Blog Posts 1–5, based on the United States of America Department of the Army Field Manual: Holistic Healing and Fitness, describe what really matters for your child’s sleep. If sleep is an important enough topic for national defense than surely sleep should be considered a serious topic for parenting!
Emotional regulation:
• Experimentally, in toddlers 30-36 months, when only one nap is eliminated, Dr. Rebecca Berger observed “dampened positive emotion displays when positive responses are expected [children solve a solvable puzzle] as well as increased negative emotions when negative emotions are expected [children are presented with an unsolvable puzzle].” Specifically, when nap restricted, they showed less joy and pride and more worry and anxiety. (Blog Post 118).
• Among 3–5 years-old children, experimental nap deprivation showed that naps influence emotional processing. “Without a mid-day nap, attention to emotional stimuli is heightened and may impair the child’s ability to regulate emotions.” A video abstract of the article can be viewed at www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIoZ8mzxQgg.
Memory (Blog Post 184):
Nine-month-old infants were evaluated twice under two separate conditions (Blog Post 118):
“We used an elicited imitation task, in which infants learned new objects and actions before their morning and afternoon naptimes. In the Nap-Nap condition, infants’ memory was probed following both naps. In the Wake-Nap condition, infants were kept awake for their morning nap but engaged in an unrestricted afternoon nap, with memory tested across the morning wake period and after the afternoon nap.”
Conclusions: “In the Nap-Nap condition, infants showed memory retention across morning and afternoon naps. In contrast, infants forget items learned across morning wake in the Wake-Nap condition. Moreover, morning wake was associated with a significant decline in post-nap retention of items learned in the afternoon. We conclude that two naps per day (rather than one) aids memory at 9 months. We were surprised to find that infants’ memory decline was only significant for their afternoon memory performance. That is, infants’ memory decay in the Wake-Nap condition was only significant for items learned in the afternoon, following an unrestricted afternoon nap. Taken together, these findings suggest that skipping a morning nap, while possibly being modestly detrimental to morning learning in infants, may disrupt the afternoon nap’s ability to protect and consolidate memories learned later in the day.”
Bottom Line: If your baby needs two naps, skipping the morning nap impairs your baby’s brain’s ability to learn in the morning and especially in the afternoon, even after a single mid-day nap. The single mid-day nap does not fully restore your baby’s brain’s ability to remember what was learned before the nap. This may be true even if the single mid-day nap is very long; the total daytime sleep duration might be less important than the number of naps (Blog Post 183).
In older children, the benefit of a nap might be delayed. Among 3–5 years old, emotional memory was enhanced, not immediately after a nap, but following overnight sleep, compared with a no-nap challenge. In other words, there is some interaction between a nap and subsequent night sleep that helps memories to consolidate.
(to be continued)
Hi Dr. Weissbluth, my toddler (barely over 2 yrs old) regularly sleeps 12-13 hours at night, but only naps once for about an hour (sometimes less). She has a consistent (somewhat early) bedtime and appears well-rested, but I thought that at this age the afternoon nap should be 2-3 hours. Sometimes, if she wakes up earlier than normal, she naps for longer. Should I wake her up a bit earlier in the morning to try to get a longer nap? What do you recommend is better for the brain?
Following your own child’s drowsy signs, mood, and behavior is your best guide. I think imposing an artificial schedule such as awakening in the morning or capping naps is unnatural and maybe not best for brain development. Watch closely for subtle drowsy signs and you might notice that the nap time or bedtime could become a little earlier and her naps might lengthen.
Does this help?
Hello Dr. Weissbluth!
I’ve used your methods to help my daughter since she was born and we’ve had really great results. She is 14 months old now and not always but frequently refusing her second nap. Additionally, she has been waking at 5:45am with lots of energy for about a month. We have always kept her in her crib until 6am. I am not sure what to do–I’ve tried putting her down earlier (she just lays awake in her crib for almost an hour sometimes), I’ve tried waking her after an hour/hour and a half from her morning nap to make sure she can get an afternoon nap in, I’ve even tried one nap days but she only sleeps 1.5hrs and was very irritable in the early evening. I’ve read your notes on when to transition to 1 nap but still feel confused. I’m not sure what to do to make sure she’s getting enough sleep / when to put her down. She doesn’t always skip her second nap but its becoming more frequent, then she’s been awake for 6 sometimes 7 hours which feels like too much. Feeling a bit lost! Would love your guidance.
thank you!
“I’ve tried putting her down earlier”; at what time?
