-6pm when he is alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement).
Around 5:00 he has finished a bottle and is alert and happy with his toys (lots of movement and focus), after waking up from a nap around 4:15, by 6:00 he has slowed and we start bedtime routine. I know that your books says not to worry about the early bedtime, but I fear he might not tolerate over 12 hours in his crib for sleep.
I also usually try to cap him at about 3.5 hours of daytime sleep to prevent not being tired enough overnight. I know your book states that sleep begets sleep, but is there a limit to this, if we’re hoping to get 12 hours of overnight sleep. Is there a way to tell if he’s getting too much daytime sleep?
Did you do extinction as described in my book? Eliminating his third nap might permit an earlier bedtime and the better quality night sleep might eliminate the night wakings. Because of his age, I honestly don’t know if this will work but there is no harm in trying this for 3-5 nights. Let me know your thoughts.
Hi, Dr. Weissbluth,
We did try extinction without a cap, but he seemed to settle after 20 minutes, just to wake 20-40 minutes later and cry again. Last night I tried not capping his naps, but waking him from his evening nap at 4:30 to ensure a bedtime or 6:15-6:30, and he did sleep really well again. 6:30-2:30 (to eat) and then 2:30-6:00. I got him at 6:00 and extended his night sleep until 6:30 on me because we would prefer that wake up time. Is there a strategy to teaching this to wake up time?
His room was colder than usual at this time and he also only eats 4oz overnight because we don’t want dependence on night feeds. Should we change either of these things?
For now, do not let a new nap start at or after 3pm in order to get an early bedtime and feed him as much as he eagerly wants in the middle of the night. Circadian sleep rhythms develop over the first 6 months of life; please read about them from the Index citation in my book to understand that if you try to fight them (“we would prefer that wake up time”), you will lose.
Also, would the early wake up be because he got more day sleep than usual yesterday (4.25 hrs vs. 3.5 hrs)?
Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth,
We will make the changes and look at that section of the book. If his circadian rhythm is for a 6:00 wake time, I assume we will need to shift his naps throughout the day accordingly, to keep with 1-2 hour wake windows?
Please watch your child for drowsy signs and not the clock for ‘wake windows’.
Dr. Weissbluth,
My 15-week-old (born at 38 weeks) daughter’s naps only last 30-50 minutes if she sleeps in her crib. If we “save” the nap by picking her up and rocking her back to sleep when she starts to wake up, then we can get a lot more sleep out of her. We have been “saving” the naps for the last month. She usually takes four naps… 75 min, 90 min, 75 min, and 30-45 min. We wake her up from the nap if it’s going over these times because we don’t want her to sleep too much during the day, and she can sleep a lot if she is being held by one of us. We have also noticed over the past few weeks that her nighttime sleep has gotten worse. She has been going to sleep between 7 and 7:30pm every evening since she was 12-weeks-old. She used to only wake up between 3 and 4am. Now, she wakes up at 10/11pm, 2/3am, and 5/6am. We used to think it was because she was hungry so we would give her a bottle. Over the past few days, we have been able to soothe her back to sleep for 2 out of 3 of those awakenings, so we know it’s not because she’s hungry every time. Other possibly pertinent information: her morning wake up time is usually 6:45-7:15am, we soothe her to sleep at bedtime and then transfer her to the bassinet in our bedroom, she eats 28-32 oz of formula every 24 hours (8 of those oz being overnight), she’s awake about 75-90 minutes between naps, and she seems to be very reliant on the pacifier for sleep (even though she sometimes fights the pacifier if she goes down cranky). We are wondering what is causing the increase in nighttime awakenings and if we should be “saving the naps” or just letting her wake up from a nap after 30-50 minutes. We would really appreciate any advice you can provide to us!
Blog Post 84-86 explain why cumulative sleepiness, starting perhaps from 12 weeks of age, is the reason for the increase in nighttime awakenings. Does she have any self soothing skills? What exactly are your goals?
Hello Dr. Weissbluth,
Thank you for your responding so promptly!
Our goals are to get her to sleep through the night and for her to take longer naps on her own instead of us needing to extend the nap by taking her out of the crib and doing a contact nap with her. We have tried soothing by not taking her out of the crib and just replacing the pacifier and patting but it doesn’t seem to work.
I believe the pacifier is an issue because she gets upset if she drops it during a nap or over night, and she won’t calm down until it’s replaced, which happens all of the time. I’m wondering if we need to wean her from the pacifier. She puts her fist in her mouth a lot when she’s awake, so perhaps she can learn to suck on her fist or thumb to self-soothe because I don’t believe she has any self-soothing skills right now.
Thank you,
Elena
At 15 weeks of age, “I don’t believe she has any self-soothing skills right now.” is the problem, not the pacifier. Please read only the first few chapters in my book to understand how this came about and how I will help you help her sleep better. Let me know which sleep solution fits your specific family circumstances and your values and then we will go forward.
Hello again,
After reading chapters 1 and 2 (I have not yet finished chapter 3) in Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, it has become clear that we need to give our daughter the opportunity to learn how to self-soothe. We have tried putting her down drowsy but awake, but I fear that we have not done it enough and are too quick to pick her up to help her finish the nap if she starts to fuss or drops the pacifier.
We are open to trying extinction but are hoping to have a cap of one hour. Is this done only for nighttime sleep at her age (15-weeks-old, but born at 38 weeks)?
We are also considering an earlier bedtime of 6:30pm as she seems to have a natural wake up time of 6:45am or so… Is this advisable?
Thank you,
Elena
Can you seriously consistently commit to extinction for 3-5 nights? Will your husband support you and help out at night. Are you breast or bottle feeding at night?
Dr. Weissbluth,
Yes, we can seriously and consistently commit to extinction for 3-5 nights. I will
mention that my husband has offered to do extinction on his own with me out of the house at night as he is not as affected by the baby’s crying.
My husband is very involved and has been responsible for the majority of the nighttime awakenings and feedings since I am with the baby more often during the day. We are exclusively bottle feeding.
Thank you,
Elena
OK. Here we go. Start now with maximal involvement of father: soothing to sleep for naps and night when available. This is temporary.
The temporary falling asleep time is 5:30pm (you have bathed, fed, and soothed; you are putting him down hopefully drowsy but awake and leaving the room at 5:30pm). Extinction with 1-2 feedings, by the father, overnight and you do not “start the day” until 5-6am but you do not wake him if he is asleep then. Before the “start the day”, extinction is in place.
Read the section on the “Nap Drill’ for your attempt to get a major midmorning nap and mid-day nap +/- a third nap. All naps are in the cot/crib with ‘drowsy but awake’ as a goal. Do not wake him from his naps No new nap starts at or after 3pm. If he is asleep at 3pm, do not wake him.
Read the section ‘The 5:30 rut’ as a possible complication of the plan.
Keep a detailed record of sleeping and crying (mild, moderate, intense). In the future, with better naps, the bedtime might become a little later.
Does this help? Let me know how it goes.
Dr. Weissbluth,
Is it possible to improve her nighttime sleep with a 5:30pm bedtime and extinction before working on her naps? She is only awake for 1.5 hours in the morning before showing sleepy cues and going down for her first nap, so I imagine trying to get her to stay awake from 5/6am until 9am will be very difficult right now.
Thank you,
Elena
Yes. For now, you might follow the plan for night sleep but during the day, do whatever works to maximize sleep and minimize crying…but no new nap starts after 3pm to protect an early bedtime.
Thank you, Dr. Weissbluth. We will be implementing the plan starting today.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
Our son is 11 months old. He has previously been a good sleeper, averaging about 14.5 hours per day (3 hours of naps, 6:30-7pm bedtime). He recently was sick and it severely disrupted sleep. Now that he has recovered for about two weeks we are struggling with early wakes of about 5:15am. When he wakes, we are unable to soothe back to sleep and he seems quite happy and ready to play.
We experimented with moving bedtime earlier (6:15pm), moving it as late as 7:30pm, and most recently with restricting total nap duration to 2.5 hours per day. We also moved his naps slightly earlier to be in line with the biological rhythms as outlined in your book. (Previously he napped 9:30pm and 2pm, now doing 9am and 1:30pm and waking him up at 10:15am and 3pm).
Is it possible his total daily sleep needs have decreased to 13.5 hours? Is it time to move to one nap? His sleep latency is 5-15 minutes and he does not protest naps. He only shows tired signs of bedtime is moved past 7pm, so I really don’t think a later bedtime is the answer.
Thank you for any insight!
Please experiment with a 5-10 super-early bedtime of 5:30pm (he is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm) to repay a cumulative sleep debt. Expect 2 naps for a while.
