If you have not already done so, please read Blog Posts 1 through 5 that describe how sleep is important and beneficial. I will post specific information for parents and children based on my book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Please do not be put off by my book’s length. This is a reference book. Read only the topic of interest to you.
All babies wake up for feedings at night. All babies cycle between deep sleep and light sleep during the night. All babies make non-distress vocalizations at night.
Some babies, at night, have more difficulty returning to deep sleep by themselves after a normal partial awakening occurring during a light sleep phase. They then fully awaken and cry out (‘signaled awakening’) and return to sleep only with parental soothing assistance. This is called fragmented sleep.
Some babies, at night, have less difficulty returning to deep sleep by themselves after a partial awakening occurring during a light sleep phase. They have better self-soothing skills and are more able to return to a deep sleep phase unassisted. This is called consolidated sleep. Sleep consolidation (Blog Post 11) means uninterrupted sleep in between awakenings for feeding.
Self-soothing skills in the baby (Blog Post 16) are related to features within the baby such as infant colic (Blog Posts 43 and 44) and infant temperament (Blog Posts 46–48).
Self-soothing skills in the baby may be encouraged by parents by having early and regular bedtimes (Blog Posts 7, 12, and 91), frequent and consistent bedtime routines (Blog Posts 10, 87, 89, and 90), healthy naps (Blog Posts 53–56), and perhaps, most importantly, putting your baby down to sleep drowsy but awake at bedtime (Blog Post 9). This is because learning self-soothing at sleep onset (the bedtime) makes it easier for your baby to self-soothe back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Blog Posts 99 and 100 summarize how impaired sleep in children causes mental health problems in children.
The good news is that when parents help their child sleep better, their child’s mental health improves (Blog Posts 66 and 75)!
Remember, it’s never too late and it’s never too early to help your baby sleep better through the night (Blog Posts 102–107), and prevent or correct mental health problems in your child.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth!
We have read you book and have implemented the 5:30 reset for a few days for our almost 5 month old son. He did great and we have been doing a 6:15/6:30 bedtime which has been working great up until a few days ago. He always wakes up for a feeding between 4-6am but now there have a been 2-3 other wakings that we need to soothe him back to sleep. His naps have also gone from 1.5ish to 30 min. Any advice? Thanks so much!!
Looking carefully at his mood and behavior when by himself with toys (no screens and no parent involvement) between 4-5pm, is he showing any drowsy signs (view Blog Post 115X)? If so, maybe 6:00-6:15 is his best bedtime (or sometimes earlier because of shorter naps) and 6:30 is too late. Small changes in bedtimes have big effects! What do you think? Review Blog Posts 84-86 for a deeper understanding of cumulative sleepiness to better understand what may have happened.
4pm is the start of him being soo fussy- the only thing that soothes him is being held or in a wrap. We can try and move the bedtime back to being earlier. Just frustrating when my friends babies can go to sleep later and still sleep 12+ hours at the same age haha
Understood. But many parents with late bedtimes do not share the evening struggles, tantrums, bedtime battles that they experience with their babies. You, your family, and your baby will all do better with an earlier bedtime. Please re=read Blog Posts 1-5.
Okay we will keep trying! Last night he feel asleep by 6:15 but still had a few wake ups. Will it take for him to regain the sleep loss?
Blog Post 80 is “Recovery from sleep loss”.
Hello Dr Weissbluth! I’m a huge fan of your book, having started reading it 2 weeks postpartum and employed all of your strategies. I ended up with a very amazing sleeper who started sleeping 12 hours straight at just 3 months old, which I credit mostly to your book. What I find even more impressive is that he’s a reflux baby and has had a lot of GI issues with food allergies (leading to a lot of vomit, sometimes at night) and yet has still persisted with amazing sleep!
Unfortunately, over the past 2 weeks (right around 5 months of age), my son has started night wakings – usually around 5 a.m., but sometimes as early as 2 a.m. He’s a good self-soother and usually able to put himself back to sleep, but we’ve had a few instances where he cannot. I’ve tried very light soothing, diaper check, sometimes a rock and replace to get him back. I’m ensuring I’m not feeding him since he passed night feeds at 3 months of age. Is it time to employ an extinction method for these night wakings? I want to make sure I’m not training him into crying and getting parental soothing (even though I’ve kept it really light thus far). He goes to bed early (we start the process around 6, generally asleep by 6:30 or 6:45 at the latest). Thank you for your insight and wisdom!
Please tell me your child’s age, current nap schedule, and describe his mood and behavior during the hour before falling asleep when alone (no screens or parental interaction).
Age: 5 months
Nap Schedule: Still not consolidated, but generally: 1. first nap around 9 a.m. (it’s starting to lengthen to 60-90 minutes from 30 minutes). 2. Second nap around 12-1 (usually only 30 minutes). 3. Third Nap around 3/4 p.m. (generally only 30 minutes, sometimes will go 45-60). We never let him sleep past 5.
Behavior before falling asleep: we watch for drowsy cues which starts as glassy eyes/yawning and that’s when we take him to get ready for bed (it’s usually sometime around 6, sometimes earlier, sometimes later). Routine is lotion, meds, diaper change, and a nursing session which has become short in the recent weeks and he usually gulps his milk down, then cries to be put down in his crib. Once put in the crib, he’s drowsy but awake and hangs out in the crib murmuring to himself for 5-10 minutes before falling asleep.
For the next 3 days only, do everything that you currently do but start the soothing to sleep process 20 minutes earlier and monitor latency to sleep onset, night wakings, and naps. Let me know how it goes.
Hi Dr Weissbluth! Reporting back on the 3 day early soothing process.
Day 1: long latency to sleep (20 minutes) which included crying, needed one light soothing (pacifier/headrub). He woke up at midnight needing soothing (worst yet since newborn!). Also was up at 4/5 am.
Day 2: long latency to sleep (20 minutes), also crying, needed one soothing light soothing (pacifier/headrub). Woke up at 3/5 a.m., but not crying, didn’t need intervention. Up for the day at 6:30, but then fell asleep while feeding at 7:15 to 8 a.m.
Day 3: Normal latency to sleep (5-10 minutes), mostly happily babbling, a little crying (no intervention needed). Only one wake up around 5 a.m. but it was happy babbling and he was back to sleep shortly and slept until 6:50 a.m.
No changes in naps for any of these days, still seeing variable 30-60 minutes on that first nap, with the second two really only being 30 minutes long.
Let me know thoughts and if we should keep going on the early bedtime. Thank you for your help!
Because of the suggestion of improvement on Day 3, I suggest you stay the course for 3 additional days and continue to monitor his sleep. Please report back after these 3 more days.
Bebê de 7 meses. Acabou de fazer a transição para 2 Sonecas. Estava indo bem, mas há 3 dias tem múltiplos despertares no início da noite. E o melhor estirao de sono é de 4h. Mas tem acordado a cada 1h , as vezes mais.
Help!!
Please translate.
Alright, reporting back after 3 more days!
Latency to sleep onset was good all three days – down to 5 min or so.
Night wakings: Minimal (e.g., experienced some small cries early evening/midnight ish, but never needed parental intervention, always soothed himself). Woke up at 5 a.m. on 2 days, but soothed self back to sleep.
Wakeup: Ranged from 6:20 to 7 a.m.
