Blog Posts 1–5, based on the United States of America Department of the Army Field Manual: Holistic Healing and Fitness, describe what really matters for your child’s sleep. If sleep is an important enough topic for national defense than surely sleep should be considered a serious topic for parenting!
Naps are different from night sleep and long naps do not fully compensate for short night sleep. Also, not every nap is created equal: There is more rapid eye movement (REM) sleep in the morning nap compared to the mid-day nap. The duration of REM sleep within a nap, not simply the total duration of the nap, is related to creative problem solving.
High amounts of REM sleep help direct the course of brain maturation.
REM sleep is especially important for restoring us emotionally or psychologically. Deep, non-REM sleep is more important for physical restoration.
Levels of cortisol dramatically fall during a nap, indicating a reduction of stress in the body. Not taking a needed nap means that the body remains stressed.
In toddlers of 30–36 months, when only one nap is experimentally eliminated, “acute sleep restriction causes dampened positive emotion displays when positive responses are expected (solvable puzzle), as well as increased negative emotion under challenging conditions (unsolvable puzzle).” Experimental acute nap deprivation revealed that “toddlers were neither able to take full advantage of positive experiences nor as adaptive in challenging contexts. If insufficient sleep consistently ‘taxes’ young children’s emotion responses, they may not manage emotion regulation challenges effectively, potentially placing them at risk for future emotional/behavioral problems. Dr. Berger continued, “sleepy children may view and respond to the world differently than children who are well-rested: they may not be able to take full advantage of positive experiences and may not be as able to manage challenges. A lack of sleep in contexts that rely on young children’s mastery of new information (e.g., preschool) may have significant and potentially dire long-term consequences [Emphasis added].” Blog Post 50.
Among children 3–6 years, naps enhance executive function (improving attention in the presence of conflicting information). This benefit was observed in children who habitually always took naps as well as in those who napped inconsistently (less than 90 percent of the time).
(to be continued)
Hi Dr. Weissbluth! My almost 5 month old just went from 4 naps to 3 naps, but she gets tired early and doesn’t make it to her old bedtime. Her bedtime used to be 7PM, but we’ve been putting her to bed at 6PM instead. She’ll wake up twice to eat overnight (around 10PM and 2:30AM) and then wake up around 5 or 6AM and have trouble falling/staying asleep. We don’t take her out of bed until 7AM, as we prefer for her to sleep 7PM to 7AM.
She naps from 8:30-10:15AM (1.75 hours), 12-1:30PM (1.5 hours), and 3:45-4:30PM (45 min). We wake her up from her first two naps to keep her from napping too long. From 4:30-5:15PM, she’s in a good mood and plays OK independently but she’ll get tired, clingy, and then fussy around 5:30PM, so we have been putting her to bed around 6PM.
Is it OK to keep having a 6PM bedtime? Should we be letting her nap longer and stop waking her up? We are trying to find a balance between naps and night sleep.
Thank you for your time.
Why do you wake her from her naps?
Have you read the first few chapters in my book?
I have read your book and what I took away was the importance of good quality, unfragmented night sleeep… which we’ve been chasing for a while now.
There was a time where she was take multiple 2+ hour naps a day and not sleeping well at night, so we have been slowly cutting back on day sleep, in favor of early bedtimes, instead, to encourage her to get better restorative sleep at night. This seemed to work as there have been fewer night wakings.
Do you recommend capping naps? At what point does day sleep interfere with night sleep?
Understood.
Please read the sections on ‘The Witching Hour’ and ‘Second Wind’ to better understand why sleep begets sleep.
Please reread the general and age-appropriate sections on ‘Naps’.
If, and only if, an early bedtime is present, based on drowsy signs, then more day sleep duration produces better quality night sleep.
Does this help?
Back for more advice! Our little one just turned two and is still the happiest boy! Sleeps through the night, falls asleep every night and every nap without any need for intervention.