Thank you Dr. Weissbluth. We have done 5:30pm bedtime for two days now and his early wakes continue, but I know it may take time. What should I be doing with naps now? Should I be capping at 3.5 hours of day sleep? Should I move his second nap earlier (e.g. to 1pm), so I can wake him at 3pm and he will fall asleep by 5:30?
Let him enjoy his naps! If the super-early bedtime produces long naps, then experiment with a slightly later bedtime. But go slowly. If he is asleep at 3pm from an earlier nap, let him sleep; no new nap should start after 3pm. Expect his naps to be mid-morning and mid -day based on drowsy signs, not clock times.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth, sorry to be back again so soon, but last night was so awful I just need some encouragement. Yesterday we did a 5:30pm bedtime again but he was awake from 11:30pm-3am. I tried all my tricks- feeding, soothing, rocking, leaving alone in his crib to cry it out for 10-15 minutes– nothing would work. No fever or signs of illness.
Yesterday he napped 9am-10:30 (nanny woke him at that time because I hadn’t seen your response) and he appeared still tired she said. He then napped 1pm-2:50pm and woke naturally in a good mood. We considered waiting until 6pm for bedtime because he was happy and playful but saw him rubbing his eyes x 1 at 5:20ish so moved forward with a 5:30 bedtime.
At 11 months of age, how do you feel about graduated extinction or extinction?
We did graduated extinction when he was much younger- like 4 months old- with good results. I prepared emotionally for about a week, reading your book and reminding myself sleep was important, etc. Last night I tried leaving for 15 minutes and doing checks but it escalated him further when I would come back in. I would then soothe/rock/feed and attempt again for 15 minutes. I don’t think emotionally I would be okay with letting him cry more than a half hour.
Please make your husband read and please reread yourself the Chapter on Sleep Solutions and choose one that comports with your values. Let me know and we will go forward.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
Thanks for all your work. We have a 12 week (9 age adj) who sleeps 8-11 hours solid through the night, but has recently started napping poorly in the day. Sometimes it takes us 1 hr to get her down for a 20 minute nap, and she screams the minute we walk into our room to begin nap routine and swaddle her.
Her bedtime is variable but the earliest we’ve tried is 7:45. If we are too late we know because it will take 1-2 hours to get her to sleep. We know she is in a deficit because she’s often crabby and fussy during the day.
One other note is that she’s in a low weight percentile so we wake her during the day if any nap reaches 2 hours or so to ensure she eats enough.
My questions:
– should we just default to contact naps for now to get her enough daytime sleep? It’s frustrating to spend all that time soothing and re soothing knowing we’re losing out on precious nap time since she contact naps very easily and solidly.
– should we let her nap as long as she wants and do more night feedings to make up the calories?
– should we try a 5:30 bedtime? We follow sleepy cues but it often seems she treats any sleep between 6-8pm as a nap instead of bed.
Thanks in advance – we really want to do the work to get her the sleep her body and brain need!
Before considering sleep, I need more specific information about her growth:
She was born at 37 gestational age; is she following her growth curve or falling off her growth curve?
Does she ever get a bottle of expressed breast milk or formula?
When did you notice: “but has recently started napping poorly in the day.” ?
She is following her curve and we combo feed about 6oz-8oz of formula per day plus breast milk in bottles.
She started napping poorly about 2 weeks ago when we were on a trip (lots of contact naps from Grandma!) so we were worried we got her in the habit but knew she needed to sleep so tried any way we could get it.
Also worth noting she sleeps in a Snoo at home and we rented one on the trip for consistency.
She was born 36w6d and we’ve always been a little unsure how “late preterm” affects her sleep since her other developmental milestones seem more aligned with those of a 12 week old (can roll from tummy to back, strong neck muscles, good eye tracking, etc)
Term is 37-42 weeks. At 46 weeks post-conceptual age, all babies need an earlier bedtime. The failure to do so always, eventually, leads to sleep problems. Please read the Blog Posts on ‘Drowsy Signs’ and move her bedtime much earlier, maybe even 5:30pm for a while. Keep the intervals of wakefulness between naps brief and do not expect a nap pattern to emerge until about 3-4 months of age. Stop all contact naps and attempt to put her down drowsy but awake and then leave the room. Read the recent Blog Post on the Snoo.
How does this sound?
Because she is following her growth curve and has the opportunity to take a bottle, feed her whenever she is hungry as much as she eagerly sucks, but do not wake her to feed her.
Is your breast milk production ample?
Thank you for your help!
It is clear from your drowsy signs post we are putting her down when she is fatigued, as her only observable cues are red eyes and jerky movements. We will attempt to look for earlier drowsy signs, but I am thinking fussiness may be the only one and here we thought that’s because she wanted a new activity, since she often calms when we move her from her play mat.
Do we need to worry at this age that her wake windows are so short? It seems like they might be 45-50 minutes, including feeding, but I’m guessing they will lengthen as she is better rested?
Re: the Snoo, makes sense. Would your recommendation be to stop using the motion feature? We have a sound machine and dark room. And when you suggest walking out, should we go back in to soothe at all if she cries or try graduated extinction?
My milk supply is good enough, we added formula for more calories and to help reduce some of the burden of pumping (which is especially challenging to keep pace with when she is requiring so much effort to put down to nap and then not sleeping long!)
5:30 bedtime here we come!
“Do we need to worry at this age that her wake windows are so short? It seems like they might be 45-50 minutes, including feeding,…” Completely age-appropriate.
“but I’m guessing they will lengthen as she is better rested?” Absolutely correct!
“And when you suggest walking out, should we go back in to soothe at all if she cries or try graduated extinction?” Follow your heart for now but try to be discriminating (is a mild, moderate, or intense cry?; does she sometimes or never self-soothe; is the first nap of the day different from the last nap?). A little trial and error is expected here.
How does this sound? Let me know how it goes.
It sounds good, thank you again! A few follow ups:
Even if we caught her “in time” while trying today during naps, it seems like she cries for a while and then isn’t soothable – has all the crying caused her to reach an overtired state? (About 20min we noticed, going in at 5-7min intervals to soothe). And if so, should we try to soothe her more or give up on the nap?
She is a distracted eater which is eating (ha ha) into her wake windows – sometimes it will take her 30 minutes or more to finish a 4oz bottle. That’s making it hard for her to get any wake time beyond eating and us to see her early cues. Any tips for helping with that? Feeding her in the dark room, perhaps?
Update: we put her down, drowsy (we got a yawn!) at 5:40pm. She didn’t protest the swaddle (victory!) and stayed calm for 22min. I’m not sure, but don’t think she slept. She was hungry so we fed her and she immediately seemed tired so we put her back down, again with no protest. However, that was short lived and we’ve been trying to put her down ever since – only succeeding finally at 8:40pm when she slept for 30min and then she was up screaming so we gave her a 4oz bottle which she eagerly chugged. It is now 9:50pm – would value your thoughts on what we’re missing or how we might avoid 5 hours of attempted bedtime moving forward! It seems she has no self soothing skills, probably since we’ve been rocking her to near sleep every time given we didn’t fully understand what drowsy but awake meant. :-/
I know this doesn’t sound very positive, but “Update: we put her down, drowsy (we got a yawn!) at 5:40pm. She didn’t protest the swaddle (victory!) and stayed calm for 22min. I’m not sure, but don’t think she slept. She was hungry so we fed her and she immediately seemed tired so we put her back down, again with no protest.” this initial calm period is a good thing, even though it didn’t last.
Please be patient, she will need a few more days to begin learning some self-soothing.
If she eagerly consumes 4 oz., then offer more.
What are your thoughts about extinction or graduated extinction for night sleep?
It is now 11:45 and she’s still fighting us on sleep and wanting to eat every few hours. This is new given she was sleeping long 9-11 hour stretches. But I’m not sure how we’re ever going to break the over tired cycle during the day, especially if she is refusing night sleep all of a sudden. We are on board with extinction or graduated, whichever is most appropriate given her adjusted age!
Extinction should quickly help her get better night sleep and that will, in turn, help her sleep during the day.
Please read and have your husband read about extinction in my book.
It will work quickly if, and only if, you have an early bedtime (because she is over tired, I suggest 5:30pm)
Because of her age, your focus is on night sleep for now; temporarily, do what ever you can to maximize day sleep and minimize crying-even holding her for naps.
Try to have no new nap start after 3pm.
Keep a written record of sleep and crying.
Don’t try this unless you can commit to a 3-4 day trial and your husband is on board.
We were able to get about 5 hours of naps today (3 in the bassinet, which is a huge improvement!) We followed her drowsy cues all day and she’s barely had much in the way of wake windows except to eat, which we assume is because she’s so over tired.