Naps: HORRIBLE! We saw the biggest decline here with naps on the third day deteriorating to 10-15 mins per nap. We had a VERY tired baby on the third day and we started bedtime routine at 5:30 and he was asleep by 6 pm, earliest yet.
I’m pleased with the night consolidation with this approach, but naps still seem to be a struggle. Please let me know thoughts – thank you!
Because night sleep is improved and he is 5-6 months old, please consider imposing on your baby an age-appropriate nap schedule as discussed on page 289: ‘Nap Drill’. If this does comport with your values, let me know and we’ll try something else.
Perfect, thank you! I’ve tried the soothing extension for the midmorning nap on weekends which has had varying degrees of success, but might try one of the more “harsh” strategies. My vortex of control is more limited during the week because I’m back at work and he’s under the care of a nanny, but will do my best. And to note, I’ve seen the midmorning nap emerge to a small degree – we sometimes get 60-90 minutes out of him, it’s just not consistent yet. Will keep working on it. I’ve left the midday nap be for now since it seems we should be focusing on establishing the midmorning nap first. Let me know if I’m off-base here.
Just to confirm, because we’re seeing improved night sleep – we should permanently adjust the bedtime to the 20 minutes earlier we’ve been doing?
1. Just to confirm, because we’re seeing improved night sleep – we should permanently adjust the bedtime to the 20 minutes earlier we’ve been doing? Yes for now. As naps get more regular and longer, the bedtime might be comfortably moved a little later. But naps vary a bit from day to day so it’s always better to adjust the bedtime based on how he looks between 4-5pm.
2. The midmorning nap does begin to become more regular and longer before the midday nap so more focus on the midmorning nap is appropriate; for now.
3. By the way, from about 1-2 weeks of age to 2-3 months of age did he have a lot of evening fussiness/crying suggestive of colic?
Have confidence that naps will become well established over the next few weeks because you were able to execute an earlier bedtime. Congratulations!
1. Got it. Will keep monitoring that 4-5 pm zone and adjust accordingly. But for now, will keep going with the earlier time.
2. Perfect, for now 🙂
3. So, no, he wasn’t a ‘colicky’ baby, but did have GI issues that all baked down to food allergies. So he cried more than a normal baby (definitely not to the definition of colic in your book), but the poor guy was in pain with microscopic blood in his stool. Once we eliminated the irritants from my diet (cow milk protein, soy, eggs and fish) his demeanor improved substantially. He’s also a reflux baby, and went on pepcid around 2 months of age.
Thanks for your help, will keep working on those naps!
Hello Dr Weissbluth,
I am a first time mother. Our baby girl is just shy of 8 months. We used your recommendations and graduated extinction to “sleep train” her around 4.5 months of age with great success!
We have a fairly consistent schedule at this age (naps #1 9AM 1-2 hours and #2 1/2PM 1-2 hours.) with a bedtime of 7/7:30PM and wake up of 7/7:30AM. She goes to sleep well for all naps and bedtime but has been waking 1-2x per night, feeding and then struggling to fall back asleep on her own. (Usually waking around 11PM and 3/4AM). We tried a GE method for few nights with the wakings and ended up holding her until she falls asleep and that has now become a pattern. How can we help her get back to putting herself to sleep in the night after wakings?
Thank you!
Please describe her mood and behavior between 5-7pm when she is alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction).
Reporting back. She played happily but quietly (she’s usually a babbler) with toys until approx 6pm. Then she began rubbing her head with both her hands and toys. Started bedtime routine around 6:15 (bath, nursing, book, bed) and she was happy through all of that as well but definitely appeared tired (reddened brows/eyelids, rubbing ears and eyes). She fell asleep within approx 10 minutes.
“We have a fairly consistent schedule at this age with a bedtime of 7/7:30PM and wake up of 7/7:30AM. She goes to sleep well for all naps and bedtime but has been waking 1-2x per night, feeding and then struggling to fall back asleep on her own.”
Her behavior around 6pm is proof that your current bedtime is too late and is directly causing her night awakening. Read my Blog Posts on Drowsy Signs and use them to choose a much earlier bedtime.
Hello Dr. W,
Are you still responding to questions here?
Chelsea
Yes.
Hello,
My daughter was born on May 2. Currently, she falls asleep during or after nursing anywhere between 6:30-7:15. We have worked to make the nighttime routine more consistent, and it has been hard since I am home by myself until around 6 with the baby and the toddler until my wife gets home.
Once in her crib she will either stay asleep after nursing or wake up and cry for a bit, but we will not go in. Until recently, she consistently woke up once a night anywhere between 1-5 for a feeding and then went back to sleep. Now, she is waking up twice a night – at 1 and at 4-5. I am feeding her both times.
At daycare naps are 30 min-hour, but she has a hard time napping in the crib. When at home, the mid morning nap is most successful, around 9, but she has a very hard time napping and soothing in the afternoon.
On school days, I pick her up around 4-445 and she is usually exhausted and might fall asleep in the car. With one child, it was much easier to follow the routine and he slept through the night at 4 months and had zero sleep regressions. This has felt a little trickier to get her in a routine and also help her soothe consistently. Sometime she cries for an hour and sometimes not at all.
Hope this all make sense. Thank you!
-Chelsea
Because her naps are brief at Daycare, try a 5:30pm lights out (you have bathed, fed, soothed and are leaving the room at 5:30pm) for 5 nights and let me now how she behaves and sleeps. Pick a night sleep solution (let cry, maybe cry, or no cry) and practice it consistently. How does this sound to you?
I can definitely try that!
Today she fell asleep in the short car ride home from school and slept from 4:50-5:20. Should I just put her right back at down and stick to that plan?
Thanks so much for your support!
Try to not let her fall asleep before 5:30pm with loud car music, open windows, etc. and plan as described.
Okay! In that case she will take three naps a day instead of 4, but seems worth it. Tonight she was down at 5:43 and stopped crying/was asleep by 6:45.
I’ll report back!
Hello,
We are instituting the earlier bedtime and things got better, then declined. We are trying to give her time to cry when she wakes up at night, but it is hard for her to settle.
Sleep:
Night 1:
Put down @ 5:43
Asleep at 6:45
Woke at 1 – fed and back down by 1:30
Woke at 5:50, fed at 6:05
Night 2 10/17:
Down at 5:50, asleep by 6:05
– little noise, not really any crying
Woke at 5:58 am
Night 3 10/18:
Down at 5:39, asleep by 6
– no crying, just babbling for awhile
Cried at 935-10:15, fed @10:20, back down at 10:47
Woke at 310, cried until 3:25. Fed at 3:28 and back down at 345
Woke at 6:48am
:
Night 4 10/19:
Down at 5:37, no crying
Woke briefly a 7:38 and cried minimally
Woke at 1215, fed at 1226-114
Woke at 4:50 – babbled/cried until 5:20. Woke and fed at 5:30.
Thoughts? Thank you!
Are her naps still brief?
Is the crying extremely loud, continuous, and intense or more mild and intermittent or variable?
Please describe exactly in what way sleep initially improved and then failed to improve?
Are you able to stay the course for a few more days/nights?
We will definitely stay the course! The early bedtime seems to really work for her.
The crying was continuous and loud on Night 3 at 10. The other nights have been extended babbling and crying. Do I go in at these times? Should I always feed?
I will be honest that out son’s room is next store, so that brings on worry about him waking.
Naps have been inconsistent at school. She has been more independent in her crib and sleep onset, but timing is still brief.
Appreciate you!