He’s developed a sleep pattern recently that concerns me a bit. His (one) nap have been getting longer (between 2h 45m and 3+ hours vs 1h 45m – 2h), shifting later (after 12noon vs between 11& 11:30am) and his night sleep onset is drifting later as well (8:00-8:45 vs 7-7:30pm). His sleep latency has increased dramatically as well, often rolling around his crib for over an hour before falling asleep at night. We keep his bedtime (when we put him in the crib and leave the room at around 7pm). At naptime, its usually at least 30 minutes of rolling, but sometimes an hour as well.
My concerns are that his sleep onset is too late, which causes him to wake up too early (at or before 6am, when his usual wake time is around 6:30am), and that he’s spending too much time rolling around in his crib (even though he does this happily, with no crying or whining). In a previous exchange you advised that we not wake him from his nap, which have stopped doing almost entirely. But when he sleeps until 3pm or later, there is no hope that he will be amenable to an early 6:30pm bedtime, only 3 hours later. Any thoughts?
Thank you!
Congratulations on all that you have accomplished! For whatever reason, his schedule has ‘advanced’ and you need to bring the bedtime earlier by limiting the duration of his nap. I do write, “Never wake a sleeping baby, unless you have to correct a sleep schedule” and some only see or hear the first part. It may involve some trial and error but based on my nap study, I think limiting his nap, that is, awakening him after 2 hours would be a good starting point and then base his bedtime on drowsy signs, not clock time. The very first time you do this, he may need extra soothing in the late afternoon but this should be temporary as the earlier bedtime kicks in. Because he is super intelligent (I think!), he might have a big sleep need so do not be surprised if his new early bedditme is very early. How does this sound to you?
Thank you! I appreciate your prompt reply. He is indeed very bright and there have been a lot of new developments recently particularly in language. I will try to limit his nap to 2 hours in order to stick with an earlier bedtime. He does usually become quite upset when he is awoken early form a nap. Any tips on how to do this in the most gentle way?
Follow your heart. I would move the bedtime progressively earlier until he naps for
about 2 hours and he does not show sleep inertia.
After 1.5 weeks of capping our son’s nap at 2 hours, I think his night sleep is improving. It took about 4 days, but then his total sleep time started to increase a bit. He now falls asleep more reliably before 8pm and wakes more reliably around 6:30am. There were a few pre-6am mornings and one night waking, but he seems to be settling into it now. He is also not so upset when we wake him after his 2 hour nap and has even woken on his own right at the 2 hour mark a few times. His sleep latency in the evening has not budged, however. Still rolls around (happily) for close to an hour before falling asleep at night.
This brings up the following question, however: do we continue with a 2 hour cap on naps? As was the case last year when I was capping his naps at 2pm, I still believe it is highly unlikely he will fall asleep before 8pm if he awakens from a nap much past 2pm.
I am also curious about your advice for when we start a part-time preschool this fall. The class is from 9-1pm twice a week. With our little one normally napping from 12-2, should we try for just an hour nap after class? Skip the nap? Pick him up early? Curious to hear your thoughts.
Thank you!
Please experiment with an earlier bedtime (7:00pm) for just 3 nights and let me know what happens. About a month before preschool starts, let me know his nap schedule. Because it is only twice a week, I think a work around is doable.
We’ve actually been putting him down at 6:30 for the last 1.5 weeks. Doesn’t fall asleep until 7:30 or 7:45pm.
Understood.
Please describe his mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction) between 5:30-6:30pm.
We’re still screen free. He’s generally really happy during that time, but it is all family time. We eat together between 5&5:30, play a little bit together, often wrestling on our bed, then in to the bath, jammies, teeth brushing, books then into the crib.
How do feel about moving the bedtime just 15 minutes earlier for just 3 nights to see if it makes a difference?
Another suggestion is to prolong your soothing to sleep by 10-15 minutes, even though he might fall asleep during this time.
Sure, we can try! It’s a little tricky some days as he wakes at 2, then we only have 4 hours in the afternoon. Do some kids just have long sleep latency?
Hello! We’ve been consistently getting our 25 month old into his crib and us out of the room between 6:15 and 6:30pm for the last 5 days. When I can get him into his crib around 6:15, he generally falls asleep between 7 and 7:30pm. However, he is still rolling around (happily) for at least an hour. We have been capping his nap at 2 hours for 3 weeks.
