Blog Posts 1–5, based on the United States of America Department of the Army Field Manual: Holistic Healing and Fitness, describe what really matters for your child’s sleep. If sleep is an important enough topic for national defense than surely sleep should be considered a serious topic for parenting!
A 2024 study evaluated 154 separate studies on various forms of sleep loss on over 5,000 participants and concluded that “This study represents the most comprehensive quantitative synthesis of experimental sleep and emotion research to date and provides strong evidence that periods of extended wakefulness, shortened sleep duration, and/or nighttime awakenings adversely influence human emotional functioning.”
A longitudinal 2024 study examined over 400 children at ages 2, 2.5, 3, 4, and 5 years of age. “Children with shorter duration of sleep across early childhood had worse caregiver-reported behavioral regulation at age 8 years. Total sleep time across early childhood predicts behavior regulation difficulties in school-aged children. Inadequate sleep during early childhood may be a marker for, or contribute to, poor development of a child’s self-regulatory skills.”
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
In anticipation of our third baby arriving in July, 1.5 weeks ago we moved our 21-month old and almost-4 year old girls in to share a room together. The younger is in a crib, the older in a twin bed. Both had great sleep before this move (younger was 7:30 pm to 7 am, older was about 8 pm to 6:30 am, both napped well). The move has greatly disrupted their sleep (and our sleep). The younger girl is too excited by her sister being in her room and won’t stop talking. We put them down at 7:30 but it takes until 9-9:30 for them to fall asleep. And they are waking each other up in the morning between 5-6 am and talking and playing (we don’t go in until “the light turns green” on their clock at 7 am). The youngest one is just too young to understand that she needs to stop talking and let her sister sleep and go to sleep herself. The older one is so patient with her but is not able to go to sleep at night with her sister chatting away (interestingly, she’s able to ignore her at naptime and fall asleep pretty quickly, and then the other one falls asleep without her audience). Both girls are losing sleep and I already notice they are more irritable. We have no choice but for them to share a room when the baby comes due to the size of our house. I thought it would be better to make the move before he arrives so there are fewer big changes at once. But should I move the younger one back into her own room and try this again when she is 2 years old and the baby is 2-3 months old and we’re all sleep-deprived anyway?
1. “But should I move the younger one back into her own room?” Yes, for now focus on everyone getting great sleep.
2. Focus on brief intervals of wakefulness, many hands, and many naps until 6 weeks of age (counting from the due date) for the newborn.
3. Based on the newborn’s sleep, I will give you multiple options regarding your sleeping arrangements.
Will the newborn be sleeping in your room during the first 6 weeks?
Discuss with your husband how to create a sleep plan for the new born that will prevent her/him developing pre-sleep arousal from intervals of wakefulness that are too long. The challenge is caring for two older children (they will distract you) and their scheduled activities will sometimes make naps at home in a quiet/dark room a challenge. Friends and family might help wither with the newborn or the older sibs or both. A strong focus on this for the first 6 weeks will make everything easier thereafter. Perhaps hired help for only the first 6 weeks is an option.
Thank you for responding! Yes the newborn will be in our room for the first 6-8 weeks but then we plan to move him to the nursery (which shares a wall with our room). Our middle daughter will be 2 years old at that point and she will have to share with her sister. I had worried that moving her then would be too many changes at once while she’s adjusting to the new baby, but moving her now has caused so much disruption. She is just so young and too excited. That being said, I’ve wondered how much difference 3-4 months will make if we reverse now and move her in September. (The older girl has also said she does not want us to move her back, she loves having her there. But she’s also exhausted!)
We are set up well to get our newborn off to a good start sleep-wise. We have followed your book and used short periods of wakefulness and many naps in dark rooms for our first two babies and it worked great. We have allowed our babies to learn to sleep on their own, including letting them cry around 4 months, and that also worked great. Both girls are great sleepers normally and we’ll do the same with the baby boy. I have a long maternity leave and we have many hands.
“I had worried that moving her then would be too many changes at once while she’s adjusting to the new baby” After several weeks with your new son, there will be a rough routine in place and your middle daughter will have adjusted to it. Rearranging the sleeping arrangements then will not be difficult.
Because “moving her now has caused so much disruption.” move her back now and get her (and yours and your oldest child’s) healthy sleep back.
Ignore “The older girl has also said she does not want us to move her back, she loves having her there” because “she’s also exhausted!”.
There are a variety of possible temporary rearrangements that we can talk about when the newborn is several weeks old and you should not assume that they will cause any major or long-lasting sleep disruptions.
