If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Some statements are easy to understand and easy to study, for example: “teething causes sleep disruptions”. This popular myth, and others (Blog Posts 36 and 37) are clearly identified as false statements in scientific publications.
Other popular, but false, beliefs arise from an incomplete understanding or a simplistic point of view. For example, healthy sleep might be viewed only from the perspective of sleep duration. Thus, a parent might incorrectly conclude that early bedtimes are not that important because they believe that their child will sleep in longer in the morning and/or take longer naps. Stated another way, a parent might believe in the ‘myth’ that a later bedtime associated with a later wake-up time and/or longer naps is equivalent to an early bedtime associated with an earlier wake-up time. With this mind-set, the timing of the sleep period or the consolidation of sleep is ignored. But sleep quality is more than just sleep duration (Blog Posts 6, 8, 11, and 15).
In the past, “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise” was a popular proverb. But today, modern parents may struggle with long commute times and may conduct business online at home. Or they may be distracted by digital devices at home. Thus, early bedtimes for their babies and children are especially challenging.
Here are some reasons why early bedtimes are especially important:
Moving the bedtime only a few minutes earlier, over time, may produce dramatic results; it’s as easy as ABC:
A. Begin soothing and bedtime routines when drowsy signs (Blog Post 9) begin to appear or just start 10-20 minutes earlier than you customarily do this.
and/or
B. Do not allow a late afternoon or early evening nap to occur.
Start this on a weekend when both parents are available to help distract and soothe your child through a possible rough patch.
and/or
C. Control the wake-up time. Nobody wants to wake a sleeping child. But if your pre-school child is falling asleep late at night and waking up way too late in the morning, then start waking your child in the morning around 7:00am to reset his sleep-wake cycle to be in synchrony with his circadian rhythm.
The importance of small differences in sleep duration cannot be overstated (Blog Post 6). A few minutes of extra sleep in the early evening might make a world of a difference! Please don’t get stressed if circumstances make it impossible to get ideal early bedtimes on weekdays. Remember, a bedtime that is a little too late is still better than a bedtime that is way too late. Maybe your child can get some catch-up sleep on weekends.
Late bedtimes coupled with late wake-up times and/or long naps are not a substitute for early bedtimes.
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Excellent blog article!
Hello Dr Weissbluth, I have been listening to the audio version of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and used your methods to get my very tired 6 month old sleep trained in 3 nights. She was sleeping 12-14 hours at night starting around 5:30 or 6 pm (which is when she gets drowsy in the evening) Around 7 months she started teething and waking earlier and earlier in the morning. First at 5 am, then 4 am and now (at 8 months old) usually between 3 am and 4 am. When she first started waking early, I thought she was ready to get up for the day because she had already gotten around 11-12 hours of sleep. But with the wake times getting even earlier, that now seems unlikely. Do you have any advice on how to stop these early wakings? Daytime naps have decreased as well, from 2 hour naps 2-3 times a day to just 1-1.5 hour naps 2 times a day.
Currently, when do you start your bedtime routine?
When are lights out?
When do you leave the room?
When does she actually fall asleep at night?
We start the routine around 5:30 usually. She nurses, takes a bath, gets dressed, sometimes a little massage, I sing a lullaby, nurse her a little more and I put her down. Lights are out usually about 5:55. I lay her down and leave the room right away around 6. She usually falls asleep right away.
How is her mood and behavior between 4-5pm when she is by herself with toys and not in front of a screen or interacting with you?
Around 4 her mood is pretty good and she likes to crawl around and play with her toys and try to get into stuff. As it gets closer to 5 she is usually fussy and will still play if I’m there playing with her but is not as interested in her toys
This is evidence that her sleep tank is going to empty. For 4-5 nights, move all your bedtime activities earlier so that you are leaving the room (expected fall asleep time) at 5:30pm. Do not go to her in the morning until about 5-6am, but if she is asleep, don’t wake her. Listen to the section in my book, ‘Sleep Begets Sleep’ to understand why this works.