Please always feed your child at night if you think she is hungry. If not, let her self-soothe back to sleep.
Just checking in. Our daughter has continued to go down as close to 5:30 as the flow of our after work/daycare time permits.
She goes to sleep without a fuss and independently. She has been waking either once over the night or she will occasionally sleep through until 545. After the first waking, she always goes back down easily, no matter the time.
Naps at home this past weekend were the best they have been, not over an hour, but much better self soothing.
Does the overnight waking disappear at some point?
Thanks,
Chelsea
Does Blog Post 52 answer your question?
Yes and no. I am wondering most about consistency. We are doing everything in our control, and we will have a couple days of one overnight waking, but then it’s back to two.
Should my wife try to resettle first? She is going down at 5:30, and starting to wake again at 12:30-1 and again at 4-5. Is this just something we need to wait to grow it of?
How old is she?
Exactly what occurs at the 12:30-1 night waking?
She is 6 months old. She wakes up and babbles to herself, but begins to cry. Then, we change and feed her.
The napping has definitely been hard during the day to get her to settle. She crises for an hour and twenty today before I picked her up.
How certain are you that she is hungry then?
I’m not, but she does eat. This has been the hardest part for us and the hardest for me to decipher how to handle from the book.
Also, since her naps have been so inconsistent, I have a feeling that is affecting her nighttime sleep.
Thank you for your help.
How many ounces does she take and how quickly?
She breastfeeds for about 20-30 minutes.
Does she ever take a bottle of expressed breast milk or formula?
She does during the day, but at night she has been primarily breastfeeding.
Would you consider you or the father giving a test bottle at night for 2-3 nights to clarify whether she is truly hungry at 12:30-1? By observing how many ounces she takes and how quickly she takes it, you might discover that she is, or is not really hungry. If she is not really hungry, would you consider ignoring her at that time?
That sounds like a plan. I will have my wife (two mom family!) try a bottle at that time tonight.
Thanks for working through this with me!
Overnight, she definitely drinks a whole bottle. The sleep overnight has gotten worse – even with the consistent early bedtime. I am thinking of giving her a bottle before bed instead of breastfeeding to make sure she is full.
Does it make sense to let her cry at night for more than an hour or to continue having my wife try to settle and/or give a bottle?
Thanks.
If you suspect that your breast milk supply might be low (thirsty a lot, pumping a smaller volume) at the end of the day (her bedtime), than do breastfeed at that time and follow it with a bottle. The well-fed breast-fed baby will not take much from the bottle and might suck a little slowly. If, however, she takes an ample amount from the bottle quickly, than you know that your breast-milk supply was low. Now you have choices such as trying to augment your breast milk supply (perhaps working with a lactation consultant), offering a supplemental bottle, or weaning. But if it appears that your baby is crying at night or not sleeping well at night from hunger, than feeding more is your priority.
Do you agree?
I definitely it let agree.
Overall, I think things aren’t syncing with naps because she spends her weeks at daycare where she can’t always self soothe. Then, she comes home and the routines are different.
Just been a hard process, so I appreciate you being a resource.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth! We are struggling to get consolidated early morning sleep with our 5 month old (born 38 weeks gestation) I am wondering if nightweaning could help? He falls asleep with little to no fuss and wakes for one feed around 4am. After this feed he does not have sustained sleep, and he wakes every 30-40 minutes, sometimes crying for up to 15 minutes before putting himself to sleep. We wake him at 7am if he is not awake but this is rare. He never seems to wake happy, which concerns me about sleep inertia.
Otherwise, his morning nap has solidly developed (8:30-9am start, for 1.5 hours). His midday nap has not been consistently longer, and he continues with a catnap around 4:45pm. Bedtime is between 7 and 7:30pm at the latest. His weight is good (60th percentile) and he eats small amounts of solids while breastfeeding during the day. Should we try weaning the 4am feed?
Please describe his mood and behavior between 5-7pm when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction).
He is typically happy during that time. His most reliable drowsy sign is staring off into space and he doesn’t do that until close to bedtime. We do a bottle of breastmilk to ensure he is getting at least 6 oz at 6:15pm. He is usually smiley for this, sometimes does appear to get drowsy and will close his eyes. After the bottle we do lotion/pajamas/story. He is engaged in the story, reaching for the pages and babbling. We offer a pacifier then as well.
He used to get kind of a rebound energy “kick” after the bottle and would be very active on the changing table, so we moved bedtime earlier (to 7/7:15) and this seems to have gone away.
“We do a bottle of breastmilk to ensure he is getting at least 6 oz at 6:15pm. He is usually smiley for this, sometimes does appear to get drowsy and will close his eyes. After the bottle we do lotion/pajamas/story…He used to get kind of a rebound energy “kick” after the bottle and would be very active on the changing table, so we moved bedtime earlier (to 7/7:15) and this seems to have gone away.”
Moving the bedtime earlier helped and he will sleep much better when you move it even earlier. Around 6:15 he is fed and sometimes appears drowsy. By doing everything else before the feeding, try a falling asleep time around 6:30pm. Monitor latency to sleep onset, night waking, and mood in the morning. After 3-5 nights let me know how it’s going.
Does this help?
Yes this is very helpful! I have two follow up questions:
1. Should I be concerned about a feed to sleep association if feeding is the last thing we do before bed? He developed that once after a vacation and it’s the only time we had to use graduated extinction.
2. When should I “cut off” day sleep if he is going to be sleeping at 6:30?
Hello! Reporting back after 4 nights of earlier bedtime to try to reduce early morning waking.
Night 1: sleep latency 11 minutes. After 5:30am, did not settle, woke every 10-20 minutes. We started the day at 6:30am and he was upset and fussy for about a half hour.
Day 1: Short morning nap, woke crying. Cried before midday nap but slept 1.5 hours. Fussy at 5:50pm.
Night 2: Sleep latency 3 minutes. Beginning at 5:25am woke every 10-20 minutes. Up for the day at 6:23am. Cried but quickly happy.
Day 2: GREAT naps (2 hours, 1.5 hours, 25 min). Good mood all day.
Night 2: Sleep latency 6 minutes. Woke 6:45am crying, but quickly happy.
DAy 3: Nonexistent naps despite doing nap drill for first two (21 minutes, 17 minutes, 7 minutes). Mood was surprisingly good until 4pm. Held him for a half hour to sleep 4:30-5pm because he was so fussy. Decided to move bedtime even earlier to “reset”
Night 3: In bed at 5:49pm, asleep within a minute. Woke naturally at 7:02am with no early morning difficulties!
Day 4: Shorter morning nap (46 minutes), good mood, 1.75 hour afternoon nap, 38 minute evening nap. Drowsy signs (staring off into space) at 5:30.
Night 4: Rushed through bedtime routine because we saw drowsy signs, got him into crib at 6:22. Sleep latency 23 minutes, crying often. Pretty horrible night. After 3am he wouldn’t sleep for more than half an hour. Ended up feeding him 5 times in the night, holding him for an hour in the early morning hours so he would sleep.
Any thoughts or advice? Should we keep at 6:30 bedtime even though his naps have deteriorated so much? Is it possible he needs an even earlier bedtime (like 6pm?)