Please describe her mood and behavior during the hour before bedtime when she is alone with toys (no screens nor parental involvement)
Right now, her sleep schedule is something like this most days: She wakes up some time between 5:30 and 6am. We leave her in her crib until 6:15-6:30am which she is very content to do.
Nap 1 is at 10am–sometimes she falls asleep right away sometimes she stays awake anywhere from 15-30min. Lately, that nap has been her good one. I usually have to wake her up an hour-hour and a half after she falls asleep just to make sure we will be able to fit in a second nap. Lately, it seems waking her around 1.5hr she is less likely to take her afternoon nap. (Can you tell I’ve been over thinking this?! haha). Today even, I was considering putting her down for nap around 9-9:30 to see if maybe that would help? She is very awake and playful in the morning so I’m not sure what to do.
I’ve always gone by wake windows for nap 2 so nap 2 depends on when she wakes up from nap 1 but typically we wind down about 30 min before then she’s in her crib between 2:30-3pm. Lately she’ll just lay in her crib and babble to herself so I we just end up having “quiet time”. Sometimes, she’ll fall asleep around 4p and I’m not sure what to do then. She has been incredibly crabby in the evenings. When she misses her second nap, I try to get her to bed by 6:30pm. (thats the earlier bedtime. If I put her to sleep any earlier, I’m worried she won’t have enough to eat.)
Yesterday was a disaster and sort of how it’s been going lately. Woke up at 5:30am, got her out of her crib at 6am, nap 1 at 10am but didnt fall asleep until 10:20am, woke her up at 11:30am, nap 2 at 3pm but she didnt fall asleep until 3:45pm. My husband let her sleep until 5 which is where we went wrong–she didnt fall asleep until 7:45 for the night. I know letting her sleep that late in the afternoon is a mistake but I don’t know where to make a change to fix that. Is there a “point of no return” in the afternoon where another nap is out of the question if she’s going to get enough nighttime sleep? We’ve tried 1 nap and she only slept for 1.5hrs and was incredibly irritable in the evening. Would really recommend any insight you might have on this front! I’m really struggling to find the time to fit in all the eating and sleeping she needs and feel overwhelmed and confused as to what I should do differently.
Let me know if you need any more details…it’s been a rough month.
Lucy
Based on your child’s age and your descriptions of her sleeping, it seems that biologically, she will do best with one nap. For the next 5-10 days only, try for a bedtime at 5:30pm (she has been bathed, fed, and soothed and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm). The early bedtime will erase early morning sleepiness and you nap her based on drowsy signs, but during this trial, give her extra soothing and try to delay this nap a little. Do not wake her from this nap. She may need extra soothing in the afternoon because she is only taking a single nap. During this trial, the single nap is gradually being moved to the midday. When the single nap reaches midday, her bedtime might be a little later, for example 6:00pm but probably not the old 6:30. How does this sound?
oh and you asked for this detail: The hour before bedtime includes bath when needed, reading books in her room with her with the shades drawn, and sometimes a bottle we’re working to wean off.
Thank you that sounds great I can definitely do that. When should the one nap happen? And how gradually should we move it to midday? I’m assuming the end result is a noon nap? Do you have any thoughts on how/when offering her food will effect her sleep?
thank you. Buckling up for a bumpy transition. Really appreciate your insight so so much thank you!
The single nap time is based on drowsy signs. Move as slowly or quickly as you feel is right. The conflicting goals are to shift the single nap to the midday but making your baby too sleepy might cause presleep arousal that interferes with easily falling asleep and staying asleep. A little trial and error is to be expected. So going to fast might be a problem. Is this acceptable?
Ah alright. So should I stop doing wake windows and determine sleep strictly on signs of drowsiness for both nap and nighttime?
Watch your child, not the clock. ‘Wake windows’ are bogus.
Hi Dr Marc,
I would like to find out why my 5 month old son sometimes takes good naps for a few days in a row and then suddenly takes very short naps, and is staying awake for more than 2 hours before falling asleep on those short nap days.
We have a nanny who comes twice a week, on those days he always falls asleep easily alone in his cot and sleeps an hour or hour and a bit for each nap. He takes about 3 or 4 naps. With her he can fall asleep after being awake for about 1hr15 mins.
His bedtime is always early. Somewhere between 4.30pm and 5.30pm. Often when I am home it’s early because his naps did not go well. When the nanny is with him, his bedtime is more around 5pm as he naps better.