MOVE THE BEDTIME EARLIER
This may seem counterintuitive if your child is having trouble sleeping, but dramatic improvements occur even when children get very small amounts of extra sleep. Hyperarousal in your child causes difficulties in falling asleep and staying asleep. Early bedtimes dampen or eliminate hyperarousal. Early bedtimes will not necessarily cause your baby to wake up earlier in the morning. More sleep at the front end at night makes it easier for babies to sleep in later in the morning and/or wake up better rested.
Dr Weissbluth, thank you very much for taking the time to respond. We will give the 5:30 fall asleep time a try.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth, I am hoping you can offer some advice on getting our 7 month old back on track. The past 3 weeks have had significant disruptions in his routine (travel, move, first illness and eczema flare). Things are finally settling back to normal but we have a lot of work to do — namely getting him on two naps and sleeping the entire night in his crib.
Here is what has been happening:
9am first nap, about 1 hour
12:30/1pm second nap, about 1.5 hours
4pm drowsy signs emerge. Offering catnap of 40 minutes, waking him by 5.
7pm falling asleep time.
5am he wakes, happy in his crib and rolls around for about half an hour before crying. If we bring him to bed with us, he will sleep until 7am. We have been doing this which we now regret.
We would like to drop him to two naps and move bedtime significantly earlier.
Yesterday he did:
9am nap of 1 hour 5 min
1pm nap of 1 hour 40 minutes
5:30pm falling asleep time (latency 8 minutes)
5:15am woke up, brought him to bed with us immediately and he slept until 6:50am.
I am concerned we are reinforcing the early morning wakes by bringing him to bed, which he likes. I am also concerned that if we don’t get him to sleep past 5:15am, he won’t “make it” to his 9am nap. I do not want to put him down to sleep much later because he was clearly tired (fussier, etc) by 5:30. What do you suggest?
Please continue, temporarily, with the 5:30pm bedtime. No new nap starts after 3:00pm. Stop taking him to your bed in the morning. Try to “stretch” him to about 9am but don’t worry now if this nap is earlier. Let me know how it goes after 3-5 days/night.
Because he was a good sleeper before the disruption, he should be on track within a few days; please be optimistic and patient.
Thank you! We will continue with 5:30 bedtime and stop bringing him to bed. If he wakes at 5am, should we get him up for the day (and move the morning nap a bit earlier), or leave him in his crib until 6am?
Around 5ish, if, and only if, you think a quick change and feed will allow him to snooze a bit longer, try it. Otherwise, start the day. Prepare to do extra soothing as you attempt to stretch him towards the goal of a 9am nap.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth, reporting back after 5 days “resetting.” Latency for all sleep was 2-10 minutes. We made amazing progress at first but now back to early morning wakes the past two days.
Day 1: 8:00-10:15 morning nap, 1:10-2:10 afternoon nap, 5:32pm out the door bedtime, slept till 5:40 am and up for the day.
Day 2: 9:00-10:50 nap, 1:40-3:07pm nap, 6pm bedtime (no drowsy signs prior), slept until 6:41am.
Day 3: 9:07-10:32 nap, 1:28-2:30pm nap, 6pm bedtime, slept until 6:53am.
Day 4: 9:20-10:26 nap, 1:38-3:21pm nap, 6pm bedtime, slept until 4:50am, resettled with diaper change, up for the day at 5:52am.
Day 5: 8:45-10:20 nap, 1:25-2:30 nap, 5:30 bedtime (drowsy signs at 4:30), slept until 4:12am, resettled with diaper change, then up again at 4:45am, resettled with help, then up for the day at 5:50am.
I noticed the past two days he has woken from his afternoon nap angry/mad and clearly still tired. I am certain he is not hungry so I’m unsure why. Please let me know your thoughts and if we should continue with the early bedtime. In a dream world he would wake up around 6:30am, but we will follow his natural clock. Thank you for your help!!
Please try for a few days to shorten the interval of wakefulness before the second nap. You decide whether it should be 5-10 minutes earlier or 20-30 minutes earlier based on drowsy signs. If he falls asleep earlier, than you’ll know, after the fact, that 1:30ish was too late. Then the nap might be longer or better quality or both. If so, then the bedtime might, or might not, become a little later. Watch your child more than watch the clock. Please report back in a few days. Does this help?