However, we’re unsure how to hit the 5:30pm bedtime. She showed major drowsy cues right around 4pm, so we called an audible and decided to give her another nap since it seemed there was no way she’d make it even close to 5:30 without being very over tired.
Should we have turned that into bedtime, even if it was 4pm? Given daylight savings, we stopped the nap at 5 (6pm her body time).
Also, if tonight goes similarly to last night, do you suggest we keep trying to soothe her every time she wakes, or only do it a certain number of times before pulling her, feeding her and waiting for her cues to go back to bed?
Thanks again!
The earlier the bedtime, the better.
Have you mad a decision regarding extinction or graduated extinction?
Hi Dr. Weissbluth. I’m a big fan of your book!
I was confused about something regarding 6 week olds. I remember I read about there being an earlier bed time. But also about them “sleeping through the night” when going to sleep around 11 pm and sleeping until around 5 am. Which one should I aim for at this age?
My daughter is 6 weeks. I get confused about the concept of a bed time because she still seems to just sleep and eat and is up for only a bit besides that. So she’s basically always napping right before I theoretically put her to sleep for the night. I usually just declare it night time when I go to sleep – somewhere between 8-10. But I’m not sure why it’s different than her other “naps” during the day. Besides the fact that she usually does a 4 hour or so sleep stretch whenever I go to sleep as well.
“I read about there being an earlier bed time.” True. Yes, in my book.
“But also about them “sleeping through the night” when going to sleep around 11 pm and sleeping until around 5 am.” False. No, not in my book.
Blog Posts 9, 83, and 115X will tell you what to look for in choosing an earlier bedtime.
Dear Mr.Weissbluth,
thanks for all the great advice in your book. I read the sections for 1-4 months old ones several times but I am a bit unsure if I got it right.
My daughter is a bit more than 4 weeks old and is a common fussy/easy baby. She usually falls asleep easily and only complains when she is hungry/in pain/dirty diapers. I am currently (only) focusing on keeping the wake up phases brief (1-2 hours). I realized that she already started to be asleep most of time after 5/5:30pm. I tried several times to put her down into her crib (already asleep or drowsy but awake) in
the evening and for naps during the day. After a few minutes she is awake again and starts crying. As I learned in your book that I shouldn’t let her cry at this young age and we should only start with extinction/gradual extinction etc. once she is six weeks or older, I normally rush into her room and try to soothe her back to sleep. She usually falls asleep again once she is close to my wife or me (body contact). She doesn’t care if we watch TV or if there is light/noises around her – she would sleep on our arms. She just needs to be close to us. Could we already try to put her in the crib (when drowsy but awake) and let her cry max. 5-10
minutes to see if she can already learn to self soothe ? Or is that too early and we should wait for further steps until she is six to eight weeks old ?
Thanks for a short answer, we really don’t want to harm our daughter.
Please tell me where in my book you read this:”As I learned in your book that I shouldn’t let her cry at this young age and we should only start with extinction/gradual extinction etc. once she is six weeks or older”
You can change your behavior now to promote self-soothing and the section on Sleep Solutions plus Blog Posts 67, 71, 133, and 211 document why no harm occurs.
Please read Blog Posts 105-107 and 145 and tell me your thoughts.
Thanks for your post. Please see Months 1-2 “Four sleep training strategies: when to try” page 211 in the book “healthy sleep
habits, happy child”-> “at six to eight weeks of age if you have to return to work or you are totally exhausted”. There was also one sentence saying “Do not let her cry, soothe her whenever needed” but I was not able to find the exact page again. That’s why I concluded that you can only start with extinction after six to eight weeks of age.
Reading through the blogs/pages you recommended I would try the following:
– Place in her crib once drowsy but awake (keep the time where she is awake to maximum 1-2 hours). If she cries I would wait 5-10 minutes before entering back to the room and soothe her (use method A). I would make sure in any case that she is not hungry and has a clean diaper.
– I would start with that during the naps at day time.
– She sleeps for now in a bassinet in our room. If she wakes up during the night, we will feed her and change diapers if needed. We will then place her in her bassinet and let her cry if needed.
– Bed time routine: I would start the bed time routine 6:30-7 pm (she is anyways most of the time asleep after 5:30pm) and place her in her crib drowsy but awake.
Are 5-10 minutes of crying too less before going back to the room and soothe her ? What would you recommend ?
Please let me know if any adjustments need to be done.
Thanks !
Here’s some guidelines to promote self-soothing:
1. Start Early. Start the day you come home from the hospital. It’s never too early to start. But there is no sleep schedule. The longest single sleep period is brief and it is randomly distributed around the clock. Mothers do not get any long sleep periods.
2. Many hands. Get Father on board. More people doing the soothing to sleep makes your baby more adaptable. Mothers get breaks.
3. Many naps. Brief intervals of wakefulness between naps, maybe sometimes only 30-60minutes. Use the crib for naps.
A. 2 hour rule: The period of wakefulness is always less than 2 hours.
B. Brief intervals of wakefulness prevent Pre-sleep Arousal (Blog Posts 171, 172, 204).
C. No Pre-Sleep Arousal means it is easier to fall asleep and stay asleep; that is, Sleep Begets Sleep (Blog Post 173).
4. Drowsy but awake (Blog Posts 83 and 115X). Don’t overthink this If colic is present, wait until 2-4 months. Drowsy signs signal the beginning of your soothing your child to sleep.
5. Leave the room after putting baby down to sleep (Blog Post 16).
6. Ignore non-distress sounds (Blog Post 11) at night.
7. Increase ‘cry tolerance’. When your baby makes non-distress sounds or very quiet crying and you think your baby is not wet, soiled, hungry or in distress, delay your response 5-10 seconds to see if your baby settles back to sleep unassisted. It is best to have a very brief delay in the response. Try ‘Reappraisal’: While listening to the crying, repeatedly, tell yourself, in your mind or aloud, that the crying is not serious and the baby is not sick nor hurt, rather they are learning to self-soothe. (Blog Post 205).
8. Use low intensity soothing in the middle of the night (Blog Post 145). Don’t pick up or use feeding to soothe.
9. Bedtime routines, every night if possible (Blog Post 10).
A. No screens one hour before and during bedtime routine (Blog Posts 21, 22, and 96).
B. Be emotionally available during the bedtime routine (Blog Posts 17, 57, and 90).
Regarding e
Regarding extinction:
What edition are you looking at; because I could not find this quote on page 211. Extinction is safe and effective at very young ages but any parent might feel more comfortable doing it when the child is older. I think you are doing very well and the duration of crying that you ignore is based on your feelings and the crying intensity and whether it is continuous or intermittent. Please remember that peak fussiness/crying is around 6 weeks corrected age so no mater what, there may be more of this behavior over the next week or so; then it disappears.
Does this help?
This is the 17th edition of the book I have. It is a text in bold letters just before you describe the extinction, graduate extinction, check and console etc. I hope you are able to find it now.
Thanks yes it is very helpful. I will get back to you as soon as I have started and face some challenges.
Thank you. You are reading the 17th printing of the 3rd edition (published in 2003). Since then, it has become clear that extinction is safe and effective in younger children. Please look at Blog Posts 105-107. The 5th edition (published in 2021) might be more useful because it contains more current information.
Thanks I will look into these new editions. I sticked to the recommendations you mentioned in the previous post with the 2hour wakefulness window as being the most import one. She sleeps a lot and falls asleep fast after a bit of soothing. I am struggling though to put her in the crib during the day to sleep. She fell asleep in the crib in some cases (drowsy but awake or already sleeping) but always wakes up after maximum 10 minutes. She starts crying and seems to be distressed, intensity of crying increases, she moves her arms and legs, she swallows air and hiccups. I picked her up, soothed her again and laid her down – same happened as described above. After repeating this for 4 times she slept 30 minutes in the crib. Should I continue doing that or only try it 1-2 times as she risks to get overtired (2 hour rule)?
She sleeps 3-4 hours stretches after 5pm, nights get busy around 3-5:30am as she continuously wakes up every 20-40 minutes, wants to be fed/get her pacifier/dirty diapers. My wife is breastfeeding her and she sleeps next to us during the night. We already start her bedtime routine around 5/5:30pm as she tends to sleep long stretches afterwards. We begin the day between 5-6am with bright light. (Our daughter is 5 weeks old now). Is there anything else so we can help her sleep in her crib ? She has no similar issue with the stroller, if we go for a walk 20 minutes and park the stroller in our house afterwards – she could sleep another 2 hours in there.
Thanks again
Please clarify:
What are common intervals of wakefulness before a nap?
At night, “…she sleeps next to us during the night.” Is the crib or co-sleeper next to your bed (different surface) or are you co-sleeping (family bed) on the same surface?
