If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
Broadly, I would say that the challenges during the preteen and teen years are the pushback, or resistance, from the child, who is developing independence, and the difficulty of saying no to an overscheduled lifestyle that burdens the children and the whole family. I work with our son and daughter to decide on a reasonable bedtime for them. They are actually in their school and have a better understanding of what they need to do and how much time they need to do it. Preteens and teens want to develop independence, so working together to come to an agreement is both instructive and age–appropriate. We sort of back into the bedtime. What I mean is that once the bedtime is agreed upon, we work backward to get everything finished in time in order to respect the bedtime. So set the bedtime. Work back and set the dinnertime. How much time is needed in between? Work back to include all activities and homework. Work back to the time the child arrives home. How much time is required after school for all the activities and work to get done before bedtime? We still maintain a two-step routine. When the children were young there was the time to go for reading and the time to go to sleep. Now we have a time to go get ready, no phone or computer allowed. Whether this means reading independently or together, talking, or getting organized for tomorrow, this is winding-down time. Then there is the time that the light goes out.
Our children are limited in the number of activities they are allowed to do because we feel this is the number one obstacle to reasonable bedtimes. What we know, plain and simple in our family, is that our children function better in every aspect of their young lives when they are rested. They are happier, kinder, work harder, are more focused, and generally our family functions better. The drama and stress of tween and teenage years are inevitable. We can’t control those outside influences, but we can influence what we believe helps our children navigate these challenges. Over the years, without question, we believe our children can self-regulate and cope much better when they are rested. The key for us is to find the right bedtime and prioritize. Our focus has always been to “work backward” from the time we wanted the children to be in bed—with enough downtime to allow for reading. That means planning dinner, homework, projects, and outdoor time to be finished early enough so that the bedtime isn’t compromised. What we learned very early on was to stick to a schedule a majority of the time, and when the exceptions happen, the healthy habits are still intact.