I agree with you. Looking at the big picture, the earlier bedtime was associated with a very short latency to sleep onset telling us that the previous bedtime was too late. My suggestion is to continue with what you are doing except for a 5:30pm lights off, falling asleep time, you are leaving the room at 5:30pm for only 4-5 nights. But if he has two great naps, then 6:00pm. Watch for drowsy signs between 4-5pm to guide your decision for either a 5:30 or 6:00 falling asleep time. If Thanksgiving does not permit this new schedule, then begin on Friday in order to have a 4-5 night consecutive trial. It is possible that this even earlier bedtime will permit two long naps in the future and if so, then the bedtime them might be closer to 6:00-6:30pm.
How does this sound?
This is very helpful, thank you! We will begin the trial after thanksgiving.
Reporting back! We did 4 days of 5:30 lights out and he had very low sleep latency (1-5 minutes). He clearly needed that bedtime. Last night was the first time we saw no drowsy signs between 4-5pm so we opted for a 6:00pm bedtime. Sleep latency 11 minutes with no crying. He does sleep well at first (approx 9 hours!), but his early wakings (5am, upset) have returned for the past 3 days. If we hold him, he goes back to sleep until 7am. I’m unsure if we should be leaving him in his crib crying at 5am or if we should support him in returning to sleep.
Unfortunately naps still haven’t lengthened like they did when we had a 7:00pm bedtime. He wakes from naps after about 45 minutes very upset, rubbing his eyes. We leave him in the crib for 15 minutes to see if he will go back down but he hasn’t yet since introducing the earlier bedtime.
What do you think? Do we continue with a 6pm bedtime and hope naps will extend? He is 5 months and 1 week old, born 38 weeks gestation. I saw in your book that most babies drop to 2 naps by 6 months but he does still fall asleep easily for that 3rd catnap.
At 5 months of age, if helping him sleep from 5am to 7am works to extend his early morning sleep and is doable, probably it will be a good thing, for now. However, in the future, he might wake himself up even earlier, call out, and expect you to come and hold him. So maybe this is a temporary or short-term helpful sleep strategy.
At 6pm months of age, about 16% of infants are taking 3 naps and this decreases to 5% by 9 months of age. Dropping the 3rd nap now will enhance your ability to get a super-super early bedtime which in the long-run will permit him to sleep better at night and during the day. Does this help?
It does. It sounds like we should experiment with dropping the third nap and continuing with early bedtime (last night was 6:15 and thus seemed perfect). I don’t want to create the expectation that we will hold him from 5am-7am, so I am very open to strategies that will let him sleep beyond 5am naturally.
Hello,
We are not able to implement an early bedtime as our commute on work days means we are not getting home until either 6 or 645ish, depending on the day. Usually, baby takes a catnap in the car on the commute which means bedtime is pushed later. He is 21 weeks now meaning his wake times are longer. We are down to 4 naps, sometimes 3 when we do not work that day depending on the length of his naps. what should one do if that early of a bedtime just does not work? He wakes often at night – every 1.5-2.5 hours on average, and always has. If I nurse him he gets back down to sleep relatively easy. He is able to put himself to sleep for all naps and bedtime with minimal or no fussing – we put him down wide away also. Daily wake time (due to commute for work) is around 640am and if he wakes within an hour or two of this time I’ve been holding him to get him to sleep until the 640ish time so the rest of the day goes ok. He gets pumped bottles during the day and I nurse at night. I’m not sure why he is waking so much overnight..sometimes I hear him wake and get back to sleep after sucking his thumb, other times he wakes and is upset until I nurse. Even if I pick him up he still fusses. Any help is appreciated.
Your specific family circumstances associated with a catnap in the car and a bedtime that is too late might lead to cumulative sleepiness and major sleep problems. I would like to help but there are too many variables for this forum. A community sleep consultant (maybe the Family Sleep Institute can help with a referral) might be able to sort out how prevent this from occurring.
Hi!
My husband and I have read and followed your healthy sleep habits book with our son. He is a wonderful sleeper (I really believe mainly because of the insight offered in your book, so thank you!) and is starting to consolidate his naps (he’s five and a half months old!)
Within the last week or so, we’ve noticed him become a lot more “vocal” in the wee hours of the morning. It seems to be happening right around the 50 minute mark and just sounds like he’s babbling. Never resulting in a cry, and typically he quiets back down and visibly becomes peaceful on the monitor a couple minutes later. I guess my question; is this interfering with his consolidated night time sleep? Or is this actually part of his sleep cycling? So far we have not needed to intervene and stay out until our morning start time between 615a-630.
We have recently dropped the fourth nap, and are still doing three and have moved bedtime from 7-730p to between 6-630p
Is the chatter and babbling something to be concerned about?
Because the new behavior started around the time of moving the bed later, please try for 3-5 nights moving the bedtime back to the old 6-6:30 time frame. If he falls asleep at this earlier time, then you will know, after the fact, that switching the bedtime later was a mistake. If so, the new vocalizations that you observed might disappear because they reflected the development of a cumulative sleep debt. How does this sound?
I think we may have a misunderstanding, we have actually moved the bedtime earlier, moving it from 7-730 with four naps, to 6-630 with 3 naps. This has been in the last 10 days or so
However, today he woke at 6a, first nap at 8 for 1hr 20mins second nap at 1120 for 1hr 40mins and third nap at 3, for 40mins. By 5p he was giving sleep cues so bedtime routine and lights out by 535p … this is the earliest we’ve ever put him to bed so I am admittedly a little anxious about it.
What are your thoughts given this information?
Also, do you feel like waking him at the same time each day is helpful or harmful in this situation?
Sorry for the misunderstanding. You are on the right track: moving the bedtime earlier is likely to help. Previously, during the last 10 days or so, based on his mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental involvement), do you think he could have been sleepy before 6-6:30pm?
I suggest that you continue with the super early bedtime (based on drowsy signs) for a few days and keep a record of latency to sleep onset, the vocalizations, and the naps and then we will reconsider how to proceed.
My observation is that following your child’s need to sleep (not waking him in the morning) is usually best. An approximate age-appropriate nap rhythm is a major nap around 9am and 12-2pm +/- a variable and brief nap that starts before 3pm. It will develop over the next few weeks. Let me know how it goes.
Thank you so much for your guidance! Happy to report that the even earlier (535p) bedtime last night resulted in less vocalizations, none of which required any intervention, and slept visibly more sound in the early am until waking at 620 on his own.
To answer your question re: drowsy before 6-630- in reflection, yes I know for certain he has become drowsy before 6-630 in the last week and a half or so with us dropping the fourth nap and adjusting to an earlier bedtime… in reconsideration I don’t think it was an early enough adjustment based on what we are seeing and experiencing and should have relied on his drowsy signs more than looking at the clock and thinking “wow 6 is really early, so he should be fine to make it until then!”
We will give the next several days with a super early bedtime a go and report back on naps and night time vocalizations! Thanks again!
Hi Dr. W,
I currently have a 5 month daughter. She wakes up after one sleep cycle at night after being put down for the night. She goes back to sleep immediately if we put back her pacifier.
I have tried both an earlier and a later sleep time at night, but I don’t think that had solved the issue and I am not sure what to do to troubleshoot. Your help is much appreciated.
Please provide exact details of what you have attempted in the past and her current most common sleep schedule.
Do you put her down drowsy but awake for naps and night sleep?
Dr. Weissbluth,
Our daughter is almost 9 months old and we have relied on your book and blogs. One thing we are struggling with is finding her best bedtime.