With your help from the book and blog we are sleeping from 530pm until sometimes 7-8am. No more night wakings! However if we put her to bed at 6, its just late enough that the night wakings start again.
Your book mentioned 530pm as a “temporary” bedtime. When do you expect that she will be able to handle a 6 or 630 bedtime? She’s currently 11 months. Thank you so much for your guidance and help!! We’ve regained our sanity!
Please send a narrative report that I can use as a Blog Post because other mothers are more likely to respond to your voice than my comments. Include details of naps (duration and timing) and what you went through. With this additional information, I will try to answer your question.
Im sorry this took a while to write. I hope it answers all your questions. Please feel free to add details from my original post and delete anything you feel isn’t relevant.
We brought home a sweet 35 weeker who escaped without a nicu stay. She was sleepy as most preemies are. We never had second night syndrome and despite waiting for it she was a great sleeper. I remember a friend was over when I put her down for a nap and was surprised that she only cried for a couple of minutes before drifting off to sleep.
All of this finally changed around 7 months after she had croup. Between being sick and being afraid of waking the toddler we started responding to every cry. Before we knew it she was waking sometimes 4-5 times a night.
A family friend who happens to be a pediatrician recommended your book. I was completely against “cry it out” but I was also desperate. So we jumped in but at first only moved bedtime up to 630 with mild-moderate improvements. Our pediatrician friend kept saying “dont be afraid to put her down at 530.” We thought you were both crazy. We had nothing to loose so we tried it. Lo and behold she started sleeping through the night. We’ve been going with a 530 bedtime for about 2.5 months.
She is now 11.5 months (actual age) and current schedule is as follows: Goes to sleep at 530, wakes up between 7-8am. She usually is ready for a nap between 9-10 which lasts usually 75-120 minutes. She will take another nap around 1 that lasts about 60 minutes. Her naps are still a bit variable from day to day.
If she goes to bed later than 5:50pm. we are guaranteed an early morning wakeup(usually between 330-5am). So my question is, when will this 530 bedtime slowly start to shift to 6 or 630?
Thank you! When I post your report, I’ll include references to specific Blog Posts that support my following comments.
Early bedtimes produce high quality sleep (long sleep duration and consolidated sleep). High quality sleep better stimulates brain development. As a result, she will be more intelligent, athletic and creative and be less likely to develop emotional or behavioral problems and mental health problems when older.
Just as you would not withhold food when she is hungry, please do not withhold sleep when she is drowsy.
I do not know when her bedtime will shift to a later time.
I also want to add that she was such a smiley baby. Even strangers commented on her happy disposition. During her awful sleep period she became extremely cranky and fussy. After a solid 6 weeks of good sleep we finally got our happy baby back!
1. Could you add some comments about the role of your husband?
2. Some mothers have a medium happy baby who shows no fatigue signs but has started night waking. I suggest an earlier bedtime and they resist, even when I say that their child will be even happier. This skepticism is common. What might you say to these mothers?
3. What would you say to a parent (or parents) that resist the early bedtime because they would have no or less time with their infant at night?
Im sorry-Im a teacher and got a little busy with school starting
My husband has been very supportive. He read select chapters from the book and listened to my summary. One challenge is that he works 12s so typically 3-4 nights a week I put the girls to bed by myself. It took some time for me to get in a rhythm of putting them down. When he is home he supports us by either keeping the toddler busy or helping with the baby.
(Note-The toddler has started to go to bed about 45 minutes earlier than she was previously. It didnt fix all of the meltdowns but it surely has helped).
Early bedtime has honestly changed the rhythm our family. We value eating together as a family so we eat even earlier. I think its also important to note that in addition to her happy demeanor dinner also can disguise her sleepy signs as she is very interested in eating.
Several friends knew of our plight with sleep. They always comment about the 530 bedtime. When you are desperate for sleep you are willing to try anything. My advice would be to say: what do you have to loose? Try it for 3 nights when the social calendar is light. If it doesnt work then dont continue but if you are like us we didnt have much to loose.
2. While early bedtime took away our night problems quickly, it did not quickly fix her demeanor. It was several months before her smiley self came back around.
Im not sure I have much advice because we lost our happy girl during our sleep issues.