I carry out the same wind down routine as our nanny. She follows my instructions very carefully as that is her personality. He seems to nap very short on most days that I am at home. However our nanny has not had a problem once in the past 1 and a half months that she has been caring for him twice a week. Is this coincidence or is there something to this?
His night sleep is also very irregular. He usually wakes for 2 feedings. One at midnight and one at 4am. But some nights he suddenly is waking up more than the usual and I am never sure whether to go to him or not, since it’s often about 4 hours since his last feed and it does seem possible that he could be hungry. Last week when I was home, he had amazing naps for two days in a row and on the second night he slept 12 hours before his first feeding.
Basically his sleep seems to be all over the place. Oscillating from perfection to chaos. My daughter was very consistent. She usually had brief naps during the day (quite consistently, no matter what I tried) but at night she slept very well and when she did wake up it was always very regular as well.
For some further context. I also cannot breastfeed him during the day because he only wants to look at me and refuses to latch. I have to give him a bottle otherwise he eventually cries from hunger. Only at night can I breastfeed him, as he is focused then and not distracted, especially since I keep the light very dim. He is quite a relaxed baby in general, he is not super expressive to most people unless one really engages with him a lot, but with me he will smile quite a bit and I have to put in less effort to get a reaction from him. When he gets overtired he definitely becomes more excited and expressive. But in general he mostly just relaxes and observes life. I’m not sure if that’s relative at all, but thought I would add it.
I’m not sure what my question is. Basically I’m wondering is it normal for a baby to be so irregular and is there something that could help?
To help clarify what is going on:
This week-end, leave the house and have your husband do nap duty per the general instructions that you and the nanny do to gather data on naps. Keep a written record to share with me.
What is your general plan for the duration of breast feeding?
Please read the section on temperament in my book regarding the trait ‘regularity’. Give me your thoughts.
Naps tend to become more regular and longer by 6 months of age so “Last week when I was home, he had amazing naps for two days in a row” might be a sign that soon he will be napping better.
Hi Dr Marc,
That’s perfect. I have a picnic to attend on Saturday and we have already planned that my husband would watch our son while I am away with our daughter. I will report back on the outcome of that. Thank you for that suggestion.
I am not sure what my plan is for breastfeeding when he stops for night wakings. I currently express milk and bottle feed him in the day. My hope is that he gets over his excitement and will not be distracted during the day, but this has been happening for 3 months already. Perhaps I will be forced to bottle feed exclusively when he stops waking in the night, although this is not my first choice.
I have just read some of the temperament portions of your book. Mostly focusing on that found on page 492. However I also read the first bit on page 136. I think the “quiet alert state” resembles my son perfectly actually. This is especially on the days when he has been taking good naps and sleeping well in the night time. His body is calm and he mostly just observes everything. He always seems to be deep in thought and everyone who seems him says this about him.
However on the days when he is suddenly not sleeping well, I notice his arms become quite jittery and he is constantly trying to clutch at things. I think I am aware of this when it happens because it always seems so out of character for him.
Regarding regularity of bodily functions. I think if he is quite regular in many aspects. I think I also handle him in a very regular fashion, which perhaps also plays a role.
Regarding regularity of his sleep, he has good streaks where his sleep is actually quite regular. Decent naps, wakes up twice a night around the same time. But then suddenly it goes completely off track and will be like that for a few days in a row. Then for no reason he suddenly sleeps perfectly again and returns back to the previous patterns.
This is why I was wondering if it is perhaps excitement that could be affecting his naps on days when they are short.
Perhaps it is just a matter of time for his naps to become more regular as you say.
I will see what happens on Saturday and whether he naps well while I am out.
Thank you Dr Marc!
I know his bedtime is early, but please carefully monitor for drowsy signs (Blog Posts 83, 115X, and 226C) in the late afternoon and early evening. In particular, when he goes to bed earlier, does he tend to have better naps the next day?
Perhaps when the nanny naps him well, he is able to go bed a little later and perhaps for not seeing him, you then keep him up a little too late at night. Just a thought.
Hi Dr Marc,
When he goes to sleep around 4.30pm he usually falls asleep very easily. Sometimes he is less sleepy during the bedtime routine when it is around 5pm. So it may be the cause. My thinking was that both 4.30pm and 5.30pm are very early and so it shouldn’t have too big an affect. Do you think it could make a difference? He wakes up quite early, somewhere between 5.30 and 6.30, so that is another reason for thinking perhaps a 5.30pm bedtime could be better.