His mood is great, still cheerful well in to the evening. It’s just these long sleep latencies that are troubling me. I was thinking of potentially shortening his naps even further? His total night sleep is varying from 10-12 hours.
How drowsy does he appear around 5:30-6:15pm?
Exactly what do you do for soothing to sleep at night and what is the duration of your soothing effort?
Around 6:15, how dark and how quiet is his room?
He doesn’t seem drowsy at all at that time.
Soothing to sleep consists of bath (about 10 min), tooth brushing then getting jammies on, maybe some singing, then we read 3 books while rocking in a chair (10-15 minutes), then walking around while singing lullaby for 2-3 minutes, then in to the crib. This routine has been essentially unchanged since 4 months of age
We have blackout blinds and just added blackout curtains, so the room is quite dark. The house is generally quiet at that time and we have a sound machine in his room, which we use all night.
If he does not appear drowsy around 6:15pm, why not let him nap as long as he wishes and have a later bedtime based on drowsy signs? This might shorten the latency to sleep onset.
Hello Dr. Weissbluth. I have a question relating to soiled (not wet) diapers interrupting a naps. When my 9 month old son has a shorter nap I sometimes find he has had a messy diaper. Would you recommend trying to change the diaper in a dark room and soothe back to sleep? Example below.
Morning nap 820am-955am. Second nap start at 1207pm went for 43min. I left him to return to sleep hopefully for 20 minutes but he didn’t. He never cried but was awake and crawling around/sitting up. When I went in to end the nap his diaper was messy. I think he would have liked a longer nap but the messy diaper was uncomfortable. I do not know at what point during that nap he made the diaper messy. It could have been during the 20 min period I left him to hopefully return to sleep and might not have even contributed to the short nap.
Thanks for your advice!
By applying a thick layer of zinc oxide paste (not ointment or cream) to the skin before naps, any stool or urine will not penetrate this barrier and irritate the skin. Mineral oil will make the removal of the paste easy after the nap. Perhaps try this for a few days to see if it works and let me know how it goes.
Ill try it. When the second nap is interrupted and shorter than it should be, do you recommend trying for a third nap? Very hard to make it to bedtime even if its earlier when second nap ends at 1pm.
At 9 months of age, a third nap will mess up the bedtime.
What is the current falling asleep time at night?
Please describe his mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction) during the hour before falling asleep.
He falls asleep in the 530-6pm range. He is not the best napper and we usually get one long nap and two short naps a day. We have been doing the 530pm and sometimes 5pm bedtime when the day’s naps dont go well as I have seen you suggest.
For example, the day above when he had a short second nap that ended at 1250pm (maybe or maybe not due to diaper) we had him in bed at 5pm. We tried a third nap about 230pm but he wouldn’t go to sleep so we abandoned that at 315. Prior to bed he was agitated, fussy, and shouted when alone with toys.
On a day where his second nap ends at the 3pm range, he is still agitated or fussy during the hour before bed at about 530pm. He cannot handle being awake more than 2 hours really.
As an aside, he has self soothing soothing skills, we do drowsy but awake, and follow drowsy signs (I’ve read a lot of your book). He sleeps for 11 to even 13 hours at night without much problem.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth. We’ve tried pretty much everything, capping his naps at 2 hours length, capping them at a certain clock time, not capping them, earlier bedtime, later bedtime and almost no matter what, he rolls around for an hour before falling asleep at night. I’m just accepting that as his unique quirk/alone time, ha!
We have started part-time preschool this week. His sleep schedule is relatively stable: 8pm sleep onset, 6:30am wake, nap 12-2 or -3pm. His school ends at 1pm, and there is about a 7minute walk then 12 minute drive home, so realistically couldn’t get him in to bed until 1:30pm unless we pick him up early. Would you recomend just letting his nap be later, capping it at 2 hours on those two days and then going back to his “normal” schedule on the off days? Or is it better to try and stretch him to a later nap, closer to 1pm on the non-school days, so that his schedule is more stable?