We’ve used a 6:30 bedtime since her older brother is 6:30-6:30 and sleeps 12 hour nights. When we were doing night feeds, she would typically make it until 6:30 am after her 3 or 4 am feed. About a month ago we weaned her off of that bottle. She is now typically waking around 5 am, if not earlier.
It is challenging for us to understand how to approach with a child who is only on 10.5 hours of nighttime sleep. She has refused a 3rd nap for many months, but she only does about 3.5 total daytime.
So if she wakes at 5 am and the first nap is 7-9 and second nap 12-1:30, we get ourselves into a pickle when she refuses a 3rd nap. We tried putting her to bed at 5:45 for a few nights and she just started waking earlier at 4 am and then we didn’t know what to do.
We also have a nanny, which makes it challenging for us because the days that we are home we are able to think more on the fly and use all the info available to us to try to decide how to approach it. With the nanny, she needs very clear instructions what to try.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Review drowsy signs in my book and teach them to your nanny. At nine months of age, your expectation is that there are only 2 naps: midmorning and midday with a total duration of 2-3 hours(or more). This nap variability means that the bedtime is variable. The bedtime is based on drowsy signs. My book explains what to do if your baby wakes too early.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth!
I wanted to thank you for your wonderful book. I started using it for my daughter at 6 weeks and was a life changer for us. However for the past 5 days she has been waking up an hour after bedtime. She cries very loudly. If we attempt to let her self soothe, she will stop crying around 20 minutes and then be awake for 10 more minutes. She is 10 months next week. Her schedule is:
Wake: 7 am – mood: happy
1st nap: 9 am – for 90 minutes. Wakes up happy
2nd nap: 1 pm – 60 – 90 minutes. Wakes up happy.
Bed time: 5:45 pm. Massage, diaper change, fed 4 ounces of formula. Put into crib around 6:15 pm asleep within minutes.
Wakes at 7 pm: today cried for over 20 minutes loudly, quiet for 10 more and then asleep
I have moved her bed time 15-20 minutes earlier. Do you have any recommendations on how I can prevent this waking at 7 pm and crying?
Please describe her mood and behavior between 4-5pm when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction).
Hi Dr., Her mood from 4 – 4:45 pm is curious, playful and generally happy. She will play with her toys, books and sing. After 4:45, I’d say she gets more emotional. She is typically a very happy baby who hardly cries which is why the night crying so suddenly is shocking for us.
“After 4:45, I’d say she gets more emotional.” is pre-sleep arousal because the falling asleep time is too late. Please read the Blog Posts on presleep arousal and how to move the bedtime earlier. Her crying is from a bedtime that is too late.
Thanks Doc! I had a feeling you would say that.
Hello Marc,
Our baby is generally very good natured and smiles a lot and is very social. However she wakes up between 5 and 20 times a night. I am finding it very hard to get any sleep as sometimes it’s twice an hour especially towards the early hours/dawn perhaps 2am-7am. She often latches on and off continually during this time and cries and reaches out if she cannot find the breast.
We have a Next-To-Me crib and we Co-sleep.
She is breastfed, starting to eat foods (has no teeth yet) and is 7months old.
I am exhausted and desperate and we found your book and are implementing techniques you suggest.
First night we tried getting her to sleep by 6.30pm after supper, bath, lotion, story and breast milk. Put her to bed awake. She struggled and cried and I stayed with her until she went to sleep which she did do after about 10 minutes. She awoke 30 minutes later. And then each hour after for the next 3 hours. Her dad was able to settle her after this for the next 2 wake ups and then she did the continual latching until the early hours.
The next night she took less time to get to sleep and cried only a little bit. 5 minutes. I stayed with her and she slept. This time she stayed asleep for the first hour and then woke up each hour after that for 3 hours and then did her continual latching.
She usually ‘sleeps’ for 12 hours – whatever time you put her down she will stay in bed and mostly sleep until that time in the morning. 7-7 or 8.30 – 8.30 or 9-9 etc. Then like clockwork 2 hours after she wakes will nap usually for 30-40-1hour.
At lunchtime she has a nap of 30-40-1hour.
In the afternoon she often naps for 30-40-1hour.
If the middle nap is short usually the other two have been longer.
How can I encourage her to stay asleep and not wake or continually need to latch to me? In theory she no longer needs milk at night. She has never slept longer than 4 hours straight in her life and this was only until she was 4 months old.
Please help me and my family. It would change my life. I am currently unable to function very well.
Caroline
Because “I am currently unable to function very well.”, it is essential that your husband read the age-appropriate Chapter in my book, the Sleep Solutions Chapter, choose a sleep solution that comports with your values, and put him in charge to fix this. It will only take several days. If he refuses, let me know.
Dear Marc,
Update: My baby’s daddy is reading the chapter you suggested. Last night he woke up at 3am and took her into another room after she was breastfed and beginning to do her ‘continually latching’ and she did awake a lot and he managed to re-settled her. In this way, I was able to get 3 hours of sleep. It’s the first consistent sleep I’ve had in a long, long time and it really did help me go about my day feeling less terrible.
Today was the 3rd day of implementing your techniques. After going to bed at 7pm our baby woke at 7am, we ate a little and got ready for the day and then napped between 8.30 and 9.39 with one interruption in the middle where I re-settled her. I put her into her bed drowsy but awake. She then napped again from 1:05 until 2:10 at lunchtime. Ate lunch, had a walk and slept again at 16:47 (I had been trying since 4pm to settle her and lay next to her pretending to be asleep myself while she pulled my hair, nose, lips and clothes and laughed to try to get me to play with her. I remained pretend asleep. She then started to play with her feet and rock her arms and roll a little and babble to herself (I was squinting from one eye). She did this for a long time, maybe 10/15 minutes and then cried to the point where it became a scream and I breastfed her until she was almost asleep but not totally and she went to sleep. I don’t know if this is correct or making problems worse?
She still wakes every hour after we put her to sleep unfortunately. I will update you on our progress and thank you very much for your response.
Do you do online consultations at all if we get very stuck?
Wishes,
Caroline
How old is your baby?
Please describe her mood and behavior when alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction) between 6-7pm.
Which sleep solution did you choose?
Hello again Marc,
Apologies, I left her age in my previous comment. I will try to write it in all further correspondence. She is 7 months old.
We have up until problems began been doing the No Cry method. I have been feeding on demand and when this was only 3 times a night it was manageable. From around 5.5months she now wakes up to 2 times an hour and I cannot sustain it. especially when she latches on and off like a ping pong match from around 3am until wake up. I cannot sleep when she is latched.
We are now trying gradual extinction I think. Or controlled crying. I’m unsure, is that correct? But I am unsure if we are doing it correctly.
Today didn’t go as well as yesterday.
Yesterday: She went to sleep at 7.30pm after winding down with bed and bath and lotion/story and breast feeding. Put her down drowsy yet awake. She went off after 15 minutes while I lay next to her with my eyes closed and didn’t interact with her or respond. It didn’t feel very good to do this and she cried a little and then went to sleep. Then she woke up 20 minutes later at 7.50pm. Her dad went in and laid next to her and sang to her while she cried and screamed for 8 minutes and then fell into a deep sleep. The 8 minutes felt very long and difficult and I didn’t think I could handle more than 10. She slept the longest stretch she had ever slept since she was 5months old. Until 11.30pm. I then breast fed her until she was drowsy and put her back into her bed awake and she went to sleep. We had a much better night with less awakenings and then she attempted to do the continual latching in the early hours of which I was too exhausted to fully discourage. I managed to move away and she settled herself but she did continue to try and find the breast on many attempts without crying on some and crying at others. She awoke at 8.30am. I had more sleep last night than I have in almost 4 months. It was transformational.