– Sleep intervals: if she doesn’t fall asleep by herself we start to soothe her back to sleep after being awake for 1-1,5h. That normally works but as previously mentioned if we try to lay her down in the crib she is awake after 10 minutes.
– Family bed: co sleeping in the same bed
Thanks
“What are common intervals of wakefulness before a nap?” When she awakens from a nap, how long is she usually up before you attempt another nap?
It can vary from 15 minutes to 2 hours. A common interval of wakefulness is between 1-1,5h. Sometimes she is very cranky after a nap and we directly decide to soothe her back to sleep.
To enhance naps, please reduce the common interval of wakefulness (1-1.5hours) by 10-15 minutes to perhaps reduce pre-sleep arousal.
Please read Blog Post 82 and information about co-sleepers and share your thoughts with me.
We read the blog post and the section in your book. As co sleeping can have an impact on more frequent night awakenings it makes sense to move her to a bassinet. We tried to put her back into her bassinet during the night but she either wakes up or can’t settle. If we let her sleep with us, she is calm and falls asleep on her own. It is a bit frustrating. Same happens during the day for naps, even if we reduce the wake up time. If we are lucky she will sleep in her crib for 30-40 minutes but this happens rarely. We will try again in the next days & weeks and hope she will accommodate to the crib/bassinet. Thanks for all the advice !
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
It’s been a few months since I last asked your advice. You recommended a temporary early bedtime of 5:30pm which worked great, my daughter was overtired and need this early bedtime. Her naps however, are still a struggle. She is currently 9 months (will be on January 15th) and taking two naps a day. They are very inconsistent, and I am afraid that she is not getting enough day sleep, and that the short naps are leading to early morning wakings. I have provided the schedule from the past few days and I was wondering if there is something that can be improved on. I have attempted the nap drill as you suggested, but for the naps where I let her stay in her crib for an hour, she just cries very hard. Going in to sooth her just escalates the crying. I’m wondering if she should go back to three naps in the meantime to allow her to have a slightly later bedtime and a slightly later (6am) morning wake up? I am also worried that her total sleep is not enough. Would you have any suggestions on how I can lengthen her naps and allow her a slightly later bedtime so that she can sleep until at least 6am?
January 6
Wake 6:30am
Nap 1 in crib at 9:20am; Asleep from 9:23am-10:10am (47 minutes)
Nap 2 in crib at 1:35pm; Asleep from 1:38pm-2:24PM (46 minutes)
Bed at 6pm; asleep from 6:03pm-6:15am (12hrs 12)
January 7
Wake 6:15am
Nap 1 in crib at 9:01am; asleep from 9:01am-9:40am (39 minutes)
Nap 2 in crib at 1:37pm; asleep from 1:40pm-2:40pm (1 hr)
In bed at 6:09pm’ Asleep from 6:20pm-5:38am (11hrs18)
January 8
Wake 5:38am
Nap 1 in crib at 9:09am; asleep from 9:13am-10:49am (1hr36)
Nap 2 in crib at 2:11pm; asleep from 2:11pm-2:55pm (44 minutes)
In bed at 6:27pm; asleep from 6:34pm-5:43am (11hr 9)
January 9
Wake at 5:43am
Nap 1 in crib at 9:03am; asleep from 9:06am-9:42am (36 minutes)
Nap 2 in crib at 1:18pm; asleep from 9:20pm-2pm (40 minutes)
in bed at 6:09pm; asleep from 6:18pm-5:30am (11hrs12)
January 10
Wake at 5:30am
Nap 1 in crib at 9am; asleep from 9:02am-10:23am (1hr21)
Nap 2 in crib at 2:07pm; asleep from 2:10pm-3:07pm (57 minutes)
in bed at 6:59pm; asleep from 7:10pm-5:30am (10h20)
January 11
Wake at 5:30am
Nap 1 in crib at 9:04am; asleep from 9:05am-9:45am (40 minutes)
Nap 2 in crib at 1:52pm’ asleep from 1:54pm-2:32pm (38 minutes)
in bed at 6:09pm; asleep at 6:13pm
Please describe in detail her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) between 4-6pm.
Thank you so much for your quick response. It’s very hard to tell most of the time because I’m always preoccupied with picking up her brother from daycare and dinner time, but when I think about it, either my son entertains her or my husband has to pick her up and occupy her between 4-6pm. Tonight I did noticed just before 5pm she was starting to complain.
I will help you, but first read carefully Blog Posts 83 and 84-86 and tell me what you think my advice will be.
I just wanted to clarify that my husband has to pick her up at some point between 4 and 6pm because she starts to get fussy. That happens normally after 5. Prior to that she normally plays well and seems very happy and active.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
After reading the blog posts you suggested, I realize that I am missing her drowsy signs and only notice her fatigue signs. I will try to focus more on recognizing her early drowsy signs and begin to soothe her. I do find it difficult to notice these signs so I will also try to keep a record of her wakeful period and note when she begins to cry and shorten the interval of wakefulness a little at a time until she no longer cries/shows fatigue signs.
Excellent!
I suggest a few days only of a rigid 5:30pm falling asleep time (she is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5;30pm) to repay her sleep debt from cumulative sleepiness. The expectation is that her naps will improve and then the bedtime will be a little later (maybe 5:45 or 6PM) but a few minutes too late consistently over many nights will cause cumulative sleepiness again and messed up naps or night sleep.
Is this helpful?
Yes that sounds great!
Do we still stick with a two-nap day? If she wakes up at 5:30am let’s say, and I notice her drowsy before 9am do I let her sleep before then or should I push her nap until 9 in order to stick with the midmorning nap and mid-day nap?
The earlier bedtime will erase early morning drowsiness so yes, gently try to get a nap around 9am and mid-day.
Prefect, thank you very much, I appreciate your guidance!
My one year old is having a lot of trouble falling asleep at bed time. He wakes up at 7am, 1st nap at 10am (1 hour) and 2nd nap is around 3pm (1 hour), then bedtime is between 8 to 8:30pm. I actually met with a sleep consultant who is really against wake windows (3/4/4 is what my son is on) and suggests I do 9am and 1pm for nap times with no hard caps for the second nap. This seems to fall in line with what you propose for babies. I’m worried that my son will be under tired with such short wake windows, as she suggests I rely more on sleepy cues. What are your thoughts?
Please describe his mood and behavior when alone with toys (np screens or parental interaction) between 4-6pm and between 1-3pm.
Please describe the sleepy cues that you observe?
Sleepy cues: rubs eyes, yawns, buries nose in our chest, a bit more irritated/fussy
Behavior/Mood:
Between 1-3pm – Pretty happy as well around this time when playing with toys. He does look for me a lot (just to sit beside him or read books), so I wouldn’t say he’s without parental interaction that often.
Between 4-6pm – He is very needy when he first wakes up for about 30 minutes (different than waking up from 1st nap), then can happily play toys by himself.
Let me know if you need more detail, interesting question about behavior/mood.
“Sleepy cues: rubs eyes, yawns, buries nose in our chest, a bit more irritated/fussy…Between 4-6pm – He is very needy when he first wakes up for about 30 minutes”
Please carefully read Blog Posts 83 and 115 X to fully understand why his bedtime is too late causing presleep arousal (Blog Posts 159, 171, 172, 204) which causes him difficulty in falling asleep at bedtime.
What do you think I would suggest?
From reading the blog posts, I’m going to take a wild guess that we are past the drowsy stage and we have been putting him to bed when he is actually showing signs of fatigue (didn’t even know there was this difference). As such, he is having a difficult time falling asleep. What I think you may propose is to carefully watch his behavior and put him to sleep when I start seeing drowsy signs. And also push bedtime earlier.
What I’m unsure about and hope you can respond to: should I still aim for the 9am and 1pm nap times as proposed by my sleep consultant? I tried putting my son to bed earlier today and he was fully awake and not tired; taking around 25 minutes to eventually fall asleep (his wake time is 7am).
Second question is, capping naps, what is your opinion on that? Since he is more needy after the second one, perhaps I should just let him sleep as long as he needs?
To repay his sleep debt, temporarily, for just a few nights, don’t let a new nap start at or after 3pm and put him down consistently at 5:30pm (he is bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm). He will have better quality and perhaps more night sleep from the earlier bedtime but maybe wake up before 7am.
He will wake up better rested and be more able to take a nap around 9am. The second nap starts between 12-2pm, based on drowsy signs.
After a few days of napping well, the bedtime is now based on drowsy signs.
Because we do not know how he will be napping, we do not know what the new bedtime will be.
In the months to come, he will transition to a single mid-day nap and then again, temporarily or permanently, the bedtime might have to be 15-30 minutes earlier.
How does this sound?