Please be optimistic because you have successfully established healthy sleep habits in your two children and are able and willing to do so in your newborn.
Thank you! I really appreciate it.
Dear Dr. Weissbluth,
I posted the above comments in May. Our baby arrived and is now 8 weeks old. We moved the girls (2 and 4) into the same room 2 weeks ago for nighttime sleep and it has been going okay. They go to bed around 7:30 and usually talk/play in the dark for about an hour before they fall asleep (by 8:30/9–although there have been nights when they don’t fall asleep until 9:45) and they wake around 6:15 and play until calling for us at 7 am (when their clock light turns green). This allows us to put the baby’s bassinet in the nursery (where the 2-yo had been sleeping), which allows the baby and us to get longer night sleep.
There are two main issues we’re having. First is that we’d like the girls to fall asleep earlier at night (the 2-yo falls asleep almost immediately when on her own, while the 4-yo can take until 8:30/9 by herself). Second is that we have not been able to get the girls to nap in the same room. We try to put them down for a nap around 1-1:30. When they are separated, the 4-yo falls asleep right away, while the 2-yo sometimes does and sometimes poops in her pull-up which causes her nap to start later. But they both typically sleep for 1-3 hours every day (besides the off day when the 2-yo ends up not sleeping b/c the poop issue causes a second wind). When we try to put them together, they keep each other up talking (and/or the 2-yo poops and that pushes the start later). We’ve made many attempts and end up separating them. But the baby is getting too large for his bassinet at this point (he was 9 lbs 2 oz at birth and already about 14 lbs), so I need to be able to raise the mattress in the crib in the nursery for him and start having him nap there as well as sleep there overnight.
Do you have any advice for helping the girls get to sleep more quickly in the same room (both at night and for naps)? I’ve tried to think of other configurations. We have a small 3-bedroom house and cannot fit a crib in our bedroom. The only other room with a door is our converted sunroom/office, which is not as well temperature-controlled and during the day has a ton of natural sunlight that makes it unworkable for naps (and we need it as an office). I’ve considered putting the baby in the room with the 4-yo (and the 2-yo alone in the nursery), but it seems unfair to wake her up in the middle of the night when the baby feeds (he wakes once between 1-4 am to eat) and I don’t want her to wake him up in the morning.
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
When is your 2-year-old’s birthday?
Here is a suggestion:
Read carefully the section on ‘Sleep Rules’ and ‘Silent Return to Sleep’ in my book. Make posters for both older children.
Fully implement + and – consequences for the 4 year-old, but only + consequences for the 2 year-old.
Move the 4 y.o. and 8 week-old into the same room. The 4 y.o. will learn to not disturb the sleep of the baby.
The 2 y.o. will have the opportunity to be rewarded for compliance but is too young to use – consequences.
One key to success will be for you to discover powerful motivators.
Another super important item is a very early bedtime (based on drowsy signs) for the baby. Watch the baby in late afternoon and early evening when alone with toys (no parental or sibling involvement and no screens)
Over the next several months, as the 2 y.o. begins to sleep better, consider moving the two older children into the same room.
How does this sound?
It was Sept. 13.
Thank you so much for your suggestion. I reread the section on Sleep Rules and Silent Return to Sleep.
One thing that I don’t think was clear in my post was that when the girls sleep in separate rooms, they are both great sleepers and there are no issues. The 2yo goes to sleep immediately at 7:30 after the lights go out; for naptime, she talks quietly to her animals for a couple minutes and then falls asleep (except sometimes w/ the poop issue I noted). The 4yo is a fantastic napper and at bedtime she never leaves her room; it takes her longer to fall asleep and she typically calls us in one more time–but bedtime is otherwise pretty good; she doesn’t make a peep before her light turns green in the morning.
So there aren’t really issues to work on if they are separated. It is only when they are in the same room that we have problems (mostly stemming from the 2yo’s excitement and the 4yo responding to her / getting her water for her, giving her a tissue, etc.). But I’m wondering if it would work to try making a poster for their shared room with the sleep rules and using rewards (plus consequences for the 4yo if she continues to entertain her sister’s requests) to try to motivate them to go to sleep together without talking and playing so long. Do you think this makes sense?
“But I’m wondering if it would work to try making a poster for their shared room with the sleep rules and using rewards (plus consequences for the 4yo if she continues to entertain her sister’s requests) to try to motivate them to go to sleep together without talking and playing so long.” Try it.
Let me know how it goes.