Today: After waking up at 8.30am, getting ready, having breakfast etc. She then napped at 10.30 until 11.15. We were at an appointment and I was unable to get her to sleep until 3.19pm which she woke from at 3.50pm and I managed to feed her and soothe her for 20minutes until she slept again from 4.10 until 4.55. I wasn’t sure if this was a late midday nap (missing the 12-2pm window) or an early afternoon nap. I then played with her a little and gave her supper and started the wind down at 5.45 for 6.30 (I was trying to compensate for the missed middle nap?) At 6:50 she was crying on and off sporadically and I sang to her and then stopped all interaction. She continued this until 7.10pm. Her Dad came in to support. She cried so desperately I decided to breastfeed her whereby she started to smile and coo and interact with her Dad. I let her have a good drink and then placed her into her bed and left the room. Dad stayed with her and didn’t interact but when she was still screaming at 7.39 it was too much for me as I have never wanted her to cry longer than 10 minutes and it was getting close to an hour. I went in and breastfed her again while not interacting with her (I was reading your book and not giving eye contact or smiles) and then placed her down again drowsy yet awake. She was smiley and went to sleep and I left the room but she woke up by the time I was downstairs and and started screaming again so her Dad went in and 10 minutes later she was asleep. The whole thing has been rather torturous. Especially as she is such a lovely baby and usually so smiley and loving. I feel today she was less so after letting her cry last night for only 8 minutes.
I have no idea if what I am doing is correct or if I am making things worse? Do you have any suggesstions?
You asked about her mood and behaviour between 6pm and 7pm:
Before implementing your techniques her behaviour and mood between 6pm-7pm was always happy and playful, chatty, active and sociable, she kicked her legs and rolled around etc.
Since implementing your techniques her behaviour this evening between waking up at 4:50 and 6.30 was at first quiet, calm, not so chatty and then after her bath and just before sleeping she became very active, playful, chatty, smiley, grabbing at things to play with (lotion bottle/story book) etc. and wanting to laugh and interact.
Anything you can do to help, I would be grateful.
Wishes,
Caroline
PS Do you offer online consultations?
Make your husband read and re-read the section on Graduated Extinction. Let me know if this is what you want to do and whether you are actually able to do it. If so; do this also:
To start it, do not allow a new nap to begin after 3pm. If she is asleep at 3pm, do not wake her.
Only for the next 5 nights, bathe her feed her, soothe her, and put her down drowsy but awake, and leave the room at 5:30PM.
Keep a written record of sleep and crying.
How does this sound?
Sorry I just re-read your message about mood and behaviour when ‘alone with toys with no screens or parental interactions’.
She does not have access to screens at all. I limit my phone use around her until she is asleep and only use them when there is absolutely no other way when she is with me.
I rarely leave her alone and we play and do everything together. Sometimes I am able to tidy up around her in the same room while she plays but it isn’t very long before she wants me to join in with her. She doesn’t have any other care-givers and although her grandparents are around and very much a part of her life I have not left her alone with anyone other than her father for an extended period of time and at the most that has been about 3 hours.
I think I am always interacting with her….
Hi Dr Weissbluth, I have a somewhat sleep related problem .. and was wondering if you could provide some insight and advice. I have brought this up with my doctor and they have mostly laughed … but my 7 month old child has been pooping in the middle of the night for over 4 weeks now. It’s causing him to wake sometimes , other times it doesn’t bother him and he sleeps through but I don’t want him to risk an infection. He only has one feeding at night and when we go to him, he sometimes will have already pooped prior to the feeding. Sometimes I find him in soiled diaper in the morning. I really do not want to do anymore middle of the night diaper changes nor want him to lie in his filth. How do I get my baby to change his bowel habits ?????
You cannot change his stooling but if you apply a thick barrier shield (zinc oxide paste is super thick but you need mineral oil to help remove it), than he won’t feel it and then the skin and sleep are protected. How does this sound?
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
We have an 8-month old and have been following your book since he was 3 months with success. He naps 2-4 hours a day across 2 naps , ~9am and 1:30pm, and goes to bed between 6-6:45pm. He still wakes 2x/night (has been this way for the past 3 months), approximately 3-7 hours apart, for feedings. He seems legitimately hungry and typically falls asleep right after, although sleeping after the early morning feed can take longer. I am careful not to be reinforcing during the night feeds. He was borderline growth restricted at birth but has since improved to 25th percentile weight, so we’ve been hesitant to do extinction at night because we think he needs the milk. I am worried he is not going to sleep through the night any time soon- is there anything else we can do to make that more likely? Should we try extinction at night? Thank you very much.
Does he or will he take a bottle (formula or expressed breast milk) for feeding at night?
Sometimes he takes a bottle well, other times less so. We’ve been doing breastfeeding for 80% of night feeds.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Have father bottle feed at night for 2-3 nights to determine the rapidity and volume taken to determine whether or not your baby is truly hungry.
or
2. Because of your baby’s age at 8 months (babies over 9 months of age usually do not need to be fed at night), stop night feeding and do extinction.
Eating a little less at night will be compensated for by eating more during the day.
Your thoughts?
We’ll try the first option and report back – during his night bottle feeds this past week, he’s taken 4oz formula pretty quickly, but we haven’t tried exclusive bottle feeds any of the nights.
In your experience, do babies tend to sleep through the night on their own by 9 months, or is extinction needed? Thank you so much.
Please read Blog Posts 52 and 145.
Watch carefully for subtle drowsy signs between 4-5pm to choose a very early bedtime; this will prevent night wakings.
Thank you, read the blog posts. We tried 3 nights of father doing bottle feeds only. During the day, he takes bottles of 2-6oz in one sitting.
Night 1: Slept 5:49pm-12:07am, drank 4oz formula rapidly, slept 12:32-3:56am, drank 2oz formula more slowly, slept 5:05-7:03am
Night 2: (later bedtime due to long afternoon nap 3:08-4:36pm) Slept 7:05pm-2:10am, talked/cried quietly for ~1 hour; we kept waiting to see if he would go back to sleep. Eventually tried bottle at 3:10 but he refused it. Turned on space heater in his room (it was cold). Went back to sleep 3:30-6:40am
Night 3: Slept 5:47pm-2:18am, drank 6.5oz formula rapidly, slept 2:55-6:10am
Night 1: Likely hungry around midnight, with him for 25 minutes
Night 2: Not hungry
Night 3: Likely hungry around 2am, with him for 37 minutes.
Suggestion: Anytime around midnight or afterwards, feed him but only spend about 10-15 minutes with him. Then do not go to him again until around 6am.
If many more nights occur like night 2, stop going to him for feedings.
How does this sound?
That sounds reasonable. I should have clarified that we feed him and promptly return him to bed- we have the time stamps because we watch on the monitor to see how long it takes to return to bed. Thank you so much for your responsiveness and guidance.
Are you still answering here?
Yes.
Hi Dr Marc,
Our 14 week (12.5 week according to due date) son has been taking quite short naps in the morning this week.
Last week he would take naps around 9am and they would last 2hr30min, now they are about 45mins.