I’ve tried it out and an early bedtime has done wonders! He now falls asleep pretty quickly and can sleep through the night (hooray!). Naps are a hit or miss, it takes him longer to fall asleep (seems super energetic) so we probably need to practice reading his drowsy cues better. Overall, we are seeing less fussy baby behavior after naps. I think it will probably take a few more days to adjust, thank you so much for helping us out.
And before I sign off, what are some signs to watch out for re: readiness for transition to 1 nap?
As described in my book, there is much variability in how and when children transition from two to one nap. But it is always easier when the child is well rested from an earlier bedtime. If you were helped quickly, please consider writing a narrative report of your sleep adventure and I would use it for a Blog Post because many parents do not believe that an earlier bedtime will help a lot and therefore, they resist making the change. Parents would be more attuned to your voice than mine. If so, the more details, the better.
Hi Mr Weissbluth. We would like to share an update regarding our daughter. She is almost 10 weeks old.l now.
– We established a bed time routine 5.-5.30pm which works well. She sleeps 2-3 hours and self soothe if she wakes up.
– Her wake up time is 5:30am.
– we stick to brief interval of wakefulness (we watch her drowsy signs carefully). She is usually tried after 1hour of wakefulness. She yawns and doesn’t want to play anymore.
– Soothing process: We are rocking her for 5-10 minutes, having white noise on and singing a bit. Her eyes are normally already closed. When we lay her down, she usually moves a bit around but then falls asleep. We only leave the room once we get the impression that she is not distressed.
– Here are our 3 challenges where we would like to seek your advise:
– 1. There are times where she stays asleep for 1 hour and we can easily lay her down (mostly the first 2 naps). But there are also other times where she wakes up after 10 minutes and we need to pick her up and soothe 3-4 times. Her crying increases if we don’t react in that, she seems to be distressed. This is very difficult as we have a toddler and mum is alone day time. Should we let her cry for 5-20 minutes so she calms down herself (no intervention) ?
– She drinks every 2-3 hours, if my wife is lucky 3-4 hours during the night. She becomes fussy between 2-3am where she wants to breastfeed a lot and refuses to take a pacifier. She wakes up every 20 minutes and can’t soothe herself.. What should we do in these cases ? Should we let her cry after 1x feeding ?
– We are not sure if we misunderstand the concept of drowsy but awake. Our daughter has her eyes already closed and is very calm when we lay her down- should we try to lay her down a bit earlier to avoid she is already asleep ?
Thanks
“There are times where she stays asleep for 1 hour and we can easily lay her down (mostly the first 2 naps).” Because she awakens well-rested from night sleep, her morning naps are easy. Experiment with shortening the interval of wakefulness by 10-15 minutes, especially for the later naps to see if all become easier to obtain. If you wish, if there is quiet fussing/crying, you could ignore it for a brief period to see if she can self-settle. When parents have good timing, drowsy signs might not be very apparent, especially in very young infants.
How does this sound?
Does she take a bottle of expressed breast milk or formula?
Thanks for your reply. Our daughter is now almost 12 weeks old.
Unfortunately she doesn’t take the bottle anymore. Although we tried to give her one bottle every 24 hours, she started to protest the bottle last week. She doesn’t want to drink from it and cries hard.
She naps better now so that we can lay her down after minimal soothing during the day. She sleeps 45-60 minutes and is happy when we pick her up. We tried to follow your advice and shortened the period of wakefulness. In general this works well until 3pm (she should normally sleep 30 minutes before she is off to bed between 5:30-6pm) – But she doesn’t want to sleep during this time and protests a lot. We decide in these cases to start the bedtime routine earlier, around 5pm.
The real big problem are the nights for us. We couldn’t yet manage to transition her in the crib, so she sleeps with us in the family bed. She normally sleeps 3-4 hours after 9pm which is great. Unfortunately before 9pm and especially after 2am she wakes up almost every hour and is fussy. In most cases she is really hungry and is not satisfied with the pacifier. We are wondering what we are doing wrong and how we can help her to sleep longer hours. Is there a rule of thumb we can follow in terms of how often we should feed her during the night ? Should we transition her to a crib first as this could be one driver for more night awakenings ? It would be great if you can lets us know your advice and how to start.
Here is a sleep log from the last days:
05.02.:
6:00 woke up
7:05-08:00: sleeping, minimal soothing
09:00-10:12 sleeping, minimal soothing, woke up again after 15 minutes and needed a bit of rocking to settle
11:20-15:17: fall asleep in stroller, continued sleeping in the stroller when we arrived home at 11:30 (motionless)
16:15-16:45: Short nap of 10
minutes with one awakening in between
18:15 sleeping, 5-6 wake ups to feed baby, was a bit fussy around 3:30am but settled with pacifier and a bit of nursing
06.02.:
5:45 waking up
06:45-7:45, woke up twice after 5 minutes and couldn’t settle (maybe not really tired ?), decided to pick her up and play with her, she was happy and alert
08:35-09:25: showed drowsy signs and was placed in her crib, slept after minimal soothing
11:05 – 12:10: slept after minimal
13:55 – 16:11: sleeping, no soothing
17:30: fell asleep while nursing, woke up several times until 22:00, had one long sleep interval 22-02:30, but then woke up every hour to drink and was very fussy around 4am
07.02.:
04:45 waking up, happy and alert
05:30-06:30; sleeping, minimal soothing
07:45-08:20: sleeping, minimal soothing
09:10-10:05: sleeping, woke up after 10 minutes and needed to be soothed for 10 minutes
11:10-14:20, fell asleep in stroller, woke up when we came back, back sleeping in crib 11:45, minimal soothing
15:15-15:55: sleeping, minimal soothing
18:15: asleep, needed a bit more soothing around 45 minutes (rocking after nursing etc), feeding at 21:30 and 01:30, 2:30 she was active and played all herself for 10 minutes and wanted to be fed again, slept straight after
08.02.:
05:10 waking up
06:20-07:10: sleeping, minimal soothing
09:00-09:40: sleeping, minimal soothing
11:00-11:45: sleeping, minimal soothing
12:15-13:45: sleeping, fell asleep in stroller and continued sleeping after we came back 10 minutes later
15:15-15:45: sleeping, minimal soothing
18:15-05:15: started bedtime routine around 17:30, took some time to get her to sleep, very bumpy night, feedings at 19:30, 23, 01:30,2:30,4:00, very fussy between midnight and 5:00
09.02:
5:15, waking up
6:20-07:15: sleeping, minimal soothing
08:45-09:25: sleeping, fell asleep while soothing
10:30-10:45, sleeping
11:30-11:55:sleeping
13:30-14:00: sleeping
15:45-16:00: fought sleep, didn’t want to settle, slept for maybe 10 minutes
17:30-07:00: fell asleep very easily, several awakenings for feeding, soothing or diaper change: 20:30, 01:00, 02:30, 03:30, 05:00, 06:00
Congratulations on the improvement in naps.
Please explain in detail why “We couldn’t yet manage to transition her in the crib, so she sleeps with us in the family bed.”
Do you now have the 5th edition of my book, is so please read the Chapter on Sleep Solutions and tell me which one comports with your values and I will help you.
Hello again. Thanks for!
– Crib: There are 2 reasons why we decided to not yet transition her to the crib. The first reason: She is very fussy in the crib and wakes up more often. We want her to sleep in our room until she is 6 months old. She is now 3 months old. The second reason: My wife normally lies down to breastfeed her and we don’t want her to wake up when she falls asleep on the breast.
– we identified 2 major sleep problems and read the appropriate sections in the book.
1. Wake up time to earlier, around 5am: We normally put her down around 5:30pm and it takes a while for her to settle. We would like to test if she only needs a nap at this time instead of starting the bed routine for night sleep. We will test a bedtime at about 7pm and will try to put her down for a brief nap at 5pm.
2. Many awakenings during the night: we want to use the extinction method with my husband staying in her room. My wife will only go in every 3-4 hours to nurse and otherwise sleep in another room. We decided that I will cover the most nights as my wife tends to breastfeed more often/can’t handle the crying.
What do you think of our idea ?
Please clarify:
You are currently co-sleeping (family bed)? If so, please re-read Blog Post 82 and share with me your thoughts.
You think a later bedtime will help what?
You have read the ‘Sleep Solution’ Chapter and still think that parental presence will work with extinction and also co-sleeping?
Please re-read the Chapter on why sleep is important because it appears to me that you are on the path towards major sleep problems.
Thanks for your message. Sorry I didn’t describe properly what I meant:
– We slept with in a family bed (same mattress for all). I read the blog 82 and I understand that this can lead to a higher frequency in night awakenings later on. I put her to her bedside crib last night and we give our best to stay with it.