3. The bedtime witching hour is basically nonexistent. Tired kids when you are tired isnt fun. Quality over quantity. The other day my toddler went to bed at 5pm and slept until 7am (when I woke her). She ran to our back room and eagerly pulled out a toy for us to play. She was in a GOOD mood. I played with her for about 10-15 minutes before I left for work. That 10-15 minutes of play was HIGH QUALITY. No whining, crying, no dysregulation. Only laughing, smiling and joking.
Additionally my husband and I have more time to spend. We are typically early to bed ourselves. No more putting the kids down and then hopping into bed ourselves.
I just left for a 6p yoga class and no guilt because he isnt stuck with 2 overtired kids. In fact he’s having quality 1:1 time painting with the toddler.
THANK YOU!
One more question—
Toddler(3.5) do you recommend skipping nap and early bedtime or keeping nap with a 7-730 bedtime. She will take a solid nap (1.5-2.5 hours) in the afternoon (I always wake her around 3-330) but bedtime is usually difficult if she naps.
Naps begin to disappear after the 3rd birthday. Only 50% of 4 year-olds are napping (about 5 days/week, perhaps in day care). Because bedtime is usually difficult if she naps, it is reasonable to stop naps completely with the understanding that the bedtime now has to be much earlier (based on drowsy signs). Otherwise, she will acquire a sleep debt, develop cumulative sleepiness, and sleep problems, emotional, social, and cognitive problems. As a school teacher, I know that you are sensitive to the impact of sleep on cognitive development and brighter children need more sleep. Maybe the 45minute earlier bedtime was not quite early enough.
How does this sound?
Makes sense. At the beginning of summer (~May) we moved her bedtime earlier AND she was still napping. In the last 3 weeks we’ve noticed a big difference with the bedtime struggle. I suspected it was time to drop the nap.
And yes the amount of kids falling asleep at school and on ipads until 2am, etc is staggering.
Hello Dr Weissbluth.
Since daylight savings time 2 months ago and the clocks going back we’ve been struggling with our 9 month baby waking up around 5 -5:30. Previously she’d go to sleep around 6:30-7 and wake up around 6-6:30. The other thing that’s changed is she’s stopped waking to nurse in the night so i wonder if she just doesn’t need as long in her crib as her sleep is better consolidated.
She goes to bed between 6:30 and 7. She goes down easily and sleeps through until 5 -5:30. When she wakes she gurgles to herself there is rarely any crying. I’ve tried nursing her and then putting her back down but it seems that if she wakes up after 5 she’s up for the day. We generally leave her in her crib until about 6am but she rarely goes back to sleep.
She’s on 2 naps a day, around 9 and 1-2. She usually falls asleep easily unless we miss the drowsy period and she’s overtired but for the most part she’s fine. Her usual nap duration has been historically 45-60 mins. We tried moving the bedtime later (more like 7:30-7:45 ) but she wakes up at the same time and then takes longer naps the next day so i figure that’s too late for her. We’ve experimented with bedtimes before 6 and she doesn’t sleep later.
Hubby and I have migrated our bedtimes earlier but it would be so good to sleep in past 5 lol! Any suggestions? Or just wait it out until the clocks change again in two months ha ha.
Also in the same theme, would you have any general advice for how to manage time zone changes with travel?
With many kind thanks,
Laura
Please describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement) between 4-6pm.
How long is the flight and how many time zones are you crossing? What time do you arrive at your destination?
She’s a happy baby, plays well by herself and can get quite absorbed in her toys. Enjoys rolling around her play yard. If she’s cranky its usually for a specific reason like she’s laying down when she wants to be standing. She’s generally in a good mood before bed, and we start bedtime routine by the clock before we see drowsy signs.
We have two trips planned this year, the first is just 1.5 hours behind. We leave in the middle of the night and the total journey time is 4-5 hours with two flights, arriving 9am. The second is not booked yet but will be about 13-18 hours journey time including one layover. Destination is 3.5 hours ahead. Each trip will be 7-10 days ish
with best wishes
laura
We figured attention to naps and then an early bedtime should help the day we arrive, but what we’re not clear on is how to adjust her to the new time zone, and then how to adjust her back to the old one on our return home. Keeping her on her old time zone on vacation isn’t always practical.