Because there is no data on which I might advise your choices, my suggestion is probably unsatisfactory: Please try a 7-10 day period of the variable schedule and then try a 7-10 day period of the more stable schedule. Record mood and behavior in the late afternoon/early evening, latency to sleep onset at night, and duration of naps. If the data you record shows one choice to be superior; go for it. If there is no difference, then choose whatever fits your life style best.
By the way, when did we first chat and how old is he now? In general, is he well rested and doing well in preschool?
Is there anything different you could do on week-ends to fine tune his sleep?
Thank you! We’ll try both ways.
I think I first contacted you when he was around 5-6 months of age, and he is now 2 years & 3 months old!
He is the happiest, most well-rested child I know. We are constantly getting compliments on his behavior. He’s still 2, so it’s not all roses all the time, haha, but in general, he’s an angel. Handles new situations well, language is exploding, very sweet tempered and empathetic, just honestly the best. Does not put up any bedtime battles for naps or night bedtime, sleeps all the way through the night with no awakenings every night.
I recommend your book to all new parents. Prioritizing his sleep/naps and early bedtimes have definitely served us well. Thank you again for all your guidance from afar!
Thank you, Beth.
Have you received any criticism regarding maintaining naps or early bedtimes?
How have you dealt with possible social limitations as a result of maintaining healthy sleep for your son?
How would you describe the role of you husband regarding your son’s sleep?
We generally encounter surprise and jealousy (haha) regarding his early bedtime (7pm). Most parents wish their kids had earlier bedtimes, but feel it’s too late to shift them. Protecting his nap is honestly the hardest part. If he sleeps late, we only have a few hours in the afternoon to play, eat, and bathe. But his good mood is 100% worth it. We plan everything around his nap. If needed, we do a long car nap, sometimes taking the long way just to ensure he sleeps as long as possible. And I don’t like to do even that more than 2-3 times a month.
My husband is incredibly involved and absolutely on the same page regarding sleep. We split the nights as evenly as possible in the hopes our son doesn’t develop a strong preference for either one. And bedtime routine is unwavering. Our son is very habituated to our strong routine and goes with the flow every night. We also have a trusted part-time nanny who follows our exact routine and timing on the occasions my husband and I are out in the evening.
The hiccups come when he is under slept usually as a result of traveling. And this past week our adjustment to preschool has resulted in a bit of a deficit. And in these situations we try to stick to an earlier bedtime (6:30) for a few days until he’s caught up.
Thank you, Beth,
Would you be willing to write an update about how your early efforts to help him sleep better has benefited you, your husband, your son, and the marriage? I would post it as a Blog Post (anonymously, if you wish).
Sure, I can try! Send it to the same email address?
Thank you. Please post it here.
Apologies, I’ve been trying to write up a summary, but as soon as I started crowing about how well my son sleeps, everything went off the rails.
He began taking off his sleep sack which he has worn for every nap and sleep since he was out of swaddles, refusing naps, taking an hour to fall asleep for naps and a few bedtime battles. I understand this is not unusual behavior for a two and a half year old, testing boundaries, but we are struggling. A few times I just put him in the car and drove around in order to get him to nap, twice we let him go with no nap and moved his bedtime way up. Neither of these are workable solutions, obviously. We are trying to maintain our routine and just keep going back to our schedule, but he is making it challenging. He started part-time preschool (twice a week for half day) a month ago and just began melting down at drop off this week as well. I’m wondering if perhaps his sleep deficit from preschool (ends later than he normally naps) has just built to a critical level?
Any guidance other than sticking to our routines and trying to get him in to bed as early as possible?
Thanks much!
Understood.
Please clarify: Twice a week, he is in preschool, is there a nap opportunity and if so, does he nap?
On a nap day, describe his mood behavior around 4-5pm when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction). When do you begin and end the bedtime routine?
On a no nap day, describe his mood behavior around 4-5pm when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction). When do you begin and end the bedtime routine?
Please read the ‘Nap Drill’ on pages 289-292.
Can his father do nap duty on week-ends?