– Too early wake up time: she usually has her last long nap (45 minutes) around 3pm and she needs another nap around 4-4.30pm. If she sleeps 30-45 minutes we can’t keep a bedtime of 5.30 pm. That’s why we made a proposal of 6:30/7pm. We always look for drowsy signs and then decide what to do (flexibility for adjustments). Hope that clarifies it.
– Night awakenings/Extinction: When we put her down for sleep we leave the room and no one is in there. If she cries and is hungry after 3-4 hours we will go in and feed her. The husband sleeps in the same room during the night (after the feeding around 10-11pm) but doesn’t soothe her when she wakes up and can’t settle. The reason being is that we want to know that she is okay/doesn’t choke when she cries hard. Maybe there is a misunderstanding from our side. We thought that we could also use extinction during the night when we sleep in the same room but don’t soothe her if she awakens. So that means that our daughter should sleep in her own room (in her crib) and we only go in when we think that she is hungry (2-3 times/night) – is that correct ?
Thank you for the clarification.
How old is she now?
“So that means that our daughter should sleep in her own room (in her crib) and we only go in when we think that she is hungry (2-3 times/night) – is that correct ?”
Please read Blog Posts 138 and 219. Try extinction with her in your room for several nights and if it fails (she might wake up in response to the sounds you make during sleep), consider trying it again with her in a separate room.
What are you thoughts?
She is 14 weeks now. We could already see some success using the extinction method (I am sleeping with her in the same room, but I am not staying in the room when we put her to bed, I only react when she is hungry (every 3-4 hours) and ask my wife to feed her then): she cries 5-10 minutes and puts herself to sleep, she falls asleep promptly after feeding. She even slept one stretch of 10hours which was amazing for us. The only problem we have is the time after the feeding between 2-3am. She doesn’t want to go back to sleep, wakes up often, seems awake and cries a lot (1-2 hours) – after 1-2 hours she sleeps another 2-3 hours and wakes up between 6:30-7:30am. We still keep the window of wakefulness of maximum 2 hours and she takes brief naps most of the time during the day (30-45 minutes). She had some days where she napped for 2-3 hours. She goes to bed between 5-6pm depending on her last nap. She doesn’t show any fatigue signs before going to bed.
Would you have any advice for us for the time after the feeding at 2-3am ? Is there anything we need to do differently or do we just need to fight through?
Congratulations! “She even slept one stretch of 10hours which was amazing for us.” and “She had some days where she napped for 2-3 hours.” tells me that you have made great progress.
What are the approximate most common feeding times at night and overnight beginning with the bedtime?
Nap rhythms may emerge around around 3-4 months of age and solidify by 6 months of age; so please be patient. You are on the right path.
Please consider writing a narrative report about your sleep journey and post it here and I would use it as a Blog Post. Fathers would be more attuned to your voice than mine. Yours would be the first narrative report ever written by a father and many mothers would show it to their husbands to help encourage them to get on board. The role of the father is rarely included in the child-sleep universe.
Yes sure, happy to do so.
Feeding during bedtime routine: 5:30-6pm, 1st feeding overnight: 10-11pm, 2nd feeding overnight: 2-3am, 3rd feeding:4-5am
Thank you. The more detailed, the better. The feeding schedule seems fine. Will she take a bottle (expressed breast milk or formula)?
I think you might have created/discovered a new sleep solution! If acceptable, I’ll call it Sebastian’s Sleep Solution; let me know.
If I understand correctly, at night, you are with your baby in the same room and doing extinction. Where is your wife sleeping?
At appropriate times, you wake your wife and she nurses your baby. Does she soothe to a drowsy state or is the baby asleep after nursing and returned to the sleeper/crib?
Do you think success occurs because perhaps:
A. Your baby smells her breast milk and the separation allows the baby to sleep better?
B. You are better able to delay or not respond to quiet or non-distress sounds than your wife?
C. You do Low, instead of you wife doing High intensity soothing at night (see Blog Post 145)?
D. All or some of the above?
E. Some other reason?
Hello again. Sorry for late reply.
No, the baby started to protest the bottle when she was 2 months of age – Although we tried to feed her with one bottle a day starting right after birth.
Yes, you describe it correctly. My wife sleeps in another room, I sleep in the bed next to the crib. The baby sleeps in her crib. There are normally two scenarios: a) baby fells asleep during nursing and is then being placed in the crib. B) baby needs a bit of rocking after nursing and is then being placed in the crib, drowsy but awake. This depends on the day. Feel free to call it Sebastian’s sleep solution, I would feel honored. I would opt for D.), definitely a combination of all the points and my wife feels secure that I was with our daughter during the nights. She felt relieved that I took over for the decision when nursing was needed.
Our daughter only wakes up during the night to drink every 3-4 hours, some days longer stretches. This works well until 3-4 am, after 3-4 am she needs more soothing and has issues settling again for 2-3 hours sleep. The good news is that we can keep her in bed until 6-7 am. It is ok for us now (was a big improvement for us) and we hope that we can sort this missing piece out in the next following weeks.
Thanks again !
Did you or your wife come up with this sleep solution?
Initially, did you both accept it or did one of you need some persuading to try it?
Please read the paragraph on ‘Co-parenting’ in Blog Post 18.
Regarding the positive and negative features of co-parenting, how would you describe your own co-parenting relationships?
I came up with it (father) as I wanted to find a sleep solution that would help us to find more sleep on the one side but would also allow us to let the baby sleep in the same room with one of us. My wife has also read the book on sleep solution from Mr. Weissbluth and was open to try anything that helps. We didn’t argue about it as we both felt good about it.
We support and trust each other, this means that we try to find solutions that work for both of us. It is hard for both of us to hear our infant cry but we know that she can only learn it herself. This helped us to relax.
Here comes the blog post, feel free to post it:
We wanted to start applying Mr. Weissbluth’s solution as early as possible with our infant, so we were very strict right after birth with the 2 hour rule of wakefulness, motionless sleep etc. My wife was still exhausted as our daughter wanted to be breastfed quite often during the night. It was tough for my wife to distinguish between comfort and actual hunger – I could see that she became more and more exhausted. So we started a new sleep solution at the age of 12 weeks that helped us to get better sleep very fast.
Here is the sleep solution that we created: I (the father) am sleeping with the infant in the same room during the night, but I am not staying in the room after we put her to bed, I only react when she is hungry (every 3-4 hours) and ask my wife to feed her when I think she is really hungry. My wife sleeps in a separate room. Our daughter sleeps longer stretches now, seems happy and rested and my wife is much more relaxed than before. She is happy that she can relax and doesn’t need to be “on duty” the whole night. She definitely sleeps better in a separate room than with the infant. This solution worked very well for us. Special thanks to Mr. Weissbluth for his continuous support.
Hello from Egypt!
My son just turned one and self-soothes sinc he was 5-6m. Usually wakes up between 630 and 7, takes 2 naps since around 6 months of age, one hour each, and bedtime is around 7pm, bedtime routine 1/2hour before. We’re on an extended vacation with naps consistently taken in his bed but he has been waking up at 5am and 530am, and we’re unable to settle him back to sleep when he wakes this early. I tried putting him to sleep at 630pm and it’s not working (still sleeping only 10.5 hours) He started walking a week ago and after that he was also sick for 2 days but I was putting him to bed earlier understanding that during developmental stages and sickness they may be overtired. We cap his time on the beach to 2 hours lest he gets overtired but still he’s waking up early. Im a firm believer in early bed time but afraid of waking up at 430am if I put him down at 6pm. He sometimes sleeps for 12 and 12.5 hours at night if i do things right (and im not sure whay the secret sauce is tbh!) I know i can push it longer but dont know how 🙂
I’ve done resets before after vacations or change of environment (6pm bedtime) and they used to eliminate night wakings and extend his night sleep, but since there’s no night wakings right now im wondering if that means he’s well rested and just waking up earlier than usual to play? That being said he does wake up twice or so at night these days but I dont consider it a night waking since it’s only for a few seconds ans he puts himself back to sleep (for me night wakings are hard to console and last longer). I also know he could have slept another hour bec he’s tired long before his first nap (but I still push him to 10am, which is when he takes his first nap, 2pm is second nap ans sleep is 3.5-4 hours after his second nap) I also know back home many times he wakes up at 530 am and sleeps again until 630 ot 7 unaided. But is he unable to do this on vacation since we sleep in thr same room and he feels it? Does he still need a reset? And if yes for how long (i never do it for more than a night and then extend his bedtime 15m each day until he’s back to 7pm) and do these night wakings of a few seconds count as a sign of overtiredness? And if im on vacation for a month what should I do in terms of bed time? And if he sleeps longer than an hour should I wake him up? Should I cap his first nap to extend his second? I try to cap daytime sleep to have more night sleep but I read here not to wake them up from naps.. I’d rather not wake him up so I can extend his bed time.