One thing that has changed is that he is waking up a bit earlier and therefore his first nap occurs somewhere between 8 and 8.30am. We also had some other hiccups with his naps the past few days, so it is also possible that it is just that.
In the 3-4month chapter of your book it mentions that the first nap to develop is the morning nap between 9-10am. Is it best to try and get as close as possible to 9am? Could this have an impact on how long the morning nap ends up being, or is the timing of the morning nap not as impactful on the length of sleep at this age?
If he wakes up around 7.30am (if all goes well) should I try to stretch him until 9am? Then he will be awake for about 1hr30min. If he shows drowsy signs sooner, then I assume it’s better not to stretch him? But most of the time he seems happy still.
I also have a question regarding the night time. His bedtime is usually between 5 and 5.30pm. Any later has proved to cause problems for us. Currently his sleep periods between feedings are somewhere between 4-5hours. If his weight is good and he is feeding frequently during the day, do you think I can start to push for 6-8 hour stretches in the night? When he does wake up in the night after about 4 or 5 hours, he does not cry. (We have already done extinction with him). He will just coo a bit. If I leave him for a while he may start crying a bit, but only after about 20mins of cooing. My approach so far has been to quickly go and feed him to prevent dragging out the time that he is awake and making sounds in his cot. When I feed him, he does often seem hungry, especially at the first feeding. At the second feeding he doesn’t go to sleep straight away after feeding, it takes a few minutes, but not too long, however after the first feed he always falls asleep. I have to change his nappy at the second feeding otherwise he will leak through as this has happened a few times. So perhaps this wakes him up more. He is an extremely excited baby; my first baby was not as excited at night. When I go in to feed him at night he gets very excited, but usually does calm down once the feeding starts, so it is not too much of a problem, but it is possible that the excitement is what makes him wake up initially.
I would like to see longer stretches of night sleep, but I’m wondering if it is possible at this age?
Do you have any suggestions, we are willing to do extinction.
I would like to add to the above that there is sometimes a third feeding somewhere between 5-6am. Sometimes I will quickly feed him, other times I will try to leave him, especially if it has only been 2.5 or 3 hours since the last feeding. He then usually sleep until roughly 7.30am.
Sometimes I have left him early in the morning to return to sleep, but twice he has had a soiled diaper at this time, so it is difficult to know whether I should tend to him or leave him sometimes. However, I try to do what is best to ensure he sleeps until a reasonable time in the morning, so that his first nap is not too early.
Congratulations!
If he is hungry, please feed him at night. Also, always do a quick feed and/or diaper change around 5-6am if that allows him to extend his night sleep and this will allow the morning nap to develop around 9am. Naps based on short intervals of wakefulness and drowsy signs are best and around 4-6 months they will become more regular and longer.
Does this help?
Yes, perfect thank you Dr Marc that helps!
My 4month old is struggling with staying asleep all night. She used to sleep 9-10 hours. We have changed to a 645-715 bedtime. I do a dream feed around 9p but that doesn’t seem to change the overnight situation. Baby wakes up around 3a and then wakes up multiple times with us putting her pacifier back in her mouth. Goes to daycare and gets about 4 hours of naps. How can I help her to sleep overnight?
When does she arrive home from daycare?
For 2-3 nights only and for 15-20 minutes only, place her alone with toys (no screens nor parental nor sibling interaction) during the hour before bedtime and describe her mood and behavior.
She usually gets home from daycare around 5. May take a catnap (15min) on the way home. We usually try to play with her until 6 or when she starts babbling that she’s tired. I feed her then, diaper, book and she goes to bed relatively easily.
For 2-3 nights only and for 15-20 minutes only, place her alone with toys (no screens nor parental nor sibling interaction) during the hour before bedtime and describe her mood and behavior.
The anonymous post before my Kristen post was also me. Sorry. Most of the time she will play by herself for about 5-7 minutes before yelling for attention. If she’s really tired, she’ll quietly play by herself. Either way, goes down easily in 5-10min around 7p and wakes up yelling around 3 then fights sleep from 3-630 when we get her up. I also think I need to stop the dream feed because it’s not extending sleep and she’s starting to anticipate it. I’m at a loss!
Please describe in detail how she looks when she “she’s really tired”
Please read Blog Posts 83, 115X, 226C, 232AX, 232BX, and 232D and tell me if she is drowsy or fatigued before bedtime.
Please read Blog Posts 171, 172, 204, and 233X whether or not she sometimes has pre-sleep arousal.
Based off your definitions, I think she comes home from daycare late drowsy to fatigued. Red eyes, a bit fussy at times, not at lot of movement while staring a her toys. I think she’s in your sleepiness begets sleepiness cycle because she doesn’t get consolidate sleep from 3-6am. Instead of trying to implement a 4th nap that’s 30-45min and bedtime around 645-7, should I just start bedtime/feeding around 5pm when we get home? And how should we respond to her from 3-6a? She’s restless and agitated and we constantly get up to give her her pacifier.
For the next 4-5 days, your goal is to have her bathed, dressed for sleep, fed, soothed, and you are leaving her at 5:30pm (or as close to 5:30pm as realistically possible).
Read the Chapter on sleep solutions and choose one for overnight sleep that comports with your values and let me know.
Night sleep will improve first, then day sleep will improve. After day sleep improves, the bedtime might, or might not, be a little later.
How does this sound?
Ok, so it has been five nights. We have been using the extinction method. Still goes to bed at 530p with little fussing, if any. No longer waking up every 15-30 minutes. Are we doing ok? Do you have other recommendations to optimize?
Day 1
Bedtime 530p
Cried 1045p-1145p
Woke up 330a – fed
Started day 630a
Day 2
Bedtime 540p
Slept all night
Woke up 550a
Day 3
Bedtime 530p
Cried 950p-1030p
Cried 1245a-110a
Woke up 315a – fed
Started day 650a
*had four naps this day instead of 3
Day 4
Bedtime 530p
Woke up 210a – fed
Started day 620a
Day 5
Bedtime 530p
Cried off and on 130a-230a
Husband woke her up at 330a to feed
Started day at 630a
In addition to fewer awakenings, does the intensity or duration of the crying suggest improvement to you?
Are you responding at all to the crying?
Considering her age, perhaps perhaps no more night feeding; what do you think?
How does your husband feel about all of this (pros and cons)?
also, please describe a typical nap schedule.
Yes, she’s definitely improved on intensity and duration of crying. We are no longer responding to her crying at night. I’m ok with trying to drop the night feeding, as she’ll be 5 months next week. We just weren’t sure if we were supposed to feed her in the middle of the night so we had decided if she woke up past 3am, she might be hungry. My goal is around a 630a wake up. Going to bed at 530pm, will she make it that far? Should we try pushing bedtime back a little bit? My husband and I are on the same page with this sleep training. He’s actually the one that picked the extinction method.
Because the naps at daycare are not ample, keep the 5:30pm expected falling asleep time. It seems that you have made a lot of progress in a short time. Do you agree? Remember, 5:30 is the expected falling asleep time, not the beginning of the bedtime routine. Are you able to stay the course?
Goes to daycare during the week.
Feed at 630a at home
Nap 1: 45min-1hr between 815-930
Feed around 9 – 4.5oz
Nap 2: 45min-1hr time is much more variable 1030-12
Feed around 12 – 4.5oz
Nap 3: 1-1.5hr between 130-3
Feed around 3p – 4.5oz
We start bedtime routine/feeding at 5 and she’s in bed at 530. We will continue with this path for now! Thanks!