His father and I pretty evenly split all bedtime duties (naps/nighttime). His twice a week preschool ends at 1 and the plan is always for him to nap after. He will nap in the car after, but difficult for him to nap at home after. Last week we were going to start picking him up earlier, with the hope that he would not become overtired and resist naps, but that’s when he started rejecting school altogether, so haven’t been able to put that into practice.
His mood between 4-5pm is similar whether nap or no nap. Sometimes actually worse after a nap. He won’t play by himself for any length of time in the evening, either insisting we play with him or becoming involved in whatever we’re doing (cooking dinner etc). This is true all times of day, actually, not just in the evening. We are still screen free at home.
Bedtime routine starts around 6pm with a bath and ends around 7pm. He then rolls around for an hour happily, before falling asleep between 7:45 and 8:15. Some slight adjustments earlier/later depending on how his nap went (long/short, late/early). On the days he naps, (he’s only gone without a nap entirely twice)he usually sleeps close to 3 hours. I would love to start his bedtime routine earlier, to try and get him out of this sleep deficit he appears to be in, but when he wakes from naps late (3pm or later) I find that very difficult to achieve. We have completely stopped capping his naps.
I was fortunate enough to receive a copy of Dr. Weissbluth’s book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” before our son was born. I read and reread his book and the relevant sections as our son grew. Around when my son was 6 months of age, I reached out to Dr. Weissbluth with a specific question which he answered so quickly in the comments section of one of his blog posts. Since then, I have periodically peppered him with questions specific to my son (why is he waking up at 5am every day?) and general (ie are sleep regression real (no!), how to deal with daylight savings time changes). He has always offered evidence-based advice, and when there is a lack of data on the particular topic, encouraged us to experiment and closely monitor our child to discover what works best for him. It’s a difficult field as every child and family situation is so unique, but returning to his large body of work and the fundamental guidelines he sets out in his book has allowed us to adapt and to help our son continue to be well rested. Early bedtimes, and protecting his naps are the cornerstones of the approach we have cultivated with his guidance. As a result, our son is incredibly happy and well rested. Everyone who meets him is struck by his good cheer and positive attitude. Other parents and family are usually quite surprised at his early bedtime (6:30 or 7pm) and our strict adherence to his nap schedule. We are so fortunate to have the resources and flexibility to schedule our life’s activities around his nap, and not the other way around. Our steady loving boundaries, and consistent bedtime routine and rules have helped us navigate difficult transitions in his young life (dropping naps, toddler bed transition, sleep sack refusal, nap strikes, etc.). As a result, he always returns to his happy sleeper schedule after even the most disruptive events. Two years after I first contacted Dr. Weissbluth, our ability to navigate tough transitions has been proven, and the strong understanding of the crucial importance of sleep to our son’s developing brain have imparted a sense of ease and confidence in ourselves. We recommend Dr. Weissbluth’s book to all new parents.
Thank you, Beth.
Your narrative report will appear as a Blog Post in 2025.
Hello- I’m at a loss for how to best support our 2.5 year old’s sleep needs. Up until about 4 months ago when I had a baby, our little girl was a fantastic sleeper! I’ve followed the information in your book and been truly astounded by how well it works. Our daughter is so sweet, kind, smart, and truly loves to sleep. Until 4 months ago at least. Now she is not napping (though she is clearly exhausted) and it often takes her an hour or more to fall asleep at night. She wakes an hour earlier then she used to. She has begun having very frequent night wakings as well. It just feels like everything is off. I’ve tried everything I can think of: we have experimented with moving nap time around, earlier bedtimes, more active play, and longer soothing. I make every effort to give her as much one-on-one time as possible and dad is very involved. I expected some disruption when her brother was born, but I’m concerned at how long the sleep issues have persisted. We’ve experienced some other pressures that I know have caused stress for her, so it is not all just about the change in our family. I’m not liking the trajectory, as the issues have only worsened over time. I would greatly appreciate any insight or suggestions you might have.
What is her current sleep schedule?
Is this the same as before your second child came?
Current sleep schedule: wakes around 7 am. Nap attempt around 12:30 pm. If nap is successful we have her in bed at 8 pm. If nap wasn’t, we try for as close to 6 pm as we can.