I also wanted to update on what happened last night during the night feedings. (After I uploaded my previous comment.).
I went to feed him after a 7hr20min stretch of sleep. But the more I breastfed him the more awake he became. Opposite to what usually happens. By the end he was so awake, that he ended up being awake for a full hour. The second feeding at 4.40am went the same way, but in that case he was awake for 35 minutes in total.
After I left the room he was very chatty in his cot for about 20 minutes. Usually after the nursing he is so sleepy and then I put him in his cot and within minutes he is asleep.
I’m wondering if the same thing is starting to happen at night as does in the day when I try to breastfeed him. Or do you think he’s more awake at night due to have not napped well in the day?
A similar thing happened on the weekend, but I thought it was an isolated event and did not think about it again until it happened again last night.
Because he is so young and naps are variable, I think a bedtime based on drowsy signs (not clock time) is the way to go.
I can’t comment on what happened last night because patterns of behavior are better clues than singular nights.
Please give me your thoughts regarding the following:
You nurse your baby at night so he knows you can nurse him but for some reason he does not want to latch during the day (maybe a lactation consultation would solve this issue?). Whatever is causing this to occur might also be the cause of nap issues when you are napping him. He knows that the nanny does not nurse him and and this is why he naps better with the nanny. I can’t give a clear explanation why this might be the case but maybe thinking about ‘sleep associations’ would clarify what is going on.
If you think this thought has any merit, please consider a lactation consultation, but if this fails to solve the daytime breast feeding issue and only if you are very comfortable with this, stop breast feeding and continue to give expressed breast milk.
Will the father do nap duty this week-end? Your baby knows that Dad does not breast feed and if naps are great with Dad, as they are with the nanny, than maybe this supports my idea that breast feeding is an issue to consider. If naps with Dad are similar to naps with you, than maybe discard my comments about breast feeding and we have to look more closely and discover the secret sauce that makes naps with the nanny better.
How does this sound?
Hi Dr Marc,
I think the experiment with my husband watching our son on Saturday, remains inconclusive unfortunately. He ended up taking a 2 hour nap with my husband (as apposed to the 40min naps I’ve been getting), however the night before, various things went wrong and he ended up having a bedtime that is the latest it has been since 6 weeks. He ended up sleeping at 18:45 which never happens. I suspect the wonderful 2 hour nap with my husband was perhaps him making up for the lost night sleep. Not sure what your thoughts are, but I’m thinking the outcome of the experiment is unfortunately a bit questionable for that reason.
In addition to that. It seems naps with the nanny haven’t been as perfect as the past. The only difference has been, a bedtime after 5pm, as apposed to 4.30pm. I’m starting to think the secret sauce is not a contribution of the nanny, but me who is always ensuring he has an early 4.30pm bedtime the nights before the nanny comes to avoid her having to deal with a tired baby. That is the only consistent element I can think of. In addition, his bedtime is slightly later on the days the nanny is with him, and this is where my question lies:
If our son wakes up from a nap, say around 2pm or 2.30pm, do I let the nanny put him down for another nap, where he will fall asleep roughly around 3.30pm or 4pm or do I ask her to bath him and put him to bed?
Because I return home, shortly after 3.30pm, she has usually already put him down for another nap. Then when he wakes up I bath him and have him in bed for the night around 5 or 5.30pm.
The thing with my son is, that if I bath him and put him in the cot, he will go to sleep for the night. Whether it is a bedtime at 3.30pm or 4.30pm, he will go to sleep for the night. I am just not sure whether it is ideal for him to already start his night sleep so early, or if a last nap is better.
I am open to either a slightly later or very early bedtime.
Regarding the breastfeeding, I have been seeking help from a local lactation consultant, and unfortunately she is just as confused as I am. As it is not a latch issue. She has mostly chalked it up to temperament, and provided me with a temperament analysis document. The night feedings seem to be fine at the moment, sometimes he is awake for a short while after the feeding. However I’m not convinced it would stop if I replaced it with a bottle feeding, however if it gets quite worse, I could try and see if that helps.
Thanks again for all your help. I really appreciate it.
In general, when does his first nap start and end and is the start based on drowsy signs?
In general, when does his second nap start and end and is the start based on drowsy signs?
For the above, is there any difference between you and the nanny?
In general, I think taking a new nap that begins after about 3pm will cause a bedtime that is too late.
I have published papers on temperament; please give me some details regarding the the ‘temperament analysis document’ and her explanation on how temperament is associated with the latch issue.