Its crazy coz I know soon he’ll drop a nap and im terrified of putting him to sleep earlier than 6pm once we hit this phase in a few months!
Thank you so much. Youre a life savior. Im 45 with a 1 year old and I couldn’t have survived the lack of sleep had i not read your book. When he was 2 months old I considered medication for anxiety and depression but my doctor said to sleep well for 2 weeks (and exercise) and then see, indeed my mental health improved so much which is why I knew I had to sleep train. Was the hardest but best thing I did for the entire family.
On vacation and on the beach suggests that his physical activity might be higher than ususal and it’s valuable to have family fun and just enjoy the time together.
Instead of a detailed plan, why not just try a 5:30pm expected falling asleep time for just two nights to see what happens? It might help a lot.
Thank you so much for the quick reply! Will keep you posted. So, should I cap his naps to bring bed time forward?
Not yet.
Dear Dr Weisbluth
Trying to bring bedtime forward, it was 630 then 6m with interrupted sleep and or early wakeup.
Then final got him down at 530pm slept uninterrupted for 11 hours ans I rocked him at 430 so he can continue until 530
Second night I put him down at 5:45pm, he woke up at midnight, 2pm and was awake at 5am for the day.
Naps 1 hour each.
Should I keep putting him to bed at 530 or bring it even earlier? Whay if he cant do more than 11 hours these days, should I get ready for the day or settle him with rocking or will that develop a wrong sleep association? When can I push his bedtime forward? And for how many minutes each time? Do ppl ever get out of this rut? How many days does it take? Id take uninterrupted sleep over early wake up any day but does this mean he can get stuck at the 5am-4pm schedule ?
Not capping naps as you’ve said in your last post
Thank you so much.
Please carefully read Blog Posts 119 and 83 to answer many of your questions
Please read pages 219-233 and let me know if any of these parent issues apply.
Please write a concise historical summary of the sleep issue and include your baby’s age.
I will try to help you.
Thank you so much!
I read the blogs and started putting him down based on drowsy signs.
Ameen is 12 months old.
Originally his sleep schedule was
Bedtime 19:00-19-15
Awake 6:30
1st nap: 10:00 (one hour)
Awake: 11:00
2nd nap: 14:30(one hour)
Awake:1530
Sinxe our 3 week trip to thr beach hes been waking up earlier, gradually, until we became sruck at 5am. He also syarted having night wakings
Ive tried a super early bedtime to help him restore his sleep debt for the last week or so. He’s now sleeping through the night but still waking up at 5am
Bedtime 18:00
Awake 5:00
1st nap: 9:15-9:30
Awake 11:00-11:15
2nd nap: 13:20 -:1430
Awake :around 15:30
Asleep: 1800
When can I move to 7pm bed time? What if he still wakes up at 5am? It will be mean less night time sleep and less rest, right? We put him down yesterday at 630pm instead of 6 because he just wouldn’t sleep, and that didnt prolong his night sleep duration
Im going to try settling him quickly at 5am before he becomes very awake or just not going in until 6am..
I guess my questions are 1) when do I cap naps 2) when do I shift bed time to 7 (wait a few more days ans move it by 20 min)? 3) how do I shift from 2 to 1 naps which I think we’ll be facing in a couple months 4) can we shift to 1 nap when he’s waking up so early? 5) when does putting to sleep later help in moving wake up time later?
“When can I move to 7pm bed time?”. Please carefully read Blog Post 62 to fully appreciate your fundamental misunderstanding. Sleep is not a luxury; it is a biological need.
Please focus on and respect your baby’s drowsy signs.
Sorry, i realize this wasnt a very concise summary of the sleep problem. I’ll put something together and share it back with you.
Thank you again
Thank you for your great help. He’s now doing 12 hours at night with no night wakings after I started following drowsy signs and not the clock, not capping naps and putting down between 6pm and 620pm.
You are welcome. My sincere goal is to raise the visibility of accurate information regarding children’s sleep. To encourage other parents, please consider writing, and posting here, a narrative report of your sleep adventure (please include the role of the father) that I would use it as a Blog Post or perhaps, only if you feel comfortable, an Amazon book review. Thank you.
I would love to!!
Also wanted to report that we skipped the afternoon nap (probably missed the window and then he was too excited) so I abandoned it after an hour and put him to bed at 530pm. He slept for over 13 hours straight at night.
Im so grateful to you and I will write something and share it first on Amazon (I did buy your book) and then with you (do i share it here on the blog?)
Thank you; yes, please post your narrative account here (in Comments)
Dear Dr Weisbluth
Thank you again for your help last month. Early bedtime fixed our sleep problems. I’ve left a detailed review on Amazon on how your book has helped us and how I appreciated the work that must have gone into organizing the book.
It’s been a month and my son is 13 months old now. We went on another holiday for 4 days where he was napping consistently for an hour, sleeping between 630pm and 7pm and sleeping for 12 to 12.5 hours at night. He’d wake up around 5am and make some vocalizations and sleep again unassisted until 630am sometimes 645am. When we came back home he started waking up at 6am or 5:50am. He wasnt going easily down for his naps so I thought maybe it’s because on the trip we did more outdoor activities and he got his energy out so we started more doing more of that. Didn’t help. His cries for 10min or so when I put him down to sleep (6:15am) which he didn’t do before.
So Im anxiously wondering :am.i putting him to bed too early? Is he growing older and not getting enough stimulation now that we’re back home? Or does he have a sleep debt from the vacation even though he was sleeping well at night? Or is this 5am wakeup considered an interruption in his sleep even if he goes back to sleep?
He is a little irritable during bed time routine but I wonder if it’s because this is the time his father comes home and he’s upset playtime with dad ends quickly to prepare for bed?
They seem to change so fast
“He is a little irritable during bed time” is most likely from pre-sleep arousal from a cumulative sleep debt acquired while on holiday.
Try a ‘Reset’ (5:30pm expected falling asleep time) for one night only followed by a little earlier bedtime (based on subtle drowsy signs) for a few nights and report back. Use the ‘Nap Drill’, if needed.
How does this sound?
Sounds right.
We put him to bed at 6:45pm and he woke up at 5:40am so yea, his 6:15pm bedtime was late.
Can you help me understand how he accumulated a sleep debt when he was sleeping 12 hours at night? My impression was everything was honky dory! Or maybe he was waking up more than just at 5am but since I was in a different room I didnt notice?
Ill keep you posted and Ill share a narrative report that revolves around early bed time and my experience the last year with it, maybe you can use it to help other parents later, because my God if there’s one takeaway from your book it’s that.
Thank you again for all the support. Just knowing I can get advice here has been so reassuring and helping with my anxiety.
Thank you. Did the return from vacation involve crossing time zones or could he have become short on sleep on the return trip?
It was the beach again, 3 hours from home.
He had very long naps yesterday, went to bed 5:40, didnt sleep until 6:10 and cried hard the last 10 min (was talking to himself sweetly first).
His schedule was
Wake up 5:40
Nap1 from.9:20 to 11:20 (I woke him)
Nap2 from 14:10 to 15:20 (woke up alone)
Asleep 6:10pm
Night waking sometime between 2 and 3am
Awake for the day today at 5:30am
Hello Dr Weissbluth
Reporting back after almost a week of trying to have an early bed time. We had a couple days of 530pm bedtime that resulted in 12 hour sleep at night and good naps then we had a few days where he was going to falling asleep at 6pm and another night we had family over and put him to bed at 630pm and he only fell asleep at 7pm which was too late for him because he had a night waking about 4 hours later (very short we didnt go in)
Im putting him down a bit earlier now (5pm) because he keeps talking and blabbing for 25 minutes so i estimate “falling asleep time” to be at 530 which is when he needs to go down but his naps are very short (30min, 40min).
I guess I should stay the course of 530pm so he gets his tank full with 12 hours at night and pray it leads to longer naps?
And move his bed time later based on drowsy signs?
My husband is afraid of sticking to the 530pm bedtime and it backfiring..
Please read the ‘5:30 am Rut’ section in my book that your husband is referring to. It is a real potential problem; but it is solvable.
For now, please stay the course.
Please concisely describe the time course over which he developed a sleeping issue and I might be able to give further advice regarding naps.
The sleep issue happened after a 10 day trip to the beach (well 5 days, then we came home for a few days then went back to the beach house again).
During this period we were sleeping at 630pm and napping for 2 hours over 2 naps. A few times we went to bed at 7pm.
But he always slept for 12 hours (sometimes waking up briefly at 5am and going back to sleep on his own).
It’s now been almost 11 days of us trying to correct his sleep and get him to sleep later.