Everything is a bit earlier than the schedule that worked before our second child came. As soon as she went down to one nap, her schedule was: wake at 8 am, nap at 1 pm, bedtime at 8 pm. She would nap 1.5-2.5 hours most days, sometimes longer. Never struggled to fall asleep for bedtime. Ever since she was a newborn, she has had later morning wake-ups around 8 am or later.
On a nap day, put her alone with toys (no screens nor parental or sibling involvement) and report to me her mood and behavior between 7-8pm.
On a no nap day, put her alone with toys (no screens nor parental or sibling involvement) and report to me her mood and behavior between 5-6pm.
On a no nap day, describe her mood and behavior 60 minutes before the attempted nap.
It was very challenging to keep her alone because it is so far from our normal routine or behavior, but we tried our best to do it with minimal parental interaction. We never do screens, so that wasn’t an issue.
On a nap day: she didn’t stay in her room. She would play for a few minutes and then engage us, asking us to play. She became increasingly frustrated, but her reaction seemed reasonable and mild. It took her longer to fall asleep once we put her to bed; about an hour.
On a no nap day: her mood and behavior was sweet and playful leading up to the nap. She looked tired and said she was sleepy before the nap.
When we tried to have her play alone in her room on the no nap day, she strongly resisted and expressed her desire not to be alone. She would come out of her room every minute or two for different reasons, sometimes just to ask us to play and other times crying with “injuries” or just because. After 10 minutes of this, she came out of her room and just said, “no”. We finally got her to play alone in her room for 15 minutes, and she was playing quietly, but then began sobbing. It was about 5:40 at this point, so we decided to call it and transition to bedtime. She was extremely happy to be with us and asked for lots of group hugs with mommy, daddy, and stuffed animals. She wasn’t hyperactive like I was expecting (she’s had a couple days in a row with naps now); she was sad and sensitive until we gave her our full attention.
Please carefully read and have your husband read Blog Posts 83 and 115X to determine when she needs to sleep and also Blog Posts 159 and 204 to determine whether the nap time and/or bedtime is too late.
Does she understand consequences?
Do you have a copy of the 5th edition of my book?
Thank you for those blog references. It’s a helpful refresher to act on drowsiness signs before it gets to fatigue. We are fortunate in that we are able to put her down to sleep at 5:30 if that’s what she needs. She has been sleeping better–and feeling better–but sleep doesn’t feel resolved. She has skipped nap two days in a row now, despite consistently earlier bedtimes. It is challenging to know what to do for her on the days she wakes up appearing still drowsy.
I do have some questions regarding nap:
1. Should I ever cap her nap? Sometimes she will nap for 3 hours or longer. I usually wake her up.
2. How hard should I get her to nap if it’s clear she isn’t going to fall asleep? We’ve had some success going in after 10-15 minutes to let her know it is not time to play, it’s time to sleep.
3. If she shows drowsiness signs just 2 hours after waking, should we start the sleep routine? Should there be a certain amount of wakefulness?
“She has skipped nap two days in a row now, despite consistently earlier bedtimes. It is challenging to know what to do for her on the days she wakes up appearing still drowsy.”
Strongly suggests that in general, her falling asleep time is too late.
Because of her age, the expectation is that she naps every day.
For the next 4-5 days:
When she naps, I suggest that you temporarily limit (cap) the nap at at two hours in order to move the bedtime earlier, either based on drowsy signs or just 20 minutes earlier. But if she still show drowsy signs just 2 hours after waking in the morning, then temporarily, enforce an expected falling asleep time at 5:30pm.
When she does not nap, go to an expected 5:30pm falling asleep time (she is bathed, fed, soothed, and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm)
In both instances, do extinction over night.
Read carefully and execute “Sleep Rules” and “Silent Return to Sleep in my book and do make a poster and do have + and – consequences as described.
Keep data and tell me how it goes.
Eventually, the expectation is that she will always nap (1-2 hours), you will stop capping naps, and the bedtime will be based on drowsy signs at the end of the day.
How does this sound?
Forgot to mention, she does understand consequences. We have the 4th edition of your book.