Children who drift between good sleep and not so good sleep often have a bedtime that is just a little too late but both you and the nanny seem to have early bedtimes. On the other hand, If I understand correctly, you usually do a bedtime around 4:30 but the nanny’s bedtime is later. What is a common bedtime for the nanny and can you determine, based on mood and behavior, how drowsy he is when she soothes him to sleep? Maybe the fundamental problem is that the nanny’s bedtime is a little too late. What are your thoughts?
Hi Dr Marc,
Thank you for your response and follow up questions.
For the midmorning nap, I try to aim for 9am, but it is often at 8.30am as he doesn’t quite make it to 9am.
Then because his first nap is often short, that makes his second nap quite early as well, I try to aim for 12 but it is usually somewhere between 10.30 and 11am.
The third nap varies and usually starts somewhere between 12-2pm.
If the nanny is here, she often gives an additional nap around 3pm. Then when I return home I bath him and put him to bed, hence the later bedtime.
Unfortunately the naps are not really based on drowsy signs. I usually do a wind down routine with him and then he plays in his cot until he falls asleep. He gets put in the cot when he is happy, around the 50min mark, and will play for about 15-25mins until he falls asleep. We do this because it is difficult to expect our nanny to pick up on drowsy signs and in addition I have a 2 year old daughter who tends to excite/distract our son very much, so it is difficult to observe drowsy signs when we are all together during the day. Please share advice on this if you think it would be better to observe drowsy signs more closely.
On the days that the nanny is with him, his bedtime usually ends up being around 5 or 5.30pm. Because I do the bedtime routine with him on those days too, I am able to see how drowsy he appears toward the end of the routine. At times when he is being put down later, he seems less drowsy and it does take him a bit longer to fall asleep after I have left the room.
If the bedtime occurs somewhere between 4-4.30pm on other days when I am with him all day, he is more drowsy during the bedtime routine and he falls asleep faster in general.
On Sunday night he went to sleep at 3pm for the night. Which was very early.
Today again, he was with the nanny. She thought she was putting him down for another nap, but he went to sleep at 2.45pm and went into his night stretch, and not another nap. She did not do a bedtime routine with him, as she thought he would just be taking another nap.
It feels to me that he very easily falls asleep for the night if it is very early. I have tried a few times to give him a slightly later bedtime (around 5pm like when the nanny is here) but it’s as if he does not want that, as he with much ease will fall sleep very early. I told my friend the other day who also has a baby, “he just goes to sleep for hours and hours, even if I intended it to just be a nap!”
This consistent early bedtime for the past two nights has been good. He only wakes up twice for a night feeding and has not necessarily woken up much earlier. I hope to see how his naps go tomorrow after 2 nights of a very early bedtime.
Regarding the lactation consultant, she said that it is possible that he is not interested in nursing during the day because of his temperament. There is thankfully no latch issue. However she did not explain which kind of temperament would result in a baby who does not want to nurse during the day and how temperament relates to nursing. I am yet to find out more regarding this from her. The document feels similar to what I read in your book, however it provides a table where you can mark the boxes to identify the temperament your baby may have. To be honest I am not sure that it is a great document, I’m sure there are better ones out there and the information in your book felt more reliable to me.
At 6 months of age, about 16% of babies are taking three naps and at 9 months of age it is 5%. So to protect an early bedtime, look forward to no 3rd nap.
The restorative benefit of naps partly depends on the timing of naps:
The mid-morning nap starts around 9-10 am and the mid-day nap starts around 12-2pm. I think these are reasonable goals for you to try for to smooth out his irregular sleep pattern.
On the week-end, when your husband is caring for your older child, watch super closely for drowsy signs regarding naps and night sleep. Then you will be better able to give specific instructions to the nanny regarding the timing of naps. The section in my book “Nap Drill’ might be of help.
I think the lactation consultant is using ‘temperament’ as a smokescreen for her ignorance or inability to help you. Maybe try another lactation consultant for another opinion.
Does this help?
Thank you Dr Marc,
This conversation has really been transformative in the way I understand an early bedtime and the third nap.
I will aim for those nap times going forward for the first and second nap and the suggestion to watch our son closely for drowsy signs on weekends is a great one. Thank you.
This is the third consecutive day of a very early bedtime, and I have seen longer naps the past two days. Will keep going!
I agree about the lactation consultant, I felt she was not too helpful. I have been recommended another one who I will make an appointment with.
Thank you for all the guidance.
Please let me know how it goes.