If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Not every sound your baby makes at night is a call for help. Learning to tell the difference is one of the most useful skills you can develop — and one of the most sleep-protective, for both of you.
Non-distress sounds
Babies are naturally noisy sleepers. All babies partially or completely wake up during the night as their brain cycles through sleep stages. During these arousals, they make sounds—sighs, quiet wheezing, whistling, snorting, sneezing, burps, coughs, hiccups, gurgles, grunts, groans, moans, squeals. These are non-distress sounds. These are normal sounds of sleep cycling, not signals of need. She is moving between sleep stages, which happens many times a night for everyone.
If you hear these sounds: wait. Do not go in. Do not pick up. Do not even lean over the crib. Give her the chance to settle back into sleep on her own, which she very likely will. Responding to non-distress sounds — however well-intentioned — can actually wake a baby who was never fully awake, and over time can teach her that stirring brings company, which makes independent settling harder.
Quiet crying or whimpering
This may be different. Quiet crying or whimpering — soft but sustained, with a quality suggesting genuine but mild distress — this might mean your baby has fully woken and needs something or it might occur during the ambiguous sleep state called indeterminate sleep. During the first 3 months, sleep is not tightly organized into REM sleep and non-REM sleep (with light and deep sleep stages). There is a shifting between different sleep states called indeterminate sleep. During indeterminate sleep, the electrical activity suggests that the brain is asleep but behaviorally, she might appear to be awake with eyes open, smiles, or vocalizations.
In the first three months: respond promptly. Young infants may or may not self-soothe reliably, and a quick, calm response helps them feel safe without overstimulating them. Keep it low-key: a gentle hand, a soft voice, a brief feed, only if needed. You are not creating a bad habit. You are meeting a genuine need.
After three months: pause before responding — 50 to 60 seconds, or a little longer if the crying remains soft and does not escalate. This brief window gives your baby the opportunity to settle independently, a skill she is now developmentally ready to begin practicing. If she does not settle, go in — but keep the response calm and low-stimulus. Soft voice, gentle touch, minimal light, no picking up or stimulating interaction. You are there to reassure, not to engage.
The low-stimulus principle
Whatever the sound, whatever the age, the goal of any nighttime response is the same: reassure without activating. A bright light, an animated face, a playful voice — these signal to your baby’s brain that something interesting is happening and that wakefulness is appropriate. Keep everything quiet, dim, and calm. You want her nervous system to stay close to sleep, not travel away from it.
— Marc Weissbluth, MD