The first few days after coming back he went to bed at 615pm and cried hard for 15-20 minutes. He woke up at around 6am. Since he cried hard I tried to put him to bed earlier around 6pm or 5:45pm. His naps were good (1.5 hours each at least)
But he was waking up at 520am so I started putting him down at 530pm. It would take him half an hour to go to sleep. This went on for 3 days with the same 530am wakeup. And naps were going well
I estimated it takes about 20 min for him to fall asleep so started putting him down earlier so he would be asleep by 530pm instead of eyes shut at 6pm. This worked in the sense he began logging 12 hours at night instead of 11. His naps were about 45 min each during this time.
After 2 days of this it was the weekend and he didnt go down before 630pm and once he fell asleep at 650pm. Had a night waking when this happened so I believed his sleep debt wasn’t repaid and continued with the 530pm bed time, which has been going on for almost a week now.
The last few days his naps were off because-I think- Im putting him to sleep too early for those naps (usually his naps are at 945am and 2pm) but now im putting him to bed earlier because lately he’d cry a lot when I put him down for his naps so I thought maybe he’s overtired and i should bring naps earlier? But now these earlier naps are shorter!
Im afraid we may have falled already in the 530pm rut..
I should also say his naps the last few days may have been bad because we have crazy construction going on in the next door apartment as well as in the next door building. Tomorrow is a day off so will see if the quiet environment helps with longer naps. If it does i should try to push bed time to 630, his normal bed.time?
I should also say I’ve been putting him to sleep earlier for his naps bec he’s yawning and showing signs of drowsiness, but the naps are short..maybe it’s the construction..
Also I should say that during the last 10 days of trying to corrext his early wakeup time he would spend 20 min in bed talking sweetly before falling asleep between 530pm and 6pm. Im wondering if I forced him to sleep early thinking it will help him wake up later ( it usually always helped). If 530pm was the correct sleep time he shouldn’t stay up in bed for half an hour right?
im sorry if the sleep diary isn’t super detailed.
He’s 14 months after a week. Im wondering if I should already start slowly transitioning to one naps since we’re already- it seems- in the 530pm but.
Thank you again for all your patience. Ill keep a detailed log from now on. To be honest I didnt think this would continue this long. Hes always been a great sleeper, self soothes after extinction since he was 4-5 months old and usually slept in. Rarely woke up before 6, usually around 630am is when we started our day.
I think that it is now age-appropriate to try to transition him to a single nap as described in book.
Hello Dr. Weissbluth
Last night he went to sleep at 5:45 pm, woke up at 5:30am (we wentto bed early bec his second nap was only 30 min)
After waking up at 530am, he had 1 morning nap from 9:50 to 10:35am, and refused his mid afternoon nap again (we started nap drill at 1330, tried to soothe him as much as possible to reduce crying and when thay didnt work we left him for half an hour alone and he talked sweetly before he burst into tears after which we fetched him)
Slept again at 530pm
No construction today.
Hi Dr Weissbluth
Reporting back after almost 3 weeks of trying to establish one midday nap and I feel we’re on a right track, just not sure how to lengthen it. Any suggestions? Im sharing a detailed diary of his schedule got 16 days as reference.
We take him out to play in the fresh air before his nap which helps put him down easily. We’re very convinced with thr early bedtime since it never backfired into waking up earlier than 530am and always leads to 12 hours of night sleep or more and reduces chances of night wakings. We just wish we can lengthen his nap so he can go to bed at 630pm or 6:45pm..
Day 1
wake up at 5:45am
Nap1:10:30 to 12pm
Nap2:No
Bed time:6:15
Day 2
wake up at 5:30am
Nap1:10:50 to 12pm
Nap2: No
Bed time:5:30pm
Day 3
wake up in the middle of the night and go back to sleep independently shortly after and up at 5:25am
Nap1:10:40 to 12:15pm
Nap2:No
Bed Time 5:50pm
Day 4
wake up at 5am
Nap1:10:15 to 11:50
Nap2:No
Bed time 5:30
Day 5
Pwake up at 5:45am
Nap1:10:30 to 12:15pm
Nap 2:No
Bed time:5:45pm
Day 6
Wake up at 5:45am
Nap1:10:40 to 12:20
Nap2:No
Bed time 5:50pm
Day 7
Wake up at 5:30am
Nap1:10:30 to 11:40
Nap2:No
Bed time:5:30
Day 8
Pwake up at 5:45am
Nap1:10:50 to 12:15pm
Nap2: No
Bed time:5:45
Day 9
Wake up at 5:30am
Nap1:10:40 to 12:20
Nap2:No
Bed time:5:35
Day 10
wake up at 5:45am, back to sleep at 6am and wake up for the day at 7am
Nap1:11:50 to 1:15pm
Nap2:No
Bed time:6:20
Day 11
wake up at 6:35am
Nap1:11:30 to 12:50pm
Nap2:No
Bed time 6:15pm
Day 12
Wake up at 4, back to sleep, wake up at 6:40am
Nap1:11:20 to 12:50pm
Nap2:No
Bed time:6:30
Day 13
wake up at 5am, back to sleep and wake up for the day at 6:50
Nap1:11:15 to 12:55pm
Nap2:No
Bedtime:6:30
Day 14
Wake up 630 am
Nap: 11:45-12:30
Bedtime: 6:15pm
Day 15
Wake up 630am (with nightwakings)
Nap: 1130:1200
Bedtime: 530pm
Day 16
Wake up 630 am
Nap: 11:20 – 12:50
Bedtime: 610pm
Day 17
Wakeup 630am
Nap: 11:30 – 1230
Bedtime: 620pm
Wake up today around 5:45am
So as you can see we’re slowly coming out of the 530am rut, but not quite out of it yet since the midday nap isn’t long enough. Any suggestions how to lengthen it or what we need to be doing differently?
Thank you so much for all your help!
I suggest that you begin to delay his nap only by about 10 minutes every 2-3 days in an attempt to shift it towards the midday. Simultaneously, keep the bedtime around 5:30-6:00pm to help erase morning sleepiness. resist the temptation to make bigger changes or to go faster.
When he eventually is taking a midday nap, the bedtime is based on drowsy signs.
Please read and re-read what you wrote: “We’re very convinced with thr early bedtime since it never backfired into waking up earlier than 530am and always leads to 12 hours of night sleep or more and reduces chances of night wakings. We just wish we can lengthen his nap so he can go to bed at 630pm or 6:45pm.” Do you appreciate the inconsistency?
Is this OK?
Thank you so much!
You’re right. We did push his nap to 11:45am yesterday and he had 1.45hr nap. We had guests so I thought given the ongoing nap I could put him to bed at 620pm, but it wasnt the right thing to do given he was up that morning before 6am, and like you said he still has a sleep debt. But he didnt seem drowsy at all (but then again, guests and an exciting environment). So the 620pm bed time resulted in him waking up at 6am the next morning so getting less than the usual 12 hours sleep.
Ill stick to 530-6pm bed time then. It’s amazing how 20 minutes make a big difference in a toddlers sleep. You mention that in the book and I can confirm that! The difference between 6pm or 620pm can mean sleeping 12.5 hours or 11.5 hours at night or having night wakings or none..
Hi Dr Weissbluth
So it’s still a hit or miss to get a decent 2 hour nap in the day and we’re sticking to 530-6pm bedtime. Very strictly. We sometimes have a 630am wakeup, sometimes 7am, sometimes 6am.
Today he took a nap in the car for 29 min around 1030am (he’s had a cold the last 2 days) and that pushed his mid day nap to 1pm instead of 1145am, and also lengthened it. Or did it? Is it just because he’s not getting enough sleep the last 2 days? (He’s had 12 and 12.5 hour night sleep instead of 13hr+ with a 530pm bed time, so either this long nap is bec he’s tired or bec he got a 20 min nap earlier and then a second nap later? What are your thoughts on this?
He’s 15 months old so I know he should be on 1 nap. Like I said, it’s a hit or miss…
In general, on most days, does his mood and behavior suggest that he is well-rested?
Perhaps it is time to transition him to a single nap? My book gives some suggestions on how to do this.
We’ve been transitioning to a single nap for almost 8 weeks now and we are finding it hard to become consistent with one long single nap that takes place after 12pm.
And yes he’s well rested but never able to stay up past 530-6pm
And yes we’ve read the book and know this section by heart by now. You say some days will be 2 day naps and some will be 1 day naps.. im just wondering if maybe he still needs a cat nap in thr morning whuch can help with a long later mid day nap or if this cat nap will not allow the mid day nap to happen and then we’re in trouble for the rest of the day.
We transitioned to 1 nap 8bweeks ago as per your advice above. But we’re stuck with 530pm bed time for a very long time now.
Sorry I mean 1 nap days and 2 nap days, hehe