Thank you. I wish you sweet dreams for your child. My sincere goal is to raise the visibility of accurate information regarding children’s sleep. To encourage other parents, please consider writing, and posting here, a narrative report of your sleep adventure (please include the role of the father) that I would use it as a Blog Post or perhaps, only if you feel comfortable, an Amazon book review. Thank you.
Hi Dr. Weissbluth,
Are you still answering questions here? If so, I would love your input – first time mother with a 5 month old girl right now. Since a little after 3 months of age, she started crying (and I’d say escalates into screaming, but she is also naturally just a very loud crier) without waking up, often at the ~40 min mark, which I assume to be one sleep cycle. For about a month, we were able to mitigate the issue of crying in her sleep somewhat by holding her/babywearing to connect the first 1-2 sleep cycles, and she seemed to be able to sleep a longer 3-4 hour stretch after that on her own, and then wake peacefully. From month 4-5, it has gotten harder.
She is currently able to fall asleep independently most nights and for most naps. However, she will often cry in her sleep during sleep cycle transitions and each time she does, it escalates and she isn’t able to settle herself. More daytime naps (where we rescue naps and extend them) and earlier bedtimes don’t seem to have much effect. From my research, this seems to be a “partial/confusional arousal.” Do you have any advice on handling this?
Thank you!
Describe a typical 224-hour sleep schedule.
We have been following your advice for 530pm bedtime for our 5 month old after coming home tired from daycare. Baby was doing well at going to sleep and sleeping until about 3am and then is wide awake. I’m concerned that bedtime is too early. Should we try adding a 4th nap from like 430-530pm, feeding and then keeping awake until maybe 7-730p to help with a more appropriate wake time? In the past several days, she’s also started waking up at 140am like clockwork. We’re having significant struggles getting her to settle and go back to sleep. It’s not hunger related as we tried that a couple of times and it didn’t make any difference so we stopped. Also, I think she has developed pacifier dependence and struggles to go back to sleep without it. What are your thoughts on this? She’s at the age where she can pull it out of her mouth and not be able to find it to put it back in. It makes her very upset. We go back and forth replacing the pacifier and having to hold her. Right now, we’re all miserable and she’s struggling between about 140am-until 4 or 5am, waking up tired. Please help!
Is Daycare 5 days a week? Describe a typical nap schedule at daycare. After daycare, put her alone with toys (no screens or parental interaction) for 10-20 minutes for 2-3 nights between 4:30-5:30pm and describe her behavior.
Describe a typical sleep schedule when not in daycare.
Yes, daycare is 5 days a week.
Feed at 630a at home
Nap 1: 45min-1hr between 815-930
Feed around 9 – 5oz
Nap 2: 45min-1hr time is much more variable 1030-12
Feed around 12 – 5oz
Nap 3: 1-1.5hr between 130-3
Feed around 3p – 5oz
Baby usually gets fussy somewhere between 5-530, yelling/yawning/eye rubbing and that’s when I start feeding and we put her to bed. She’s usually in bed asleep by 545-6. Falls asleep easily.
Read Blog Posts 159,171,172, 204,233X, and 235C-E to fully appreciate why pre-sleep arousal (“gets fussy somewhere between 5-530, yelling/yawning/eye rubbing”) is causing her sleep problems. Tell me what you think I will suggest.
Describe a typical sleep schedule when not in daycare.
“She’s usually in bed asleep by 545-6”. Previously, you wrote, “We have been following your advice for 530pm bedtime”. Please clarify.
I think you will suggest continuing the early bedtime, maybe even putting her down earlier, and reinstating the extinction method in the middle of night.
When not in daycare, we try to follow the same schedule. Up at 630, feedings every three hours. Generally she’ll have two 45min-1hr naps and usually one nap is naturally longer around 1.5hrs. I usually wait until she gets fussy to feed her and put her to bed. If that happens at 5, I start feeding at 5 and have put her in the crib and walked away by 530. If that happens at 515, then I start the process and it’s 545.
Yes. Extinction, with a feeding, if needed. For the next several days, please experiment with a strict 5:30pm expected falling asleep time (she is bathed, dressed for sleep, fed, soothed, and you are leaving the room at 5:30pm). Plus try to be sensitive to early drowsy signs on week-ends to prioritize naps. Keep a written record and let me know how it goes.
Is this OK?
A typical 24hr schedule for our 5 month old now:
8am – wake and feed (exclusively breastfed right now)
10am – nap 1 (variable length, between 40 min to 1.5hr)
11:30am – feed
1:30pm – nap 2 (variable length, 40 min-1.5hr)
3pm – feed
5pm – nap 3 (usually 30-40min)
7pm – feed
8pm – bedtime
We haven’t enforced a strict wake up time – typically ranges between 7:30am to 9am. From there, we adjust the schedule by wake windows. Currently doing 2 hour wake windows between each nap, and a 2.5 hour wake between last nap and bedtime. If naps were all short, we may do a 4th nap, which then pushes bedtime later.
Put her alone with toys for 15-20 minutes (no screens or parental involvement) between 12:30-1:30pm, 4-5pm, and 6-7pm for just 2-3 days and describe her behavior.
Have you read the age-appropriate chapter in my book?
Forgot to add typical nighttime schedule:
After 8pm bedtime,
Around 11pm – dream feed. She usually gets very fidgety at this time and the feed helps keep her down.
3-4am – feed (she’s naturally been waking up around this time, but trying to drop this feed now)
On a rare good night, she can stay asleep between these nighttime feeds. But often, she has those partial arousals that can occur through the night where she starts crying without coming fully awake.
One week follow up on my previous post
530pm bedtime
Day 1 – woke up 430-530, up at 630 (I think she was exhausted from the terrible sleep the night before)
Day 2 – woke up 145-245, up at 630
Day 3 – woke up 12-1, 2-3, up at 6
Day 4 – woke up 220-250, 520, up at 6
Day 5 – 420-520, up at 630
Day 6 – 430-530, up at 630
Day 7 – 130-230, up at 6
Our ideal wake up time would be 630 but if she wakes up around 545, I will get her up at 6
How old is she?
How are naps at daycare?
Have you noticed any changes in mood or behavior since you started with the earlier bedtime?
Are you still doing extinction at night?
When she is up at night, are you also up or do you sleep through and know that she was up from a sleep monitor?
Does she appear drowsy or hyper much during the day or rather well-rested/
She will be six months 1/23.
Naps at daycare vary but usually 2 45min-1hr and 1 1-1.5hr
She’s definitely waking up happier, less drowsy and more alert. I think the extinction has helped her learn to link her sleep cycles better. She’s been on the 530p bedtime for a couple of months now. Our struggle has been the middle of the night wake ups. She was pulling her pacifier out at night and waking up and now she’s getting to where she can put it back in. She’s also able to now to be awake but quiet instead of awake and crying.
Yes, we have done full extinction for the past week. We have been sleeping in a different room. We either hear her crying or follow her activity from the Nanit sleep monitor.
A little hard to say with daycare days because she’s always tired by 5. Weekend days are 50/50 if she seems a little more drowsy vs well rested
Because of the improvements that you describe, I suggest that you stay the course with the expectation that her naps will improve at day care (if napping conditions and timing are good) and then the bedtime (and wake-up time) might be a little later.
On the week-ends, does she appear drowsy or hyper much during the day or rather well-rested?