From my 4th edition (deleted in the 5th edition)
VACATIONS AND CROSSING TIME ZONES
Think of a vacation with your child as sort of a semi–holiday. After all, you may spend a lot of time babysitting among the palms on sun–drenched beaches. I have spent many hours building simple sand castles with one son while trying to keep an eye on a non–swimmer son jumping over small waves. This intense concentration is not very relaxing!
Try to flow with your child: be flexible, forget schedules, try to have as much fun as possible, and don’t worry much if your kids become tired. Irregularity and spontaneity are part of what make vacations fun.
When you cross two or more time zones, especially if you travel east, you might suffer the ill effects of jet lag. You are conditioned to sleep when it is dark, but activity/rest cycles and feeding habits also get messed up when you cross time zones. Children seem to be more sensitive to light, especially morning light, than adults are, so use this to help defeat jet lag. Sunlight helps regulate the internal timing mechanism. The day after you arrive (or the next day, if it is a very long trip) wake your child at the usual wake–up time. Do this both at your vacation destination, at the beginning of the trip, and when you return home after the vacation is over.
Scenario one: You leave your home very early in the morning because of holiday traffic and the extra time required because of airport security. You arrive at your destination, and it is now very late at night. By the time you claim your luggage, rent a car, drive to your hotel, and get settled, everyone is exhausted. It’s been a long day crossing many time zones! So everyone sleeps in the next morning. If your child is napping, the late morning wake–up causes the nap(s) to be later. Therefore, maybe wake up your child after a one– to two–hour nap in order to protect a reasonably early bedtime. The following morning, either wake up your child at his customary wake–up time, to reestablish his regular sleeping schedule, or repeat the process of shortening the nap to more gradually get the bedtime to its regular early time. If your child is not napping, over the next day or days control the wake–up time by waking your child either a little or a lot earlier—-and exposing him to bright sunlight, if available—-until you get to your child’s normal wake–up time.
Scenario two: The trip takes about half a day, and you arrive at your destination and get settled in by midafternoon or early evening. The day after you arrive, wake up your child at the usual time, try to give him a dose of bright sunlight, and immediately reestablish the customary sleep schedule.
Once you’re home, it’s boot camp again—-back to the basics, with all the regular routines. Maybe you will do a reset (see Chapter 4). Repeat the strategies described above. Within a few days, if you are firm, consistent, and regular, your child will learn quickly that the vacation is over. If your child was well rested prior to this vacation, expect only one rough, crazy recovery day of protest crying. I tell families that one nasty reentry night may be the price you will pay for having a lovely family vacation. Trying to gradually soothe your child back to her previous good sleep routine over several days after a vacation often fails because your child fights sleep in order to enjoy your company, which she especially enjoyed during the vacation.
This is gold, thank you!
Any advice regarding her early morning wakeups? This morning she woke at 4:45, i gave her 30 mins before nursing her and she didn’t fall back to sleep so i got her out of her crib at 6am. Could it be that her early bedtimes (between 6 and 7 since about 4.5 months) have caused her natural wakeup time to migrate earlier?
How often does she wake up before 5am compared to after 5am?
Mostly after five am. We are lucky enough to have a nanny during the day and after chatting to her she tells me that she’s been fighting her afternoon naps the last couple of weeks, but will fall asleep within half an hour after a bit of ‘annoyed’ crying. And as i look through our sleep logs her nap lengths are increasing in length somewhat, the longest being 1.5 hours even after an early bedtime.
with best wishes
laura
Keeping an infant well-rested often requires an early bedtime and sometimes the wake-up time is also early. Over time the well rested child thrives and nap transitions (from 2 to 1 and later 1 to none) are easy to manage.
My observation is that when parents attempt to produce a later wake-up time by making the bedtime later:
It rarely works if the child is taking 2 naps/day.
It sometimes works if the child is taking 1 nap/day.
It often works if the child is not napping.
Because of her age, i would attempt to keep her well-rested even if sometimes, she wakes up very early.
Are OK with this?
Absolutely it is, thank you.